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 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 4
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Having relations w/ a married womanPage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Wow, you are asking to get a major sac rapping if I ever seen one...

You sleep with a deployed man's wife... That just sounds so cheap and sleazy on both of your parts... Here's a guy that could get blown to bits, but instead of thinking about staying faithful to her husband, she is banging some guy she knew three years back...

Ohhhh but you say, no big deal they talked about it, don't ask, don't tell...

So now you are worried she still has feelings for you???

What if she does??? After all she's married, and it was just about sex right, nothing more important than getting what she can't wait until her husband gets home to give her... And for you, apparently there aren't any single women out there to shag, so why not take what is being offered...



The only thing beaten to death, is that a good portion of people don't agree with people that cheat.

Why not do what a some other men do, run before the waters get to rough, and she is sending her husband a dear John letter, saying she met someone that she is NOW in love with. So he can become ineffective during war time, and worthless to those who are depending on him having their back...

If this sounds harsh, think about if YOU were walking in that mans boots...
 Alabamamam
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 9
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/17/2009 5:26:47 PM
OP you do not have any respect for yourself. Why? I do believe he is in Afganistan and I partially believe that indeed it was a possibility that he allowed to have some physical stuff with other men because he believed that she needs some of her desires to be met.
But as you can see from her respond she is happy with her hubby . Dear, he would come back and she will share bed with him not with you.
Can you overwirte her hubby? NO. Why even to get involved in anything like that. They both will come winners when he comes back (o.k. let's say they have a temporary opened marrige upon mutual agreement. But you? You will be a BIG LOOSER!
 jep7777
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 26
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Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:42:47 PM
Everyone ignored the question and went straight to flaming because they don't believe she's telling the truth and/or despise open relationships. She might and might not be lying but open relationships are quite real. I know because I'm in one and serving overseas wouldn't change my mind or cause any of the horrible drama people are predicting. I love my wife and I want her to be happy and entertained, not lonely and worried. If they were never open until he left that could cause some stress initially but surely he expected that when he agreed.

Now to answer your question, if she was praising you and complaining about her husband I'd say you had some chance, albeit small, that she wanted to end things with him and be with you. The fact that she isn't complaining about him means you have zero chance. These arrangements are way more common than people think and typically the wife welcomes her husband back and breaks things off with the temporary guy no matter how great things were.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 33
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/17/2009 11:57:39 PM
Her husband will get a surprise alright! With all he went through serving our country and he might be unknowingly supporting another man's baby if she gets herself pregnant. It's never a good idea to get involved with somone who's married.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 36
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Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 4:46:36 AM

Just a little more background information: Her husband is currently in Afghanistan and will be till this fall. According to her they have discussed these issues. (cheating would be the simple term) Again according to her they both don't mind and its a don't ask don't tell kind of thing.
ACCORDING TO HER! I'm sure he has no idea about such a conversation. She's lonely, and while the cat is away, the mice will play. I wouldn't be around when he gets back, though. IME, she'll just forget all about you, and when you do pop over, he'll wonder why you're so casual with her, and she pretends she's never met you. If he puts 2 and 2 together, you'll end up on the other end of a fist from someone who just fought the Taliban. Not wise.

Another interesting tidbit of information: during the night I was with her, she told me twice that "I will always be the one that got away, and how did I ever let you go?" She says shes happy with her husband. Well to cut the bullsh*t and get the point, generally woman and men, how would you react in this situation, and more importantly, the above statements she made kinda makes me worry, does she still have feelings for me?
Women ALWAYS say this, when they don't have to mean it. Men too. It's a way for her to make you feel comfortable and her to pretend to herself that she's not using you, when she is. If she was being real, then she'd just be a little realistic, 'cause if she meant it, she wouldn't be so willing to stay with her hubby, now, would she?

Lose her number.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 45
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Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:29:31 AM
Look OP, you are wrong to do what you did, but in true concern for your physical well being, stay away. Even if you do stay away, do you trust her enough that she won't tell him some day in the future? Could you blame him if he tried to settle the score? Hopefully he would just see that she is not worth it, but what if he is not that logical?
What COULD he do to you? Think about it.
For myself, hurting someone and going to jail is not an option, no one is worth that.
But what if he feels differently?
She cheated on her husband, she would give you up in a heartbeat.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 46
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:48:01 AM
Who are you trying to fool? Yourself or us?


According to her they have discussed these issues. (cheating would be the simple term) Again according to her they both don't mind and its a don't ask don't tell kind of thing.


Her husband doesn't mind if she "cheats," as long as she doesn't tell him. Do you REALLY believe that? Because if you do, you are lying to yourself. Some people do have this arrangement, but it is in the open, not something to be not talked about.


does she still have feelings for me?


Maybe, and maybe she is telling you that because you are willing to have sex with a married women who lies to her husband who is away serving his country. She is a manipulative woman who is not honoring her marriage vows; you are no better because you know she is married. People shouldn't do things that they have to hide, and regardless of her claim, she will hide it from him.

And why does that statement "worry" you? Is it because you are merely wanting to take advantage of her for sex as she is taking advantage of you and her husband?


but I'm looking for a little help, any help.


Walk away.
 JediLady
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 48
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Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 8:41:20 AM
Stay far away from her. Do you really think you're the first or will be the last she has a little fun with while her husband is fighting overseas?

I knew someone who told others she had an "open relationship" while her husband was in the military. Shame was: that was news to her husband!
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 50
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 8:54:36 AM
your a jerk and she's even worse then you..

It's people like you that ruin the sancity of marriage.

When you marry someone it means you are OFF THE MARKET for everyone else!

No wonder why there are so many divorces in this country.

When the husband comes back are you going run away when he confronts you? She's probably just lonely and it's easy to go where you have already been. She's using you. I hope the husband comes back, finds out, divorces her, beats the crap out of you and then finds a woman who appreciates him for him, won't cheat and is deserving of someone who is defending our country.,.

Oh I feel this way regardless of military status. but it makes it worse that he is putting his life on the line for his country and now his wife is by sleeping around while he is away. I hope she DOESN'T get anything, because the HUSBAND doesn't deserve it..

 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 52
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Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:11:48 AM
You knowingly slept with a married woman, which makes you every bit as bad as she is. And then you attempt to justify yourself and salve your conscience with this BS about how they have an "agreement" between them, which conveniently enough, rests on a "don't ask, don't tell" deal, meaning there is no way to even verify if that is indeed the truth. She is scum and so are you OP; that poor soldier deserves better, and I hope you and his cheating wife get everything you deserve too.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 55
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:53:45 AM
yea and there is your advice. Leave, stop, get out, do not cross go and keep it in your pants until you grow up, develop ethics and morals and can resepct marriage vows and definately don't come knocking on my door.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 57
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 10:13:25 AM

And yes I do know it was wrong, whatever the "open relationship" actually entails, but with all do respect, I don't see a sexual relationship b/w two consenting adults wrong.


As forums1 states, this is contradictory. Personally, I have nothing against truly open marriages, but I do have problems with breaking trust and breaking promises; apparently, so do many others. I really doubt that this woman and her husband have an agreement. If you did not think this situation was "wrong," you wouldn't have come on POF to ask opinions.


Call me scum, call me a dog, do as you wish, your opinions really don't matter too me, I just wanted a little knowledge from people with experience with this issue, or from my older and wiser generation.


Ah, but you do care about the opinions of strangers; otherwise, you wouldn't have asked for advice and you wouldn't be defensive about the situation.

As for knowledge/advice, you got it, but you got more than what you wanted. How did you think people would react to this situation?

To the person who made the comment that if "walls could talk," you are absolutely right, but with a caveat: when a person will not take responsibility for his/her actions or wrongdoings and tries to rationalize or validate those actions, the walls will keep talking because those people will keep making the same mistakes.

We have all done things that we shouldn't have done, but there comes a time to stop doing them. The OP didn't indicate that he was going to discontinue a relationship with a married woman whose husband is in Afghanistan; instead, he wanted to know if we thought she still had feelings for him.

THAT is not the question he should have been asking. In fact, he shouldn't have been asking a questions at all: he should have been considering the possible consequences for his actions on himself, the woman, and the missing husband.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 58
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Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 10:37:50 AM
Sounds like you can have a few more months of fun with this girl, as they say a slice of bread from a cut loaf is never missed.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 62
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Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 12:02:25 PM
Per msg 58. and the OP has LEFT the building, guess the thought of his pic on the tip of a bayonet that gave his two consenting adults a 2nd thought...

Klown, you don't have JUST TWO consenting adults in the picture when the other person is married. Don't ask, don't tell still means someone doesn't agree, or want to know if that was even the case.

You asked for advice and wisdom and you got it... You got it from the man who had a cheating spouse, and his feelings after coming home. You got it from those who find doing someones wife while they are deployed deplorable because this man is risking his life FOR YOU and her, and all that are worried of having the Telaban running free in the streets of the US and Canada...

I told you back on page one you are signing up for trouble no matter what, and ask what you were thinking when she said she wished you hadn't gotten away.

Do you think that someone coming back from the horror of war is going to be feeling all good his wife tells him hey I feel in love with someone else whilst you were away??? That is advice...

Obviously not something you want to hear but it is advice...

Glad you flew the coup, because yeah, I'd hate to be the guy the husband wants to take his anger and frustration out on... Do you think that your parents would be feeling oh so proud that a returning soldier killed their son for banging his wife????

More advice to think about...
 HereN916
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 63
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 12:42:29 PM
You both are scanlous and your post speaks volumes of you both.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 64
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 12:43:01 PM
What goes around ..... comes around.

OP - think of your sleezy sex - and your thread here when .........

Your girlfriend or wife of the future thinks the same as you do/did.

Then realize karma .............

Then realize you deserved it.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 65
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 12:54:13 PM
Wow he deleted himself- God I wonder why.

Anyway, just my two-

Have a friend in the Military. He did two tours. One and One.

They were my neighbors. A nice couple- he, an exceptional man.
He left - two weeks later I started to see this car in her driveway every weekend
Thought nothing of it- thought it was a family member spending the weekend
with her so she wasnt alone. Few months pass. Start seeing the car in the driveway
during the week. Thought nothing of it.

He comes home - he calls me over to hug me and of course I am ecstatic he
is in one peice. He tells me- Im moving Viv. I said oh wow- I thought maybe
something happened over there. He tells me- I filed for divorce, it should be final
soon. She is remarrying- I was like- Holy shit. The car- her boyfriend.

It was a crime for this man to come home after a year and half to this crap- for
richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until DEATH do us part.
Well we all know that does not hold up very well.

He unfortunately is not the first story I have heard of Military infidelity.
I dont understand peoples needs but I understand mine and I would be
finding a hobby because there is no way military or not I would share
him. He can take care of his needs with his right hand and write my
name on his hand in magic marker if he wants to feel close to me.

Open marriage- just an okay from your loved one to cheat. Why even
be married- makes no sense to me.
 blonde chickie
Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 67
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 1:13:00 PM
Darn, the OP has left. I guess he couldn't take all of this. Oh well, too bad cuz I wanted to tell him, what a piece of shit he really is. And he better run for the hills if the hubby finds out.

Both the OP and the skanky wife should get herpes from this terrible shit.
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 70
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:39:09 PM
If the OP's married woman is telling the truth, then the husband is also having sex with fellow female soldiers where he is deployed. The don't ask don't tell line suggests their marriage is somewhat open, although how open is surly not certain.

One morning at my roommate's apartment I woke up to my roomy's friend and the guy she picked up at a bar and slept with on the living room floor. I was off to work early and the chick was passed out. So the guy sheepishly asks for a ride. He then begins to tell me how his wife is deployed, while his tour was over. They too had some sort of open marriage of convenience. Was he lying? Hell if I know.

So who knows. All I know is it's best to leave married people alone.
 10of6
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 71
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:43:31 PM
Yet another reason to avoid marriage.


if she was happy she would not be CHEATING.
Part of the problem with all of this is that we persist in labeling behavior. It's quite possible a happy person is happy because they are having an extramarital affair. In fact, this is how many cultures operate, especially in South America and Europe. Many, many married people have secret lovers. As long as the affair is secret, and not a whisper of the other's name, or articles of clothing are brought home, the home life is peaceable.

If we can ever get over this puritanical vision of relationships we might actually begin loving each other...instead of the control and domination issues that typifies the basic Western (protestant) marriage/relationship. Why treat each other like chattel? People are people, and will wander; they're not property.
 JediLady
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 74
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Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 1/18/2009 5:50:32 PM

Easy there, DeathmobofPOF. We don't know for a fact that they DIDN'T have an open marriage. It just looked suspicious. Sheesh, you guys go for the jugular.


The don't ask, don't tell sets off every alarm I have. In truly open relationships, the other half knows what's going on.
 Redlance71
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 77
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Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 2/10/2009 10:42:50 PM
This one cuts close to home. I was deployed to the desert when my previous ex wife cheated around on me and sent me a "Dear John" letter. Dude, drop her like a bad habit. You should NOT be going there. Military wives are amongst the cruelest species of human I have ever seen. My story was bad enough, I know many worse horror stories. My theory is military spouses resent a soldier's absolute obedience, loyalty, and intimacy to thier career. It's similar to doctors and lawyers cept they do it for money and prestige - I think we both know what the more honerable profession is.

Listen, I am not saying her husband is a saint. I am not saying they did not actually agree to this thing. I am saying is he is far from home, his wife is most likely his link to normality, reality and home - in essence the center of his humanity while he is in Afghanatan. And here she is having sex with you and talking about you being the one that got away. Think about it. Sorry dude, that is just wrong and classless. Dump it, yesterday!
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 87
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 2/11/2009 11:06:18 AM
I have nothing but contempt for people who screw around when they're MARRIED, and disgust for the morons who try to justify it.

 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 88
Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 2/11/2009 1:03:05 PM
This entire situation is wrong!!! I just think it's beyond heartless in that the one being cheated on is at war. He does not deserve this by a long shot! Klown, knowing better, apprised of the complete situation deserves to be neutered.
 Redlance71
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 89
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Having relations w/ a married woman
Posted: 2/11/2009 1:28:28 PM
Okay, not all military spouses are unfaithful or cruel. And certainly not all soldiers are great people who never do that themselves. I was in the military a total of 8 years. I'd have to count on two hands at least how many opportunities there were, or seemed to be for me to "score" a "lonely" wife. Even when I was married in military it happened even more! Never cashed in on it, so the next guy down the rank dipped into it. A recent poster mentions maybe he's a loser, maybe he'll get back and get violent. It's a safe bet, regardless of previous knowledge or not, when that soldier gets home he will be much more prone to do harm to others or himself than if she did not screw around. His first target will be the OP. Most military units are tight, as are circles of military wives. They do love to gossip, expecially if this is on base housing. It would be less than 24 hours before he finds out name and other info on the OP. He'll have others help. When he's found, since the guy is Army, he'll likely attack the OP one on one. IF he's Marine his who squad most likely will. Subtle differences there and it's not an absolute, just a good generalization. Either way, if I was the OP I would be very nervous. Now excuse me, I'm gonna dig "Soldier Boy" then "My boyfriend's back" out of my 60's MP3 folder and play it for fun ;)
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