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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 3
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My Friend Is Cheating On Her HusbandPage 1 of 1    
I think it's fair to go to the woman at this point and ask 'What the heck are you thinking?'

Get her perspective and find out where this is going -- is the marriage splitting up, the affair ending, what?

Approach this woman-to-woman, rather than trying to approach the man. That wouldn't look right, and in his state it could lead to confusing feelings. Know what I mean?

Sorry for the heartache, but good luck.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 9
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My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:53:31 AM
I am with the other posters.....it is not certain this is true.
You are not being told for a reason.......probably they are both embarrassed and don't want you to think less of them.
If it is true and later they ask why you never said anything when you "knew", tell them that you chose not to believe it.
There is nothing you can do other than tell them to try to work it out rather than quit, but I think they are trying to do that already.
 luv2lol
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 11
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My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband
Posted: 1/18/2009 12:36:46 PM
OMG, this same sorta thing is happening to me and it's KILLING me. The difference is I know for sure because she's told me it's happening (however has been lying to me for months about it) and that the husband doesn't know but suspects something is up - he's asked her and she's denied it. So I am left knowing the truth first hand and being asked to keep the lie a secret. I don't lie, I live a honest life and my friends know I'm a pretty straight shooter in every sense...but they also know I'm very loyal so it's safe to confide in me. Usually its personal stuff I have to keep to myself and others aren't being hurt but this one is hurting (or has the potential to hurt) so many people. It goes against everything I believe in and my heart is bleeding for him (he too is a good man). So do I choose to hurt my friend and betray her because what she's doing is wrong or do I lie for her and protect her because I love her? For now I've choosen to not say anything. Why, because it's her job to tell him. I won't make it easy for her, I also won't be there to support her in the deception in the meantime and I told her to not tell me anymore. In fact I haven't spoken to her in almost a week. I will be telling her soon that I will be there if she chooses to do the right thing but until then I can't be part of it. I would have done so if she had dealt with this better but she hasn't and her choices currently are no different. She's made this choice to be dishonest and lie and cheat on her husband and therefore she has to be the one to decide what to do and if she wants to leave him she has to see his face when it comes to light. See the pain, the hurt and the sadness she's caused him. She has to see the consequences of her actions in order to learn from them.

In your case I think you should say nothing because she didn't tell you first hand, nor have you seen it with your own eyes...and if he's been told and hasn't left, then they are working it out their own way - if they want your input they will ask. It sounds like she has someone to talk to (the other friend) and hopefully he's got someone too. You could however ask him how he's doing the next time you see him and if he seems out of sorts mention that...he may open up to you. Otherwise mind your business and be ready if they ask for your help. Just because you want to do something doesn't mean you should.
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 18
My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband
Posted: 4/25/2009 5:29:51 AM
^^^ I agree with My2Cntsin...it seems as if you are more angry SHE did not tell you about it...instead of what the whole issue is here. Personally, why would you even WANT to be in the middle of that drama? It is not a fun position to want to be in...hell it is bad enough to be in when you do know and didn't ASK to be told. I had a female friend tell me of her affair once (it is still going on) and believe me, it has been nothing but disturbing to know sometimes. And for a few reasons; I never want to be the one that gets asked by her husband or accused of knowing. B) if her husband does know about it even MORE of a reason to stay out of it. Seems to me you just like "drama." The day I want to be involved on other people's relationships is the day I hang it up. There are some things people simply need to stay out of and THAT is one of them. In plain English, Mind Your OWN Business!!!!
 sonofabiscuit2
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 20
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My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband
Posted: 4/27/2009 7:30:01 AM
Having been in a relationship where I was cheated on, I can address this. As a man, it's humiliating enough to be cheated on, most of us would rather deal with it ourselves than talk about it with friends. It's a personal issue that really only involves two people and everyone else needs to remain out of it. If you feel you must talk to someone, talk to the woman and tell her that you don't condone her behavior, but under no circumstances should you try to console the man. If he wants to talk he will. Of course he could be completely different and want to talk to you, but it really should be his choice.
 lickALOTaPussRex
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 22
My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband
Posted: 4/28/2009 12:56:30 AM
stay out of it, it's not your battle.
 madamoisele1
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 24
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My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband
Posted: 4/29/2009 10:46:48 AM
My dad has a pet phrase for this sort of thing. "It's none of your business."

And it isn't. I've been through a similar situation, actually - so I do know the angst you're feeling. Just stay out of it as much as humanly possible.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 32
My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband
Posted: 5/3/2009 11:49:54 PM
First of all your friend is a liar I bet; of course her husband doesn't know; she said that to keep you quiet. How many husbands do you think would go along with her sleeping with someone else? not many.

She is not a good person; she has huge character flaws and is self absorbed and arrogant.

I had this happen to me; I told him that if he didnt' stop it I'd tell on him; he had a great girl and some ho just sweet talked him.

He told on himself, they broke up for a bit but are now rebuilding.

If someone is sleazy, i dont want them as a friend. end of story; In life it's better to do what's right; how do you think their children or family would feel if you let this go on when you knew all along. Again, this is a sleazy person; if thats a friend; well good luck
 NEWBEGINNINGS28
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 41
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My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband
Posted: 6/14/2009 3:35:44 AM
What an amazing website.

Thank you for this. It is a very powerful tool of knowledge to have when moving forward.
 NEWBEGINNINGS28
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 42
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My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband
Posted: 6/14/2009 3:48:53 AM
What an amazing website.

Thank you for this. It is a very powerful tool of knowledge to have when moving forward.
 truthful304
Joined: 5/9/2019
Msg: 43
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My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband
Posted: 5/13/2019 2:17:53 AM
Sad your messing what God put together for a one night stand saying your in love how with a married woman you think by damaging their marriage you and her will live happily ever after wrong you messed up the natural order of things it say what God put together let not one man break away you have never walked in that man shoes but yet you love her you have no real in you no truth in you you just made it ten times harder for them to reconnect their marriage with lies only for what's between her legs your lust for you should of been told the truth now what if the shoes was on the other foot wouldn't you want to know the truth loving your wife working cooking telling her she's beautiful Everyday and she doing you wrong with a friend sir the same will happen to you thou shall not covet thy neighbors wife but you did thinking your in love how stupid
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 44
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My Friend Is Cheating On Her Husband
Posted: 5/13/2019 8:53:49 PM

As a man, it's humiliating enough to be cheated on, most of us would rather deal with it ourselves than talk about it with friends.

I don't find it humiliating, to being cheated on. It'd require certain circumstances surrounding it, to feel humiliated. Like being naive to it all, the whole time -- while thinking the relationship was just fine & dandy. I'd certainly want someone telling me about it, if it was going on. I don't see how I Wouldn't want someone telling me how a significant other, or even just a friend, is screwing me over. But that said...

My dad has a pet phrase for this sort of thing. "It's none of your business."

And it isn't. I've been through a similar situation, actually - so I do know the angst you're feeling. Just stay out of it as much as humanly possible.

... I agree. You don't know their situation, and you're not buddies with the guy. There's a decent chance he would want you to tell him, but there's a decent chance he's the type of person with low-self esteem who wouldn't want to hear it from you since you're not buds with him -- and even yet a chance that he Already Knows, and you'd just be drumming up drama.

But if it is a friend of yours, where it doesn't even require them being your BFF -- you tell them what's up in what you witnessed & heard about. But even a decent friend knows more than you think you know -- so you can start it with just bringing up some things that looked a little strange, and go from there.
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