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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How long can you date without being exclusive?      Home login  
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 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 14
How long can you date without being exclusive?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I let the man know up front that I only date one at a time and expect the same of the man I am dating. If he does not want to do that, then I don't waste my time meeting him. I prefer to take time to get to know a person and spend time with him instead of having multiple "acquaintances," which is all they would be since I would not have time to know any of them well enough to call them anything else. I prefer to meet a man who knows what he wants and is through with the immature behavior of jumping from one woman to the next with no thoughts as to their feelings.
 JimmyD1963
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 16
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How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 1/19/2009 5:52:56 PM
Sorry to let some of my male friends down but once I am rolling around with someone that is the only one I'm going to be rolling around with and wouldn't even consider another unless we were offically no longer a couple.
 MOTORCYCLEMAN4U
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 24
How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 1/19/2009 8:55:28 PM
As long as both of you are comfortable. Everbody is different there is no pat answers to this question.
 optimismreigns
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 25
How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 1/19/2009 9:00:38 PM
I'll multidate for up to a month, or 6-8 dates. If I'm still seeing someone after that length of time and he's not interested in getting to know only me at that point, then I break it off.

Of course, exclusivity is NOT commitment in my book. Exclusivity is just where you concentrate on one person to see if you want to be committed to that person or not.
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 31
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How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 1/20/2009 10:02:13 AM
If you are seeing someone pretty regularly and having feelings for them I dont see anything wrong with asking if they want to try and make things exclusive....otherwise there is going to start being jealousy wondering " are they talkin with someone else" " are they out with someone else".......an example...look how many people post forums that say "I am dating a guy and he still comes online why do you think that is".... people need to learn what communication is.....
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 35
How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 1/20/2009 5:09:58 PM
dogslife2live001 said:

.... and why would someone know on a first date if it was love. why would they want to close all the ties they made..... but most of all would you be able to except the friends he made along the way.... even if they are females!?!?


It has nothing to do with knowing if it is love. It has to do with getting to know one person at a time and spending enough time with him to do that instead of jumping from one person to another without any thought to it. Reread what I said. What does friends have to do with it? Friends are not potential girlfriends if they are really just friends. If they are not just friends, then I wouldn't waste my time with him.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 36
How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 1/20/2009 5:14:06 PM
optimismreigns said:

Of course, exclusivity is NOT commitment in my book. Exclusivity is just where you concentrate on one person to see if you want to be committed to that person or not.


I agree with your definition of exclusivity...my point exactly in my first post on this thread.
 splurj50
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 51
How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 1/28/2009 5:34:30 PM
My feeling is, when the "L" word comes in to play, you better be ready to double down or fold your cards.
 michelynn
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 58
How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 2/4/2009 1:17:08 PM
I agree with splurj50. Up until the "L" word comes into play, I assume that we are both still looking, dating or sleeping with others.
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 64
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How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 2/4/2009 3:00:38 PM
I can't recall EVER having had the "exclusive" talk.

Some need it or require it, and that's fine.

For me, it's always "just happened". Kinda like unspoken, but mutually agreed upon rules.

Besides...

How long can you date without being exclusive


Is not some personal goal of mine, that I'm trying to achieve.

I have no fear of commitment and don't mind being exclusive. There's just other factors involved, as to why I'm not currently exclusive with someone.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 65
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How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 2/4/2009 3:58:17 PM
Until I fall in love...and at that time I will be his - exclusively - and no one else's.
 luv2lol
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 67
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How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:41:20 PM
I like many other posters don't date for the sake of dating. I'm looking for something long term and so I chat for a while and basically if I get to the point of meeting I'm interested in being exclusive from there if we both are into each other - into each other would mean we expressed it through something physical (kissing, etc). How can you really give something an honest effort if you are entertaining a bunch of others? I prefer to focus on one and give it my all and then move on if it's not right. If it's meant to be then he'll be there after I realize the other one wasn't right and there's less risk of someone getting hurt in the mix. It's not an issue of being insecure as much as it's about respect, trust and loyalty. I give that and I expect it and it's built and demonstrated while dating. If you are morally ok with messing around while in that stage then who's to say you aren't later on? If you are physical with them all do you tell them all that? I can't see that you wait to get physical until you get a ring...and I can't see someone giving a ring before getting physical so it must happen. If so, how does that build trust and show the person you care or that they are important to you? If you don't, then isn't that lying by omission? Exclusivity and faithfulness are sorta the same in my book when it comes to dating...so to get a ring (or accept the proposal) the expectation is that you both are faithful thus far in the relationship and will be so once married. I don't want to build a life and have children with someone who will flitter off whenever they think they found someone better. If all you are waiting for is the ring will you just go with the first guy to pop the question? I just don't get your way of thinking but to each their own.

Also the Beyonce song is about being with someone for 3 yrs, breaking up (this is in the opening verse) and then the other person getting jealous and wanting her back once he sees someone else being interested in her. Thus he had a chance to put a ring on it because she loved him and wanted him to love and respect her but he choose to not to treat her that way so he's been acting as if the grass is greener on the other side. In the end he lost out. So the real message is if you want to play the field you may lose a good thing.

I'm very open about this before meeting now because I have learned that not everyone is that way and it's best not to date those without that same outlook on it. It's led to both of us thinking the other will give a bit and come to the other side and in the end I get hurt because they never planned to give me what I want and I invest more of me in it then they had. If you find someone with the same expectations, and know this before meeting, then it doesn't have to be said once in the dating stage which is wonderful.
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 74
How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 2/5/2009 5:47:25 AM
In today's world with AIDS, HIV and STDs, when you have sex it's best to stay exclusive....much safer. Too dangerous to have a guy dip his wick in your candle while carrying around foreign wax on the end!!
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 76
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How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 2/5/2009 11:59:14 AM
Ummm, how do you know he's exclusive (actions) unless he tells you (words)?


Maybe I'm odd man out here.

I've been exclusive before. And every time, there was no need to tell the person.

Maybe I give off an air of reassurance? Maybe it's just gas?

But I've never had a relationship where exclusivity on my part was called into question.

Without words being spoken, she......just knew, where I stood.

In fact, I think that it's reasonable to assume that nearly every woman within a mile radius of me could sense it.

I always got the sense that my level of desirability went up 100 notches when I became exclusive. And the hunter soon became the hunted!
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