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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back      Home login  
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 rocky541
Joined: 5/31/2005
Msg: 3
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce BackPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I think its due to egos getting bruised more so than the female but I could be wrong.
 dreaminuvya
Joined: 2/16/2005
Msg: 14
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/26/2005 9:31:39 PM
I think it also has a lot to do with the fact that the woman's life is usually much less disrupted in that she will stay with the house, the kids, and the surroundings, where the guy may have to virtually start an entire new life.
 nsbanffman
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 15
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History
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/26/2005 10:07:01 PM
Being cheated on is no picnic for anybody but for me it made me feel worthless for a while and made me question why it was sooooooo easy for me to be fooled and thrown away! This hurts but we do come back!
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 18
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 11:00:10 AM
This is another broad generalization made by meekrob. Perhaps this seems to be the case because about two-thirds of divorces where child custody is involved is initiated by women for some reason like 'lack of intimacy'. It's not too clear, but estimates suggest that men are only awarded primary residential custody about 10% of the time. Maybe women are using the preferential treatment they are receiving in the courts to wreak havoc in the lives of their ex-husbands. Maybe some women are vindicating hurt-feelings caused by their ex-husbands by restricting access and alienating the other parent from their children. Whatever the case, meekrob's generalization does have some merit. Divorced men are about 2 times as likely to commit suicide as divorced women, and about 10 times more likely than married men. The outlooks for the children involved are not much better. There is definitely something wrong with this picture. I suppose more equitable divorce laws might alleviate some of this. However, I don't think this is simply a case where men are weaker than women. Maybe in meekrob's case this is true, but I don't think it applies to the rest of us.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 19
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 1:22:41 PM
Not to mention that statistics in Scandinavian countries 'experimenting' with alternative marriages indicates that making a further mockery of marriage would only lessen the heterosexual marriage rate. Studies have shown that children do the best in traditional two-parent households. What are the prospects for a society in which the majority of children are born out of wedlock and are not living in two-parent homes? It was one thing to rid the western world of extended family households, but to destroy the concept of the nuclear family entirely is uncharted territory. I fear the ramifications could be worse than expected by many alarmists. Karl Marx's wet-dream.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 20
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 4:26:18 PM
Well, not so much that I would die without her, but rather I would rather die without her. For a period, life seemed pointless and my efforts futile. Love is more dangerous and devastating than a loaded handgun, and ought to be treated with the same level of cautious respect. That's what I learned.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 21
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 4:45:51 PM
Yeah with her, it came down to the fact that our personalities don't mesh well. We are both type-A personalities, and critical thinking types that like to be in command of things. Our relationship was very volatile, which made for some nasty arguments and some great sex. After a while, sex was the only thing keeping our relationship alive. I think we both needed a little bit more. It was good while it lasted. Unfortunately, I still found myself imbibing for a time after the relationship ended. I know it sounds bad, but it was better when I didn't really have to interact with her on a deep personal level. However, I am sick of her thinking she can *uck me whenever it's convenient for her. Besides I never really know who else she is *ucking and what the associated risks are. Therefore, I had to call it quits. She was too much of a wh*re for my taste.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 22
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 5:11:55 PM
Stay cool? I had that ability, but she seemed to lack it. Maybe we are more different than we are the same. I would agree with that. However, the similarities are striking, and I think they have more to do with our eventual breakup than anything else. Of course, I do have the ability to be a real *ick sometimes. I do not remain blameless. My past relationship helps me with future endeavors, as it presents a wide body of knowledge on which to draw from. I try to avoid some of the mistakes that I am prone for.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 23
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 5:26:58 PM
Don't mistake me for another one of the pathetic fools you have come to know and love on this particular forum. I am well aware of my shortcomings. I don't dwell on the past. I never quit enjoying life. And I am always using the past to help define my future, not to hinder it. Truly, I am a remarkable individual. I have no-doubt that I am a good catch for any woman. I have never really had any complaints. My longest and most significant relationship just happened to get stale in some aspects, and we both decided to move on. I am not trying to elicit sympathy. I just hope that others will learn from my example. True, I may have delusions of grandeur and a superiority-complex. However, I think in most cases it is well-warranted.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 25
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 5:32:56 PM
God, I love how everyone on here has their very own version of dime-store psychology. The best advice, is the advice that I offer. Get over it, and quit giving a sh*t. There is nothing you can do when it comes to the free-will of another individual. Sorry about your loss, but quit whining for Christ sakes. Are you men, or are you a bunch of daffodils. You're giving us a bad name.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 26
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 5:34:00 PM
I am rather verbose. One of my shortcomings I suppose.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 28
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 5:48:03 PM
Come to think of it. I could use more room.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 29
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 6:16:11 PM
It seems to me that I am rather care-free and laid back. I am sorry if you take offense to my lack of crying and whining. I am not hear to offer up fake emotional support in order to impress females with how sensitive of a guy I am. If that's your cup of tea, then I would suggest that it is you who has something up your ass. Only it's far bigger than a couple of burrs...it's your entire head.
 Lucette325
Joined: 2/2/2005
Msg: 30
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History
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 6:45:23 PM
I highly doubt if 'ability' to "bounce back" is a gender issue. Nor do I think that rebounding is healthy. When a long-term relationship ends, I think everyone should take time to heal -to allow ourselves time mourn our loss, to completely detatch from the ex and from the situation, to reconnect with ourselves, with our friends and with our families, to adjust to the changes, to work on ourselves, and to find someone compatible- instead of just settling for the first person that pays attention to us. If we haven't gotten rid of the baggage, and can't be happy on our own, being happy with someone else ~in a long-term relationship~ is highly unlikely.

Instead of gender, I think that the factors deciding how long it will take to sufficiently heal is more a mixture of:

*level of attachment
*personality type
*the situation
*what you've learned about relationships growing up
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 31
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 6:59:02 PM
Yeah, that's how I respond. I would encourage you to find an example of my lack of respect for others. I apologize if I am not the fake, masquerading, dip-sh*it that you seem to be. I am completely honest with people. I am not going to sit back listen to some attention seeking complainer ask what's wrong with themselves without offering up a no-bullsh*t assessment. There are many here who do not fit that description, and I feel like my encounters with them have been positive. I am sorry if my demeanor doesn't live up to trite garbage that you offer. I'm sorry if my profile is not as self-serving, pretentious, and so obviously deceitful as yours. My philosophy is to tell the truth at all costs. In actuality, that's what makes me a man more than anything does. I hold to my convictions and don't spoon-feed people what I think they want to hear. That would be the main difference between you and I. You are obviously fake, while I am genuine. If you don't like my brand of truth, then I suggest you get yourself a frosty bowl of ice cream, sit back, and watch an episode of friends. If you want to converse with me, then I suggest it is you who need to take it like a man. Ad hominem attacks are the crutch of the mentally impaired and that is how you respond. I ask you who’s the better man. The answer is obvious. I am better than you are, and I really shouldn't have dignified your comment about me with a response. However, I didn't want you thinking that you were right about me being the emotional equivalent of a elementary school bully, who would simply back down because big-man Island 'stood up' to me. Besides you list roller-skating and ice-skating as your favorite hobbies. That makes you a pansy. At least my intelligence quotient is in the triple digits, you f*ck. Uh oh, two can play this game.
 Justme_J
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 32
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Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:09:50 PM
Women GENERALLY (note I said generally, not ALWAYS) have a guy waiting in the wings. Especially if they are the ones breaking the relationship off.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 33
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:20:04 PM
People who leave only when they have found something else are weak. If they are unhappy they should be honest, and leave in a dignified manner.

I'd also like to see those stats. Something tells me they don't exist for what would be considered a decent sample population.
 Lucette325
Joined: 2/2/2005
Msg: 34
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Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:37:03 PM

People who leave only when they have found something else are weak. If they are unhappy they should be honest, and leave in a dignified manner.


There is a world of truth in this. Bravo :)
 SueCQ
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 35
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:41:26 PM
I must disagree with the statement that "Men have a harder time". Bouncing back is a personal issue as stated by Lucette. As a woman trying to get over a strange breakup with my fiance after 6 1/2 years (he married a new employee he only met 10 days prior before he broke up with me), its hell on women too, Its hell on anyone who has a heart, who loved someone so deeply. The title of this forum should be "People who have a heart have a harder time to bounce back".!!! CSU weak is an understatement for leaving when they find something else. We have all been hurt and it bites, but experiancing the love is worth it, I think! Hang in there... Make yourself happy and others will follow....
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 36
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:52:21 PM
Would you prefer the term despicable to weak?

Do I seem sad to you or something? I will agree that I am a little negative and pessimistic. Do these traits actually cause the outright appearance of unhappiness?
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 37
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:18:04 PM

Are you from Mars CSU? lmfao here


Please explain.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 38
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:25:31 PM
Somehow I don't think that would be too funny.
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 39
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:38:11 PM
What exactly am I suppose to find so funny?
 SueCQ
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 40
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 9:07:54 PM
Dispicable works! Not sad just on a mission to put yourself out there... and the p*ssing contest with Dude... is funny!
 CSUGuy
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 41
Men Have A Harder Time To Bounce Back
Posted: 6/28/2005 10:22:43 PM
Island,

No, I don't think I am over-qualified for that position. It's something I would be good at doing. Instead of psychiatry as a major, I chose something based heavily in the hard sciences like mathematics, chemistry, and physics. That does not mean that I am not a humanist, because I am. When designing systems, improving existing processes, or conducting research a variety of human implications must be considered. What better way is there to make a difference in people's life's than to improve their prospects through technology and achievement?

You are right about one thing; I don't want to delve any deeper into what motivates others. I see enough already, and sometimes it makes me sick. I would rather sit onto of a skyscraper thinking about mankind's possibilities, than look into the streets below and see the reality of the matter. That doesn't mean I ignore these things either. I just prefer to let the police and firemen act as society's garbage men. They can swim around in the human wreckage and let it rot their minds. That's not my fate. Does that mean I ignore people in need, and would not act if confronted with evil? No, I would and I have in every instance that I have faced it.

You suggest that I am so far removed from humanistic concerns that I can't possibly understand the emotional needs of other people. I would suggest to you, that I understand these needs far better than you realize. I am probably the most selfless and nurturing person that I know. You might be surprised, if you actually knew me and understood my driving force. I do admit that I have rather high expectations in people, including myself. To be sure, I am my own biggest critic. This critical nature does carry over to other people that I meet, as I can seem cold and callous to someone like yourself, who chooses to lie to themselves and deny their own negativity. Being in a position where you are faced with death, I can understand this mechanism. It's not one I choose to employ, but it is very understandable. Who wants to wallow in the disturbing and under-appreciate any aspect of life? That's not what I do either. To be honest, I think that people's continued template approach to dealing with others is failing. If the human condition is to improve maybe it requires people's honesty. Maybe I am brutally honest sometimes. Would you not agree that sometimes people need a push, otherwise they are prone to drowning in their own self-pity choking on the half-assed life lines people continually throw them. To me, the standard 'it'll be okay' and 'time heals all wounds' responses are more insulting, insincere, and efficient than what I offer. At least they know I took more than a picosecond to think about a response.

I think you misunderstand me. That is why I am telling you all of this. Perhaps now you will stop calling me names. Remember that it is you and that other guy who started attacking me. I simply responded to your attacks. If you don't feel that I deserve any respect because you disagree with what I say and how I say it, then go f*ck yourself. I am not here to cater to your wishes. If you can respectfully disagree, then perhaps we could have some mutually beneficial conversations. However, based on what I have seen, I seriously doubt it.

Tell me; what line of work are you in that you deal with death all of the time?


P.S. Sorry this personal argument ended up in this thread.
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