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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Interested or not and just to nice not to come out and say "not?"      Home login  
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 Deemitt
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 1
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Interested or not and just to nice not to come out and say "not?"Page 1 of 1    
When I make contact with someone, I will make reference to something that they said in their profile that interested me. I ask a question, so that the other person will respond with an answer. Obviously if they read/delete, I know they are not interested. If they respond to my question and do not really make an effort to continue the conversation (i.e. make a comment with regard to my profile or ask a question), does that mean that they are just not interested and they are just being polite by responding?

I want to respond back to the email, and I know I could come up with something else to ask or comment on. I’m just a little tempted to add a PS stating “If you are just not interested, be honest and let me know up front.” Of course my ego will take a hit, but it wouldn’t be the first time and I’m sure not the last.

Am I just being too sensitive? I don’t want to seem desperate, and I certainly do not want to clog up someone’s email if they are just not interested and too nice to actually say so.

Thanks,
D
 Deemitt
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 2
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Interested or not and just to nice not to come out and say not?
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:23:01 PM
Thanks for the responses. It sounds like I should take a deep breath and go for it. What have I got to lose, right? We never met face-to-face. If he isn’t interested eventually: (a.) he will stop responding, (b.) tell me he is not interested, or (c.) I will get bored and move on myself. Of course, I would love to have the guy that comes chasing after me vs feeling like I’m doing the chasing for once.

Too funny a few years ago I wouldn’t have even considered joining an online dating site. I guess as I get older, I figured “You know what? I’m a good person, and eventually someone will figure that out.” Patience were never really one of my strengths!

RelationshipShady – I know the PS is wrong, kind of follows my “patience” issue.
And yes LostinWords I have been fishing and it drives me nuts when I don’t get a bite. (This website is just so appropriately titled!)
 Deemitt
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 3
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Interested or not and just to nice not to come out and say not?
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:43:49 PM
Oh Lone Hawk, trust me I don't need to know why, just "not interested" would work for me. Heck I don't need my ego more bruised then it would be already. I would never track someone down and say "Why not (*&^%!"
 beerbag
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 4
Interested or not and just to nice not to come out and say not?
Posted: 1/27/2009 10:42:26 PM

When I make contact with someone, I will make reference to something that they said in their profile that interested me. I ask a question, so that the other person will respond with an answer. Obviously if they read/delete, I know they are not interested. If they respond to my question and do not really make an effort to continue the conversation (i.e. make a comment with regard to my profile or ask a question), does that mean that they are just not interested and they are just being polite by responding?

I want to respond back to the email, and I know I could come up with something else to ask or comment on. I’m just a little tempted to add a PS stating “If you are just not interested, be honest and let me know up front.” Of course my ego will take a hit, but it wouldn’t be the first time and I’m sure not the last.

Am I just being too sensitive? I don’t want to seem desperate, and I certainly do not want to clog up someone’s email if they are just not interested and too nice to actually say so.

Thanks,
D


No effort = Not interested.
Some people feel too guilty to not be polite enough for a simple reply.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 5
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Interested or not and just to nice not to come out and say not?
Posted: 1/28/2009 1:57:42 AM
If you have something to say, say it. Keep the conversation going as long as it feels right to you, and if something sparks ... great! If not, well, what's lost? At least you've benefitted from a nice correspondence with somebody.

And who knows? Maybe it's not the first outreach that ignites the spark, but rather one of the subsequent notes.

Don't be too self-conscious. If you have something to say, say it. You've got every right.
 LukeMM23
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 6
Interested or not and just to nice not to come out and say not?
Posted: 1/28/2009 2:08:08 AM
Being comfortable with who I am, I can say that I know the impulse to write, "If you're not interested, let me know." I was in that mindset in the dating world for some time. But, honestly, the ladies never responded to me again if I wrote that.

Now, if a girl wrote that line to me, it wouldnt bother me. In fact, it would show just how in touch with your emotions you are. I think that's a really sexy quality for a girl to have.

You still may be a bit too sensitive and a bit too worried. Give it time. Even if it doesn't work with THAT guy, there are plenty of other fish in the sea; hence, the name of this site.

 Incorruptible26
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 7
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Interested or not and just to nice not to come out and say not?
Posted: 1/28/2009 4:47:52 PM
My advice in that situation would be to go ahead and try to move the conversation ahead with another message. If they're totally not interested then they won't reply again, and then if they reply again then they're either interested or not. If they keep replying then it should be clear which of those two it is.
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