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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Paying child support for kids that are not yours      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 3
Paying child support for kids that are not yoursPage 1 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)

The courts rule in favor of the child, who has had this "daddy" all or his or her life.


Please try to answer then why 85% of all contested custody cases are found in favour of the woman?

I was born a bast*rd....or technically..out of wedlock..so I have little respect for the premise of not biologically yours.


I think sometimes we forget that these aren't stories of women or the courts "sticking it to the man". They're trying to provide what's best for the child, emotionally and financially.


But when you have woman claiming cs from two men for one child...you have woman claiming cs and spousal support....and you have woman initiating separations in significantly higher numbers than men and running with their hands out looking for money....and then you compare custodial fathers working more full time than custodial mothers..by percentages of course..

There is some truth to the arguement.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 9
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/30/2009 1:14:01 PM

You raise a child it becomes your child. If you don't trust your wife have DNA done at every birth.


Should some woman have a buyer beware label affixed to them?


I think that if a woman was found to having a man pay for a kid that isnt his, and he was fleeced into thinking it was, she should pay it all back.


polar opposites in respect to morality?
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 11
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/30/2009 1:27:47 PM
"The courts are acting in the best interest of the child... and the law here states that if the person has acted in the role of the parent, then that person holds a responsibility to the child...

Sounds pretty clear to me...

Now, to ask for dna straight out... I would have walked away the moment the words were out of his mouth... how degrading!"

Some want their cake and to eat it two.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 13
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/30/2009 1:49:57 PM
I have seen lots of guys burned by trusting women, dna just evens the playing field. Guys can't come to you and say there is some other women, but it's really your baby lol. Your one of those women that thinks you have the right to walk away with the kid too and you do not if the dna shows it is his. Law were I live any way. You can go just leave the kid and start paying support.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 15
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/30/2009 2:06:38 PM

The courts are acting in the best interest of the child... and the law here states that if the person has acted in the role of the parent, then that person holds a responsibility to the child...

Sounds pretty clear to me...

Now, to ask for dna straight out... I would have walked away the moment the words were out of his mouth... how degrading!


Now perhaps if someone from day 1 accepted that premise then that would become acceptable.

But then you no doubt always have your hand out demanding money? I have never asked or expected a dime.

But what does it say about your morality that deceit is acceptable? One might suggest you are degrading woman if you support the premise that if they dont catch you then it is acceptable..or even if they do...once it has gone on long enough.....it does not matter.

Or simply put...morality decided by what best benefits you!

The only thing important is what is good for the goose!
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 21
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 1/30/2009 4:37:31 PM
"My family takes responsibility very seriously... but we also demand respect and to have a partner request a dna test for a pregnancy... well, that's damned disrespectful if you ask me... it's accusing the other person of infidelity..."

The people and familys that go on about how good they are, all ways are the ones that suck the most!
 FastReb
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 31
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 2/1/2009 10:02:46 PM
This is one of those "dam*ed if you don't, dam*ed if you do" situations that we men are put in sometimes. Unless the biological father is of another race, it's very easy for a woman to conceal who the real father might be of a child.

Some women will be totally insulted that you even brought the subject of a DNA test up, because it calls their honesty into question. However, without it, you have no sure way of knowing that a child really is yours. If the child isn't yours and you have played "Dad" for any length of time, even though you are the one who a fraud has been perpertrated against, the courts will almost always say that you will have to pay child support. They will justify this flagrant injustice because you, OP, have played "Dad" and the child has bonded to you. It won't matter that you played "Dad"because you were duped and didn't find out about it until much later.

There is a way to assuage your worries and not cause an explosion in your relationship. However, it entails just as much risk as asking for the DNA test does. You can take the child to have the test done when you have the child by yourself. If the test shows the child is yours but the mother doesn't find out you had the test, then your possible worries are put to rest without a possible blow up. If it shows the child isn't yours, and you even so much as have sex with the mother again, you lose any basis for claiming adultery in any divorce proceeding. You might also open yourself up to be slapped with child support for that child.

Now, no one can tell you what is right for you or the woman you are with. If your relationship is to the point where you want to be intimate, then you might also bring up that you'd always want a DNA test for any child born of your union. That way, it's already out there.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 32
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 2/2/2009 6:51:28 PM

In Canada too, even though the woman in question might not try to get support from a non-biological, if she goes on social services... they may do it for her....

However, in Canada, it doesn't matter... Non-biological males are being nailed for support for kids, even when DNA tests prove they are not the fathers.... just a "father figure"....



Pursuant to the Divorce Act, s. 15 a court may make an order requiring one spouse to pay support for any or all “children of the marriage”. The relevant definition, contained in s. 2(1) of the Act reads as follows:

“child of the marriage” means a child of two spouses or former spouses who, at the material time,

(a) is under the age of sixteen years, or

(b) is sixteen years of age or over and under their charge but unable, by reason of illness, disability or other cause, to withdraw from their charge or to obtain the necessaries of life

Section 2(2) provides further detail:

For the purposes of the definition “child of the marriage” in subsection (1), a child of two spouses or former spouses includes

(a) any child for whom they both stand in place of parents; and

(b) any child of whom one is the parent and for whom the other stands in the place of a parent.

The Family Law Act provides, in s. 31 that “[e]very parent has an obligation to provide support, in accordance with need, for his or her unmarried child who is a minor or is enrolled in a full time program of education, to the extent that the parent is capable of doing so.” “Child” is defined in s. 1(1) as follows:

“child” includes a person whom a parent has demonstrated a settled intention to treat as a child of his or her family, except under an arrangement where the child is placed for valuable consideration in a foster home by a person having lawful custody;



“parent” includes a person who has demonstrated a settled intention to treat a child as a child of his or her family, except under an arrangement where the child is placed for valuable consideration in a foster home by a person having lawful custody;


Church...Me thinks your reaching
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 33
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 2/2/2009 8:13:44 PM
I can see how this would suck, particularly if you raised a child for X years and still thought that a moment of biological contact is more important than the time and love you gave that child while living under your roof.

Having reaped the rewards of paying 18 years of child support for the kid my X's X tried to trap him with, I can understand a bit how it feels to be put in this type of position.

But here's the thing. The kids should not be made to pay for the stupid decisions of the parent(s). Now, I think if the non-bio dad wants to remain in the children's lives both in the form of parental rights in addition to child support the woman should not be able to choose to terminate his parental relationship and believe it or not, there are men and women who love their stepchildren no differently than their biological kids. I for one would have been highly pissed if my X or my stepson's mother had tried to prevent a continuing relationship when he and I split. I do believe that if the bio-dad is known he should be given an opportunity to know his child and also should bear the financial responsibility unless the stepdad wants to retain that role and the guy signs away his parental rights.

The other can of worms that opens is if the guy is a total deadbeat and won't wind up supporting the kids, then the kids are made to pay for their mother choosing a poor sperm donor and getting rid of the responsible husband/father.

I think if you believe you would want to check the DNA of your child you should either never get married or use invitro to make sure it is your child.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 38
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 2/3/2009 9:20:48 AM

California Paternity Justice Act: If the
Genes Don't Fit, You Must Acquit

(Los Angeles Daily News, 3/15/02)
http://www.glennjsacks.com/california_paternity_justice.htm

By Glenn J. Sacks




When Larry Nicholson went to court after receiving a child support order, he knew something wasn't right.

"I looked at the child," he says. "The child is white. I'm black. Now I'm not an expert in genetics, but I knew something had to be wrong."

It sounds like an easy problem which any reasonable judge would remedy with one pound of the gavel, right?

"I got a DNA test that excluded me as the father," Nicholson says. "The judge refused to consider the DNA evidence--not to mention the obvious evidence right in front of him--and made a child support order. He said that the time period for challenges to paternity had run out. But nobody had ever served me--I knew nothing about it until I got a bill saying that I owed support and that I was $75,000 in arrears. If I had known, I would have contested it in a second."

Nicholson now pays over 40% of his take home pay in child support and arrearages, and will be paying for the next 13 years. Meanwhile he has a wife and a daughter of his own to support.

Nicholson's ordeal has occurred in part because, under current state law, unwed men named in default judgments have only six months to contest an order assigning paternity. Other men faced with erroneous paternity judgments signed paternity declarations under the mistaken belief that they were the fathers, and had only two years to contest the ensuing judgment.

The Paternity Justice Act of 2002 (AB 2240), recently introduced into the California State Assembly by Assemblyman Rod Wright (D-Los Angeles), is designed to remedy these injustices by extending the period during which judgments of paternity may be challenged through genetic testing. The bill requires courts to vacate paternity judgments which are shown to be erroneous, thus relieving falsely identified fathers of further child support.

Erroneously identified fathers often face a number of obstacles. For one, they are often misled into believing that they are the children's biological fathers. Others, like Nicholson, have not been served or notified, and are not even aware that they have been named the father of a child until their wages are garnished. In both cases, the time period under which they can contest paternity has often run out before the men have become aware of reasons to challenge it. In the case of default judgments, men generally bear the burden of proof and often find it difficult to convince the courts that they were never served or notified.

How many men are victims of mistakes or fraud in regard to paternity? Of the nearly 300,000 cases evaluated each year in the United States, roughly 30% exclude the tested individual as the biological father. Even blood typing examinations taken decades ago showed that at a bare minimum 10% of the fathers who signed their babies' birth certificates were unknowingly claiming paternity of children who weren't theirs. Carnell Smith, the founder of US Citizens Against Paternity Fraud, estimates that as many as 20% of all fathers are victims of paternity fraud.

Paternity fraud victims' stories often provoke disbelief. For example, four years ago Air Force Master Sergeant Ray Jackson was divorced by his wife. Soon afterwards, he discovered that the three children born during their marriage had, in fact, been the product of three different extramarital affairs. Jackson's ex-wife has disappeared with the children, and Jackson is still paying half his income to support children who aren't his and whom he'll probably never be allowed to see.

Los Angeles area technical instructor Bert Riddick, along with his wife and three children, fell from the middle-class to homelessness and welfare dependency within a few years of being falsely identified by an old girlfriend as the father of her child. Until going into hiding last year, Riddick was paying 60% of his net income in child support and arrears to the well-heeled ex-girlfriend who defrauded him. He says:

"The courts decide that I have to pay the child support because it is ‘in the best interest of the child.' But I wonder which child they're talking about--the child whom tests have shown is not mine, or the three children who are mine and who I have to feed and clothe every day. Is taking half of daddy's money for 18 years in their best interest?"
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 39
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 2/3/2009 11:50:20 AM
Also, in many cases, over burdened men cannot afford a high priced lawyer to help them in court, whereas the woman (particularly when she's on social support) usually gets a better lawyer.... Even worse, the man is often on the hook for HER lawyers' costs if he loses...


You really should then look at the quality of lawyers who will do legal work based on legal aide. The other reality is knowing which battles to engage in and where to capitulate with the larger goal in mind.

 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 56
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 2/6/2009 12:09:47 PM
^^^^Wow, just wow. Since you say neither party should be ruined financially, I guess the answer is to give the kids to the state so that the custodial parent, whether male or female, is not ruined by trying to support a family alone. This IS how it was for hundreds of years until recently. Women were stuck with the kids and if dad was not honorable, how they fared in life was usually not good because of the earning potential of women in general.


well considering that we can't rely on individuals to always do the right thing

Child support exists because of the thousands of people that deserted their children, male and female.

Friend of mine married someone who said she didn't know who the fathers of her children were. She now sees it as a revenue stream (they are all over 18) and is currently in the process of suing the fathers for child support. She lied to all three of them and to me, that is just as bad as holding someone you know is not the father responsible because they have lost all these years if their bio dad was the type to be involved beyond financial support.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 60
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 2/7/2009 12:57:53 PM
You also say financially ruining either parent, I know many custodial parents over the last 30 years that have basically struggled until they were old to raise the kids and then play catch up for having to do so without a dime from the X. There was a lady down my block, supported four kids alone, never stopped her X from seeing them although he rarely if ever contributed to their support. How is she not financially ruined by that? Like she would not have more to show for her life if the other parent had helped her to raise their children?

I my case, with the man for 14 years, asked repeatedly to go to counseling when w discovered that he was bioplar which meant constant emotional and verbal abuse. So, in your opinion, since he earns three times what I do, I should go live with my mother so that my children and I can be emotionally abused by her while my X is able to live in quite good style on 90K a year? And yannow, the only reason he is able to earn that and be a dad is because I have always been the one taking care of the kids and doing everything for them whether he lived in the home with them or not.

My X isn't held to the same standard I am, he takes care of one person, himself. I care for myself and my three children. I have no one to take my kids to school, to doctor and dentist appointments, to the sports practices and voice lessons. I have no one to sit in for me and pretend to be interested in my childrens' lives because I am doing it myself, he doesn't. He shows up to play dad when he chooses. Given that I think actually being expected to support his children is really only fair relative to the portion of my income that supports them versus what supports him and the amount of time I spend raising his children while he does whatever he wants.

Regardless of how he acts, I would never limit his time with the kids if anything, we fight because he uses his job as an excuse NOT to spend time with him because my experience is, if he cares about something and wants to do it, he can figure out a way to juggle his schedule, not so much for his kids.

My stepson left home 11 years ago. His dad and I split over 4 years ago. He never sees or talks to his dad but he and his children see me and my kids. Parenting is not tied to biology nor does it stop when a relationship ends.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 66
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:05:28 PM

and he pays child support, but since I'm self-sufficient without it, it goes into a college fund.


So he pays...and you do what? Since i would imagine it is required that both keep a home suitable for your children and both have to have items that are suitable for the children to use..and both would then be paying for the mortgage and heating and food?

But Lonestar...you perhaps are unique. We have had mothers on here complaining about losing the cs when the child reaches 18 and perhaps has not yet moved out as they have not found themselves...and other mothers who without an education are unable to find work or middle 30's mothers who play at getting degree's while showing little to no interest in actually being self sufficient.


If I could suggest Lonestar, some of those woman make you and other self sufficient woman look bad. They easily maintain the single mother stereotype?
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 69
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 2/8/2009 3:51:08 PM
I would say get a DNA test. I didn't think men had to pay child support for someone else's kids. The courts should do the test and go after the REAL father.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 73
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 2/10/2009 1:50:30 PM
http://cnews.canoe.ca:80/CNEWS/Canada/2009/02/10/8332701-sun.html



I wonder when his gf will be asking for cs for her children and perhaps even spousal?



'Squatter' forces man out of home

No-contact order with girlfriend keeps man out of his own house

By TONY BLAIS, SUN MEDIA, The Edmonton Sun

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2009/02/10/8332701-sun.html



EDMONTON -- In a bizarre case before the courts, an Edmonton man has been forbidden from going to his own home while his girlfriend - whom he has told to get out - is still living there. Todd Shandro, 36, went before a judge yesterday to try to resolve the situation, but he was told there were jurisdictional issues and he has to take the matter to civil court.



"It's very sick what is happening here," said a frustrated Shandro. "I am the sole owner of the house. The mortgage and title are in my name and she is essentially a squatter. "It's ridiculous. The system doesn't seem to be working here and she is bending the law to her own advantage."



NO OVERLAP

The problem appears to be there is no overlap between civil matters such as land titles and home ownership and criminal matters where no-contact orders are issued. Court heard yesterday that Shandro is charged with two counts of assault, one against the ex-girlfriend and one against her mother.



After his arrest, a justice of the peace released Shandro on $500 bail and issued a no-contact order barring him from going within five blocks of his home near 102 Street and 113 Avenue. The JP also ordered that Shandro could revisit the residence issue by bringing his ownership documents to court.



However, Shandro has twice appeared before a judge to amend the bail conditions, with both a lawyer and the documents showing he owns the home, but to no avail. And the same thing happened again yesterday. "All we want is to amend the bail conditions so I can live in my own home," said Shandro.

Court heard Shandro and his ex had been dating for more than a year when he invited her to move in to the home on a "trial" basis approximately eight months ago.



In October, Shandro realized he wanted to end the relationship with his girlfriend and asked her to leave, said defence lawyer Chady Moustarah. "She said 'no, I'm not leaving', " said Moustarah, adding Shandro repeatedly tried to get her to leave.



On Dec. 5 he came home from work and found both his ex and her mother there and asked them both to leave. When they refused, he went to a pub and had a couple of drinks, said Moustarah.



ALLEGED ASSAULT

He returned and again asked them to go and the mother told him to go to the bedroom and lie down. He again left, but quickly returned and demanded they leave, which is when the assault allegedly happened, said Moustarah.



He told the judge the ex-girlfriend says she is fearful of Shandro, but questioned why she is then staying at his house. "It doesn't make sense," said Moustarah. "Essentially she is a squatter. She is trespassing."



The Crown told court the girlfriend has been paying bills and said she wants to remain in the home because she has two children and they go to a nearby elementary school.

Justice Stephen Hillier ruled the matter should go to civil court and adjourned the bail review to March 2.
 dion6
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 79
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 2/10/2009 9:01:59 PM
Well if you are in though, go right ahead and get the DNA done, am a woman...but some women makes me sick, especially those on the Maury Show, that keep saying ( look at his nose, look at his eyes ) sick...... and most of the time the test turn out to be wrong. Before they go on stage and make a fool out of themselves, they should be 100% sure, cause i would if it was me, besides why can't they use birth control if they have to sleep with more than one man ?
 forester40
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 104
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:23:43 PM
I have paid a ton of child support over the years for a daughter that may or may not be mine biologicly.I love my daughter very much and she just turned 16. I have not discussed this with the mother, we were married for 18 years. Her mother would just deny deny deny. At the time my ex flaunted her relationship with the other man in front of my daughter and me and broke up our marriage. My daughter knows the other man very well. I feel that my daughter has the right to know who her father really is and I don't know how to approach my daughter and ex with this subject. PLEASE HELP.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 107
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 3/15/2009 3:15:35 PM
Get a DNA test, sure. I see alot of kids raising kids are products of affairs and they should not have to pay child support for someone else's kids. The real father should man up and support his kids. It may differ in a case where a man marries a woman who already has kids, who adopts them. Some men like in my sister's case are really nice to do this.
 onreesukr
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 109
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 3/15/2009 6:52:45 PM
i was divorced and a step father of a cheating wife and was ordered to pay support even when dna and blood test prooved i was not the father and i lost 3 appeals and would have had to take it to the oregon supreme court for another appeal but it wasnt worth the price of losing again as my lawyer told me we had a 10 percent chance of winning she forged my name on the birth certificate as we started dating when she was pregnant i prooved it was her signature and still lost so good luck now i raise my daughter from another woman for 10 years now on my own and cant seem to get a penny isnt our judicial system great again good luck
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 113
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Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 11/9/2010 6:40:53 PM
I agree it doesn't seem fair to pay for the support of children who aren't "yours", at least on the face of the argument, and I am certainly not condoning (no matter what the almost certain responses some of you more embittered posters may choose to post) fraud of any kind, but, on a purely legal basis, there is certainly more to the story. "Psychological parenting" is a legal term, applied both to those who seek to continue a relationsip with a child not their own biologically, as well as by those who seek financial contribution for a child they feel is entitled.

Regardless of the arguments regarding cp's and their gender, let' s not forget that the same statistics can be used to back up both sides of the argument. The bottom line is that despite any court proceeding & which side initiated them " Parents will always have the option of working out a parenting plan together, which will be approved by the court if deemed fair and appropriate". The problem is nearly always the individuals involved. The "system" is worked best by its' servants, those best suited to take full advantage; the attorneys who are the only real beneficiaries of any court proceedings.

As far as I am concerned, there is another legal term that we should all take to heart, enabling it to encompass our relationships with those we are capable of making and/or raising children with: caveat emptor.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 114
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 11/10/2010 5:58:14 PM
caveat emptor.


And here I thought it was a latin " kævi.??t '?mpt?r" something that is in fact perhaps poor taste in terms relating to our children......


"Psychological parenting" is a legal term, applied both to those who seek to continue a relationsip with a child not their own biologically, as well as by those who seek financial contribution for a child they feel is entitled.


My compliments "ohwhynot"...Did not know this term...until a quick search finding it
and along with it De-facto-parent doctrine. A doctrine that is in fact legally accepted in Canada...but something that has not received the same wide acceptance in your country......the Utah Supreme declined to adopt psychological parent doctrine in 2007 in Jones v Barlow. The Michigan Supreme Court recognized that the legislature would have to make that determination in allowing third party rights...and liabilities...

......yet Washington Supreme court adopted de facto-parent doctrine in 2005 where two woman shared custody of a child.

But this is also brings to the table is the fundamental right of a parent to control his or her child's upbringing. This is not in keeping with your doctrine of the custodial parent knows what is right for the child and they should be allowed to detrmine the rules in both homes because they spend the most amount of time with the custodial parent...as you have argued already.

But something I believe in that either parent has the right to determine or be a part of the path that the child is to follow into adulthood and that in growing up...in living in the cusodial home or the non custodial home.....determination of the rules is not for the primary or the one parent alone to control.

But then one also has to recognise that not every parent will meet the same level of involvement that perhaps others are capable of...but if a level of parenting is needed to determine rules in their home...then that level or measurement is needed to be applied to each and every parent in society...not just a vindictive and embittered custodial parent as some seem to illustrate themselves as.

LOL...this is so much better than 1/2 hour of mindless TV.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 115
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History
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 11/10/2010 6:48:25 PM

And here I thought it was a latin " kævi.??t '?mpt?r" something that is in fact perhaps poor taste in terms relating to our children...


Something that was in fact not used in relation to children, rather to the choice of whom we make them with.


But this is also brings to the table is the fundamental right of a parent to control his or her child's upbringing. This is not in keeping with your doctrine of the custodial parent knows what is right for the child and they should be allowed to detrmine the rules in both homes because they spend the most amount of time with the custodial parent...as you have argued already.


OMG, would you grow up already?! My doctrine?! You're a fool, and once again display an asinine immaturity & an attitude that exposes your own "doctrine".


But something I believe in that either parent has the right to determine or be a part of the path that the child is to follow into adulthood and that in growing up...in living in the cusodial home or the non custodial home.....determination of the rules is not for the primary or the one parent alone to control.

But then one also has to recognise that not every parent will meet the same level of involvement that perhaps others are capable of...but if a level of parenting is needed to determine rules in their home...then that level or measurement is needed to be applied to each and every parent in society...not just a vindictive and embittered custodial parent as some seem to illustrate themselves as.


There is a vast difference between the cp of which you speak & a 24/7 parent who may get a break once or twice a year from other parent, if it is convenient for them. Yes, a level of involvement is required in order to be entrusted to ensure that a child is safe . Vindictiveness plays no role at all when it comes to remaining responsible for your offspring outside of your home. As far as illustrative embitterment, nice photo Tealwood.


LOL...this is so much better than 1/2 hour of mindless TV.


Without thought can be preferable to twisted notions.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 117
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 11/10/2010 9:10:38 PM
There is a vast difference between the cp of which you speak & a 24/7 parent who may get a break once or twice a year from other parent, if it is convenient for them. Yes, a level of involvement is required in order to be entrusted to ensure that a child is safe . Vindictiveness plays no role at all when it comes to remaining responsible for your offspring outside of your home. As far as illustrative embitterment, nice photo Tealwood


Are we talking about a non custodial parent who lives around the corner from their child or the non custodial parent who had his children re-located hundreds of miles away or to another country?

A level of involvement to entrust a childs safety is something many children do not have even in families where the parents are still together....but then who defines what is the correct level of involvement to qualify to know what is or is not appropriate?


Vindictiveness is the arguement of too many barbie dolls or the MP3 player....just love how you defend that arguement about how the custodial had better or more enlightened understanding of determining what the child could or could not be given by the non custodial father....or ex in laws....but the original arguement that poster presented was her belief was the ex was to contribute what she deemed acceptable and no doubt she would have given it on her terms.....what she did not like was not being able to control what the child was given....and perhaps outside of her own financial ability..something that is often felt when you are not working or not working full time?

MYI just curious and it is none of my business but are you in the majority of custodial men where they do not see cs from their ex..or the minority where they do see child support?


You're a fool, and once again display an asinine immaturity & an attitude that exposes your own "doctrine".


And thank you...yes my doctrine or belief is even though my ex is not fully engaged or involved in the raising of our children...when she does have them ...her house and her rules as long as they are within acceptable social norms or legally acceptable.

as opposed to your doctrine that you need to have control in both homes.

But I understand your rationalization or thinking you know more than others or more than the foolish ex...because you are or think you have better understanding...better knowledge...better intelligence...better empathy...better ???? can the list go on and on...but then i think that was what i heard from my ex for too many years...and why it is the x....

but then why should i then act like that?

My house....our rules that we reached together

her rules her house..and i have no say in it what goes on even though i do get frustrated when they return with no homework done and tests or assignments due the next day...but that is her criteria of importance.


and paying child support for children that are biologically not yours...just another way of controlling or exerting expectation on someone to pay...which I in many ways do not have issues with...but there is never equal expectation for the custodial parent to actually be earning their own income.....

 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 119
Paying child support for kids that are not yours
Posted: 11/12/2010 4:55:09 AM

Coincidentally, I have recently just escaped getting a full-ime job..as I have temporary custody of my boyfriends kids....no child support though....do you think I could go after thier Step-Father for child support?


Well it seems you and your bf joined the majority of custodial men....no child support....but I notice you talk about going after the step father...neglecting the mother again? Another free pass for the woman?


^^^^Hmmmmm.....acceptable norms you say?....How old do your kids have to be before you as a custodial parent don't have the RESPONSIBILITY to FORBID the use of GUNS while away from your home? Legally acceptable?...NO...I think if this behaviour was reported to the local CAS it would look as if YOU were LEGALLY negligent as the custodial parent turning a blinde eye.


I am sure some of the CAS offices would love to try it...but they would have some difficulty...as I would suggest that the Federal legislation trumps there very loose agenda.

RCMP web site.....or for those not Canadian...Royal Canadian Mounted Police and the Federal gun registry laws...
http://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/cfp-pcaf/information/lic-per-eng.htm

For Individuals aged 12 to 17
•A Minors' Licence will enable young people to borrow a non-restricted rifle or shotgun for approved purposes such as hunting or target shooting. Generally, the minimum age is 12 years, but exceptions may be made for younger people who need to hunt to sustain themselves and their families. Applicants must have taken the Canadian Firearms Safety Course and passed the test. The fee to renew a minor’s licence is waived.
•Once a person turns 18, they are no longer eligible for a minor’s licence. Instead, they must apply for a Possession and Acquisition Licence (PAL) and pay the applicable fee. Currently, the fee only applies to the first PAL. Fees to renew a licence or modify licence privileges are waived.



So the issue is your preconceived ideas of what is or is not wrong...based on your own views....not on what might be someone elses legally and socially acceptable view of what is appropriate...

So no..I do not have any real foundation or acceptable arguement in objecting to my daughters...or in reality my youngest daughter from having took the course and has her age appropriate license.....

No single parent has the authority to mandate rules or their preconceived views on what is or is not appropriate on the other or non custodial parent...that is simply abuse of privilege or abuse of power.

Bu I did happen to have reservations...but no legal means of objecting...


Lemme ask you Tealwood...are you one of the CS PARENTS who has been undermined and recieved no child support ? Maybe you shouldn't have worked so much....childhood ony lasts a few years.


Undermined...no...becasue I understand the conception of boundaries and the boundary walking into my house house or on my custodial time...is also understood. But then child support...i have a house...my ex has a house...they both have energy bills...they both have payments....so there is always a choice or safe haven for the children....to have a choice or alternatives in where and how they chose to live...and they are not held againts their will...and they do not hate me....and we have had over the years numerous vacations...time away to enjoy and create quality memories together...we have enjoyed quality time going out together as an adapted family...and last year....athletic scholarship earned...and graduated with honours...and the younger one flirting with a 90% average.....so yes...the childhood only lasts a few years...and it is important they learn the lessons in school and are successful...they learn the lesson in life that greater freedom is achieved through working and earning your own income...as opposed to living off the avails of someone else.....


When the children moved in with me and by the time I was able to legally stop the support payments being deducted from my cheques, she collected 4 months of support and kept it. Even with a court order to repay it, she still hasn't (since 2008). I simply don't want to waste money chasing her.


Typical story...I know one guy who paid almost 9 months before he was able to get the courts to rule and stop the payments...and they did not get the payments back either...and he did not get cs either...and another guy does not have the money for a lawyer...but figures paying the money...and being able to have children...the having children is more important than having his ex mandating the children go back to living with her...as is the threat.


My daughters came home crying many times from some terrible things their mother said to them.... the kids want love but their mom is living in a world of misery and she needs the company (the kids)


I understand very well the situation you are facing...been down that path for almost 9yrs now.....always told them that different parents..different ways and means of doing things...and even if they can enjoy 1/2 a day...they should enjoy and be grateful for that 1/2 day....as opposed to having nothing.

In a perfect world...2 parents who were fully engaged and working together in the well being of the children. Reality is that most marriages that fail...they failed because the parents could not work together..so one looks to find accommodations and realizations that one cannot control every moment of their children lives...

But along with finding accommodations for allowing different set of rules and values...should come the requirement of being finacially self sufficient and finacially capable to provide for their own children.

Got to love how they always talk about the child support they do not get...when working part time..or not at all!

As opposed to perhaps the custodial fathers...who work full time...and whose children do better in school...and perhaps there is a reason for this...self respect and self determination?

LOL...got to run.....work beckons.
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