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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > How does one become less "intimidating"?      Home login  
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 LemonDropLvr
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 1
How does one become less "intimidating"?Page 1 of 1    
I have been told several times now that I am an intimidating person. When I ask them to explain (since I don't see it myself) I get things like "you're very confident", "you're self-aware", “you’re very assertive", and "you're too blunt". These are attributes I pride myself on! There are too many people out there that lie or sugar coat things that shouldn't be. I love who I am and when there is someone or something I want I go for it, making me aggressive as well. Not too long ago I "scared" away a guy I liked by being too aggressive. Mind you he was into me prior and during the "aggressiveness", but has shied away since. I have always thought that confidence was a good thing, now I'm starting to wonder. I don't want to change, but maybe some tips on how to be less "intimidating" or possibly how to filter, because a filter is definitely something I'm lacking. Any and all suggestions are welcome!! Thanks for reading!
 Mistress of Snark
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 2
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:09:02 AM
Define aggressive and intimidating?

I have been told I am the same but it's because I get paid to be. I'm an over the top b!tch.

Find a strong willed man, and he will not have a problem with you.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 3
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:21:21 AM

"you're very confident", "you're self-aware", “you’re very assertive", and "you're too blunt"

There's little to be concerned about with these traits except the last one. You may just want to temper some of the things you say but overall those are commendable traits. Yet there is truth that you could be intimidating to some. The question is whether the guys who are intimidated by you would be able to sustain your interest for very long.

Like Cowboy said, there's still a bunch of guys out there who appreciate women like you. They are the ones who are very confident, self-aware, assertive and perhaps a bit blunt too.
 ~charmed~
Joined: 4/9/2008
Msg: 4
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:21:48 AM
Assertive is great, aggressive is not. There is a huge difference... find the difference and I think that will help.

Be confident that is wonderful.

You are not going to be every mans cup of tea even if they say that is what they want... you will find that men who are spineless will gravitate to you. They will like you cause you will make life's decisions for them and take care of them. Eventually you will find them boring. You should also be careful of men that are not your equal, they will not know how to deal with you and turn to aggression.

Win the war but not every battle... you don't have to have an opinion on everything.

Hold out for that true Alpha Male... you will know him cause you will just be able to relax around him... it is an amazing feeling... don't be in a hurry.

These are a few of the things I have learned over my life... add 6'1" into the mix... I am intimidating...

~Charmed~

VVVV very well said! VVVV
 bicoastal49
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 5
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:26:35 AM
I think that sometimes people who are very "expressive" invest considerable time and energy in letting the world know what they think, and, with a powerful personality, such a person can overwhelm some in the "audience".

Without sacrificing your sense of self and personal integrity, you could try to shift that expressive bias (if that's what's going on - this is a theory I'm offering) toward asking more questions and listening more to the person in front of you. Say less, listen more. Be curious. Leave some open space in the conversation.

Maybe this will help.
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 6
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:27:59 AM
If they can't accept you, to heck with 'em!!! Don't change!! I certainly have not...and have had the same kind of accusations in the past. If they can't take my personality, then I simply wish them the best of luck finding what they are looking for. No harm done, no hurt feelings...besides you can't please everybody!!! You will find a group that will definitely accept you!! Be patient!!
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:38:18 AM
I agree with the previous comments..."assertive" is good but comments like "you're too blunt" are probably not good...the old saying "if you dont have something nice to say, dont say it at all"....
 rickxyz
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 8
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 10:07:08 AM
Everybody here was dead on, I think its great you're honest and no B.S....but you need to learn the art of what not to say, with number one being, never talk bad about people, ex's etc....it will just reflect badly on you, right or wrong....
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 9
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How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 10:21:35 AM
The best way to be considered less intimidating, is to say less, and just sit there and listen........

There is a difference between being assertive, compared to aggressive, or intimidating..............And it takes time and experience to know the difference, and when, how, and why to use any, or all of them.

One of the best pieces of advice that I can give, that was given to me a long time ago, is to not be the first to always speak, and work hard at being the last one to say your thoughts and comments........Try it......you will like the results.....

Just my opinion........
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 10
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 10:27:19 AM
Independent = I don’t need a man and that means YOU buster. I will make damn sure you are ALWAYS reminded of that.

Assertive = argumentative

Self aware = it is all about ME

Too blunt = not smart enough to understand when being honest don’t mean not being considerate

Too blunt 2 = know it all

Very confident = often takes “I can handle it" (which is really what confidence means) far past and bangs up against other so called self proclaimed babble.

--------

"How does one become less "intimidating"?"

1. stop trying to be the alpha male
2. stop being a guy with bOObs
 crazydiamond24
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 11
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 10:27:21 AM
Just be who you are as long as your not stepping on others. Be mindful of those around you, some can handle you as you are, some not so much. Be observant and you will see it.

Being Agressive-Nothing wrong with chasing what you want
Being Blunt-Just know your surroundings and those that can handle it
Self Aware-Great, but don't forget about everyone else
Confident-just not arrogance, remember that they have traits that trumps yours also and understand that we each have our strengths and have something to give.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 12
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How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 10:28:54 AM
I've come to believe that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a woman can possess. Don't change!

When men say you're intimidating, what they really mean is: They fear they can't measure up. That's their issue, not yours. Find a guy with similar confidence, and you'll shine.
 JohnEDeep
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 13
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 10:37:23 AM

I have been told several times now that I am an intimidating person.

I get that a lot too, but I figure if someone filters themself that way, it saves me the time and effort of weeding them out.
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 14
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 10:43:52 AM
Cowboy: You get the daily medal for pandering, as per usual.

That said, I've always been wary of those who declare they love the way their honesty gives them a get out of jail free card for saying whatever brazen thing that pops into their minds.

It's a tough one. The kind of internal permission to "be yourself" that others call "too blunt" or "very assertive" must be very liberating.

I, for one, am a journalist, a trade rife with "truth tellers" and I pride myself in not having the slightest notion of what the truth out there might be. Facts, I can do, but I tend to think there are at least 20 sides to every story, not just two.

What would put me off is not someone blunt or brazen, but someone inflexible. Your claim that other people "lie or sugar coat things that shouldn't be" leaves me cold. That sort of "I tell the truth." while others "lie or sugar coat" strikes me as a fairly sophomoric attitude.

 Willys Wild Wheaties
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 15
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How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 11:14:14 AM
"What would put me off is not someone blunt or brazen, but someone inflexible. Your claim that other people "lie or sugar coat things that shouldn't be" leaves me cold. That sort of "I tell the truth." while others "lie or sugar coat" strikes me as a fairly sophomoric attitude."

OP is in her early 20s...so probably has some learning as she finds out what works and doesnt work..."inflexible" is a good adjective...Another one would be selfish...
 ~charmed~
Joined: 4/9/2008
Msg: 16
How does one become less intimidating?
Posted: 2/4/2009 11:30:37 AM
As you can see some men will turn to aggression both verbal and physical if they feel they do not measure up... if you are a stronger person then them.

It eventually just comes out...

~Charmed~
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