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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?      Home login  
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 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 1
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
One of the things that really surprises me is the number of men who can't have a decent conversation. I'm aware that I'm in the top 1% (brainswise), but still. I can't tell you the number of times that I've found myself in an interesting discussion with a guy (be it international administration, genetic manipulation, or the color of money), and all of a sudden the guy will take my hand and say something like, "You've got beautiful eyes" or "You've got a lovely smile" or something...

It kills me every single time. For a start, it tells me he is not at all interested in the conversation, which in turn tells me that he would never have the intense interest I have in the world around me, or in discussing the deeper issues. People who are passionate about these things don't interrupt others with trivia....

Of course, when I make this kind of statement, I get bizarre stares. Aren't women supposed to love being told that they are beautiful, have gorgeous smiles, or whatever. Well, I suppose, if they're insecure and they're desperately searching for evidence that the male likes them as people. For me, the clearest indication of whether someone likes me as a person is whether they're interested in talking and listening to me. It's supposed to be a shared, joyful activity.

Of course, sometimes, the guy is just interested in a lay. That's okay, but what I don't get is that I always paste up these detailed blurbs about myself and for the life of me, I can't imagine why the guy can't see that if I'm posting something that detailed, obviously I'm looking for a bit more than a romp in the hay.

Any comments?
 Wyldcat
Joined: 5/6/2005
Msg: 2
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 11:29:03 AM
Well maybe you think to much. First of all maybe he gave you a compliment to complinetary. Did he get back on subject after the compliment, or did you bust his balls so it changed the subject. Where I work I have a neonatologist that is maried to a nuro surgeon. I imagine they can have a pretty interesting conversation between them, because there is a little brain power there. Now I am pretty sure they have fun to because the neonatologist is expecting. I personally would like to find a women that I could have an inteligent conversation with. Guess what if you have a nice body I am also going to want to play, sorry. I guess it is just that hormone thing. So take the compliment and enjoy the conversation.
 tyme_gypsy
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 3
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Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 11:31:01 AM
Writingstar

It could be one of several things:
1.) You talk too much and dominate the conversation and "he" does that to derail your verbal bullet train
2.) HE'S got to feel in control
3.) You've left him in the dust intellectually
4.) All of the above
5.) Any combination of the above
 MikeJ
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 4
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 11:43:32 AM
Maybe your dates are intimidated by your intellectual arrogance and decide that you're not going to be a woman to go long-term with, but since they're paying for dinner they might as well try to score?
 jrguitar23
Joined: 6/24/2005
Msg: 5
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 12:07:50 PM
Since you're obviously looking for a mental connection, perhaps it would benefit you to do some research on male psychology. On the other hand, if you've been talking to "pretty boys" instead of men who might have an equivalent intellect, then you only have yourself to blame. Rest assured, there's a nerd out there who can joust with you mentally till you become bored, but he MAY not offer the physical stimulation you'd get from a hunky guy. By the way, I love talking to smart girls; the only problem is, smart isn't sexy; SEXY is sexy. If you want to go intellectual and keep the guy interested, quote passages from the Koka Shastra, or the Kama Sutra, or the Vedic Principles. This will arouse his libido and mind at the same time. Oh, yeah, The Joy Of Sex is an excellent coffee table book; just make sure you have a coffee table with STRONG LEGS...
 Cristine
Joined: 9/29/2003
Msg: 6
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 12:24:41 PM
Some guys think girls should be seen and not heard... *shrug*

I was working at my new job and the customer said "Don't worry, you don't have to know anything you are beautiful"

I wanted to smack him but I just smiled and laughed..... and proceeded to tell him that I was flattered but that I am an educated woman.


And when my boss met me he said: "Don't worry you are cute." LOL That worked in my favor... but it is just good to know that I can PROOVE my worth!!!!!
 jedbushel
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 7
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 1:05:54 PM
The top 1% by what measure?
 marathonman11x7
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 8
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 2:01:11 PM

Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
One of the things that really surprises me is the number of men who can't have a decent conversation. I'm aware that I'm in the top 1% (brainswise), but still.

Question;doesn't it seem as though the very question itself shows a broad and relatively negative generalization? Wouldn't it seem relatively easy for someone in the "top 1% (brainswise)"(or NOT)to figure this out on their own? Rather than point out obvious arrogance and hypocracy in the post,I'll just say;a romp in the hay is a physical F*ck with negative connotations,I'm not sure that is any "better"(term in another thread)or worse than a mental F^ck.
I don't think 1 needs to be in the "top 1% (brainswise)" to figure it out.



BTW,we(MEN and WOMEN)really should stop the negative generalizations about the other gender. There seems to me, to be far too many threads with titles based upon poorly conceived premises. Does anybody think it actually does something to elevate the growth and maturation process in interpersonal relationships?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 9
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 2:08:52 PM
tuc <----in the top 1% of sexiest guys on this website!
Oops, sorry off topic! But he really does appreciate me for my brain, right tuc?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 10
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 2:31:02 PM
marathon I've been on that soapbox too of negativity against a gender. Doesn't really help anyone out.
To the OP, conversation is a two-way street, what I refer to as social intercourse. I can talk some poor guy's ear off about accounting and the finance market, the Enron scandal, the IRS, zzzzzz. That only helps if he's having insomnia and needs to be put to sleep. If that's not something of interest to him (and he wants to listen and ask questions) or something he's knowledgeable about and wants to share his viewpoints. In order for someone to want to engage in conversation there has to be some interest level. Depending on how the conversation goes, that interest level will fluctuate.
If I want to engage a man in conversation that i have a potentially romantic interest in, then I want to know what HE'S interested in, I know what I like to talk about. Has he traveled a lot? Good, where have you been, how long were you there? How was the weather, the food, the people, the architecture? What places of interest did you visit? That interests me other people, other places other cultures. I could listen to that for hours. Maybe he's interested and involved in a charitable cause. Maybe he breeds orchids or raises a certain breed of dog. A conversation killer is usually just talking about one person's interests alone (I'm not referring to YOU personally, OP). If you like cars and motorcycles and boats, great, but go talk to someone else, I have no interest in that. Or better yet, go have a beer with your buddies and get it out of your system. Don't bore me with radiators and other car thingies. Let's talk about music, great, I've had music lessons most of my life and finely tuned ear. Can talk about that forever.
Point being unless you're exploring his interests at least somewhat and trying to get to know him, don't be surprised if you don't have an engaging conversation. If you want to have a "high" level conversation about some topic very few would know about, then seek out a professor who teaches that. THey've proven statistically that the intelligence tests that have been used are biased, and few know any of their intelligence scores or care. A measure of intelligence, is the ability to learn and understand and apply skills, facts and knowledge to a given situation. Intelligent people adapt, think outside the box (a cliche I know) and are usually tremendous problem solvers. Sometimes when I'm out with someone and the conversation seems to be going nowhere or is stalled, I try to swing it around and probe his interests until I find something that sparks him. It works for me.
 BlakmanXXX
Joined: 4/24/2005
Msg: 11
 Nickel1
Joined: 12/23/2004
Msg: 12
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 2:40:16 PM
I don't understand why this has to be so complicated.

To quote the original poster:



can't tell you the number of times that I've found myself in an interesting discussion with a guy (be it international administration, genetic manipulation, or the color of money), and all of a sudden the guy will take my hand and say something like, "You've got beautiful eyes" or "You've got a lovely smile" or something...


I'm not sure I see what the problem is here? I can easially see myself as the guy in this situation. I'm extremely turned on by intelligent and enpassioned conversation with a lovely lady, and could easially be distracted from the topic by the very fact that I'm -having- the conversation! It's such a rare and wonderful thing to have in a relationship.


Of course, sometimes, the guy is just interested in a lay


but what if I'm interested in both a lay and some nice conversation before and after? :^)
Nick
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 13
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 2:44:03 PM
Very insightful Tyme Gypsy. Yes, I worked that out, too. But I don't dominate conversations. I am very careful about sharing dialogues - otherwise it's a monologue. :) I think it's also that I don't notice that the person is a man. I once had an art professor after three months of playing chess with him at the chess club point out to me that I didn't seem to notice that he was a man.

I was so pleased. I said, "Yes, that's perfectly correct. I see you as a human being. I'm so glad you noticed that. I'm tired of men who seem to think I'm spending time with them because I'm attracted to them."

His reply? "Well, I am a man and you need to notice that."

That was the end of that. I was horrified to find out that everybody thought I was interested in him because we spoke and played chess. I just enjoyed the conversation and the game.

For whatever reason, I don't notice the gender of men I'm not attracted to. I see them as people, human beings.
 jedbushel
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 14
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 2:44:58 PM
The problem is she doesn't know how to handle it when a man says he wants her. It freaks her out. It's because it represents a fall from the height of power of intellectual superiority, to the depths of vulnerable of intimacy. Vitamin D should clear it up. Vitamin D can be had drinking milk with it added.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 15
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 2:45:51 PM
Mikej - I'm not intellectually arrogant. Nobody has ever called me that. My feeling is that they weren't interested in the conversation in the first place, talked about it in order to establish a connection, then when the connection was established, they thought they 'had me', and now they could switch direction to what they were really interested in...

Unfortunately, if the content of the conversation was what I was interested in (and not them), the ploy isn't going to work, is it?
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 16
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 2:47:11 PM
Jrguitar - I'm not interested in sexy. And I think that's probably the problem. I am primarily interested in a mental connection because that is what stimulates me above all things...
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 17
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 2:49:04 PM
Chrstine, the crux came for me when I was 29 and asked my boss why he was promoting everybody else when I was providing the most input. His reply, "You're too beautiful not to get married and have babies... Not a good investment." And no, I couldn't sue. It was Africa.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 18
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 2:56:09 PM
Quietjohn2: To me, changing the subject is 'running'. I guess I'm bored with the kind of compliments I hear. I have heard them repeatedly everyday of my life for about 45 years (I'm 53). I just find it plain boring.

"Is it possible that your 'discussions' are equally disjointed and judgement so that these men are simply trying to change the subject in as polite a way as they know how?"

Yes, it is possible. In which case, they've chosen the wrong methodology. I prefer for them to tell me that something is a non sequitur and explain to me why. I can cope. :)

Um, I better change the long term relationship thing. I changed my mind. I'm here to chat - on weekends. I realized I'm not lonely and deep down I probably don't want a relationship because it demands things of me I don't want to give.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 19
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:05:23 PM
Diamond Dude, I'm glad you brought up all these points because you mention things that I find difficult.

I don't compete intellectually. If you'll google the term INTJ, you'll find it's 1% of the population that are truly objective and ego is not involved in intellectual discussion. I hate debate. I'm only interested in arriving at truth/fact. What happens is that when someone says something that is not accurate, and I point it out, their ego gets in their way, and they want intellectual superiority. Sometimes, I don't even think it's that. Sometimes I think it's just that they want to impress me, for me to like them, and here I am being very impersonal and not at all personal. I think that gets to them.

You're right about the emotional thing. I think they do give me a compliment because they're trying to draw emotionally closer. The thing is I don't want to be emotionally close to them. And paying me a compliment doesn't do it.

It's one of those ironies that I draw emotionally closer to those I"m intellectually close to. It's not something where one can pretend, and it doesn't happen as a result of debate. It happens as a result of two people reaching the same conclusion! Like draws like.

For me, there's no such thing as a good date. I don't like dating. I find it boring. I'd much rather read a book.
 jedbushel
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 20
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:06:37 PM
Please do go read one.
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 21
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:06:46 PM
Pykajiura, everyone in Southern Africa drives stick. Automatics are very few and far between. Immigrate!
 Bunnyfunny
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 22
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:11:39 PM
Nick, I'm not interested in the lay. I don't like sex.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 23
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:11:40 PM
writing Saying this as kindly as possible, but you do know this is a singles site and you do say long term relationship. From my experience that usually involves or starts with dating, the culture dance of courtship. If you don't like dating, then why would this site catch your interest? I'm not meaning to be critical just asking a question out of curiosity.
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 24
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:15:57 PM
"I am primarily interested in a mental connection because that is what stimulates me above all things..."

It does sound like it could be the problem. When some people go for a relationship, it's more then just an intellectual one. It's the holding and touching too.

"For me, the clearest indication of whether someone likes me as a person is whether they're interested in talking and listening to me. It's supposed to be a shared, joyful activity."

Yes, but they don't know that, because everybody's diffrent. So men may show you in other ways that they like you. Just because people give an intellectual conversation does not mean they like more then just a friend.
 Nickel1
Joined: 12/23/2004
Msg: 25
Why do men run a mile from a girl with a brain and a yen for using it?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:17:56 PM

Nick, I'm not interested in the lay. I don't like sex.


You find dating boring and you don't like sex. Don't you think that is a bit unbalanced? It strikes me that you are using your (substantial) intellectual capacity as a form of escapism. Would you consider yourself a happy person?

Nick
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