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 AUTHOR
 brattangel
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 1
Married Men -To date or not to date? Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I know I'm asking for it with this question, but here it goes. (be gentle with your replys)
I met a 34 year old male several months ago and thought he was single (or so he said). Time went on (4 months), I got hooked and he later confessed he was married with four children. Trying to get over those feelings, needless to say I joined Plentyoffish.com. The majority of men that come on to me are married! Why do they do this?
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 2
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/5/2009 10:11:43 PM
Well, if they're married and say so on their profile, you can put up a restriction (in your mail settings) so they can't contact you. If they're lying about being single, well, there's not much you can do about that except maybe to a) develop your "married man" red flags system and maybe b) ask them. "What was it about me that gave you the idea I might be up for this?"

If you're literally asking if it's a good idea to date married men? In my opinion, it isn't. You have to sneak around and feel slutty. You can't just call if you need him. He sees you on HIS schedule. Holidays are spent all alone. Plus there's the bad karma of doing something to another women you wouldn't want any woman to do to you.
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 3
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/5/2009 10:13:29 PM
I don't know.
Maybe you give off some weird magnetive vibe to married men, like a forcefield around you. And they feel compelled to contact you for sex.
I'd be worried, very worried.
Maybe I'd even seek therapy about it.
 butterflygal06
Joined: 12/7/2007
Msg: 4
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/5/2009 10:14:38 PM
because men want what they cant have... a woman with integrity and self worth will not sleep or date a married man .... he is just that MARRIED for richer for poor, in sickness in health, IN GOOD TIMES OR BAD!!!!!! If he is divorced he is fair game if not than he isnt worth your time not to mention would you want some chick ****ing your husband... or having an emotional connection with him .. would you be ok with that? I think not!
 brattangel
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 5
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/5/2009 10:16:34 PM
I didn't mean married men contact me on line. I meant in every day life. My rule is no married men.
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 6
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/5/2009 10:19:31 PM
Oh. Well, you're petite, pretty and confess you're "nice to a fault." It may be that niceness that makes married guys think they have a chance with you. Practice not being so excessively nice. Develop a good "back off" stare; they're very useful.
 brattangel
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 7
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/5/2009 10:23:05 PM
You may be right. I do hear that alot from people , that I am a very nice person and that people find that adds to an attraction. Thanks! I'll practice the mean glare in the mirror. lol.
 MY OH MY
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 8
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/5/2009 10:44:07 PM
Glad to read that you broke it off. Thankfully not all men are like this, but you do have to be careful. It is as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man. It is as easy to fall in love with a man you think is single as one that truly is. I try to email with them using my email address and then move to the next step of calling. A red flag comes up if emailing or his calling me or my calling him is a problem. But, sometimes a husband has to live away from his wife to work, that makes it that much more difficult.

Women take no for no, men have a tendency, not all, to take no for maybe and sometimes yes, go figure. Make sure that when you say no they understand no means no discussion, no compromise, and goodbye.

Happy
 Diva77
Joined: 10/31/2008
Msg: 9
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 1:04:50 AM
Okay well for me... I'm involved in an open poly relationship with a married man. It's casual, and on going, and I am friends with his wife too. Therefore, it works. It's honest, and fun.

OP - he lied to you for four months... a lie is a lie. To me, that would be a deal breaker. The only way I agreed to allow my relationship to happen, is after I talked to the wife in person and got the okay from her. Open marriages / relationships work for some. But everyone involved has to be honest and open, or someone just winds up being hurt.
 J_in_SD*
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 10
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 1:13:30 AM

I'll practice the mean glare in the mirror.

No reflection on you, of course.
 sweet lady Lori
Joined: 3/19/2008
Msg: 11
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 1:39:17 AM
Men AND women often lie about being married...for many different reasons and it's not just here @ POF either.

Some married men have contacted me too, and their profile says married but just looking for talk/email. However, I avoid them only because some use that as a shield to get to know you then ask you out.

I am still married but am separated, (I have my own place), and will be getting divorced. I do not lie about it. My profile clearly shows I am separated.

9 times out of 10, married people don't leave their spouse and are just looking for some fun on the side and that is why I would not get involved w/ a married man.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 12
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History
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 1:44:54 AM
Y'know? Nothing good can come of a relationship that starts out w/such a major deception -- whether he's deceiving you or his spouse.

There are real single men out there. Out here. Trust me. Trust them, for that matter.
 goodlistener711
Joined: 1/24/2007
Msg: 13
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 3:08:43 AM
And what about all the married WOMEN on this site....and others?

As long as profile is marked truthfully.......
 cfb62
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 14
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History
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 5:18:15 AM
Because they're pigs and too many women have low self esteem and cave into this.
 djsamdotbiz
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 15
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 5:46:14 AM
Never say never..............
 oldsoul
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 16
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 6:06:17 AM
Set your mail restrictions to "must have a photo ON profile in order to contact this person" - that takes care of married people better than the "must not be married" restriction alone.

Also, make sure that they have several pics that clearly shows who they are, not just one or two.

Very few married (or otherwise dishonest about their marital status) people will take the risk of putting a photo up on a dating site for fear of being recognised by their partners, co-workers, family, neighbours and friends. It is what has proven to work the best for me anyway:)



IMHO
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 17
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 6:11:37 AM
Mmm.... I have two wives.

Handria and Palmela.



People just suck, rather than dealing with their shitty marriages head on (like going through the divorce procedure, or working through the difficulties) they subvert it by looking elsewhere. Women do this too.
 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 18
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 6:58:04 AM
Yeah, brattangel, you did know that you were asking for it with this question.

Q: "Why do they do this?"
A: Because you have Something They Want, and they have an Ethics Gap.

In the context of this thread, I really have to ask about that final line in your profile:

"I think maybe my standards are too high and have considered lowering them this year."

Well, judging by what you have apparently been dealing with lately, us boys will have some trouble limbo-ing under that bar if it is any lower. How do you go lower than married and cheating? Incarcerated for sexual offences ? Bernie Madoff ? Mortician with a crack addiction and gambling problems ?

Now, I am hoping it was not Captain Cheating Dog who inspired this decision on your part, so a few free tips for you in navigating the stormy seas of Guys Who Decided Happily Ever After Was Not Good Enough For Mr. Happy.

1. Anyone with ring-tan (that white stripe on their ring finger) is married and lying to you.
2. Reticence about giving you the home or cell phone number ? Strange restrictions on scheduling of dates ? Owns **more than one cell phone** ? Married.
3. Strangely reluctant to discuss where he lives or works ? Strangely reluctant to discuss members of his own family (brother, mother, etc.) ? Married.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 19
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History
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 8:45:42 AM

Why do they do this?

I don't remember where I heard this, but it's basically 'new vs. old'. Hugh Grant had Elizabeth Hurley waiting for him at home; instead, he went for Marvin Hagler (a reference to a professional boxer 'type') in a dress. Most men are perpetually looking for a new mate, especially after the limerence phase of the relationship is over. That usually lasts 30 months to three years, but of course is different for everyone.
 sweetnsour44
Joined: 12/11/2008
Msg: 20
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 8:45:58 AM
DO NOT DATE MARRIED GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I met a married guy on a dating website. I thought he was totally single. I was wrong. Unfortunatly I lost my virginity to him. I think he might be unhappy with the relationship between him and his wife. Be careful. Wives get suspicsious.


 wintersucks63
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 21
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 8:55:40 AM
^^^^^^^but he says that he prefers me because i dont demand things of him, i dont try and control him or his money. so maybe thats what their all looking for



Woohoo!!!! you hit the nail on the head big time!!!
 SmellOfPoop
Joined: 6/8/2007
Msg: 22
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 9:31:31 AM
They do this because you - the single woman - will do things his wife has long stopped doing. You'll actually continue to do those things for/to him until:
a) You break it off with him.
b) He leaves his wife and marries you. Cycle starts over....
 ironangel13
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 23
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 9:33:58 AM
Because they need an escape from their routine boring lives of being married, with kids and working hard to provide for a family. The wife is probably too drained to "put out" and well he needs some much needed attention. Hence, the quest for a single woman who will provide sex, love, attention and the support he is not getting at home. No judgement here... but this is basically, having your cake and eating it too.

Girl, be careful! Your worth more than being with a married man! However, everyone has their own individual circumstances and one never knows until they have walked a mile in the other's shoes...
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 24
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 10:52:32 AM
I have the same problem but with the opposite sex. It seems that only married women are interested in me. It seems that way idk why. I mean I have values and morals, not be a home wrecker. I'm also too old to do the hide and seek game of going behind someones back. Plus I feel like if she'd cheat on her husband now. If it did work out between me and her, then sooner or later she'd cheat on me too.

So for those reasons I refuse to see a married woman. Now I'll be friends with a married couple but never just the wife.

Best of luck to everyone
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 25
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 2/6/2009 12:53:47 PM

Set your mail restrictions to "must have a photo ON profile in order to contact this person" - that takes care of married people better than the "must not be married" restriction alone.

That is an excellent point and one I hadn't thought of. Great idea, oldsoul.
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