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 sassy_1974
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 1
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I dont love himPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
hi, i got out of a very tough relationship with help from a lovely guy i know. We ended up sleeping together and i fell pregnant. We've been in a relationship since. My problem is that i dont love him. I was stupid to get pregnant as neither of us needed it and i certainly wasnt ready for another heavy relationship..i was only intending to date him and see if we liked each other. Im having enough problems still getting over my last one, now this one feels like such hard work. I hardly see him and i know i dont love him, yet i dont think its fair that i should raise another child without a father. Its all such a mess and i dont know what to do. Any advice truly appreciated. Thank you.
 forum_froggie
Joined: 1/14/2009
Msg: 2
I dont love him
Posted: 2/6/2009 6:33:03 AM
Sasssie, sorry for your run of bad luck......I'm talking about not loving the guy with whom you are having a child.

Don't stay with a man you don't love just because you're preggers. The father can still be a good daddy and not be in a relationship with you.

Good luck, hun.
 Alabamamam
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 3
I dont love him
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:41:45 AM
I agree you already have 4 kids why not to make anyone happy who really wants it and do not have any. Like a nice married couple who strugled with infertility treatments for years.
 sassy_1974
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 4
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:42:37 AM
Wow, i wrote this thread as i have no one else to talk to and stupidly and obviously blindly was looking a shoulder to cry on. I am a dam good mother and and intend to be just that to my baby. I have been to hell and back, so dont pre judge without knowing facts. I wanted advice on whether to stay with my b/f for the sake of my child or split with him as i dont love him..not once did i expect to be judged for my mothering skills-nor be told my child would be better off adopted! Im absoltely horrified by your responses...id never a knock a person when they are down and its a sad world when i find that so many others do. Before you all jump on your hind horses and attempt at putting me down again, dont bother wasting your time. Im deleting my profile.
Thanks.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 5
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:47:40 AM
Why wouldn't you talk to father about this everso personal matter rather than strangers on an open internet forum??

And those that suggest she put the baby up for adoption are forgetting that this man (who she doesn't love) is still in her life and has a say of whether he wants to take on the responsiblity himself .. he does have a choice to do that rather than just give his offspring away to strangers.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 6
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:47:56 AM
In this day and age there is absoulutly no excuse for anyone to get pregnant!!

Now that you are, I suggest you go see your doctor and discuss your options! Dont forget to tell the father of this child your decision, because he has a right to know what you are going to do!
Reguardless if you love him or not, He still helped you make this baby.

good luck to you!!

and please remember, when you have unprotected sex with someone, there are alot worse things you can end up with besides a baby!
 heartseekertrue
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 7
I dont love him
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:48:07 AM
ignore the condemnation and judgment. thats endemically global....

look ahead. what is the best for your child?

adoption choices of infant caucasian child is (relatively, for adoptee) good.

good luck...hopefully we all learn...from our own and others choices/consequences.
 scorpio671
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 8
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/6/2009 12:41:48 PM
Girly, dont worry about people judging you, do what you need to do for you and your child. If you are a good mother you will do the right thing!
Good luck.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 9
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/6/2009 1:00:40 PM
I blame this idiot guy as much as I do her.........

He walks in and sees that she has four children already, helps her, falls for her, sleeps with her, and does not ask if she can still get pregnant, or if on birth control, or if tested, and until we know all these answers, we WILL be using protection.....

Talk about two that deserve each other, and two that do not deserve more children to raise, mouths to feed, and clothes to buy....... No one "falls" pregnant these days, with all that it out there to make sure that it does not happen.

You do not love him, so you should not stay with him, but you should make sure that he is a part of the child's life, since he is the father. He should want that, and should want to pay his share for having another child in this world.

May I suggest for your sake, and his, to evaluate all that you two are to each other, and what outcomes you both want. I can tell you from experience, that my heart does not work like many others, because of past pain, but not loving someone has not stopped me from caring, and being happy in many many ways.

If you care enough for him to spread your legs multiple times, and not be sure about pregnancy, and he cared enough to give you his manhood, and not be sure about getting you pregnant, that maybe you should care enough to fix this problem, or accept this joy, and care enough for the child to raise it properly, or not raise it at all.

Just my opinion.......
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/6/2009 1:30:25 PM
Well I see it's hours later and your account is still active so I guess you aren't going to



Before you all jump on your hind horses and attempt at putting me down again, dont bother wasting your time. Im deleting my profile.
Thanks.


any too soon. I'm thinking troll post but if you are for real...nobody just 'fell pregnant' and you wrote your first post like you didn't want the child so then you get all over your 'hind horse' (whatever the hell that is) and start bawling like a banshee. You don't sound at all responsible from your two posts and you certainly don't sound stable. I think you don't like people calling you on your own chit and denial is your preferred way of living, with lots of enablers to offer you a shoulder to cry on while you do nothing about why you act out the way you do. You got honest advice, don't like it, then don't ask people for their opinions.

Oh msg 28, you are so transparent! LOL I think RaySH sees an easy mark in the OP and is setting her up to take advantage. Don't fall for it OP, you have enough problems already.
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 11
I dont love him
Posted: 2/6/2009 6:45:52 PM
At the risk of seeming hard nosed, I have to agree with Chatte... she makes a lot of sense. There is a lot to be said for keeping ones' pants up sometimes. And I agree... adoption seems like a good option.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 12
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Giving her reason...
Posted: 2/7/2009 10:09:42 AM
Op: Does the father love you? Does he want to be a part of this (and your other children's) and your life? Is he a good man? You've been striking out in the men department so far.. If he's a good man who loves you .. then what is your problem. Frankly, I don't think you know what real love is.. have you ever had a stable, loving man in your life?

Like I said earlier.. speak to the father about what he's thinking is.. you're only going to get judgement from most of the people here.. Real advice seems to be lacking. I do agree with you getting your tubes tied.. If you don't want anymore children, and you are adverse to taking birth control then it can be done right after the baby is born..

Good luck.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 13
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/7/2009 12:09:31 PM
Justmeandmax.. I agreed with your opinion on the adoption way back on page one of this thread.. Adoption is fine.. but those that recommended it didn't even think to ask what the fathers' wishes or thoughts were on the situation... He has rights. If Op doesn't want the baby.. perhaps dad does? Op has not come back in to explain the father's stance on the whole matter.. only her own.


I just read a statistic that people who get married because the woman is pregnant have a very high rate of divorce. I wouldn't encourage someone to get married due to pregnancy. The suggestion about adoption is probably the most reasonable, for the child especially....who is the one who counts the most.
There is a very high rate of divorce whether there are children/pregnancy involved or not before marriage... After reading the post above me, I'd say Op has issues that will eventually lead to divorce or breakup once again whether it's with the father of this baby or anyone else unless she looks within as to why she can't seem to love a good man or keeps jumping head first into every relationship. She left one man and a month later was pregnant with another. Councelling may help you with the decisions you make in your life, including how to handle the situation you now find yourself in.

Best
~ Wishes ~
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 14
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/7/2009 3:22:08 PM
I don't think you should marry the man particularly if he loves you because both of you deserve to be with someone you actually want to be with, although I would suggest you focus on taking care of your children and figuring out who you are before you look for another guy.

When you have this baby you should have your tubes tied because I don't think you need a sixth blessing as you said you didn't need this one.

Why would you be raising this child alone if the man wants to be a father? He doesn't need to live with you to do that.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 15
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/7/2009 3:24:38 PM
Op says in the original post:
i know i dont love him, yet i dont think its fair that i should raise another child without a father.
Op also says:
I was stupid to get pregnant as neither of us needed it and i certainly wasnt ready for another heavy relationship..i was only intending to date him and see if we liked each other
I wonder why don't you give it some time to see if you can at least GET TO KNOW HIM.. how can you even know what your feelings truly are if you don't even know the man.. What are the father's feelings towards you and his soon to be son or daughter.

I don't think that anyone should marry simply because of an unwanted pregnancy.. but you say yourself you don't even know him yet you do concede him to be "a lovely man".. Do you even know what it is or the way it feels to be loved and to love another without dysfunction? Why do you "hardly see him?" Is that your choice or his lack of interest??

We need more info about the father
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 16
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/7/2009 7:33:51 PM

are you advocating that single mothers can't manage on their own?
I think he's referring to this particular situation only .. he hasn't indicated he means single mothers in general can't manage on their own. I think you're putting words in his mouth.
Op.. states, "I don't want to raise another child without a father." Apparently she's finding things rough to deal with on her own.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 17
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/7/2009 8:35:55 PM
Actually I stand corrected.. Op said

Yet i dont think its fair that i should raise another child without a father
which makes your point even more valid, bikeman.
However; the deed is already done.. Op needs to seek legal and emotional councel to figure herself and her predicament out in the best interests of her new baby and all her other children as well.

 arthurxxx
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 18
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/9/2009 12:16:31 PM
you know wot sorry 4 your dilema.but do you beleive in karma.honestly
 arthurxxx
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 19
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/9/2009 12:19:30 PM
nice verse.good karma
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 20
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/9/2009 12:22:33 PM
When you want to be together, then babies can bring you more together.
When you want to be apart, then babies can push you further apart.

In this climate, when people are so uncommitted, you have to be unbelievably committed to stay together for 18 years. Don't expect the relationship to last long enough to make it worth keeping in it just for a father figure. I believe that you're far better off seeing if you can learn to be friends, and just have him around as a father figure for the long term.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 21
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/9/2009 1:01:02 PM

I doubt very sersiously ANYONE here has lived life free of the kind of trouble we bring on our own damn selves.


Maybe some of the posters know exactly what they are talking about, ever think that experience and learning from it makes one a great deal better at giving advice than someone who just enables someone with kind (empty) words?

Also, who comes to message boards just to bash other posters opinions just because they don't agree with them? What kind of issues do they have? Makes on wonder, don't you think.

OP admits to having several children with no fathers to help and not doing so well in her life or her love life, and on top of that, she got pregnant through no other reason than careless stupidity by a man who's hardly around that she does not love. She asks for opinions, she got them, if she can't take honest advice she should stop asking for it. If she just wanted a bunch of boohoohooers to tell her what a rotten man he is and what an awesomely wonderful mother and woman she is, she needs to go to a site where silly people lie to each other and give lots of hugs and horrible advice. There are 5 innocent children involved in all this mess, it's time to step up and stop whining about how she just accidentally got pregnant and be a grown up. These children deserve a lot better than...Oops, I did it again. Absolutely ridiculous!
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 22
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I dont love him
Posted: 2/10/2009 7:49:53 PM
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts11773867.aspx

Unbloodybelievable!

 blonde chickie
Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 23
I dont love him
Posted: 2/10/2009 8:52:35 PM
OP, you ever hear of birth control ? Good lord 4 kids. And a fifth on the way from a man u say u don't love. Why did u sleep with him and have another baby ?

So careless



 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 24
I dont love him
Posted: 2/10/2009 8:59:58 PM
Since the child is not a child that you want, why don't you put the baby up for adoption? Do you know how many couples are dying for a healthy white baby? I am saying it straight. At least your child will be cared for in a supported environment.
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