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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someon      Home login  
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 CalendarQueen
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 1
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun? Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I have experienced this many many times....I meet someone we have great conversation and then near the end of the night the age question arises...."How old are you again?"
"Um, 40." "Well it was nice talking to you...." Why is age such a factor to most men it seems? If they are enjoying your company and are about to ask for another date or number, why does age even come into it? AND How do I avoid this without lying....I can't do that.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:12:54 PM
I am 40 and almost never experience that. If anything I go thru the "no you're not" conversation where they either don't believe it or don't want me to think they do to score points. Then again I am more than happy to tell them and watch them be taken aback by it....it's amusing to me.

Are you sure it's not your body language around the question? Do you cringe or dread being asked? It may be the way you say it that makes men react that way.

I have friends who feel men don't like women with kids, and so they dread being asked that question with new men - I feel that it's the way they almost avoid the question and then the way they answer it when finally asked that puts men off, almost like they are embarassed and overthink how to respond. Surely men can't be that surprised they are meeting women over 30 with children...
 *Sassy Redhead*
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 3
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:51:17 PM
Hmmmm...I wouldn't avoid it if I were you. If a guy is turned off by your age alone then is he really worth having in your life? Find a new who will like the whole package to include your age. I am proud to be in my 40's. I am having a better time dating in my 40's then I ever did in my 20's.. Who'd a thunk?
 best kept secret
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 5
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:53:26 PM
I don't know, I guess I'm done for...I got an application for AARP today in the mail!

 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 7
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 12:08:01 AM
You're as old as you feel.

Honestly, I've not had this experience either with gentelmen from POF or otherwise. They know how old we are from our profiles a least on here.

Are you obsessed about your age? Perhaps you are subconsciously projecting this while interacting on a date. Heck, 40 is when life begins. Nope, make that 50.

Anyway, it's rude for a man to bring up your age. It's like asking how much money you make, or what dress size you are ... Yah know? The dumb azz questions that make your eyes glaze over, while you pound an entire glass of wine and wish there was a button to push so he'd vanish into a hole in the floor.

If you're fun, you'll attract the fun ones. Lighten up, don't take yourself too seriously, and have a sense of humour. I laugh when I get nervous, which sometimes isn't a good thing, but it sure helps to ease the tense moments during a date.

Happy fishing OP...good luck!
 Tigazero
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 8
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:36:23 AM
Ever think that the man may not be confident enough to think he can handle a 40 year old. You may be more woman than he can handle and may not fall for his tricks. Everytime a younger woman asks about my age I just answer "Old enough." If you aren't willing to lie then don't tell. Be creative. Make him guess. A little hard to get with a guy and you are going to appeal to his nature to meet a challenge. Just remember to let him win in what ever fashion you are ready for.
 shmodzilla
Joined: 10/6/2008
Msg: 9
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 7:08:42 AM
Oh please dont say your as old as you feel. As much abuse as i have put on my body i am currentley feeling about 104. I had better stick with Charlies qoute on 2 and 1/2 men with "your only as old as who you feel"
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 11
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 8:28:50 AM
^^^I agree with Fun Tall....I don't like men over 39 either, myself. Most are out of shape, or extremely bitter from past experiences. I prefer them 28-35 myself - better looking, more active, less baggage.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 13
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 8:50:13 AM
I haven't experienced it either. We are what we feel, not what the calendar tells us, and other than once when I found out halfway through a date a person was actuall 26 and I called it a night myself, age just doesn't matter (plus usually they know at least ballpark before we go out anyways). I have never felt better, I'm extremely comfortable with my age and who I am.

Be confident, be fun yourself, and be comfortable; and you will find exactly the same.

Best of luck.
 best kept secret
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 14
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 10:00:13 AM
fun tall....OK, you're tall



Personally, I will find someone fun only between the ages of 28 and 34 - beyond that, I have zero interest. There is nothing attractive about older women.....nothing, not even the foundation that tries to stick on her face!


What you're interested in now is one thing, but the insult you so easily spew concerning your distorted view about women in their 40's is very telling.
I take it you have no intention of being with one woman for the rest of your life...they, and you ( if you're lucky) will reach 40 and 50 in a blink. Then comes 60 and 70 and 80 (also if so blessed).
In your distortion, "long-term" isn't really going to be "long-term". Because surly when the woman you wind up with, turns the dreaded 40, your interest in her will effect your relationship to the point of her leaving you...for a real man

When a younger woman falls in love with a man wanting a long term relationship, she sure expects her man to grow and love her throughout the years....not just until she matures into a woman of 40 or 50 or more ,who is (by the way) just beginning the best time of her life!
But you wouldn't know about that...and sounds as if you never will.

I don't see a woman worth her salt going for you anyway...not if she is a good judge of character.

Relationships (mature relationships) are about more than finding the closest thing to an air brushed magazine pic. to help you get your willie up.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 16
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 10:43:57 AM

At 40, a woman is like the Desert.....warm & mysertious....everyone knows WHERE it is but NO ONE wants to go there........(pun intended to the fullest)

Try some new material please ~ that line is as "old as the hills" (old quip inserting intentionally!)

Personally, I will find someone fun only between the ages of 28 and 34 - beyond that, I have zero interest. There is nothing attractive about older women.....nothing, not even the foundation that tries to stick on her face!

LMAO ~ You are going to have rough go with that attitude. You aren't far behind the rest of us and in case you aren't aware: Benjamin Button is a movie, it's not real. You don't get younger as you age.

~OP~ Fun is what/where/when you make it. I can have fun sitting in silence with the right person (or alone for that matter.) If you want to meet someone fun ~ try meeting somewhere where YOU actually do have fun. (Hobbies, interests, etc., etc. of your own.) It's difficult online to determine who might be "fun" but if you know a little about them before you actually meet (via telephone/email) you should have an idea of their energy level, interests, etc. JMO
 TakingItSlow66
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 17
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:02:35 AM
So I'm reading Fun talls profile and 2 points don't jibe with his words on this thread.

Mature in your Thinking

Be nice and polite
 rdh68
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 19
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 4:30:58 PM
I am a woman who just turned 40, and started dating again. I think some men are actually intimidated by an older woman. I have my own house, my own car, my own career. I sometimes think what does a man have to offer me. When I see the 40+ guys looking for the 25 year olds I have to laugh, I know very few 25 year olds that would never even think about dating a man over 30 let alone over 40. I personally dont look at age, I look at personality and ability to keep up with me. If someone can't handle the fact that I am 40 it is their problem. My first husband was younger than me and my second was older, age is just a mindset. A good friend sent me this on my 40th birthday :

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.
Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.
Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
A woman over 40 knows what they want sexually and are not affraid of it.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
 abby156
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 20
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 5:12:19 PM
If it is tough to date when a woman is in her 40's they just need to wait for the big 50! I am having lots of fun.
 Mxchic
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 21
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 5:39:58 PM
I haven't experienced that myself since I don't look my age. I even got asked for my ID a couple of weeks ago!!! Most people are shocked when I tell them my age! I never lie about it because I think that just screws it up for everyone else. Maybe if women could accept their age gracefully, especially when they look great, and be open about their real age, men would recognize that just because a woman is over 40 doesn't mean she's got one foot in a retirement home!

Besides that, if you want to find someone fun, BE someone fun! And judging by the pics in your profile, you look like a fun gal!
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 22
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/7/2009 8:11:50 PM
You and me both mxchic, I not only got carded a few weeks ago, they actually wouldn't serve me because I forgot my id. And my oldest son himself will be legal next year. Oh well, it's all good though, I wanted coffee anyways :)
 Edsta
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 27
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/8/2009 9:32:16 AM
OP: to answer your topic question, I'd say that age is irrelevant unless the guy is
(a) Just an ignorant putz who swallows every gender cliche he sees on TV, or
(b) He's a determined breeder and just looking for a baby-maker.
If it's (a) then you don't want to be with him anyway, I hope. If it's (b) and you still want him, then hey what can I say, you reap what you sow.

I've known women well into their 40s, even early 50s, who were far more PHYSICALLY attractive than most women in their 20s, due to taking good care of themselves through a healthy, active lifestyle, and/or lucky genes. (More usually it was lifestyle.) Add to that the stability, smarts and self-knowledge typically earned from all that life experience, and it makes for an exceedingly attractive overall package, in my book.

Unfortunately that combination is very hard to find in most places---plus there is a huge distinction between stability/smarts/self-knowledge vs. damage/bitterness/paranoia from bad experiences.

Now I'll free admit, I'm highly unlikely to turn down a cute 20-something woman who wants to leap in bed with me. (Doesn't exactly happen every day, so really a moot point...LOL) But for anything more substantial, I tend to take women in their mid 30s and up, much more seriously.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 28
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/8/2009 9:32:25 AM
Interesting. But this still does not change anything. Women over 40 are dusty trophies in a trophy cupboard! There's a time to shine naturally and there's a time for a mandatory over-haul. Make sense?

As I said before, as a man over 40, you would know. I agree....because it's no different for the men. In fact, some men start leveling off and looking down the hill at about 35 -which is too bad. Unlike most women over 40, they actually care that they don't get the same attention they used to from women, instead of finding more productive things to do (like give themselves an overhaul).

A lot of men have the same as or more baggage than women after 40, and IME, they make excuses for letting themselves go like "well as you get older its harder to stay in shape" ....so there's an old trophy shelf for you too. Well, for the men who ever were a prize, anyway. Some never are.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 32
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/8/2009 12:04:46 PM

I was in my 30's when I quit my job. My life got sucked out of me. I got rid of the ex in my 40's. That is when I started to live again.


I was 40 when I changed career and when I divorced. Like emomommy, I have never felt better, freer or more energized. Life is amazing.

I can choose to go to places and be with people who are energized, positive and open, and choose to stay away from places or people who constrain, who shut out, put down and limit.

The only limits anyone should have are the ones they put on themselves. And anyone who considers another human being a trophy of any kind, dusty or shiny, is someone who is part of the life I walked away from. I am mature and confident enough to not let someone else's neuroses and insecurities define who I am. All it does is show who they are; and that's ok if they truly believe that, and are not just seeking negative attention. But it is their outlook, not mine. I am not a product of their reality. I am just me.

I have never been better, and from what I've seen in here, that is true of every last one of us.

Life is good when we hit 40. I absolutely love it. OP, let yourself shine.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 34
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/8/2009 4:49:02 PM
bigrick,

I am good friends with a 53 year old in a chair (don't know your situation, but he was a firefighter who was hit by a drunk driver and became an overnight quadriplegic).

Keep your humor and hold your head up high, and know there are people look at the person, not the person in the chair. (I became friends with him after his accident, not before).

Keep on sending them. You will get responses (not all of them good, but not all of them bad either).

good for you on your positive attitude by the way. Shows what an impressive person you are.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 36
 deletedpost
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 38
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/9/2009 7:58:24 AM
There is a bit of a double standard. If you want to atract people i think the same stuff applies though .. be yourself and have fun.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 42
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/9/2009 12:33:33 PM
I would not reject a woman just because she is 40 yrs old. But suppose she is older and is around 50 instead of 40. Perhaps a short term relationship could work out between me and a 50 yr old woman. She could be fairly attractive, intelligent, have a great personality etc. I probably wouldn't be interested in a LTR with a woman who is about 20 yrs older than me. I think we would have different long term plans and goals due to the large age difference.
 marxthesmurf
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 43
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/9/2009 3:12:05 PM
I'll never be a forty year old man, but I would think it would be easier for them to date a woman close to their own age group. I don't really understand the generalizations about women being "bitter" and "overweight" over forty, because from my experience in the world, that's just as true for men as for women.

I'm speaking as someone who is twenty-four here, but I just don't know what I'd have in common with a man in his forties beyond pleasant, polite conversations? So yeah, a man in his forties may well be interested in a younger woman, and that's his preference. I just don't know too many women my age who would jump at the chance to be with a man nearly two decades older than themselves.There are exceptions to every rule, but the same "baggage" a woman picks up over time is the same sort of baggage a man would pick up as well. It's life, and what goes for the goose goes for the gander too, nothing wrong with it really, just an inevitable part of living. Sorry for the cliche, but it was the best I could think of at the moment. It would seem to me a man in his forties would want to date women close to his own age, because they would better understand the things facing him in his life at the moment? I mean, things like careers, and house payments, child rearing and such....

What on earth could I possibly contribute to that relationship? I'm still in grad school, renting a little apartment, and just STARTING a career. I would probably be better in a relationship with a guy whose anywhere from my age to say...thirty, as he'd be roughly in the same area of life. That way we could grow together. If I were to get with a much older guy, I think it would always seem as though I was playing a constant game of "catch up." I don't know where I was going with this, I guess I just saw the negative comments about women over forty, and felt the need to say something.
 TakingItSlow66
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 44
Once a woman hits 40 what can she do to help herself w/finding someone fun?
Posted: 2/9/2009 5:41:49 PM
This thread could of been fun if we'd stayed on topic. I mean we are talking about the type of bar where older women look for younger men are we not?
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