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 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 3
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecksPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

The biggest red flag was that he had an upcoming court date
and you ignored that big red flag... why?
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 7
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 2/7/2009 3:58:33 PM
This is a prime reason I ask all the questions that I do ahead of time, to try and avoid this issue. Some people lie, others are just obvioulsy not cut out for dating period. I am also finding most, not all, but MOST with kids do have some sort of drama. He said, she said, blah blah blah. Be over your damn drama or do not contact me!! Any anyone recently divorced, kids or no kids is probably NOT mentally ready to date. Why even entertain anyone who has not been alone long enough??? 2008 was your "red flag". I would not have even gone there. And all both genders do is bash their "x"...sure his "x" was a demon, I am sure he was too!! Wait and meet people who are free and clear of a divorce. NOT in the making of it. And child custody issues??? YUK!!! Added drama that will soon become your issue!!! No thanks!!!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 8
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Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 2/7/2009 4:12:47 PM
A man going through a divorce is not dateable. If custody was not yet determined then the divorce would not have been finalized. He was full of sh1t as well as drama.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 10
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Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 2/7/2009 5:53:56 PM
Oh my goodness!!!

You put yourself into a situation like that! You definatly shouldnt be putting labels on all people who have recently went through divorce!!
 sparklingseas
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 13
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 2/8/2009 8:02:34 AM
yeppers, I don't date separated or newly divorced. Dated one guy for 3 weeks a few years back and gave up very quickly when he vented constantly about his soon-to-be-ex. He was a nice guy but just not ready. Let them go through a couple of Christmasses, birthdays, Thanksgivings etc in their new situation.
 jmn120176
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 17
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Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 2/8/2009 11:24:09 AM
Wow you got in a train wreck? I hope everyone's Okay!

My experiences in merely EMAILING with divorced women is that they've been bitter, vengeful, and confrontational. Even making small, meaningless jokes with these women (that had nothing to do with them or their situation whatsoever) ended up with them going on the defensive, as if I was somehow making them the butt of said jokes. None of the women ever admitted any wrongdoing or possible contribution to the cause of divorce. It was always the man's fault. If their attitudes were any indication, there's no wonder they had been divorced.

One even listed herself as "single." When I asked her about it, she said that as far as she was concerned, that was the case. Nevermind the conflicts and difficulties she'd been through to end up in a failed marriage... nor the effect it had on her credit rating.

Invariably, you have an upset ex who's still involved in the whole situation, worst case scenario there's children involved... what a headache. Drama city.

I used to think of myself as open to dating all types, but after these email sessions... Divorced? No thanks.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 19
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 2/8/2009 11:59:51 AM
Johny Cash anyone????

"I hear that train a commin..commin down the tracks TOOOOT.....TOOOOT...!!!!!

come every one all together now!!!!!

I enjoy these fantasy fairs.....
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 20
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 2/8/2009 12:52:50 PM
^^^^LMAO


I kinda question this and ask myself, 'aren't older and more mature people able to pick up on things' before making a scene? And I can't answer this.

This coming from a man who trashes older/mature women in 3 out of 4 posts???

~OP~ Separated = drama/trauma/hate/discontent. I know there are those who have good reasons for not taking care of the legalities before they move on ***sigh*** (or so they say...) sorry, but it takes a time after a long term relationship to regroup and regain complete "self." I don't want to get involved with someone who has re-bound syndrome looming in the distance, nor do I want to be someone's living-breathing paralegal/sounding board/witness or anything else associated with child custody/court systems. I have better things to do with my time/energy and emotion. If I want drama, I'll create my own.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 24
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Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 2/13/2009 1:11:38 AM
Isnt there a rule somewhere, where it is never a good idea to date someone who trashes their Ex. Cause it means they are not over them, or the situation. Time after a divorce doesnt really factor in though. If someone was unhappy in their marriage, they may well be ready to move on to greener pastures. With others, it takes a while to get their emotions settled. Sometimes a long while. Train wrecks can go on forever.
Trashing the Ex is a big red flag. No one knew this better than me, yet I still got wrangled into a mess. A guy I dated, had been out of his last relationship for 2 years. Anyone would think, "Long enough to be ready to move on". Yet, he was so resentful of everything he did for her, constantly saying he couldnt have done anything more to make the relationship work. Well, a few months dating this guy, and he's always at my house, changing things to "help" me, trying to do things for me, but I remembered his "I did everything" rant, (how could I not remember, he said it so much) so I didnt want him doing anything for him. Nothing that he could come back and say that about me. But ultimately, he did. But I stopped seeing him because he lied to me a few times and got caught. Plus he was always driving drunk. But according to him, he was perfect and did everything to make the relationship work. He was repeating his relationships, not learning anything. He needed "Martyr" tattooed on his forehead to warn people.

I dated another guy, for about a month, he proposed cause I was a good listener, listening to him rant and rave about his ex wife. It wasnt that I was such a good listener, honestly I wasnt that into him that it even mattered, him telling me how much he cared about her. We were suposed to be casual, not anything serious, an occasional date, cause I was newly divorced myself for about 4 months, so I knew I wasnt ready for anything serious. The proposal was what scared the heck out of me. Less than a month of dating, and then only once a week. Major red flag. He then went on to shoot her and himself, 4 days after I told him he didnt love me, he didnt even know me, he still loved her. Trashing the ex indicate to me, there is still emotional or psychological things that need to be worked out. That's best done alone, with a counselor.
 Really Nice Guy!
Joined: 6/11/2008
Msg: 26
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 5/3/2009 9:49:14 AM
To Cookie2466 and any other woman out there, just wanted to let you no, I am not one of those train wrecks. No baggage here! I in turn expect the same and if I detect that someone is a train wreck as you all put it, I bolt for the nearest door! I think you can find someone if you are both open and usually if you don't put blinders on, just because you want to find that person right away, is not a reason for tossing out all logic, think with your head and not your heart- at first, If he or she turns out to be as you would want, then let your heart help guide you, but use your brain too! Hoping to meet someone great myself, but I will take it slow and see!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 29
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 5/5/2009 8:58:35 AM
OP, you actually make me sick.

If you ever been in a relationship, there is going to be some drama, there is going to be a past, and the reality is that if you wait until all the drama and things are resolved, you will never move into the future.

Take for instance, I am divorce, but I still own a house with my ex. I also own a lot of debt with her. My gf doesn't like it, but it's the reality we live with. My ex screwed my credit because of this. But things are being worked out little by little. So techincally speaking, I have my own drama, my own issues to resolve. Take my gf. She has 4 children. Each one of them has their own issues. Not big issues, but issues never the less. You cannot remove one from the other.

If you feel like this is too much for you, then leave the guy, end of story. But realize that the only guy you are going to meet that never had any drama, is still living with his mommy.

So get over it.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 31
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Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 5/5/2009 10:15:29 AM
Let this be a message to ladies: Don't pooh-pooh a guy who has never been married and no kids-! Granted, some marriages can work, but...we chose to avoid the whole debacle and are sensible human beings.
 cannpeters
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 34
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 5/5/2009 8:14:02 PM
OP, I can totally relate to your story. I dated a man who was in the middle of a custody battle; however, he was still separated. I really cared about him, but I, too, became his therapist. I became engulfed with the court battle, what she was doing, when she didn't show up to pick the kids up, etc. He was very upset about her, as she had left him for another man and was already pregnant again, even though they were not divorced yet. It was emotionally draining.

To those who have said that the OP didn't listen or care enough, you have no idea how draining this type of thing can be. This is not listening and comforting someone who had a bad day or a bad week. This is not helping someone through a rough time. This is day after day of she did this, she did that, I can't stand her, I'm going to get her back.

And outmind, I usually like/agree with your posts. I think there is a difference between routine drama and DRAMA. Until you've been in this situation, you cannot understand how it can get.

When I look back, I blame myself for not seeing the red flags earlier and getting out of the relationship. I generally don't date recently divorced men because of the experience I had. I will date a divorced man, as long as it seems he is over the situation. If he is bitter or has ongoing court battles, I pass.
 MissFilletOfFish
Joined: 4/2/2009
Msg: 36
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 5/5/2009 9:04:27 PM
sometimes it isn't even a recent divorce, but a more past one, or a break-up w/ a serious lover. Lately, I have no tolerance to hear about exes- that isn't impressing me at all. I want to be w/a guy who is trying to win me over, not whine about himself.
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 37
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 5/7/2009 7:03:17 AM
IMHO.... I think it depends on the circumstances of the divorce and people involved...just last night I was at a restaurant where a guy was celebrating his divorce with g/f ......she asked the band to play "Happy Divorce Day To You" ...they were happy and jovial.

For me - I will stay away from newly divorced / custody issues because of my past experience with it...
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 38
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 5/7/2009 7:14:06 AM

DUH!!!!! This is a no brainer!


Double entendre in full effect. I agree. I don't normally date someone that moves from one relationship to another, without taking a break to get themselves right in the head first... Whether they were married or not. The only rebounding I do is on the basketball court. You're just asking for uncalled for drama.
 USBobG
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 39
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 7:32:41 AM
Like your post.....2006.....are you still on POF?
Bob
 jc91607
Joined: 1/21/2013
Msg: 40
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 8:28:10 AM
I am recently divorced. I would not consider myself a train wreck.....more of a fender bender.
 SimpleCltMan
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 41
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 8:53:21 AM
OP, I read this with some sympathy and contempt at the same time. I was one of those guys. My ex hated that I got the house, the cars, the money, and got to see my son. So the only leverage she had was my son. She has kept him away from me, took him another 40 miles away where I have had to drive 80 miles further to get him, and dating?!?!?! {rolls eyes}. She was horrible for about a year after we divorced to anyone that came into my life as a dating situation. Stalked them on facebook and threaten to take my son if I ever introduced him to any of the women I met. Even though it has cleared up for me, there are people out there that do the "baby Momma/baby Daddy" drama just to bring data misery to the ex spouse.

I take a man wanting to be a father seriously. I have STOPPED dating women who keep their child away from the father even when the father was a good man. I am not talking about the drug dealing/playas/thug losers, but men who do child support, see the child regularly and try to be a good Dad. I know you don't see it this way, but the man is fighting for his kid. If that is too much drama, then so be it. However, I have seen many a woman tell me that her kids come first and I have respected that as I want to be a good Dad. I didn't ask for the drama over my son. Nor do I want to subject a woman to it, but sorry it happens. If you cannot be mature enough to work with it and see the good person that wants to be a good parent, then you do need to leave and let that person find someone that can understand what it means to put kids first. Sorry, if I am ranting, but when it comes down to men being good fathers I cannot stand by and watch people take them down.
 moonchildmn
Joined: 4/1/2013
Msg: 42
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 8:59:19 AM
One of the nicest men I have met since my divorce could be classified as a train wreck. I found the whole situation very sad and ultimately ended it because there was no end in sight to his pain and suffering.

I couldn't help him, I never tried to help him. After two dates and a few phone calls it was obvious we were in different places in life. I had been divorced for 10 months and he had been divorced for over 4 years.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 43
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 9:53:04 AM

SimpleCltMan, Msg. 51:
She was horrible for about a year after we divorced to anyone that came into my life as a dating situation. Stalked them on facebook and threaten to take my son if I ever introduced him to any of the women


How exactly did she know who you were dating? If you were divorced at the time, it's none of her business. If you put these women on Facebook and you allow your ex to have access to your Facebook account, who is at fault for her finding out and stalking these women on FB?
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 44
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Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 2:21:00 PM
I've encountered serveral men in the last year who were just widowed...I mean just weeks after the event. They're on here looking for a new, long term relationship. One I know was looking for someone to ease the pain and he thought I was just the ticket. Sorry, no can do, and told him why. I also had someone from high school who contacted me less than a month after he was widowed and essentially said "Well, here I am!" He didn't get it that I quit corresponding with him 5 years ago for a reason. We did meet several times (after a 46 year separation) but after seeing his life style (the animal urine smell was there before you even got in the house, and ever see Hoarders?) I ran like hell. Don't have the time for this.
 AvailableinIndy
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 45
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 4:01:27 PM
I dated a guy for 5 yrs and 3 of it was spent going thru his divorce. Well, actually it went on and on after that...his ex was a nutcase.

I make it quite clear now when I meet up with someone that you must be in the same place I am . Divorced for several years, and the ex behind ya.
 ladywyatt
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 46
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 7:57:42 PM
My rule has been..If he spends the majority of his time with me talking about his ex....he's not over it yet...After 2 consecutive dates like this,I move on
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 47
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 4/5/2013 8:53:04 PM
oh gee thanks for the warning.........if you decide to get on a bus going over a cliff don't whine about the flames.
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