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Show ALL Forums  > British Columbia  > "The straw that broke the camels back".      Home login  
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 1
"The straw that broke the camels back".Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Every notice how most of the times in a relationship it's something small(which leads to a big fight) that winds up ending it?

I often hear the term "the straw that broke the camels back" never really put muck stock into it. But I personally experiences it on a very big level over the last week. Something very very minor(with no arguments involved) made me end a friendship.

I had no problem digging in and battling through some very hard times, but something small made me say "enough is enough". The revelation hit, not over a major difference, but rather over something quite trivial.

Have you had your own"straw that broke the camels back" moment? When someone asked you later why you ended it, you're too ashamed to tell them because it seem so silly?
 Sweet sunshine
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 2
The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/8/2009 11:13:25 AM
a sideline 'chat' in the emergency room regarding 'blood alcohol levels'...was the last straw
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 3
The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/8/2009 12:51:44 PM
Ending a good friendship or relationship over a minor, trivial issue sounds quite petty to me. I value the good people in my life & always try to resolve the mishap with the other person. If need be, I will apologize if I did/said something that hurt their feelings or let them know that what they said/did hurt my feelings & try to talk it out.

A good friendship or relationship is always worth some first aid effort to repair it but there needs to be two-way communication, a desire to mend it peacefully without the use of anger, bitter sarcasm, harsh words or mind games. If a person bails on a friend over a trivial issue, I would suspect that they really didn't value that friendship very much or they themselves aren't much of a good friend.

My local friendships are all long-term going back as far as 30 years & some well into my childhood. I never abandon good friends. It would take something pretty severe before I would consider ending a friendship or relationship & I am blessed with friends who feel the same way.
Joined: 6/3/2004
Msg: 4
The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:12:42 PM
Whether the Issues are large or small, its often a Point of Principle that neither Side is willing to concede, and will often defend it to the bitter End.
Joined: 6/3/2004
Msg: 5
The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:40:54 PM
I agree, but ask yourself...What are principles?

I think its one of those Things we have to define for ourselves, and where Conflict/Disagreement cannot be gapped, we go our own different Ways.

How are principles developed?

By our own informed Council and Decision ( hopefully ... ), be they from Family Values, Religion, Education, etc.

Why do we defend them to the bitter end?

A Number of Reasons I could think up at the Top of my Head.

1. Something you feel you will not tolerate in your Life.
2. Innate Sense to be Right, or minimally not be made Wrong about something you believe in.
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 6
The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/8/2009 2:32:50 PM

Ending a good relationship or relationship over a minor, trivial issue sounds pretty petty to me

The straw althought small is really just the final conflict in the bigger overall picture. I'm reminded of the weight lifter, who is able to lift 600 pounds in a competition, but the minute they add an extra pound, him lifting it becomes almost impossible. The extra pound by itself means very little, but added to that extra 600 pounnds and it becomes the weight of the entire world being carried on his shoulders.
Joined: 6/3/2004
Msg: 7
The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/8/2009 6:44:34 PM
Can your "etc" be a council that has nothing to do with what we learned from our society?

What I stated was that you hold your own Council and make your own Decisions in respect to "How are principles developed?"

Whatever Decision you make, and however you arrive at it, its of your doing. Not for me to comment on it, as I have my own too.

An ingrained behavior? Define innate sense for me, please.

Again, that would be up to you to determine, since what you feel applies to you, I may not feel applies to me.

A whole Scientific Discussion with no End could be embarked upon as to what constitutes "ingrained" and "Innate", aside from the obvious Dictionary Definitions.

Some will say Mother Teresa had an "innate" Purpose to help the World, as much as Ted Bundy has an "innate" Nature to serial Kill. One is sane, the other Insane, and again another Round of Discussion could take place what breaks "innate" into component Parts.

Have you noticed that some of our politicians get away with murder until society finds out something disgusting about them? (like their sexual preversions). It is an emotion that is ingrained AND learned.

I agree. There is what we "think" about it, and what we "feel" about it, and we are not all the same.

You may think its "disgusting" and feel intense "Anger", someone else may think its "Trivial" and feel disinterested "Indifference". I may think his moral Compass is not up to Par for that Position and feel mild "Contempt".

I have also noted the Way People see Things are qualified by their Education, Parents, Friends and of Religion. Also influenced by the Times, as some of the accepted Sexual Practices of today would leave the Generation of a Century ago aghast.

The most violent Emotional Reactions are often found in those pointing Fingers at others, usually guilty of the very same Deed they accuse others of. Hence a "Blind Angle" is at Play too. What is learned here is that the bigger a Scene one makes, it is calculated less Suspicion will fall on one, bouncing other People's Attentions elsewhere.
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 8
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The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/8/2009 7:57:48 PM
Only one major Camel Back Breaking situation in my life.... I just turned to him and said...'Let's end it then, okay'...meaning let's get this 25 year plus relationship come to an end and divorce.

It was so calm... and it had been coming for years....and was more of a Eureka Moment for me.

When there are obstacles...or one obstacle that can not be overcome...can not be resolved....and is jeopardizing lives in our case... the foundation...the survival of the family financially...well it is time to finally shout - 'Uncle' and walk away.

I did not do this lightly... it was a situation that was not being obligations had to be met before that of 'Others' far off in distance lands who were in need.
Most of you realize now that I am a bleeding heart do gooder with what I hope is a social conscience...but..but...buttttttttttt my family has become a priority since I have had my own children. Basic day to day needs had to be met...and it was not happening.

I had to call him on it. Take action.
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 9
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The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/9/2009 2:48:12 PM
IMHO the saying is used to justify a decision made for some other reason, probably emotional. It seems to me logical decisions have reasonable explanations. Too often I've seen "The straw..." used as an excuse for rash or excessive (re)action to a difficulty.
Joined: 10/19/2007
Msg: 10
The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/12/2009 5:32:38 AM
It always comes back to communication.

If you are competent at communicating with others, and you use empathy, you should be able to deal with most things big or small.
There has to be willingness within you to recognize that what is important to you, may not be to another and accept that for what it is. No one has a claim on being "right" in how they feel; they just have to accept it as their own feelings.
We can tend to want to force someone else into "thinking like me" when that way of thinking may be completely alien to them.

The proverbial "straw" is nothing more than your reaching a point where your interest in "trying" has reached its limit. There seems to be something ingrained in us that feels the need to tag that breaking point with some "thing" (straw) or to lay blame on another’s actions or inactions.

I do believe that the "breaking point" comes quicker today as we are such "instant gratification" seekers as to think that if that person isn't just so... and "right now", that we grab the "straw" and hightail it out of there on Sally the Camel. (she is a bad camel by the way because she had "two humps")
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 11
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The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/12/2009 7:32:34 AM
Hmm.....I used this expression just the other day at work, when I ended up exploding over something seemingly trivial. It was a case of not feeling able to speak my mind over a very frustrating, ongoing stressful situation, which I had no control over, but in the end.......I made things much worse and just looked silly! Although it did finally force me and my co-workers to face the problem and talk about it (a couple days later). Ok, so maybe it served a purpose, but I admit I could have handled it better.

This rarely happens in my romantic relationships, cause I am known to speak my mind, for better or But you can't control how another person communicates and I have a girlfriend of 50 years who does this repeatedly.......doesn't talk about issues, then has her "straw that broke the camel's back" moment, doesn't talk to me for months, then starts the process all over again! Luckily she is like a sister to me and I love her, so I keep forgiving her and because I now expect this behaviour from her, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to.
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 12
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The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/12/2009 9:23:10 AM

The proverbial "straw" is nothing more than your reaching a point where your interest in "trying" has reached its limit.

My thoughts exactly.

Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 13
The straw that broke the camels back.
Posted: 2/12/2009 9:35:18 AM
I have this happen from time to time...its not that I would completely disregard the friendship I just may put it on another level.

There are friends I have in my life I consider my top shelf people, I would do anything for them as they would for me....we respect the relationship enough to talk about what is occasionally bothering us...if the proverbial straw that broke camels back would not apply because I wouldn't let small things add up I would communicate. These people also have a great mindlikeness with me too....we are on the same page about many things.....we speak the same language so rarely do we have things that go wrong.

Then there are my more casual friends ( 2nd shelf) its these friendships that I would choose to just put into a different place...not end the friendship by getting all nasty but by just not be as available emotionally to them any longer.

Then there is the third shelf...these are casual aquaintenaces, work people....well that says wouldn't bother me because I'm not emotionally invested with these people.
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