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Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 6
Dance in a moonlit gladePage 1 of 1    

Actually you have some talent but you should get your mind out of the gutter.

I have to agree with Babyland. Erotic fiction is usually the equivalent of fast food; easy, sloppy, and non-nourishing.

I have to admit, too, that you pretty much lost me when you fell flat from the dream realm you were trying to create to say "she must have been 5'3"." I predicted at that point where this was going to go, because it becomes so obvious that you want us to be able to visualize this woman in just the right way that you've stepped away from the atmosphere of the story for that one, fateful moment that makes it fall apart. Even if you didn't go in the erotic direction - and you didn't have to - I would have felt the same effect.

A lot of this actually was pretty well written, but I didn't care at all for the content or the undertone.
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