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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?      Home login  
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 txcardiacladypa
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 1
Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I have been dating a guy for about 3 weeks who has taken the initative to try and see me for lunch and see me in the evenings when our schedules allow. He tells me the other day that this weekend (referring to V-Day w/e) was messed up because he didn't 'think about it being Valentine's w/e and he has his son (who he has flexibility as to when to see him)). What bothers me is that he hasn't taken any initiative to try and make it up to me or say that he's going to make it up to me. Would this bother any one else or am I just over-reacting?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 2
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/13/2009 8:19:19 AM
You would be over-reacting if this had nothing to do with the kid. Three weeks, you barely know him, you have not been dating long enough for him to go mental over this overly commerical holiday and you forget the most important thing.

While he may have some flexibility with his son, you don't disappoint a kid and depending on how old this kid is he may want to spend the holiday with his dad; dads tend to appreciate the wonder of a sugar-filled holiday more so than some moms and the other half don't want to share their chocolate.

I would never ask a man to forego time with his kid to spend with me unless we had been together a long time (like 6 months to a year) and it was something truly out of the ordinary, like a wedding or class or family reunion.

You can celebrate Valentine's Day next week. Reread your post, you are actually pissed at this guy because he has enough sense to mention to you the conflict with the holiday and that he feels badly because of the conflict. Most guys are so holiday challenged they don't remember and are at the grocery store on the way home from work buying flowers.

Get a grip and if he is a good guy, think about that rather than observing a stupid holiday. You also need to get your priorities straight and if you don't get kids, please leave this guy alone. Too many kids have fathers or mothers that aren't involved and don't give a shit, this man should be applauded for sticking to his plans with his son.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 3
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/13/2009 8:30:13 AM
NO you shouldnt be upset!!

..You said yourself he takes the initative to see you whenever he can! WEll this weekend HE CANT!
He has his son! I think thats a pretty valid reason why he cant!

Except it!!


happy V.D. Everyone!!!
 OhioCutie
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 4
Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/13/2009 8:50:18 AM
3 weeks? good heavens

Spend valentines dy alone working on emotional maturity
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 5
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/13/2009 8:56:41 AM
In Love...Valentine's Day is Every day!!!
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 6
Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/13/2009 9:01:37 AM
Overreacting.
I think it's okay to feel a tad bit pouty about it to yourself IN PRIVATE ('Heyy, I was looking forward to a box of chocolates'), but to actually get MAD at him for it is over the top. Stop spinning it as "thoughtless" about V-D, too. Ha ha--VD!
Own your feelings, and try to figure out why this means so much to you.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 7
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/13/2009 10:02:41 AM
You know, my X was actually pretty good at remembering the holiday. He wasn't worth a crap when it came to remembering six months ahead to make sure he had money to pop for jewelry or something like that but he always had flowers and a card, the stuffed animal or whatever.

You know what, the rest of the time he sucked. Once he "got" me, thoughtful was something he saved for other people, so be careful what you wish for. A man who holds family in priority versus one that is good with a flourish and dumping those he cares about for the person he barely knows.
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 8
Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/13/2009 10:33:18 AM
I don't meant to be rude but...
I hope the man who walked away from me has met someone like you....
then I know it won't last
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 9
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/13/2009 12:04:43 PM
Wow, people are being harsh. None of you would wonder if it's a bad sign if a guy you've been seeing for three weeks doesn't take the opportunity to do a little something for Valentine's Day? If a guy really feels strongly about a woman, he usually will have an urge to do something for her (with or without the holiday) by three weeks - flowers or a little chocolate or something, so when a big holiday rolls around and he does nothing in the face of all the advertising and tradition, then it's going to cause a girl to wonder where he's at. That's natural. It's also very natural for a guy to not feel to much for someone at three weeks while a woman is feeling a lot. So it's not anything to get upset about - a little patience is just needed. But I don't think it's necessary for all of you to insult her for having a very natural reaction when you like someone and hope they return your feelings. Insecurity at this point is normal. Don't stress...
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 10
Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/13/2009 12:46:05 PM
He owes you nothing. Your demands are rather high for dating this man 21 days!!! Maybe his 21 days with you aren't quite enough for him to commit to red roses on Valentine's Day - maybe if you were with him for a year or so, things would be different. THEY AREN'T! 21 DAYS!! If you are that needy, get help for yourself so you can actually be ready for a relationship!
 edvis1
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 11
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/13/2009 10:40:14 PM
It could, but just remember it's just a tradition and not observing could make you feel like you missed out on some attention that you need. Let the relationship go at its on pace. Valentines Day is a nice sentiment, but don't feel that you have to be like everyone else. Don't let that get you down. heck my birthday is at the end of this month. Most of the time I will wait till april to celebrate it with my aunt who has hers in march and an uncle who has his in April. Enjoy the special moments spontaneously. Don't restrict love and having special times together to a certain date.
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 12
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/14/2009 2:13:14 AM
He probably agreed to hang out with his son a few weeks ago, back before he thought about himself even being in a serious relationship requiring V-Day plans.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 13
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/14/2009 6:42:13 AM

I think others are being pretty harsh. Yes, it seems you are over reacting ... but there is no need to "burn you at the stake" for expressing a little disappointment!

A little disappointment would have been appropriate. It wasn't that, which most people would understand, a passing thing that should have been quickly overshadowed by respect that the man cares about his kids. It should also have been quickly overshadowed by the knowledge that it has only been three weeks and it is unfortunate that Valentine's Day arrived at this particular moment for this potential relationship because it was a bit too early to expect anything even if you take the whole child issue out of it and perhaps make it a work conflict that doesn't allow celebration today.

It is the attitude, the big huff, even thinking along the lines of "making it up," when a normal person would just hope that maybe he might pick something up for me to bring me the next time he sees me whether it is 2/15 or 2/16. People have been harsh because of the kid aspect of it but also I suspect that it is irritating for myself and others who are still looking for a decent guy or gal to see someone that appears to have a good guy and she is acting like a prima dona when she should be appreciating the fact that this man IS highly attentive and actually had the sense to regret not being able to be with her and his kid at the same time.

It is not the feelings and the sentiment because I suspect we all understand and sympathize with disappointment, but the attitude that has people ticked. She is seriously already starting to tank this relationship by inviting negative emotions into it when she should just be enjoying and appreciating the fact that she seems to HAVE a guy on Valentine's Day even though she is unable to spend it with him. It has been 3 weeks, there are military, police, fire, medical, restaurant personnel and other people that have been with their spouses for years, are deeply in love with them, and will not spend this holiday with them because they are working.

Grow up, get a grip, and appreciate what you have because you never know how long your blessings are going to stick around. If you keep dating this man, you need to start thinking like a parent and caring more about the child than you do yourself. If you are not prepared to do that, you should walk away. It is not fair to him or his child.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 14
Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/14/2009 9:42:01 AM
Valentine's Day and Sweetest Day are just card holidays to me. It's not like Christmas or Easter.
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 15
Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/14/2009 3:31:51 PM
OP-

I've been dating the same man off and on for over five yrs...this is the first Valentines he's ignored me ---now instead of allowing his behavior to upset me I spent the day doing things for ME...lol. Got a most awesome pedicure and manicure...spent a fun afternoon with six of the best lil Valentines in the world, and now I'm relaxing at home.

Seeing you and the man in question have only been dating a short time, I don't think I'd be too upset..maybe a lil disappointed for sure, but seeing he has a son, it's not like he's out spending the evening with another woman. I guess it's all about perspective.

Meathead, that's what I call the manfriend, can be wonderful, but I guess he's got himself a case of PMS. I would be lying if I said I'm not mildly miffed by his recent behavior but I am not going to allow his actions to greatly influence mine. Guess it's a bit of personal growth for me. I may love he man, but if he wants to be alone...or with someone else...more power to him...because I can do the same...if I so choose.

Valentines day is about being with folks you love and matter to you...I'm celebrating that not just today but everyday...it's not just about being a couple...it's about self worth and having value for those people who are a part of your life.
 WaCore
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 16
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/14/2009 5:24:40 PM
Be positive...relationships are developed over time. You know in your gut feeling if he is being truthful about being with his son. If he likes you as much as you like him, he will make it up to you, no doubt.......
 smiles0527
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 17
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/14/2009 9:22:36 PM
I can understand being disappointed but like others have stated, its only a few weeks, I believe kids will always come first (and as a single mother....a man needs to understand this) and this may be difficult to grasp, high expectations lead to a high level of disappointments.....beware....is anyone gonna live up to your expectations? Spend some time doing things that you enjoy and have self pleasure....it is a very attractive quality to a man and hope to YOU also!!
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 18
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/15/2009 12:42:04 AM
MI you the dude!

I like the day, just like all days, just dont like the name of it, just like all the others.

I think i am a pretty nice guy all year, arnt you going to think I am a little strange if I go over board on all those holidays?

that said, eventualy in a relationship, the spouse should be #1 not the kids, they will have there own life one day.
 venusflytrap
Joined: 5/18/2007
Msg: 19
Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/15/2009 11:35:41 PM
All men are different, and most do not see Valentine's Day for anything special except that the women they date do. Three weeks is not a commitment, and I think you are being unfair to think that he owes you for having his son instead.

Did YOU get or do anything for him????? You could have offered to do something that included his son as well.

The whole expectation of getting something or expecting a man do take responsiblity is unfair since it is supposed to be a romantic day and 3 weeks is usually still at the awkward stage.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 20
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/15/2009 11:40:23 PM
3 weeks is way too fast to expect him to bend over backwards...
Maybe if you've been together 6 months?
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 21
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:36:46 AM
ML part2 said it!

so, its not acceptable unless we go to the store and buy something?
as far as the guy is concerned she certainly dosent have to buy anything.

than there is all the other holidays!!
I need a rule book.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 22
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/16/2009 9:27:11 PM
Bike man, OUCH, but well said, about all holidays I presume.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 23
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 2/16/2009 10:36:48 PM
It's the 16th, does the OP have an update about this man and whether he tried to do something to commemorate the day after it's passing?
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 24
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Should I Be Upset (Thoughtless about Valentine's Day)?
Posted: 3/9/2009 11:57:12 PM
do you want to know what guys think about valentines day? I dont want to burst anyones bubble.

I try to be a reasonably good guy most days, most people would agree, honest!

so who am I supposed to be on valintines day? some fake? Yeah ok, just humour them, I guess.

then we have christmas
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