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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!      Home login  
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 sum1reel
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 1
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!Page 1 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
some "never married" people ,especially women, often see people who have been divorced as "damaged goods"........i don't really let it bother me because i know it isn't true, but some have raised the same concern regarding those people in their 40's who for one reason or another have never been married at all!

any thoughts?
 Ruby Lips
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 2
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/26/2005 3:24:12 PM
Well let me tell you. My Uncle Allan was 41 when he got married. He just died at age 84. He had 2 kids with Aunt Rose and it was just fine. He had numerous grand children as well. So don't never say freakin never. It don't mean a thing. A guy is just a guy and needs to be accepted as just that! I am awfully glad he did get married and do all he did.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 3
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/26/2005 7:31:30 PM
geez... i guess i'm doomed....
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 4
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:30:19 PM
Not a red flag at all. There can be so many reasons, looking at these individually is perhaps more accurate to determing if the person is for you or not [ aka the red flag]. I am late 30s now and never married...I dont know that I totally believe that it is due to my upbring as my home was happy, not dysfunctional, my parents married for nearly 50 years now, and happily, they are great parents. All my siblings are married, long term. I had long term relationships, just because they ended doesnt mean they werent successful at the time. I just didnt meet the person I felt I could spend 50 years, I take the institution seriously. Life, chances, choices I made. People need to look at the reasons why they marry...most of my friends my age are divorced and single and finding new lives again and we are active and reasonably well adjusted people. The way I see it I just cut out the first marriage step so many others went through.
 RDtoo
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 5
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/29/2005 12:08:35 AM
I might buy into the personality disorder thing. I had plenty of chances to be married 20 years ago, but I was too immature at the time for a relationship.

BY the way when a woman says to you "You've never been married?", what she is really thinking is "Is he gay?"
 SmartAlec
Joined: 2/8/2005
Msg: 6
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/4/2005 7:36:44 PM
cudahuson- unbelievable..... doesnt matter much how many books you have boy... you don't have this one correct - speaking of "attitude"? (next stop personality disorder.....)
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 7
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/5/2005 12:22:30 PM
I am 47, soon to be 48, and have not been married and have no children. When I was about 40 I noticed that men seemed to prefer divorced women with children, even the men who had not been married. They act like I have leprosy or something when I say that I have not been married. Get to know someone, whether they have been married or not, have children or not, takes all kinds to make up the world. We all have something to give and we can learn from each other.
 rwhprism
Joined: 1/22/2005
Msg: 8
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/5/2005 1:11:48 PM
Honey the only reason I look for a woman who has had children is that I'm trying to make sure that whomever I am seeing understands why my kids are such a priority. When my kids came along, they kinda took over control of all my priorities. Some woman (understandably) don't like to feel like 2nd place. I don't mind your leprosy) as long as you don't leave it all over the living room floor.) The real red flag should be on a guy like me who has been married and does have kids. What's wrong with me???
 rwhprism
Joined: 1/22/2005
Msg: 9
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/5/2005 1:14:53 PM
I'm glad you think so skylar, I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. Thank you for the absolution.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 10
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/6/2005 8:00:17 AM
I look at it as a combination of fate, chance, timing, divine intervention and just plain luck. Some people are looking to get married, many are not. I am so glad that I did not marry the men who wanted to marry me. At this point in my life I have dated many different types of men, and still seek the basic traits that I cannot seem to find. Some of us average looking women are also good catches, it is not just the outside appearance that makes a woman sexy.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 11
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/7/2005 11:23:58 AM
Maybe the man I seek does not exist, but I am looking for someone who is like me in basic ways, which does not make me think that I am anywhere perfect or faultless. People who have not been married have not walked in the shoes of the divorced, and vice versa, so basically NO ONE KNOWS WHAT ANYONE ELSE HAS BEEN THROUGH. Easy to judge others without living their lives. (myself included)
 Ticketoride
Joined: 6/3/2004
Msg: 12
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 7/8/2005 3:51:01 AM
A Red Flag?

Maybe a little ... hard to say, gotta meet and get to know the know the Person first.
 just kidding
Joined: 4/9/2006
Msg: 13
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/8/2006 12:45:10 PM
i just watched the movie fever pitch yesterday and there was a great line in it...well he should at least be with the wrong one by now...lol...
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 14
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/10/2006 8:29:56 PM
some "never married" people ,especially women, often see people who have been divorced as "damaged goods"........i don't really let it bother me because i know it isn't true, but some have raised the same concern regarding those people in their 40's who for one reason or another have never been married at all!



Sum1 I know completely different . One in every five or so divorced men attempt suicide and one in every thirteen succeed. A divorced man, of any age, but paticularly a mid aged divorced man is definitely damaged goods.

check the "dads in Distress" web site for the details


This is why mid aged women make such a mess of their relationships. They mess these damaged men around and still carry on about what pigs men are and then wonder why these damaged men abandon them.

Long term singles are not damaged goods but they are so used to goidn it alone that they are unlikely to change. Paticularly men. Not without a very good reason. and when the only reason that the women can provide is they are worried about geting old well. Thats not a good enough reason.
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 15
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/13/2006 9:11:16 PM
I don't find it to be a red flag if a guy is never married and over 40. Many professional men devoted their 20s and 30s to schooling and careers. I would much rather that than a guy who's divorced with kids and has a nasty ex!
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 16
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/13/2006 9:20:22 PM
What really has me tickled here is the reaction on another board to the possibility that a WOMAN over 30 and single might be a red flag.

Raaahhhh! Uproar and a half.
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 17
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/14/2006 8:06:16 PM
I would see it as a huge red flag. I have read some say, they have never been divorced. Of course they haven't. You can not fail, if you never try.
 johnnyb1695
Joined: 2/10/2006
Msg: 18
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/14/2006 8:40:42 PM
If your over 40 and single (put a gun to your head)
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 19
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/14/2006 9:01:35 PM
Beware Denny Crane, he just might shoot ya! Denny Crane and guns=bad combination!!
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 20
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/15/2006 7:33:50 PM
It's very often the case that reasons for relationship debacle are built-in, but so is the ability to learn and improve. There is also a range of views on marriage. It is not universally desired as the format for the relationship. Prejudice against people who never marry belongs with other such prejudices, in small and hateful minds that growl at things beyond their own experience


Dead right Bull Rino

But the only prejudices which are actively condemmed are the very limited number of political and publicised ones such as gays, blacks, or women.

There are two that I can't believe stil remain socially acceptable.
1/ That all domestic violence is wife bashing
2/ That if a guys wife is a reall BIGGG girl then she's beating him up because she can. (The idea that she might love him too much to ever hit him is beyond so many tiny minds.)


I've hit a bit of a mental black Rino. Can you hep me out??

Rattle off a dozen ridiculous prejucides that you know are the products of tiny minds.
 lemoncurry69
Joined: 12/22/2005
Msg: 21
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/24/2006 1:44:06 PM
Some people simply don't place the same importance on marriage as people did a generation ago. A few people like myself are simply very late bloomers. I had never even kissed a woman until 3 months ago and I'm 36. Some of us just glide right through our 20's and 30's without the desire for companionship then it hits us square in the face.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 22
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/24/2006 8:14:09 PM
A red flag? No way ~ that is someone to be treasured. I've been lucky ~ for 6 years, when and if I dated, they were all never-married. It's just a preference of mine. My two non-negotiable "musts" were: never married, no children. I'm not sure if I'll be the same now, should I decide to date, but most likely.
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 23
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over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/24/2006 8:45:25 PM
^^^I am with you greeneyez in that I strongly prefer never married, no kids when dating. If a guy is widowed I can deal with that better than I can a divorced guy. I don't want to deal with the hassles associated with dating a divorced guy, especially one with kids.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 24
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/25/2006 12:50:32 AM
Believe me designing woman his kids are nothing.
what you don't want are the hassles of coping with this ex.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 25
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 5/26/2006 5:17:41 PM

Believe me designing woman his kids are nothing.
what you don't want are the hassles of coping with this ex.


His kids are a lot more than NOTHING. They will be in his life for the rest of his life ~ that is a tad more than nothing. The ex will either be friend or foe, anyone can deal with that. But the children, a lifelong situation that some of us just don't prefer to be involved with. It sounds like ex's are a bad thing in your opinion ~ Not in my opinion. My ex is my very best friend. His new love is quickly becoming very ingrained in our family. Ex's are only a problem if one allows them to be a problem. BUT, children ~ a much different deal. The emotions between parent and child run very deep ~ it's just much too much for me. I am not step-mother material and maybe Designing isn't either. This is officially called: a different perspective than yours.
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