Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > F*ckers vs. Lovers      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 2
F*ckers vs. LoversPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I would love to meet a man who could see me as a little devil in private, and still show me respect in public. It seems I can only meet men capable of seeing me in one light, one dimensional. Either as sexy, or the lady he wants to settle down with, but never both. wa wa wa
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 3
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 7:07:26 AM

I would love to meet a man who could see me as a little devil in private, and still show me respect in public.


Absolutely! That is to say, sheit, men really cut off their nose to spite their faces. Or, to put it one way, if only I knew what I know now back when. And then again, my ex was a bit of a prude, to put it mildly. But, I've had some enlightening moments since ...

Op, nice to see your enthusiasm ... munching on the lover vs. f*cker debate ... wish you luck pursuing your answer.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 4
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 7:31:37 AM
YIP! It is possible to have both in the same person. Let him follow your lead!
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 7:36:17 AM
I could not seriously consider a man for long-term potential if he could not meet my desires.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 6
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 7:46:09 AM
Here's the dilemma...can you really have both in one person?


I wouldn't have it any other way. Better yet, you should develop alternative personalities with your significant other that will free yourself from the idea you have of yourself. Then under that new personality contact each other and try to seduce your partner. That way when you are with your partner and want to make love, you know what to do, but when you want to bang your brains out, then under that persona, you know what you both want and you go for it. This works whether you are in a fairly new relationship, or a long term one, where the sex has become kind of routine. Also improvise and use whatever technology at your disposal to make this more interesting.


 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 8
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 7:58:03 AM
Here's the dilemma...can you really have both in one person?

I hope so, since I don't separate sex into different types.


but sex just seems to be better, wilder, crazier, ROUGHER, dirtier when you're not involved.

I'm not sure why that would be the case. I can be rougher or dirtier with someone I can read well enough to know that's what fits the occassion.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 9
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 8:02:01 AM
YES!! It is very possible and it is FABULOUS!!!

been there, had it, I was stupid,
lost it! Now I am sad!(sighs)
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 10
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 8:19:58 AM
My best sexual relationship involved an awful lot of hardcore, dirty, loving f*cking. It was hot, animalistic, and done with love. Such an awesome mix! I don't categorize my sex anyway, but this would definitely have broken that down if I had.

It sounds like you may be dating people with a bit of a virgin-whore complex. If you want to mix the dirty with the loving, it works better with people who don't see those things as incompatible.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 11
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 8:29:05 AM
^^^What she said.

Yes you can have both. The trick is to realize which type of person/situation you are in. Some people in your life will only be good for sex, some only for emotional bonding, and some will be the whole package.

The people who only veiw you in one dimension are probably shallow/insecure and have trouble accepting that all people are multi-dimensional. In the long run that relationship wouldn't work out anyways.
 rickxyz
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 12
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 8:51:50 AM
I am a fckr and a lover....and tomorrow night I'm gonna love the crap outta my girl.
 liquid405
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 14
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 9:10:48 AM

Unfortunately, I've never had both in one person either.

Stop dating 1 dimensional guys.
 Ice-ey9
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 15
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 9:18:36 AM
lol, so why can't a lover be a f*cker? One person's idea of 'making love' doesn't necessarily mean pure vanilla sex either. However, I did create a thread about this same topic a while back. Here it is:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts11610933.aspx
 phishkev
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 10:14:44 AM
Oh, c'mon now-any self respecting guy wants a slut in the bedroom and a lady outside-why he can't show both sides shows a lack of any emotional commitment on HIS side...I'd appreciate both!!
 Mountain Geek
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 10:38:36 AM

1. Making Love - intimate/passionate; generally shared with a significant other or someone you have genuine feelings for.
&
2. F*cking - more casual; needs driven/just WANTING to have sex.


I read this on a blog a while back -- kept a copy of it because it was so danged funny gut true.

"50 mistakes" Women make during and after sex...

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.

So -- what about having an honest conversation about sex with your partner -- How about --tonight when you get home lets go out for a romantic dinner and come home and have a steamy romantic. Then say a few days later --Tonight all bets are off and anything goes -- so you better bring home your game face because the action hits when you walk through the door!

The problem is -- and don't beat me up for this -- society has screwed the minds of so many people up that they think if it's not making love, it's dirty and your sick if you ask for anything other then what they intend to give you -- because that is how it's done.

I have encountered more closed minds about this subject then just about anything else in a relationship.

Oh -- if you want the other 49 items -- let me know as they are a bit over the top for this forum.
 openlover35
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 18
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 11:06:19 AM
Here's the dilemma...can you really have both in one person?

Thoughts?


Yeah. My only thought right now is: Where the heck can I get ME one of those!!!!!

LMAO! (Did he ^^^ just say Hallmark sex? ) LMAO!!






```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
 just sayin...
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 19
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 11:11:40 AM
the two can co-exist, as you already confirmed. if your partner witholds based on "respect" for you, it is possible it is out of respect for his own values that he is imposing on you. look for a meeting of minds before you get to the genitals.
 jazz and bourbon
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 20
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 11:21:35 AM
As several have stated...
Yes, both can exist in one person. Communication is critical. Happy fishing!
 Connor_T
Joined: 1/23/2009
Msg: 21
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 11:28:45 AM
There is no rule here, some loving couples can have this and some cannot... and I think most cannot. Because most men don't feel comfortable treating their sweetheart like a slut, and many women don't feel comfortable shoving the face of their snuggle bear in their crotch and squirting like old faithful, this activity is more conducive to a casual relationship.

But again, sometimes two people do get along that way.
 imacutiepie1102
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 23
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 2/20/2009 12:57:55 PM
Yes! You can have both and it's great when you do
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 25
view profile
History
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/19/2009 4:28:19 AM
Yes.......it's quite possible to have both types in one person
it's even possible to have both types in one night
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 26
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/19/2009 4:30:39 AM
I agree with everything you said in your opening statements OP. That has been my experience too.

So I can't imagine having both with the same person but I'm open to finding him one day................LOL
 Closer2U
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 27
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/19/2009 7:33:26 AM

you people are sex perverts


You say that like it's a bad thing....and really....since you are "watching".....what does that make you?

As for the topic....I have found that the line between the two seems to be emotion/respect.
A man who loves you....can't treat you like an object.
And a man who objectifies you,can't seem to love you.
It's the good 'ole Madonna/Whore complex that keeps us all from getting what we REALLY WANT.

Riding that line.....is my goal.Nothing like being man-handled by someone who cares about you.

I think I found just that.....YAY for POF!~FINALLY!
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 28
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/19/2009 7:47:36 AM

And then again, my ex was a bit of a prude, to put it mildly.


Its' a shame that she never felt secure enough, pretty enough or perhaps even loved enough to communicate her desires to you and shed her inhibitions but perhaps its' because you were negative about her then too.
 Call Me Sugar
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 29
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/19/2009 9:16:03 AM
Yes I beleive you can have both with one person... As long as you feel complete comfort with each other. If you feel like you're going to be judged then it wont work.. If you're open minded and care for one another you can have the best of both worlds..
 tuezdaye
Joined: 12/11/2008
Msg: 30
F*ckers vs. Lovers
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:54:34 AM

...I've had bf's tell me their fantasy's and when I say "lets do it!" they say "No, you're my gf, I would never do that to you"...


I've gone through something similar with every man I've been involved with. It's extremely painful, for both parties. It's also a tipping point.

I remember one night during one of those delightful "We have to talk" fights I was having with the man I loved, he said, "I find it difficult to treat you in this manner consistently because I respect you so much." This manner being subjugating me, controlling me, humiliating me, hurting me -- something that turned us both on, a language we both understood to be loving, a road that led not only to my heart but also to his.

Well, let me tell you, I lost it. I blasted him.

"You don't respect me. You haven't even bothered to notice who I am! You respect conventionality. You are lazy. You are weak and cowardly. You are intellectually conformist and emotionally shallow. If you respected me you would know who I am, communicate to me as I am, expect me to be who I am and demand from me that I be who I am, at all times, in all situations, without fear or shame. You would respect me, not respect your idea of what respect is."

I think it almost killed him. But he had a choice. Reject the concepts and in so doing reject me, or he could endeavor to communicate with me and interact with me in the manner I claimed to need to see how he liked it.

He chose B. And in choosing B he then commenced his own personal work. How did it feel to interact with me as owner, Master, director, head of household, decision maker, passionate sadist, center of attention? It felt good. So he combed over his own past to see when and how he had sold out so he could avoid that temptation in the future. He combed over his own past to find out when he had been true to himself and how that had worked out internally and socially.

It really is a tough hurdle and men have to leap it over and over again. In our experience it required a few things from him:

1) Dump the hallmark card version of love. It's a card company for chrissakes. All expressions of love are not sweet.

2) Vigilantly record factual data and allow it to take the place of old fantasy constructs. Factual data proves over and over that subjugating the girlfriend results in a well loved and highly functional human being. Coddling the girlfriend results in a total fvcking mess.

3) Be willing to take the risk that his partner is lying and will call the cops, a lawyer or torture him verbally for months for being evil and irresponsible. If the factual data shows that the partner really does like it? It's low risk.

4) Redefine respect. Holding someone in high esteem means trusting that person knows him or herself. I am repeatedly irked by people who claim "I can't humiliate my wife, I respect her too much." You don't respect YOUR wife. You respect a mental construct of wifedom you carry around in your head.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > F*ckers vs. Lovers