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 happyboi
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 4
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child? Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I dated a woman that didn't have kids. It went really well, but we were not really that compatible. It sometimes works, sometime doesn't. My current GF is a single mother, and we get along very well.

I know that I dated one woman a few times, and she wasn't as interested in a guy with a kid, because the kid takes away time he should be giving to her. :-)

As with everything, every man and woman is different, so it is hard to paint either with much of a wide brush.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 7
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Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 2/26/2009 3:53:03 PM
this subject is done to death and I"m not sure why people can't do a search or browse through the forum to make sure it's not a topic that's done to death.

Amore nailed it. And it also depends on the age, could be that they aren't ready to be a parent yet. It also could be that they don't want to feel responsible for a child that's not hers since I"m sure it's not something that can be done lightly when the ex is in the picture with sharing joint custody.
 mixy3106
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 11
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Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 2/26/2009 4:57:49 PM
I think it really depends on the boundaries the couple establishes. I've read several profiles where single fathers declare "my kids come first in everything." Well, call me selfish but I'm not willing to enter into a relationship where I will always come second to some other woman's kids. That's not fair to anyone.

Some of us want to have that couple only time before there are kids involved. You don't get that when one partner brings existing kids to the relationship. I want to be able to go out without having to hire a babysitter. I want to be able to take spontaneous weekend trips together.

I'm not childless, I'm child-free by choice. In the past, I did try dating single fathers but in my experience, the ex-wife was always tangled up in his business and doing her best to interfere with any new relationship he attempted. (Beyond the normal joint parenting decisions they needed to make together.) I got tired of dates getting cancelled due to babysitting issues or being told we could only go out every other weekend. It was enough to turn me off on dating parents completely. Yes, it really limits the dating options now that I'm in my 30s but I'm done with the baby mama drama.
 Zaredian
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 13
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 2/26/2009 6:42:31 PM
I can't speak for all single women without children but I know I don't want a "package deal". I don't date men that I can't see myself in a serious relationship with. What's the point? If I were with a single father he would come first for me but his child(ren) would come first for him. I want a relationship with a man only and if we're fortunate have children together one day. I would think a single father would want to date a single mother since she understands his situation best.
 dave448
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 17
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:36:07 PM
You pretty much nailed it on the head. Single women without children would rather not deal with a single father with children I have found. Your children would take precedence over them as they want to be the ones in the number #1 position. You think it's tough being a single father. Try being a widowed single father with 3 kids. I am in all essence some sort of a Pariah in this case.

dave448
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 18
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/2/2009 3:43:42 PM
Most PEOPLE who have not had a child of thier own would rather meet someone who will also be a first timer at it.

Most PEOPLE who are under thirty and childless are active socially and have a hard time seeing themselves giving that up to play house with someone else's family.

Many childless men and women both feel this way.

It is thier right to feel this way too.

Being a single PARENT, this is one of the things that will shrink our dating pool. It is life.
 bigben1731
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 19
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/2/2009 6:02:07 PM
agree with brown eye woman she nailed it perfectley
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
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Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/2/2009 6:14:25 PM
I married one 18 years ago when I had no children. Many women, particularly if they plan on having children, see a father as ideal. They learn how he parents first hand and when their heart is in the right place, will love the child as they will their own someday.

Some may even be attracted to the single father if he doesn't want anymore children because they get the kids without the stretch marks.

Maybe you should focus on finding the right woman with or without kids rather than a particular type of woman.

Seeing your last repost, did it occur to you that it is not your identity as a father that is a problem but a shitty attitude? There are plenty of childless women who are happy to date a father when the situation is similar to the one described by chemistry and equally wanting to avoid the other scenario she spoke of, when the person has a problem parenting and as a consequence, cannot have a decent relationship with anybody, whether childless or a single mom.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 21
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Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/3/2009 2:02:50 AM
Agree with posts 18 and 20.. and by default with post 19 cuz he agreed with 18. It has zero to do with gender and everything to do with lifestyle choices. Yes, single PARENTS may do better with other single PARENTS but it is much too broad a generalisation to say this is how it is for ever and ever amen. Your posts OPie, come across as accusatory at best, carping at single women who do not want a ready made family. Suck it up and get on with being a whole person. You do not have sole custody of your daughter so you have time to establish a relationship with a woman. Many sole custody parents - men and women- do not have that luxury. If I weren't so tired (from full time work plus a kid AND her b/f living with me, both in final year of school so both stressed out and needing me) I'm sure I could say more....
 lookinatit
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 22
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/3/2009 12:20:13 PM
In my case, the roles are reversed. I've never had any kids but my GF has a 17 year old daughter. She's a very nice girl, but a little hyper like most kids her age. It really doesn't bother me though, just something to get used to. So far, so good.
 Lion_of_Ireland
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 24
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/3/2009 10:36:08 PM
No I have not really had any problems. To some its a big deal, to some it is not.
 Mary11111
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 25
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:22:26 AM
There are some who wouldn't mind, but not everyone wants to become a step-parent. I would consider it if the man is everything I'm looking for but that's unlikely to happen. We're lucky if we find 80% of what we're looking for in one person, let alone 100%. And even then, whose to say the kid and I could be on friendly terms? Although I wouldn't be their mother, I'd still have to develop some form of relationship with them.

No matter how extraordinary your child is in your eyes, everyone is not going to feel the same. To some people they're just baggage they didn't sign on for and are standing by that fact by not dating you.

Harsh, but true.

We all have something that someone else doesn't want so it's best to look for people who don't mind becoming a step-parent.
 justmeandmax
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 26
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:27:38 AM
I've dated a couple women without children and in my situations we just had different life styles. It wasn't that I didn't make time for them, we were just on different pages in our lives. That doesn't mean that I would discount a woman who didn't have child/ren. I would want to know what her situation was before I would do that. Maybe it was a fertility issue. For me, I don't think I would want to start over either, but if the right woman came along she might make me rethink that. It's hard to tell. Just keep in mind OP, everyone is different. Some like single parents and other see it as baggage. If a woman conciders my son baggage, that's her problem and she will never see what a joy he is, or the positives he brings to not only my life but her's too.... NEXT!
 VVendy
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 27
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/8/2009 9:40:30 PM
I love kids and never had one of my own so I'd have no problem unless your kids come with an over protective vicous she cat aka bitter baby mamma

Some women are real bad in that area. I do not like competion and stress I do not think a girl friend can replace a mommy. One guys mom gave her kids all kinds of heat for liking me and kids are smart they know how to play it.
 lady_fisher
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 28
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/9/2009 10:18:34 PM
I think a woman who is honest about and knows what she wants and/or doesn't want is better than someone who really isn't sure or falls for you but doesn't know what it's going to be like around kids. Especially if the relationship gets serious and you end up living together. Hearts can get broken because expectations were unclear. A woman with her own children will understand what you mean when you say "your kids come first" and also the kind of love you have for and receive from your children. She will also understand the challenges that come with raising children. I'm sure there are PLENTY of good single mom's out there to choose from! ; )
 VVendy
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 29
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 3/20/2009 6:33:06 PM
Personally I think the idea that making your own Brady bunch is real hard. Kids have a hard enough time getting use to the idea of parents dating. The addition of other kids is making a hard road harder. I'm sure it can work but it is not something that I've ever seen work and I've been taking care of kids for over 20 years. The yours mine and ours movies made me laugh. I love a good movie with a happy ending but most people now do not put in the work and care needed for kids to make that adjustment. Taking you pick of single moms may be easier at first but taking your time with a person who likes children yet has none of her own for a LTR would be the best chioce.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 34
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 1/9/2010 2:52:29 PM
From what I've seen people who have no children really don't understand the time and everything that goes into having children. After the "honeymoon" stage all of a sudden, my son was "in the way".
 BC Girl26
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 36
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 1/9/2010 7:21:48 PM
I dont have a problem with it at all. The only problem lies with fathers who have thier children on weekends only, and i have weekends off work so this makes it hard to "date" and get to know eachother, until you get to the point where you involve the kiddos.
Its hard to balance everything and still make time for eachother
 dbedazzling
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 37
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 1/10/2010 2:17:35 PM
I personally would date a single dad but we really have to be into each other n understand each other....it must be a 50/50 effort....live every other relationship...

I also admire the single parent....its a tough job.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 38
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Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 1/12/2010 2:32:39 PM
Someone said this issue has been done to death,i for one wish that both single parents of both genders would stop and think for a moment what they are asking of other people...instead of seeing a potential partner as someone lining up for an awsome once in a lifetime chance to have the golden opportunity to serve you and your children and build their life around you and your children,and to rearrange all priorities to suit you and your children....why not consider that just perhaps dating a single parent can be difficult,demanding,unappreciated and a down right pain in the ass for a man or woman with no children....shocking isn't it !...always last...no time....kids that realize the power they have to manipulate the relationship and use it.....ex's...ex inlaws....since most of you claim to be so m uch more evolved and emotionally mature since you have children than the chuildless slugs why not consider their side of the issue for a change.
 ricardo9505
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 39
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:45:23 PM
Well I'm a dad, no custody, and spend weekends with my kid, work full time, and do volunteer work, and visit the many aunts & uncles i have in my city. Hectic? only if I believe it to be so. Now dating is hard. Woman see 1. baby momma drama, stuff they experienced with the baby's father and associate that with a potential relationship. 2. the time issues, not enough time for me. Funny, I used to date many women with kids and respected the boundaries and what we coudl or could not do on certain nites or you're psyched to go out, big plans, and the baby sitter flaked. It's tough finding a good woman who's on your plane- that level of understanding where you make lemonade when it's raining lemons. I was on this site, left and now am back. probably leave again. I'm more lucky to have friends that try to set me up with new people so at least I get my foot in the door. so far 0 for 10. I ain;t no Jeter. don't worry, be happy.
 Kixel
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 40
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Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 1/15/2010 2:46:04 PM
I have no kids and am dating a man who has 50/50 custody of his two children.

Like anything with dating, the success of a single parent dating a childless person depends on the people involved and the timing. Where we are at in life makes a huge difference. I actually have fun helping with the science fair projects and spending time with the kids. I'm also not going to lie: 50/50 custody makes it a lot easier for me. Every other weekend we get to have the care-free dating experience.

Another aspect is that I think my boyfriend is a great dad. I agree with the parenting choices he makes. The kids are wonderful. If he was a lax parent or just a sucky dad I don't think it would work at all-and if the kids were bratty I'd get annoyed. Part of what attracted me was how good of a father he is. Also the drama from the ex is minimal-mostly because of the boyfriends ability to let things slide for the sake of his kids.

Some childless people shouldn't date single parents because they are too selfish. Some parents shouldn't date because they don't have their house in order. The bottom line to me: if its meant to be it'll be.
 BckAgn86
Joined: 12/18/2009
Msg: 41
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 1/19/2010 11:10:10 AM
Wow really? Are you ignorant.. do you have children?
I'm sorry to say that no matter what my son and his needs will always come before any other person.. and i hope to high hell that any single parent feels the same way!
I don't leave my son with just anybody.. so yes there are times when finding a sitter is next to impossible!
Women and men come and go... your children will always be there.. If a girl can't accept the fact that the guys kids will come first then she doesn't need to be lookin into dating daddies!
Its not the actions of the father... its ignorant women.. because the sole role of a father is just that...
not saying that its all that he is.. but it does make things harder and people who don't have kids do not understand that... yes I've canceled dates because something came up with my son. Haven't been able to go out or make plans for a date because I have a son and no sitter.
Dating a single parent takes more time and patience.. if you are not willing to work slowly on things, then don't try to date one
 sunfish703
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 48
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 1/25/2010 4:28:28 AM
Just my own un-scientific, un-random sample, but I find that if a lady has not been married or had kids by her early thirties, generally she is unable to relate to a single dad in a meaningful way.

It can vary from simple things like wanting to get up and spontaneously do things and then sulking when you have to get a sitter to not understanding why kids get dirt on the chairs. (As often as not, these same ladies usually have dogs that chew on things or cats that leave rivers of shedded hair.)

After being in total control of your environment for a dozen years, it is understandable why it would be tough to include others in the circle.

What is amazing is how many folks seem to not accept that.
 jaelyn26
Joined: 1/16/2010
Msg: 49
Is Mr. Single Father Compatible With Ms. No Child?
Posted: 1/27/2010 10:56:01 AM

To some its a big deal, to some it is not.[/quote}

My thoughts exactly, I'm young childless and most of the men that I've dated or even that I've became close friends with have kids and for me that's fine. It's not that I'm looking for a ready made family or looking to play 'mommy' at all. I like kids and personally never minded having them 'come along' on dates. Some times it actually helps the akward silences and were really fun dates. I have alot 'priorities' myself so I really don't care I'm not a major priority for him.

In the end some of the best relationships I've had are with men who have kids. So yes there are childless women/men who are interested in single parents even some who ONLY date single fathers/mothers
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