Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How do I deal with drunks?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 3
view profile
History
How do I deal with drunks?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
My ex is an obnoxious drunk. Even better, he spends most of his time drunk. Cool huh?

I now have zero tolerance for being around drunk people (I don't drink either). As such, I avoid bars, or other places where I know there will be a lot of drinking going on. It's not that I think most people become obnoxious when they drink, I just know how I react, and so it's a preemptive strike on my part.

I am trying to work on this though, as I dislike the feeling of distrust I feel instantly when I know my (current) boyfriend has had a few drinks. He's nothing like my ex, but I've been conditioned to expect the worst. ~shrugs~

It's tough. The only thing I can advise is to avoid situations where you know there will be a lot of drinking. I suppose you could always join in...j/k. I wouldn't do that either.

Good luck Opie.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 6
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:34:33 PM
I'd ignore them. If I had one I would put him to the curb with the rest of the garbage. I can't stand drunks and I let them know that.
 temarie
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 7
view profile
History
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:41:41 PM
I am also a non-drinker , once on a first meeting i had someone tell me they drink a case a day , but dn't get drunk!
 oregonmeetsmesa
Joined: 9/22/2005
Msg: 9
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:52:09 PM
I still try to be nice but have known some really pleasant people when they are not drinking that I don't want to be around if they were drinking,they do remember the next day if you were a jerk to them,so for advice,well all are different so can't say,a happy drunk is different from an obnoxious one,or a chatty one,or a crier.
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 13
view profile
History
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 3/3/2009 7:26:16 AM
I dont have a problem with someone having a few drinks if you go out.......lets face it alot of people do drink socially......I personally dont.....I have a problem with the people that say they " drink socially" and get plastered every day ......even when they are at home....( kinda tosses the drinkin socially theory out the window when you are plastered by yourself at home)......

If you cant go a few days without a drink.....you have a problem and frankly i'm not interested in it.........
 Icestorm
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 16
view profile
History
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 3/3/2009 7:43:37 PM
Well, not to belabor the point, but attracting a certain kind of person isn't really a matter of length of toleration. How do they know your toleration level when they first meet you? Unless when you first meet them you tell them stories about how long you tolerated your ex who drank so much.

Anyway, I agree with the poster above who said that you should meet people outside of bars. Especially because my gut is telling me you have a problem with drinking yourself. Or did. Whatever. It's a problem that never truly goes away.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 18
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 3/3/2009 8:48:16 PM
~OP~ I empathize. A couple of years ago I was thinking that dating was a good idea. Sigh. Three of the three I met from here were What did I do? I decided to head back to the bar scene. At least I know what I'm getting into. Not really ~ I decided to NOT date at all. Then I settled down, decided to do things differently. Lots of phone time, email, etc. I do think there are some times when those things happen without it being intended. Then there are times when it's more of a routine. The trick? Figuring out which is which (e.g.: "knowing" them to a fair degree before you agree to meet or before an actual date after a first meeting such as a POF function.) Good luck to ya.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 19
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 3/3/2009 8:56:42 PM
OH PLEASE LET ME ASK MY QUESTION IN HERE
i dated a man who called me on the phone drunk
was sexist rude told me that after work when he was married he went to the strip joints for drinks~these women grab your****~they are naked and they stick their pu ssy in a man's face~so he was fooling around then he went on about the women on the golf course are eye candy

he was rude
obnoxious
mean
cruel
abusive

then he howed up at a pof party to tell me that he lied about everything and made it up when he was drunk. i forgave him. got together. then he dumped me and said he can't handle all of this or these questions . of course this was done after he fuked me and got backe togather then dumped me.

how would you handle a MEAN ABUSER LIKE THAT???????????????????
He has hurt me really badly!
 Rushâ„¢
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 22
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 3/4/2009 10:00:10 AM

I'm surprised that a seven-foot-tall robot would have trouble managing drunk humans. Maybe your creator can write a program specific to the situation that you can upload to your cranial circuitry.


Being that the OP is 7ft tall, you would think these druken men that she speak of, would be highly intimidated.
 HVACtech
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 26
view profile
History
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:31:29 PM
First & foremost, when dating never forget that someone's drinking problem is theirs -- not yours. I think we've all heard a million times the worn-out line, "(S)He's really nice when (s)he's sober." Translation = you're miserable. No way on Earth can anyone be happy when they are constantly dealing with an intoxicated/impaired mate, spouse, significant other, or whatever.

Hardcore drinkers wreck everything and everyone around them and place an unjustly high liability burden on those they supposedly care about the most. Their allegiance is to their addictions. Naturally, they're only going to declare themselves "social" drinkers.

I quit drinking over 15-years ago after it nearly killed me. No AA, no counseling, just quit. Anything that cut my knees out from under me that hard is something I have no interest repeating. It boiled down to proving value & respect. What meant more to me, my family & myself or my buddies at the bar? Words whisper ... actions roar. I think my actions answered my own question. (Ironically, 5 years after quitting I was almost killed by a drunk driver -- 0.18 at 11:30 in the morning.)

Male, female, or otherwise, if you've been in a marriage or relationship with an addict, it's tough to realize it's NOT your lot in life to be condemned to a life of dealing with such personalities. It's much easier said than done, but you DO have the strength and self-respect to just walk away. Don't just complain about the situation -- uphold what you stand for and respectfully match words/feelings with actions. Remember, they roar louder than words.

Don't give up, but I wish us all lots of luck!!
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 27
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 3/5/2009 4:39:40 PM
you know, i don't drink either, i haven't drank in 16 years. i quit at 24 yrs old. march 8th will be 16 yrs. All i meet are drinker , smokers and non christian men.
Yeah, God has a scence of humour
 PatrickJack
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 33
view profile
History
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 7/22/2009 7:57:56 PM
Tell them that they are "disturbing your peace" and that is a misdemeanor crime. Hold your telephone up and take a picture of them or at least pretend to.

Tell them to "cease and desist" or you will sue them in a court of law for $1,000 to $5,000 for disturbing your peace.

If that does not work, tell them you feel "terrified" and that you will call the police and tell them you are being "terrorized" and that you wish to report a "terrorist".

If the manager of the bar or a member of management at the establishment does not respond to your needs, take a picture of them and tell them the same thing.

At last resort, tell all the men in the bar that the one who removes the offender gets a free home-cooked dinner. Not a date, just the dinner and you will deliver that dinner to them.

If that does not work, call the police because by that time it's an assault.

If a drunk touches you and you tell them to stop then you have an actionable lawsuit.

If you really, really HATE all of this then you probably don't like to be in situations like this in the first place and should probably be dating somebody like me.

Sincerely,
Patrick Jack
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 35
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 7/22/2009 11:32:19 PM
Well my first thought is don't be smitten with looks;

I dont' know why you are asking this question; you just take your time to get to know people and if they are kind of rude or high maintenance then you move on. If they drink too much you dump them.

I dont get why so many online think everyone is supposed to be perfect and every situation is perfect. In the real world it isnt' so why would it be that way in the cyberworld? In fact people are much worse at times I think on the internet; they can hide their baggage and problems better.

Again, not getting why you are surprised.
 HVACtech
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 39
view profile
History
How do I deal with drunks?
Posted: 7/23/2009 7:28:37 PM
Dangitall, Javex left us in April. Almost 5 months since her OP, kinda curious if things improved for her or not. Any other previous posters have any updates?
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How do I deal with drunks?