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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Older women are less inhibited?      Home login  
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 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 3
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Older women are less inhibited?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
It is a biological fact that for most women, when they get older, though in my experience it was about at age 40...your libido does increase...less concerns and pressures, plus hormonal issues...your views are different, because your needs/desires are different...plus, you have learned a lot in the meantime...

The reasons younger women aren't in the same place are both biological and perspective/experience related..while I enjoyed sex when I was younger, my reasons and concerns were much different, and I also didn't really know my own body or what the heck I was doing...plus, pregnancy fears put a damper on things too, along with some societal/religious views...

While I understand your concerns, this is not a phenomonon specific to younger girls...men of all ages these days are expecting/demanding sexual perfection from the get go...which, to me, is a bigger issue than age...not many men ( no matter the age) seem to be willing to grow with someone, or learn together..it's more an issue of instant self gratification than any age issues, in my opinion. Most men have an image of what the perfect sexual partner for them is, and many seem to believe this needs to be known immediately. So, the emphasis is on sex first, instead of getting to know someone, seduction, and growing together as sexual partners. Younger guys seem to have also taken this belief as the way to go. It is unrealistic, however, for them to assume all older women excel, and all younger women don't..has a lot to do with who you are with also.

While I have been approached by younger men periodically throughout my life, I will say that since I've been online it has been much more than I would have ever expected...I think some pop culture assumptions are at play here too...

I think this is a societal problem that is going to lead to a lot of unhappy people in the long run. There is so much more to great sex, or a great relationship than instant fantasy fulfillment...

In my opinion...
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 6
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/12/2009 1:46:48 PM
*ahem* It's 35-40.. altho that depends on the woman. If you are just counting desire for sex, then that started when I was a teenager. Orgasms, I've heard that achieving them is easier at about that point, and possibly having more at that point too.

My parents didn't scare me away from sexuality, far from it. They nurtured and encouraged me while growing up. Women are taught from the cradle to be pleasers. I do agree with what you said about it taking time for women to develop the right attitude.

It's not always a woman's body that makes them sexy and attractive to men. It's their attitude. That doesn't fully develop until they've run thru a few a$$hole guys/relationships and have a bit of life under their belts. At 35 women tend to be more accepting of their bodies and any flaws.. they know what it takes to get them off and are secure enough to be able to ask for it from their lovers.

I personally like myself more now than I did in my 20's. Go figure.
 Pitch Blease
Joined: 3/4/2009
Msg: 7
Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/12/2009 1:51:41 PM
Well, the big difference between older and younger is that we aren't trying to get men's approval. Insecurity is the most unsexy trait in the realm of attractiveness. We aren't flaunting our business on myspeace trying to outskank our peers or replicate a girls gone wild mentality. We have RESPECT for ourselves and don't let ourselves be crapped on by little boys that will beat us and then go back to them. (RE: Chris Brown and Rihanna).

When you get older, you get a sense of self and being content with who you are. We are comfortable in our own skins. We don't let the little things bother us anymore. We actually think for ourselves and don't care about what the majority of 20 somethings deem important. We don't think a size 6 is fat. We don't think TMZ is a viable news source. We don't care that the IT girl flashed her crotch for the world to see. I could go on, but I hope you get the point.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 11
Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/12/2009 3:52:23 PM

It's not always a woman's body that makes them sexy and attractive to men. It's their attitude


While there are a number of ingredients that make a woman attractive to a man, her attitute, imo, trumps everything else, or is the "wild card", which can easily occlude a not-so-attractive feature.
A "bad", or unattractive, attitude, will turn the hottest babe into a pariah.
I think I always sensed this much, but it took a while for me to realize and look for it.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 12
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/12/2009 4:09:37 PM
I can't speak for other women, but for myself....
I'll start with my parents didn't try to suppress anything....quite the contrary.
I was taught that sex is a beautiful thing, and the more I knew, the more beautiful it could be!
I was taught that sexy comes from within.....and it took me till my 30's to get that!
I was too worried about body image and other opinions to fully understand what they meant by "within".
I also desired sex alot when I was young.....I also thought I gave great sex.
The only way to find out the truth.....is to get older and realize how clueless you really were about it all!
Hon......it's just one of those things.......no different than when parents say to their kids......"When u have kids, you will understand"....and then u do!
Don't fight it......just be the best you can be at this time in your life.....and enjoy your youth....your time will come........frikken sooner than u think too!
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 14
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/12/2009 8:53:19 PM
OP it could simply be that young men and older women are looking for similar types of relationships or aren't as worried about the "type" of relationship you and your friends are looking for.

Many younger guys and some older women are looking for relaxed, enjoyable, sexual relationships w/ no pressure or expectation for a LTR or marriage. You and your friends seem to be looking for LTR or marriage relationships. The sad fact is many(not all) young women trade sex in the hopes of it turning into a more meaningful relationship. Most older women have learned that sex does not equal a relationship.

It's similar to why older men go after younger women. Its not always about the sex or looks. Some older men need to feel needed and looked up to. Women in their age group may not be able/willing to give that adoration they crave. So they look at the other end of the spectrum to fulfill that need.

Some men seem to spend their youth having fun and sampling all they can before being ready to settle down. Women settle down in their youth and work towards some goals while pleasing/providing for their families. later on men have sown their wild oats and are ready for LTRs or marriage. Women have spent enough time and have become ready to indulge themselves in fun.

BTW older women w/ younger men is not a new trend, it has been spoken of and practiced throughout history. Society today is just much more open about it.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 18
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/12/2009 9:49:40 PM
Like I said before its not always about looks or sex. It can be about other factors as well. Like the expectations of what the relationship can or will turn into. Or confidence, knowledge, and communication. Those qualities aren't limited to age, gender, or how some one was "socialized".
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 20
Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/13/2009 5:09:31 AM
My experience is that intelligent women are the least inhibited at any age and that most women get somewhat less inhibited as they get older.


And so many guys (at least young guys I know) these days seem to have this attitude like they want to find the perfect sexual partner off the bat -like unless she's totally uninhibited off the bat and is experienced and knows what she's doing the first few sessions, she's not sexy enough.

I haven't found that experience matters a whole lot.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 21
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/13/2009 5:38:19 AM

At least my friends are very smart, not shallow, openly sexual, strong women. Who know their own bodies, too. Much more so than I think my mother was at my age, for instance. But nevertheless my friends are constantly getting their hearts broken by dudes, that part is true.

You can be smart, not shallow, open sexually, strong women that know your own body.. and still lack life experience. It's the life experience that brings the attitude you mentioned in one of your previous posts.

It's frustrating because I think you are wanting something so badly, but can't make it happen. It's one of those things that takes time... and you can't rush it.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 22
Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/13/2009 6:17:29 AM

nevertheless my friends are constantly getting their hearts broken by dudes,



*sigh* It's just frustrating, I guess... and confusing. . . . . It just seems like when you're not being objectified in one way, you're being objectified in another... and that's frustrating.


Smart, not shallow, open, and especially, strong humans fare well when they graduate from the "victim" mindset. jmho
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 24
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:38:28 AM

Idiots are the ones that insist on putting a positive spin on everything that happens to them, no matter how s*cky, IMO. Actually, maybe not so much idiots but the people who actually stay with abusers... those are people who have trouble calling a spade a spade.


Learning from the things that happened to us is a positive thing.
The longer u talk......the more u make your own point about young men desiring older women.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 26
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:49:19 AM
Well I mean that's grand for all of you who don't think you grew up in a sexually oppressive environment. I think plenty of us still do though.


I think there is some confusion between inhibited and exploitive. I would not consider my upringing repressive or inhibited BUT I was taught that there are some things you keep to yourselves and your sex life was one of thoses things, and that sex was something that wasnt expected/demanded like it seems to be today. I would consider the message that is predominantly out there now is more exploitive than open, so the idea is that if you arent out there screwing everything that moves, you are "repressed" or "old fashioned". This mentality serves mainly males and unfortunately many young women are buying into it long before they have the mental capacity and experience to make decisions that are right for them until it is too late. When you get to our age, you are way more able to make decisions that are right for yourself and feel less guilt about these decisions.

You mention that you think that your friends demand more from men that your mother did. Are you talking about life in general or from a sexual point of view? This goes back to what I am talking about. Waaayyy back when in my teens, sure the boys tried to get in your pants, but that was usually after there was some sort of relationship going on, not within the first days like today, there wasnt this attitude or entitlement that seems to be happening now. So we didnt need to expect more on that regard because it wasnt part of the process as a general rule. The average male wasnt expecting to get laid, he would have been hoping for a kiss or a quick feel, but not full out sex. That wasnt because we were "repressed" or "inhibited", it was because sex is something that is powerful and can create many problems if you arent careful...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 27
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:49:38 AM
You said......Idiots are people that put a positive twist on things that happen to them.

I replied.....Learning is a positive thing.

What do u want us to do when people have harmed us in one way or another....become bitter, jaded miserable souls? No......we learn from it and make it a positive.

Back on topic.....I'll repeat what No1BBy said.....because I whole heartedly agree


It's frustrating because I think you are wanting something so badly, but can't make it happen. It's one of those things that takes time... and you can't rush it.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 29
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/13/2009 8:10:59 PM
The more I read in this thread the more I just shake my head at how some posters comments have been twisted to suit a preconcieved concept.

When both men and women have spoken about confidence being sexy, they are not just referring to sexual skills in the bedroom. They are referring to not being worried about any flaws in the body that may be a detriment, they are not afraid to say they dislike something or suggest something they do like. A confident person will not sleep w/ just anyone or do anything in a bedroom just to make someone else happy. They take responsibility for their own happiness and enjoyment in the other person. They are not afraid to be themselves and be vulnerable to another person(sex can make anyone vulnerable). They like and accept themselves flaws and all and aren't worried if they are not to everyone's liking. They feel no need to pretend they enjoy something because it may turn off the other peerson(in or out of the bedroom).

The "victim" mentality spoken of before was I believe a reference to blaming parents, society, age, and the opposite gender for one's own problems in the dating arena instead of looking inside oneself to fix the problem. That includes letting outsiders making one feel insecure, objectified, or inferior. No one can make you feel inferior w/out your permission. Until you graduate from letting yourself worth come totally from outside sources-you have a perceived "victim" mentality.

As for the biological arguments, it's proven that after the age of 36 the chances of birth defects increase. So from the early to mid-30'scan be seen as the last push for prime breeding. During menopause the hormonal shifts are similar in extremes to puberty(same amount of ups, downs, and physical changes). After menopause there is the freedom of not expecting to be able to reporduce that allows some women to mentally free themselves of the worries of reproduction and just have fun.

Again the "trend" of older women w/ younger men is not a new one. It has been seen/practiced many times throughout history. From Don Juan to Mrs. Robinson to Demi Moore. In fact at one point in history, husbands of the nobility paid for a second younger husband for their younger wives so they wouldn't have to be bothered w/ certain areas of married life. Sometimes these paid husbands were younger than the wives.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 30
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/13/2009 10:29:10 PM
OP, you hear, but you don't listen. You've asked questions, and made statements about sex, and life, and numerous older experienced women have then given you the benefit of their experiences; and you tell them they are wrong. LISTEN!!!! Here's a big pointer: if you have tried something, and it was unpleasant, then maybe your approach wasn't the best. If someone else has been successful at something, maybe they know a better way. Here's something else: you are 22 years old; yet you discount your mother's experiences because "things are different now." NEWS FLASH...humanity has not changed greatly in just over two decades!!!

If you want to take a trip someplace (in this case life) do you ask:
1/someone who has read a book about where you would like to go?
2/someone who has theories about where you would like to go?
3/someone who has been there, and can tell you the easy way?


but ultimately the smart ones seem to be pretty jaded b/c of bad experiences they've had with guys
Really? You are equating being jaded with being smart? Can't you see how wrong that is? The "jaded" ones are the ones who don't learn from their experiences. The "smart" ones either listened to someone who had been there, and avoided the trouble; or learned from their experiences.


I'm thinking it's because as young girls parents try and scare us away from sexuality, and then because we're also raised with this attitude like we should try and please other people before ourselves,
maybe in YOUR experience. If so, LEARN from others.
and a lot of guys are douches to women.
there's a winning attitude for you. You're right, a lot are. Stay away from those guys; because MOST guys are NOT douches to women.
And it takes a lot of women awhile to develop that "screw it" attitude where they're just in it for themselves, instead of worrying about what guys think all the time. Thoughts?
Yeah...lots. It's not a "screw it attitude" it's relaxed and comfortable. They're NOT "just in it for themselves", they've learned to appreciate and enjoy the moment. However, your last statement is correct, BECAUSE they are comfortable with themselves they DON'T worry about what guys think all the time.

I mean I don't think it helps the sex lives of young women when on top of all the other societal pressures, people (like young men) have now started telling us we're not as sexy as older women.
First, this has been going on for millenia, it is NOT a new phenomenon that was just thrust on "your generation"; it's simply a new experience for you. Want to learn how to deal with it? Ask someone who has been there. and LISTEN.
And so many guys (at least young guys I know) these days seem to have this attitude like they want to find the perfect sexual partner off the bat -like unless she's totally uninhibited off the bat and is experienced and knows what she's doing the first few sessions, she's not sexy enough. Does anyone else see this trend as a bit ridiculous?
You're right, it's ridiculous. That's what growing up is all about...learning which ideas and opinions are good, and which aren't so good. Accept it. It is NOT a "trend", it's LIFE; and it has been going on since man has stood on two legs.

You have a LOT of internal anger; and the sooner you can learn to accept and appreciate yourself, and accept the faults and shortcomings of others, and KNOW that while all of our experiences may not be the same, NONE of this is NEW; and many many people have experienced, and felt, exactly what you have, the easier life will get, and the happier you will be.
 wannafunchick
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 31
Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/13/2009 11:21:05 PM
i have noticed that as soon as i hit 30 all i want to do is have sex....even got a young bf just to help...lol and all the new things i wanna do.......lol so i think older women are less inhibited
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 32
Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/13/2009 11:51:46 PM

The "victim" mentality spoken of before was I believe a reference to blaming parents, society, age, and the opposite gender for one's own problems in the dating arena instead of looking inside oneself to fix the problem. That includes letting outsiders making one feel insecure, objectified, or inferior. No one can make you feel inferior w/out your permission. Until you graduate from letting yourself worth come totally from outside sources-you have a perceived "victim" mentality.

Thank you. (I reel myself plagiarizing in the near future! Loads of "victims" here in forums!)

~OP~ I think you'd best print this so you can read it in about 20 years. Be prepared to have a good laugh at your own self. I can assure you ~ sex when you are older can't even be compared to the sex you think is great today. I don't really care what age a man is or is not ~ some men love older women, so don't. But I do think those who prefer older ladies aren't simply interested in sex. (In case you haven't thought of this: some of us offer a lot more than just a naked body.) JMO
 itnota400
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 34
Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/14/2009 6:38:34 AM
I think older woman are less inhibited, Being 30s is so much more fun than it was being in my 20s.

When you get older, you dont care if you are the perfect size 10, you appreciate people for who they are and can have deeper relationships with people from all walks of life, of any age. Plus your tastes change with age and you are so much more able to accept yourself rather than conform to what society wants from you .

@caper143 You do get a better sense of who you are. When we were young we didnt believe this either! Interesting list from the younger guys there! :)
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 38
Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/14/2009 1:35:10 PM
Older women are less inhibited than they were when they were younger women. Whether this makes older women (in general) more uninhibited than younger women today, I don't know. I'd say it's true, but were they less inhibited, or more so, than their current more youthful sisters? And how much older do they have to be, to be less so? Are 50-60 year old women today, less inhibited than 35 year olds? (I doubt it.) Are 35 year olds today less inhibited than 18-20 year olds? (I'd say that's without a doubt true. However, the above poster may have a point, and inhibitions may not be linked as closely to age as to other factors.)
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 40
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/14/2009 2:12:35 PM
I have never been inhibited sexually but I'm 54 now and it just keeps getting better and better with age..
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 41
Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:49:50 PM

We want to be fulfilled just like men and older women DO get more pleasure and satifaciton because of us not having any hangups anymore.

It's all about having no inhibitions, just that simple. :)


Profile says: 42, seeking men 28-44, for long term.
Gotta admire your pluck, Darlin'. Your half-full glass is overflowing!!
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 43
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/14/2009 6:22:28 PM

Who dumped you for someone younger? :-)



God I love assumptions.
Not all insight and/or opinions on relationships come from who a person dates. Some people learn from observing others around them. This includes parents, friends, and co-workers. If you can learn from the mistakes/experiences of others you might not have to go thru them yourself.

And VeryGreenEyes, plagarize away!
 dd3va
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 49
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/17/2009 2:48:48 PM
Speaking only for myself, I am much less inhibited now and I think for me, there are a few factors at play. When I was in my twenties and early thirties, I had 3 kids and a husband who was in the Navy and often deployed. Sleeping in was better than any orgasm, at the time. From my mid thirties until now, with my sons grown. I see myself once again as a sexual being again. You learn about yourself, not only sexually, but all aspects. I am comfortable with my abilities and know what I like and don't like , and have no problem expressing it. That was very difficult for me when I was younger. I know I don't look like I did 15-20 years ago, don't weight the same, but I also don't think the same. I am confident in myself and confidence is sexy.
 Blondecharmthe3rd
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 53
Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/20/2009 9:39:07 PM
Perhaps there are other issues 190574.

I am NOT the same woman I was in my 20s, men don't push me around and I speak my mind. In and out of the bedroom. The confidence translates in being comfortable with myself, my triggers and my true pleasures... sexual or not.

If its because the big 4-0 is staring me in the face, I say lets party!!!!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 55
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Older women are less inhibited?
Posted: 3/20/2009 10:27:08 PM
You just refuse to get it.
But that's alright......we refused to get it when we were you're age too!

You have had numerous women tell you they were open minded and uninhibited in their 20's .....
but can now see the difference in themselves in their 40's & 50's.

It is just one of those things you have to experience to understand.

We could have 15 more pages of women telling you there is a difference.....
and there would be 15 more pages of you trying to tell us we're wrong.

We're all beating a dead horse here.......OP will refuse to acknowledge anything but her own truth.
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