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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How of many of you experinced/did it?      Home login  
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 8
How of many of you experinced/did it?Page 1 of 1    
I would never lead a woman on the way you are talking about, but then again I am looking for long term myself, so If I found someone that I loved and she wanted long term I would be overjoyed.
Building a relationship and dating is rather difficult, especially meeting people you're actually compatible with, so why would I want to waste my time if there was no future.

Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 9
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How of many of you experinced/did it?
Posted: 3/12/2009 7:12:15 PM
I am not sure I understand your question but if I know someone wants something that I don't or can't with them, then I am going to end the relationship because it isn't fair to keep seeing them, even if you are a good boyfriend/girlfriend, when you are never going to go any further with them.

Even if it is not your intention, once you realize that, you are really just stringing them along.
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 12
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How of many of you experinced/did it?
Posted: 3/12/2009 7:58:45 PM
I was one the wanting more end. He was very respectful and told me he just wasn't going to give me more. He also made it clear that he valued me as a friend. The relationship kind of just cooled off. We're the best the friends now though. I'm glad it worked out the way it did.
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 13
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How of many of you experinced/did it?
Posted: 3/12/2009 8:05:35 PM
Once a person is aware of the lop sided relationship they should say something. I've been on the "I like you more" side and thought he felt the same but in the end he just wasn't ready for a LTR at the time in his life and he knew once he would be ready he wanted children of his own and I'm past having more children. He broke up with me rather abruptly, I was truly blindsided. He eventually told me why and I felt much better. The hardest part was realizing that he had felt that way for a couple of months.
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 14
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How of many of you experinced/did it?
Posted: 3/12/2009 8:10:46 PM
Ahhh yes, the half a$$ed love technique. You do all the niceties that lead them to think you are interested but then confuse them by never going the extra mile...or some do but know they will stop when something better comes along. The truth is you ARE using them (to past time) and you are lying to them (by omission) if you realize they weren't ltr material and don't tell them when you know that's what they want. It's very selfish. Be honest and then the other person can make an informed decision of if they wish to settle for something short term or not. Then they too can keep their eyes open for the right one as well...but you may risk having them walk away first and not you right? If you enjoyed spending time together but saw no future, the option of just being friends is there so the other person is free to look for what they desire. That's showing respect for them.

I've experienced it (meaning had it done to me) and it sucks. You feel used, lied to and in the end you question your own judgement because you try to analyze it all to see how you missed the signs. You question your own worth and wonder why someone would think that poorly of you that they would lead you to believe in a future when it was really never a possibility. You keep wondering "why was I not good enough". If it doesn't work out in the beginning, and you are honest about it, you can accept that you weren't a match and respect the person for being honest with you...but to lead someone on (thus you are playing a game) is much more hurtful.

I have a friend who is doing this right now and it drives me nuts. Bottom line is he just doesn't want to be alone, having her there gives him a sense of security and confidence and he lies to himself by thinking he's not hurting her. She senses it though - he won't say he loves her, won't make future plans, doesn't say sweet things to her...he treats her like a friend, wants to hang out, but then again he also wants the "benefits" too. I feel so bad for her because she's wasting her time and doesn't know it for sure. I could never do that to someone...once I know they aren't the one, and never will be, then the relationship part is taken out and only friendship is offered.
 _Lucky charm_
Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 18
How of many of you experinced/did it?
Posted: 4/6/2009 7:04:27 PM
OP, I have read your posts and it seems that you always ask for friends or others!
Frankly I do not buy that your question is a general one and has nothing to do with doubting your proposal.

If you are not sure do not propose, if you have, then maybe before setting a date make sure you work on it. Maybe it is a commitment phobia that you have and need to treat it by help of a professional. Last thing you need is to become overwhelmed with all of this and run away at the alter.
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