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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??      Home login  
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 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 2
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He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
If you like him, then go ahead and give him another chance. Couldn't hurt.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 3
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 6:50:08 AM
Try to think in terms of "we" instead of "he" can't get it up and "i'm" very disappointed.
A wink, and a smile, 'specially the vertical kind, pretty much does the trick for me, so I'm kinda speculating, but if this thread survives, you're gonna get alot of that.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 6
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He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 6:59:02 AM
Yes, nerves can affect a man's performance.
The bigger deal u make of it.....the more chance it will happen again.
Relax......enjoy.......let him know how satisfied you were with your first time.....
Sounds like a great guy......why wouldn't u give him a 2nd chance?
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 7
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 6:59:41 AM
There can be many reasons why a man can't get it up, from medications to smoking to too much on his mind. That being said, I think you should give him a few more chances. BUT if it happens again and again, then you may have a problem.
And don't let the poster who commented about it being your fault, because it sounds like you are really into this guy and it sounds like it may be a personal problem of HIS.
Good luck.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 13
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:08:11 AM

Yes, nerves can affect a man's performance.


So can a blowjob, delivered with affection. OP never mentions that she went through any pre-flight checklists. Lol.
F-cking is a team sport, OP, and you tend to get what you give, or something along those lines. Meet my thrusts, show me you want me, and the kindlin' becomes cured oak that'll burn for a looooonngg time.
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 14
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:08:56 AM
I like Brunete_girl's answer tons. Someday you won't be 32, you'll be 52, and believe me there are times when the hormones and the huffing and puffing aren't in synch and the chances of finding someone who is compatible around a dinner table -- let alone a bedroom -- are stacked higher against you.

To add to that, I would thoroughly hope you ignore the guy who said it was a "we" problem and not a "he" problem. It's a shared concern, certainly, but it's not your responsibility, per se, to give this guy an erection. Given a few norms, which is to say the proximity of a female, it's really his domain, not yours, to provide the properly inflated organ.

But, like Brunnette Girl said, is it a man's responsibility -- given a normal amount of kinetic enthusiasm -- to guarantee a female orgasm? No. So you should cut him some slack, except I wished I hadn't phrased it that way.

Just because these things are shared concerns, doesn't mean they're shared responsibilities.

I suggest some of your disappointment may be that you feel inadequate because of his issues. Don't go there. Take what you got: A terrific guy with a tongue to match. In later years, that will be worth a parade ... just relax and give both of yourselves a break.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 15
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He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:39:50 AM
The fact that he cares enough that he would be that nervous is a good thing. I'm kind of the same way sometimes at first. As time goes on and the comfort zone increases the sex becomes better and better. He could be that way as well. I think it would be stupid and insensitive to dismiss this person. If the roles were reversed most people would say the guy was being an impatient jerk. Just something to think about.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 17
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:56:34 AM

by squeezing the blood forward from the base area of the penis a man can get enough of a erection to enter the vagina


But, then what? Damn, does that work on cadavers?
 AnglFlynToCloseToGround
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 20
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 8:52:13 AM
If you are both saying the I luv you and he took the time to please you really good then why not give him a second chance ...

Men who cant get a hard on tend to be the best luvers ... They will take the time to make you very happy ...

AnglFlyn
 rickxyz
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 23
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 9:06:38 AM
I think you should move on, not because its right, but its a good standard answer around here....
 wildhoneygirl
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 26
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 9:58:00 AM
Hello there:

I just want to say that you are in a bit of a pickle. Not in a bad way, but in a good way. There are far to many women out that who have to deal with the "hop on top and get it over " kind of guy. The truth is that there are many guys out there who would give you mind shattering sex and then treat you like you mean nothing to them. I myself was in a relationship with a man for 3 years who could do no wrong in the bedroom. He was talented with his tongue and was gifted in other areas ;), but he was a lousy person. He didn't learn to appreciate me until I told him to get his things and get out. Before I met him, I had been a little shy and reserved about what I wanted. He helped me explore a side of me that I didn't know I had. We had mind blowing sex, but he was a bad person. I eventually began to resent him because he was so hateful to me, yet in the bedroom he loved me. I some times miss having that kind of raw passion, but I prefer to be with a man who respects me and will try to go out of his way to please me in and out of the bedroom. The truth is that a man has to stimulate my mind first. Once I decide if I can deal with him in everyday situations and I see that he possesses intelligence, the rest is easy. Stop beating yourself up and don't beat yourself out of having a wonderful person in your life. Give him a chance and give yourself a chance.

Dee
 jakeya99
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 27
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 10:20:01 AM
I shake my head at women like you.

How would you feel if when he got you naked your tits just did not live up to what he thought they should look like? Then he went on POF and asked perfect strangers if he should give you and your saggy boobs another chance??? He was sooooooooo disappointed!

The man had a bad incident.... he did his best and pleased you in other ways. You making a big deal out of it will not help matters will it?? It may make them worse. For somebody who claims to like him, you sure are coming off like an ass. He pleased you that night, just not enough. Well boo-hoo for you.

If I was him, I'd tell you to take your second chance offer down the road. I wouldn't want a woman like you who has the compassion of a nazi (for lack of a better term right now).
 jakeya99
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 28
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 10:22:01 AM
You also broke a rule of dating... never discuss the ex and his prowess in bed... NEVER... good or bad. I don't care if he was Don Juan or Don Rickles. Do not do it.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 33
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He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 2:32:17 PM
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt; and assume you have very limited experience, and very limited knowledge about men's sexuality.

First: If you REALLY believe that something may be wrong with YOU that caused his inability to get an erection; put that sh!t down right now. It's ludicrous. NOTHING about you would prevent him from getting an erection. He TOLD you what his problem is; and the reason he gave is VERY COMMON. I.E. it is NORMAL for a lot of men not to be able to get an erection in the beginning of a relationship due to being nervous. The way to "fix" it? Pretend there is no problem at all; because there isn't. Allow him to relax and get comfortable. DO NOT BRING IT UP. (No pun intended) If HE brings it up, say "It's OK" or "Don't worry about it, it's normal, it's not a problem, I know you're just a little nervous, and I'm not worried at all, so don't you be. Let's just enjoy each other. AND MEAN IT!!!

The worst thing you could do: Anything to put added pressure on him; including: Talking about it, worrying about it, trying to be sexually agressive to "turn him on." It all adds pressure. An erection literally, and physiologically, happens with RELAXATION. Why do you think men WAKE UP with an erection? You can't get much more relaxed than asleep! Anything that interferes with relaxation will interfere with his getting an erection. A demanding, expecting, selfish, lover is NOT a turn-on!

make it stand it up with ur talents
and

... wear something sexy ,,,,,,,, and during foreplay " talk dirty " tell him what u want him to do ! if u decide to please him orally have him stand ,,, not laying down , why fight gravity !
Bull$hit with a qualifier. You already KNOW what turns him on...give him that. If you are doing things because YOU WANT TO, and they TURN YOU ON, then OK. If, however you are doing things in order to "help" him, and will get frustrated if they don't work, it's a BIG mistake. FYI, this is my personal experience, the standing BJ looks good in porn; but it requires standing, which prevents relaxation. I don't like them at all. I strongly recommend, that whenever you go down on him, you push him into a sitting, or lying position before you do. The exception to this would be if you KNOW that a standing bj with you kneeling in front of him happens to be a particular turn-on for him. If you do not know that for certain, sit him down.

I'd be interested in knowing why after one failed attempt, she is even considering NOT giving the guy another chance...
The ONLY reason I'm not jumping up and down calling you names is because I believe you may somehow actually believe that something to do with you is WHY he didn't get an erection.

I was considering telling him that if he didn't feel right about being intimate with me after all, he can go on with his life and look for someone else who could "inspire him".
As I mentioned earlier, this is silly. Men get erections in their sleep; they get erections sometimes when they don't want to; and they get erections randomly; NOTHING about you would keep him from getting an erection. Unless he has a serious health problem affecting his circulation, (i.e. diabetes, or heart disease) the ONLY thing preventing him from getting an erection is between his ears. Period. In this case, he TOLD you why. Believe him. However, if on the other hand, you simply find this an annoyance, or an inconvenience, then please break up with him. He deserves better. Everyone does. Good luck.
 sashimiboy
Joined: 1/14/2009
Msg: 34
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 2:58:19 PM
Yes give him another chance. WHatever you do though, dont bring it up or make a big deal out of it. It'll just put more pressure on him and it'll happen again. Alot of ED issues are psychological. But it happens from time to time for most guys, whether were too tired, or had too much to drink.
 OjosAzules777
Joined: 1/23/2009
Msg: 35
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 3:39:04 PM
Maybe he takes an antidepressant or some psych medication.Those can wreck the performance of your package. The test is can he get hard AT all. I don't mean in a sexual situation but if he making out with you or you are rubbing against him intimitately and he doesn't then I'd worry.
These things can and do happen sometimes.
 adamISaNAMEiHAVE
Joined: 1/13/2009
Msg: 37
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 4:49:37 PM
I find it funny that in this situation a woman would even consider wether or not to give the man another chance . . . LOL dont over react!

I am sorry . . . but think about it! You can't expect us to snap our fingers and suddenly, 'ding'. It does not work like that . . . and it does not matter how hot you are or how nicely you are dressed . . . it happens! I can have trouble when I am seriously sleep deprived or on sleep medicine (or anything containing amphetamine type substance or maybe any kind of 'upper' like coffee) but it only happened to me really bad one time when I was coming back from an overseas trip and had not slept in nearly 3 days. It probably would not have if she did more than just get naked and lay down and wait for me . . . but because I was so sleep deprived and she was not even trying . . . I mean, if you are afraid to touch someone, take em to the shower first! Anyways, I think that she thinks that it was totally something that it was not and probably will not think of trying that again with me . . . ahh well. Yes, it was our first time, and yes, I was nervous, but that would not have mattered if she touched me more. We end up usually having to do most of the work anyways . . . if you started with oral than I guarantee that he is not going to have a problem unless there is something physically wrong with him . . . and he should do the same if your having a problem imo and then presto, no more problems!

Everything that old guy said about 'we' and not 'he' I totally agree with. He is very wise! lol
 DAVE632
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 38
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He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:33:14 PM
Windloverr, as usual said it all - or almost all.

You did say that he was the SECOND MAN you'd ever been to bed with so bases solely on THAT I will not concur with msg #40. In any other circumstance I would be asking myself if I should give the woman a second chance if she was so seriously ignorant of the male physiology and how fickle our pickles can be some times.

The first time that ever happened to me I was in the prime of my youth. There were months in there when I don't think my di¢k ever went soft. I had a date with my complete dream girl. She was gorgeous and I dreamnt of her (in more ways than two if ya follow) for a couple of weeks before our date. It was before the days of AIDS and if you had a fun time quite often in those days you'd hop in the back seat and go at it for fun and cardio. I couldn't believe it when she crawled into the back seat when we parked. You think Augustus would wake up? He was so stunned he just sat there with his mouth open, drooling and staring. We necked and I gobbled her for a while and she had a fun time. Augustus finally came out of his coma in time for a post-orgasmic (hers) half-hearted bj and handjob. I almost put him in the cheese grater when I got home. I felt betrayed - utterly. My most trusted companion had allowed me to go it alone so to speak and I didn't talk to him for Oooo about an hour. The recurring memory of this gorgeous chick wrapping her lips round his head about 2 hours before made me forgive and forget. The thing is it CAN happen any time at any age. The older you get the better you get at doing stuff that will make her forget you even have a di¢k. Unless you're on meds or injured you do wake up usually and unless it is with a woman like you it usually isn't too late either.

Short answer is ... good for asking such a simple question in a forum like this. It sounds like you really don't know so we'll give you the lowdown. Google the problem and get a more scientific view. It is NOT uncommon. Generally the situation rights itself if there is proper incentive and the pressure to launch is diminished by lotsa low impact necking, groping and laughing etc. It's no big deal unless you make it - SO DON'T. If HE gives you another chance (and you say he has a fabulous tongue) I'd maybe try and do a better job of relaxing him and working on the rocket instead of launch control.
 warmhanded
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 39
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:40:39 PM
OMG he couldn't get it all the way up ONCE and now he has a huge problem and should be thrown away?

I thought men were supposed to be the thoughtless, shallow ones.
 mickymouse38
Joined: 12/25/2008
Msg: 42
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 10:57:47 PM
Absolutly give him another chance sometimes us blokes just dont have any control over jonny as yes being nervous is most definatly a reason not an excuse.
 mickymouse38
Joined: 12/25/2008
Msg: 43
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 11:03:06 PM
good call forthisreason maybe its her that cant get it up and not him
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 45
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/15/2009 11:14:51 PM
YourSweetestDream: ......he is very attentive .....told me he was really nervous ......He did please me in other ways, he has and amazing tonge ;), but when he tried to enter me he wasn't at all hard.I'm a little dissapointed, ok, very dissapointed......He wants another chance at it.......Should I give him another chance??


The question should be should HE give you another chance? You are so immature and the guy deserves so much better. And if neither end of your body could help him maybe its YOU.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 47
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He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/16/2009 12:31:54 AM
Sounds to me like a simple case of too much anticipation! You said you had discussed it which is of course good but... maybe it kinda built into this massive expectation that it was going to be mind-blowing? Next time, perhaps discuss less and flirt more... no plans just hot spontaneity!!!
 dharmadude
Joined: 5/10/2008
Msg: 48
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/16/2009 12:57:46 AM
Should you give him another chance? Well, if you really like this guy it wouldn't hurt.

But, I think I might know what the problem might be. You said:
...we talked and planned it very carefully. He told me he was really nervous and so was I. Well, yesterday we finally met and I was really looking forward to some great sex. And OH SURPRISE, he just couldn't get it up!!!

If you talked it up too much, he may have felt that your expectations of just how great it was going to be may have produced some performance anxiety.

He did try to please you...
He did please me in other ways, he has and amazing tonge ;), but when he tried to enter me he wasn't at all hard.
Maybe he was so concerned about making it as good as you had talked it up to be, that he was concentrating so hard, he forgot to get hard.

So, I think I have a suggestion on how you can insure success next time. Try using your hand and your mouth on him to give him a little help. Give it a little time and I bet he will come around.

 Sunshine33066
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 51
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/16/2009 9:04:33 AM
First time jitters? Guys can get nervous about first encounters, just like the gals. Dont read so much into it...just give him another chance....

If there's still a problem, there's always viagra or some other herbal supplement that could help. Why be so quick to dismiss him if you really like him

K-
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