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Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 1
The Perils of Online Dating (Guy's POV)Page 1 of 1    
Where do I begin?.... The online dating sites have become increasingly popular in the past ten years. The formats have basically remained the same except for small tweeks here and there. While there are many sites around that will allow you to join them for free (not taking advantage of the "lonely and looking"), there has been, what appears to me, to be a constant snag in this system.
The ways that men and women gauge their attraction does differ greatly. Where men find visual stimuli to be the most appealing, women differ in that they find the personality to be the most potent aphrodisiac. So while women can simply put up an attractive picture of themselves and get a strong response. (I'm not going to say GOOD response, because I'm sure you ladies have seen a lot of the guys who've been messaging you) A guy must depict his personality through the text he creates, covering such areas as sense of humor, dependability, sense of romance, etc.
The problem that one might encounter is that attention spans are shortening at a very fast rate. Once, people had all day to peruse around looking for the ideal match, when now people are lucky to have the time to check their inbox on a regular basis. If we, the guys are not dynamic enough in our descriptions.... we are left with yet another Myspace knockoff.
I'm not asking for suggestions on how to fix this dilemma. Just needed to write something during my morning coffee. Food for thought...... M.
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 2
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The Perils of Online Dating (Guy's POV)
Posted: 3/15/2009 8:09:49 AM
Well from my own personal point of view...( a womans) ...I believe all these dating sites deal with attraction first.....seriously if you pull up a picture ( man or woman) of someone who is not attractive in your dosent matter if they are the nicest person in the world are not going to contact personality dosent come into effect until you get past that first initial communication.......JMO
Joined: 1/29/2004
Msg: 3
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The Perils of Online Dating (Guy's POV)
Posted: 3/15/2009 8:42:41 AM
I suspect the short attention span "phishing" effect applies to both men and women. The next person being one click away causes us to pass up people we would have showed far more interest toward in real life. Women probably do focus on the text more than most men, though.
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 4
The Perils of Online Dating (Guy's POV)
Posted: 3/15/2009 9:08:46 AM
The problem with on line dating is most everyone is shopping with a list of requirements visual being first and formost....People who are looking on line do not give as much latitude as they would if they met in the real world through their friends, work, the gym yeah its a crap shoot at best.

When I was more serious about meeting someone I had several photos posted from fully body beach shot, to up close. It always surprised me the men that would contact me usually men way younger or way older , out of shape and not aging well at all....People on line need to have realistic expectations....
If your over weight and balding chances are your out of league trying to get a young beauty to respond to have a a real good look at yourself in the mirror and really see yourself then decide who is going to be attracted to attracts like.
 Nurse x
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 5
The Perils of Online Dating (Guy's POV)
Posted: 3/15/2009 9:26:08 AM
Yes, I agree with Cogie36.

Althought that happens in a nightclub too, don't it?
you would approach someone who you found attractive then get to know the person.

I know many nice, sensitive, and caring men. But unfortunatly I am not attracted to them.

Some ppl take a bad picture, or vise versa, and can still look totally different in real life.

Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 6
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The Perils of Online Dating (Guy's POV)
Posted: 3/15/2009 9:51:36 AM
I signed up for this site when I was single. I stay here because I like the forums. I met a few guys on here but nothing sparked very well for me. Most of my dating success has been over online games, which I play first and foremost because I enjoy them. As a gamer girl I get to met a lot of interesting people (especially guys) in a completely different way and on a completely different level then most girls (with regards to mainstream ideas, anyway) do. This may or may not be changing (have not checked recent trends) but I still find it amusing when guys are surprised to meet me.

The big issue with an online dating site is that even if someone looks alright someone who looks better might be just a click away. Even if someone's profile looks interesting, there is not necessarily any way to verify that a word of it is true. Also, as one poster said, there is always the potential danger that you are not good enough (or perhaps too good?) to be bothered contacting people. Since these are documents and not the actual human beings, we are not forced to have as much sensitivity or descretion in our accessments of them as we are with any person / group of people that we are interacting with directly.

Many of the things that people look for on a deeper level cannot be properly captured in a way that is precise and credible on a website. Its not online dating's fault... Its just the way it is. As for the looks > personality v.s. personality > looks arguement that all really boils down to an individual. For me... I don't care how awesome he looks... If he acts certain ways or does certain things, I'm not gonna like him. On the other hand (speaking for me) someone can go from looking "ok" (notice I did not say hideous, folks) to being quite appealing as I get to know them better. For others it might work the entire opposite way. (They seem really awesome but their greatness as a person is instantly lessened by physical imperfections.) Yet again -- this whole thing is strictly tied to the needs and desires of an individual.
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 7
The Perils of Online Dating (Guy's POV)
Posted: 3/15/2009 10:16:17 AM
Yeah, compulsively fishing from one photo to the next is something both gender's are responsible for. It's less due to gender and more based on how physically attractive the individual is, as in - there's 'attractiveness' based on what you'd use based on a little of their personality, where appearance only makes up one facade of it, then 'glamor' where it's all a person is looking for. More results being one click away is the bane of Online dating, though Eharmony definitely didn't do it right by their system of sending results, then agian - that websites a complete scam for both men and women anyways. *sigh* all we can do is not treat this as a primary source of meeting people, and just a small extension of the other real world counterparts.
Joined: 11/4/2008
Msg: 8
The Perils of Online Dating (Guy's POV)
Posted: 3/15/2009 11:58:21 AM
well it all depends how you use it , and regardless of how effective or easier you might find online dating , you shouldn't be using it only . it should be one of your options but not your only option , need to be geting out there in real life a bit as well .
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 9
The Perils of Online Dating (Guy's POV)
Posted: 3/15/2009 12:48:47 PM
The perils are many, to be sure, but on the other hand, you will always have a place to write something for your morning coffee.

This is a new industry. It will take a while to perfect. In time it will be improved to the point that whichever picture you click on, you get the girl, and she falls in love with you and before long there you are laying in bed together as she gasps for breath saying You're the Best I ever Had!

It will take some time to close the fantasy gap that exists today. In the meanwhile, enjoy the entertainment.
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