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 jeliarra
Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 3
Are Looks so important???Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
This is the SAME exact question that was asked of me/us on another site and I became hated by a few=(

So I will behave and say YES it does with no explanation, sigh.

 jeliarra
Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 6
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 10/11/2004 9:15:39 AM
Vanni you are so right! I find for example Jeff Goldbloom attractive for some reason, but he is not what I look for in a man as far as looks go. And it has nothing to do with who he is or what he has.
I have a a thing for "odd" or unique looking people. Another example Denzel Washington, oh Denzel!!!! Nope not me, yeah he is alright in the face but he is not "fine". It's his personality and his tilted smile that makes him handsome. If he was just the average joe on the street I would pay him no mind. Um I pay him no mind now lol.

Off topic:
Ya know what really bugs the mess out of me? WHY WHY when ya get with a man that no other woman would give the time of day, all of a sudden when you get with him, other women start to give him attention????
LOL
 Ticketoride
Joined: 6/3/2004
Msg: 11
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 10/13/2004 1:05:41 AM
Ye have to be comfortable with how she looks to you.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/20/2014 1:38:27 PM
Everyone looks at things differently. Some people look at looks and some don't look at looks...
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 42
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/20/2014 7:25:04 PM
1)the more import someone puts into their own appearance...the more appearance matters to them. their's as well as your's.

2)what is so important about looks? well, if you truly have them, you realize other people want them. its like being born rich. toxic people aren't so toxic to you. bosses give you some slack. nice guys run over to help you out with your homework. scientific studies have shown that teachers (typically ones too young to know better) judge a child's ability to be successful by how good they look. BusinessWeek just discovered an attractive person bugging an investor for some cash on a business plan has better success than someone not so attractive, so its not just young schoolteachers judging success ability on the basis of looks.

when something works...that's b/c it works. spend 20 years of your life with something that works...and you put some import on it.

3)accepting this, is like accepting old age--you may not like it, but you'll be at peace when you accept it enough to work around it. a woman who cruises on her looks is sexy, but not attractive. she can be a vexing vamp...but I won't be interested in dating her for long. personality is what makes a woman unique. a woman who can be easily dumped is a woman who is interchangable with any other woman with nice T&A.

3)people who are as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside, there is a name for them. married :) who would let such a prize go, right? so, it helps to aim for a partner more in one's league. someone who's a ten wouldn't date someone who's a seven, but someone who's an eight likely will.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 43
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/20/2014 8:08:38 PM
Like it or not, but yes, looks matter. Several studies have been done which show that good looking people (male and female) get better jobs and more breaks in life period. I learned my lesson in how much looks matter all the way through school ( elementary to high school). I was not a pretty girl back then, I wore thick, heavy glasses, had a retainer, was skinny and pale and a nerdy haircut. I never had a single date or any boy interested in me and was frequently teased/bullied about my appearance. I was made fun of because I had a "bubble butt" (which today is a good think, lol). I always wished I was one of the popular, pretty girls, because everybody was nice to them.

Once I replaced my coke bottom glasses with contact lenses and was done with my retainer, things started to change. I was actually quite pretty! Then I let my hair grow long and finally used a little makeup at age 20, and BAM - suddenly I had some sort of power over people, especially men. I got away with things all of a sudden. I grew more confident and dared to do things that I thought were out of my reach before. It was amazing. Then, after I got married and had my kids and got too busy with life, I noticed that the "power" (good looks) was slipping away. I was out of shape, dressed sloppily and let myself go in general. Got myself back into shape and invested in a few cute outfits and BAM - the power was back. Example: I get puled over quite often for little things like not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign, slight speeding, expired tabs, and NEVER get a ticket. Granted, a little charm and being friendly helps too, but when I was frumpy looking after having my kids, I did get a ticket even though I was nice and friendly too. So yeah, looks matter, and I'm planning on holding on to that power as long as I can.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 45
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/21/2014 1:21:06 PM
There's not a stock answer for men and for women. For men, the answer: not really. I've seen attractive men that can't get a date if their life depended upon it. I've met bu tt ugly guys that can get the super hot babes all the time. What is the difference? Attitude. Attitude is a prerequisite for men. Now, a good looking guy with attitude is lethal, but they actually do guys like me a service and play to my advantage. Women ARE attracted to looks, just like men do. Particularly the hot ones. That is until they get dumped, used and abused enough times that they change their interest. Like a hot girl that is a friend of mine said, "you don't want to go out with a guy that is prettier than you."

In my own experience. I am not a good looking guy, but I am not b u tt ugly. I've dated from the supermodel types, to the Winona Ryder, artsy types, to the exotic looking ones. Call me shallow, but if you can get away with dating gorgeous women, why not. Still, I cannot stand women that are superficially attractive and all they are is a pretty face.

One of the things that are my advantage is that from an early age I was exposed to very attractive women. My sister's best friend was asked to join the Miss Venezuela Pageant after my sister declined. She won. So very attractive women have never intimidated me, not have I ever put them in pedestals. Consequently, many a times, while all these men were going after then like wolfs, they gravitated towards me, felt comfortable so we ended up dating.

I've worked with models at different junctures of my career, so I also know how bu tt ugly they can be, or how a good make up artist is half the equation. What that means is that most women have the potential to look like hot 10 women. It's one third attitude, one third make up, work out, accessories, one third genes.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 46
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/22/2014 5:22:38 AM

so I also know how bu tt ugly they can be, or how a good make up artist is half the equation. What that means is that most women have the potential to look like hot 10 women. It's one third attitude, one third make up, work out, accessories, one third genes.


Yes, so true.....& u make a very good point on attitude also.
As if he or she does not have any of those other important traits,etc.....needless to say, if that only thing that had brought them to the dance...then... "all the good looks in the world" are usually left in the end.... as a left overs....

As I too have average looks but being yourself......will attract those.... who also feel u can be trusted, respected,appreciated, etc.
imo, that is what real looks are......if u find that really important too......cheers
 Princess12524
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 47
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/22/2014 12:04:30 PM

1)the more import someone puts into their own appearance...the more appearance matters to them. their's as well as your's.

2)what is so important about looks? well, if you truly have them, you realize other people want them. its like being born rich. toxic people aren't so toxic to you. bosses give you some slack. nice guys run over to help you out with your homework. scientific studies have shown that teachers (typically ones too young to know better) judge a child's ability to be successful by how good they look. BusinessWeek just discovered an attractive person bugging an investor for some cash on a business plan has better success than someone not so attractive, so its not just young schoolteachers judging success ability on the basis of looks.

when something works...that's b/c it works. spend 20 years of your life with something that works...and you put some import on it.

3)accepting this, is like accepting old age--you may not like it, but you'll be at peace when you accept it enough to work around it. a woman who cruises on her looks is sexy, but not attractive. she can be a vexing vamp...but I won't be interested in dating her for long. personality is what makes a woman unique. a woman who can be easily dumped is a woman who is interchangable with any other woman with nice T&A.

3)people who are as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside, there is a name for them. married :) who would let such a prize go, right? so, it helps to aim for a partner more in one's league. someone who's a ten wouldn't date someone who's a seven, but someone who's an eight likely will.


A friend told me that when men get older they do not want to work for a relattionship or want a high maintenance woman, so in older age a plainer but more aggrressive woman may have more success in relationships.


Like it or not, but yes, looks matter. Several studies have been done which show that good looking people (male and female) get better jobs and more breaks in life period. I learned my lesson in how much looks matter all the way through school ( elementary to high school). I was not a pretty girl back then, I wore thick, heavy glasses, had a retainer, was skinny and pale and a nerdy haircut. I never had a single date or any boy interested in me and was frequently teased/bullied about my appearance. I was made fun of because I had a "bubble butt" (which today is a good think, lol). I always wished I was one of the popular, pretty girls, because everybody was nice to them.

Once I replaced my coke bottom glasses with contact lenses and was done with my retainer, things started to change. I was actually quite pretty! Then I let my hair grow long and finally used a little makeup at age 20, and BAM - suddenly I had some sort of power over people, especially men. I got away with things all of a sudden. I grew more confident and dared to do things that I thought were out of my reach before. It was amazing. Then, after I got married and had my kids and got too busy with life, I noticed that the "power" (good looks) was slipping away. I was out of shape, dressed sloppily and let myself go in general. Got myself back into shape and invested in a few cute outfits and BAM - the power was back. Example: I get puled over quite often for little things like not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign, slight speeding, expired tabs, and NEVER get a ticket. Granted, a little charm and being friendly helps too, but when I was frumpy looking after having my kids, I did get a ticket even though I was nice and friendly too. So yeah, looks matter, and I'm planning on holding on to that power as long as I can.


I agree, totally
I've been thinner, i've been fatter, I've had glasses, then contacts, then lasik. I've had short hair, then long hair...yadda yadda yadda

Thinner, longer haired, lens-less me gets treated way better even at age 55.


There's not a stock answer for men and for women. For men, the answer: not really. I've seen attractive men that can't get a date if their life depended upon it. I've met bu tt ugly guys that can get the super hot babes all the time. What is the difference? Attitude. Attitude is a prerequisite for men. Now, a good looking guy with attitude is lethal, but they actually do guys like me a service and play to my advantage. Women ARE attracted to looks, just like men do. Particularly the hot ones. That is until they get dumped, used and abused enough times that they change their interest. Like a hot girl that is a friend of mine said, "you don't want to go out with a guy that is prettier than you."

In my own experience. I am not a good looking guy, but I am not b u tt ugly. I've dated from the supermodel types, to the Winona Ryder, artsy types, to the exotic looking ones. Call me shallow, but if you can get away with dating gorgeous women, why not. Still, I cannot stand women that are superficially attractive and all they are is a pretty face.

One of the things that are my advantage is that from an early age I was exposed to very attractive women. My sister's best friend was asked to join the Miss Venezuela Pageant after my sister declined. She won. So very attractive women have never intimidated me, not have I ever put them in pedestals. Consequently, many a times, while all these men were going after then like wolfs, they gravitated towards me, felt comfortable so we ended up dating.

I've worked with models at different junctures of my career, so I also know how bu tt ugly they can be, or how a good make up artist is half the equation. What that means is that most women have the potential to look like hot 10 women. It's one third attitude, one third make up, work out, accessories, one third genes.
Gorilla is right- Coco Chanel said: "There is no such thing as an ugly woman, just a lazy one."
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 48
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/22/2014 8:54:20 PM
In general I would say for women - get in shape, get flattering feminine outfits, get a feminine hair cut, take care of yourself and you will start looking good to most men

For men - especially the ones who think they are undateable due to their height - the same applies: get in shape, don't dress like a slob, smell good and be well groomed, and your chances with most women will increase.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 49
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/24/2014 9:05:42 AM
Looks are very important in attracting the opposite sex----however, "keeping it classy" was a major key in attracting the type of man I was seeking. It was a matter of trial and error for me. Revealing outfits tended to attract younger men and those that were primarily looking for a hook-up (neither of which I was interested in), so I got rid of the cleavage shots. It worked.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/24/2014 10:12:43 AM
Was this before or after "Cowboy"???........lol

I agree with the classy part totally, and have respected each and every woman that does that. Knowing the time to share and how, is what classy is all about, and finding those ladies that know how to be all professional outside the house, and all woman inside the bedroom, makes all the difference in the world.

One can wear clothes that hint of sensual, sexual things, but also show that you know the difference. It is those that do not know the difference, or do not care, that will wonder "why" later on, or never will even figure it out.

By the way Halcyon.......Jeans can be very sexy, and very comfortable, and I for one, could not enjoy a woman that "never" would wear them.......Just saying!!

cd
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 51
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/25/2014 8:39:13 AM
"A white man does not have to be classically handsome to get women. Women will cut a white men a lot of slack on the way they look"

Guess I'm the exception to the rule - I find "dark" men (Latino, Black, Asian, or any ethnicity other than Caucasian) much more attractive than a "typical" white guy. I sometimes feel that a lot of even average looking white guys feel a lot more entitled than other ethnicities. At least that has been my observation.
 Westernguy
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 52
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/25/2014 8:59:16 AM

Is it fair to target people who are good looking just to have either a male ore female trophie on your are and they let you down in the personality stakes!


All's fair in love and war they say. If the good looking ones have a shite personality you just throw em back and try again.



Yes there is the point that people who arn't the greatest looking can be dull but the vast majority are funny, kind natured, lovable, caring etc.


Yeah but .... if I don't find em attractive how am I supposed to get the ol sausage hard ?


In our busy lives we forget that looks don't matter but it is what is on the inside that counts not the outside!


1. It has NOTHING to do with how busy our lives are - LOL
2. What matters is what is on the inside AND outside !





Westernguy
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 53
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/25/2014 12:22:30 PM

Are your kids white ?

From what I have seen, what many white people do, is when they are at their best, they give their PRIME years to another white person, have kids, and everything else. THEN, when they get old and over the hill, and no other DECENT white person will have them, all of a sudden, many of them develop a THING for colored ass



There are a lot of reasons for this, and you are assuming they are based on the fact that the woman see's herself as less than worthy somehow and 'settles' for dark skin. The reality is, most younger women are not willing to buck thier families, rock the boat by dating outside of thier race. Once women enter thier 30's, they are less likely to be living to please others, are less worried about the fallout of thier mating choices etc....A few of my school chum girl friends always did have a thing for darker men, but they knew thier family was racist and didnt have the nerve to stand up to thier relatives. They aso didnt have it in them to fight with people they loved over this. Years later, after thier divorces and realising they only get one life to live...they stopped caring what thier racist old grandpa was gonna think...(he was dead by now anyways). lol

The way someone looks will either catch my eye, or not. The men I have fallen in love with in my lifetime...were all drop dead gorgeous to me...but none of my girlfriends could see what I saw in them physically. (They had always been told they were ugly too) They were not the type of men other women found attractive. Yet I did. Then, when they spoke and I realised they were smart to boot...respectful and actually liked women...wowzers, they became sexy as all hell to me. That doesnt mean Im likely to fall in love with every 'ugly' man I meet....lol....I am saying what one woman doesnt like, another will. Some men have a face that appeals to the masses, some dont. My profile used to state "I am aware that looks are just a gene pool lottery, some are luckier than others".

A nice face will get you noticed.

When I was growing up, I was too tall, too young. In grade 5, I was already 5"8. For a girl...this was aweful. My hair being naturally curly, coming from a modest family who could not afford salon trips very often, I was a funny looking young girl. My classmates teased me, called me skinny minnie and such things because on top of being 'too tall', I was also 'too skinny'. The boys only approached me for help in homework, or to find out about my two besties who were blonde and very pretty. I know how it feels to be left out all because of how you look. I know how it feels to be slighted all because people dont appreciate your looks. I wasnt considered attractive until I was in my 20's. Suddenly dark brown hair was 'in'. I could afford decent clothes that fit me well. Being thin was a bonus now, women were dieting to have the body I always hated. It was a weird decade for me to say the least.

I think because I knew what it was like to be discluded because of my looks, I make a point of seeing beauty where others do not.

What I find hilarious though-people who only just met me...assume that because today my looks appeal to a broader base of men, that I am stuck up, snobby and think pretty highly of myself. They also assume anything I have earned, is all based on my looks. They have no clue that I was the ugly duckling and totally know what that feels like. Oh well....my journey has been interesting to say the least.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 55
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/25/2014 6:01:27 PM

In person, their persona can lend itself to strong chemistry.
As people have in my topic have greatly put it, your inner-self can shape who you are — that confidence. Not letting yourself be held captive to approval and admiration from others.


Yes, as you heard it from both sides of their stories here in what brought them to the dance ..... in how good looks open many windows for them, and in how that was the most important thing that they trusted & wanted in their relationship....
& on the other side you heard..... from others in how looks, but also........with responsible people too.... was the most important thing to them in a successful relationship to them....

So Op, you may be a stand up guy, very responsible, successful, looks nice,etc, but for many in the opposite sex, thats not enough.....but....if your not too vain on looks as lone... or his or hers ego....on this one....
.imo, go with the ones that thinks that its much more then only "good looks" that gets you to the dance again & again....cheers
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 56
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/26/2014 9:51:47 AM
They always have been and I've come to the conclusion that everyone has a type they like.
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 57
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/27/2014 10:33:32 AM
Looks matter to me. A woman doesn't have to be a beauty queen. But there needs to be at least some physical attraction along with personality, compatibility etc.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 58
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/27/2014 2:36:07 PM
If someone came up with an APP or some other method where you can input a picture of someone, and it will accurately show you what the person will look like in 10, 20, or 30 years, would you want to see how the person will probably age? People have said beauty doesn't last, but some people age a lot quicker than others and some people don't age well at all-they get the shriveled up prune skin look, or some people get very fat because of inactivity. I guess an unscientific method of find out what a person will look like later in life is compare them to what the parent and grandparents currently look like-especially if there's a striking resemblance to the same sex parent. Would looking at that change your view of a person's attractiveness? If you're 20 years old, you won't care what a person will look like in 25, 30 years, because you are not looking that far ahead into the future. But if you're in your 30's or 40's (or beyond), it might play a factor. The obvious response is "You will age too." That's fine-the other person can apply the same factor.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 59
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/27/2014 7:24:55 PM
Of course looks are important; however, it's subjective and personal to each person. I think everyone is attractive to someone. And once you get to know someone and you like that person, the more attractive he/she becomes. Some people might find eyes are the most important factor in looks while others will say the smile is the most important, etc...
But I think it would be hard to say looks are not important, at least initially.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 60
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/27/2014 8:22:00 PM
Of course looks are important; however, it's subjective and personal to each person. I think everyone is attractive to someone. And once you get to know someone and you like that person, the more attractive he/she becomes. Some people might find eyes are the most important factor in looks while others will say the smile is the most important, etc...
But I think it would be hard to say looks are not important, at least initially.


I was telling my girlfriend tonight that I wanted to write a book about how average looking guys could date very hot attractive women online as long as they understood some principles. She's very attractive and hot. She looked at me funny in disbelief because I told her that I was an average looking guy. Then she told me that I may have to change my approach to the book , since she found me to be absolutely hot.

Okay, sounds like I am bragging so I'll shut up.

But DrivingHarmony, you make a point.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 61
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/27/2014 8:34:24 PM

She looked at me funny in disbelief because I told her that I was an average looking guy.


Well, you know....maybe she thought you were an average looking guy when she first met you. But clearly, you looked good to her regardless of being average or not. Once you two got to know each other, BAM....YOU ARE HOT. Funny
how that works :) Now, I cannot say how attractive you are based on your get up, but your bike looks really good. But, I have this feeling, you are OUT of this world, or something like that... ;)


In our busy lives we forget that looks don't matter but it is what is on the inside that counts not the outside!


From OP ^^^ Personally, I think it's both....inside and outside counts. Looks (outside) gets you started and Personality/Character (inside) hopefully keeps you there....so to speak.

 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 62
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/27/2014 10:05:59 PM
Physical appearance "knocks at the door." Confidence, integrity, sense of humor, compassion and a positive attitude "open the door. "
LOL What goes on behind a closed door, is nobody else's business!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/28/2014 12:13:44 PM


Well, you know....maybe she thought you were an average looking guy when she first met you. But clearly, you looked good to her regardless of being average or not. Once you two got to know each other, BAM....YOU ARE HOT. Funny how that works :)


A quote from one of my favorite authors, Robert Heinlein:


A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale. After a while he realizes that she is beautiful--he just hadn’t noticed it at first.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 64
Are Looks so important???
Posted: 4/28/2014 12:48:29 PM
Of course looks are so important, people built entire careers on it.

Everyone wants to be able to look at someone for extended periods of time and think they're the luckiest sons of b*tches alive, even doctors know that. They hire receptionist with a pleasant face/aspect, and professional demeanor, I've yet to see an "ugly/unattractive" receptionist at any of my doctor's office. Retailers know this too, they hire people who look good, attractive, pleasant and responsive to the public, who anyone would want to spend time with selecting merchandise.

People have been utilizing "looks" as a marketing scheme since the beginning of time, why would it be any different between two human beings? Who wouldn't want to be friends with, spend time with, be accompanied by someone who looks good, attractive, who is a pleasure to be with? Everyone I think. What happens with people who don't have such traits is that most people don't want to be in their company, do you want to look at them or be near them too long, it happens in real life.

It happens in the forums as well, if anyone is paying attention. Go to profile review, see how many of the men or women there have been complimented for their appearance, either as a way of trying to understand why they are not having good results, or as a way to make them aware that very little needs to be done (picture-wise). Just notice the reviews for non-attractive people versus attractive people. Don't believe me? stay in the forums a while and notice how many times people are quoted and how hidden compliments are hidden between messages. It even has an effect on what is said to the person whose message they are quoting. Just stick around.

Anyone living in a bubble aka not "blessed" in the good-looking department, will tell you looks don't matter. Ever hear of the sexual harassment claims by a reporter? It turned out, that it wasn't the actual reporter who was complaining, it was her unattractive colleagues, who started up complaining that the NFL players were harassing the attractive reporter, and that she shouldn't dress the way she does. There was nothing wrong with what the attractive reporter was wearing, the issue is that the reporter was attractive, anything she would have worn would have flattered her because she has a great body. She didn't even know there was an issue until her unattractive colleagues made a big deal out of it, at which point everyone laughed because it all looked like they were upset they were not thrown a bone nor would have been, under the same circumstances.

The more attractive people are, the more time people want to spend with them (even if virtually). The less attractive someone is, the less time people want to spend with them (even if virtually).
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