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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf      Home login  
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 iamalisha.mo
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 1
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bfPage 1 of 1    
ok. my current relationship has been for over 3yrs. we cant live together or develop our relationship due to outside circumstances-which i was aware of when we 1st started dating. i recently have developed a "crush" on a guy at work. i even introduced myself to him. i love the guy that i am with very much. i am confused as to why i am suddenly interested in another guy and what i am supposed to do about it. i dont want to be a cheater but, i cant help what i feel. i dont want to lead the new guy on if this is just something that will pass. however, i have been fantasizing about my crush for about 3 mo.s now. any thoughts???
 Truth09
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 2
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:15:30 PM
be honest with yourself and your current bf? dont be a **** and cheat on him? You need to get your head out of your ass and figure out what you want ASAP before you jack knife everything out of control.
 Okietokie88
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 3
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need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:39:11 PM
Yea,just be honest and...................hmm three years and you get a crush on some random new element?I mean seems kinda odd,not to sound judgmental but one would think at this point you two would be contemplating mariage but I don't want to promote that bunch of.....yea just saying.Cheers and be true to yourself,because at the end of the day when were all old and gray you'll kick ur self in the arse for not following your heart.
 A.F.D.
Joined: 2/4/2005
Msg: 4
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need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:52:54 PM
If you actually love the guy you're with now, then just chalk this other dude up as eye-candy, use him as motivation when you're with the boyfriend or something.

If you don't know which one you actually like, then you have three options.

Option one break up with your current boyfriend and pursue this other guy understanding thapt this gamble will likely result in you just being single (not necessarily a bad thing).

Option two suggest an "open relationship" with the current BF and pursue them both at once, but understand that this may result in a break-up if he isn't up for an open arrangement, or him boffing other girls (blame free) if he is.

Option three pursue this other guy on the side while still using the first poor sap as a safety net in case the other guy doesn't work out like you hope. This option does leave you in the role of manipulative strumpet, and you will kinda be shitting where you eat by sleeping a coworker, if you can live with these two thing, then by all means go get yourself some freaky inter-office sex.

It should be understood that the vast majority of guys are pretty terrible in bed, so chances are the guy at your office won't be nearly as good as the fantasy of him, so chances are the juice isn't worth the squeeze.
 A.F.D.
Joined: 2/4/2005
Msg: 6
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need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:57:07 PM
And if the current boyfriend is married then boff away, he clearly has no sence of loyalty so why be loyal to him.
If they are both married then I would suggest pulling your head out of your ass and realizing that you are a fall back plan at best and you should probably ditch both these guys and go find someone who actually likes you.
 iamalisha.mo
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 7
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/23/2009 12:03:39 AM
wow! i have to say, there is a lot of advice...and i do appriciate all of it. i think what i need to do is just continue on like nothing is different and sort of "wait it out". again-thanks to all of you that took time out of your life to offer your opinions and advice.
 WolfCharming819
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 8
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/23/2009 12:07:26 AM
I hope thing workout and you avoid temptation. THis what happens to alot of guys and therefore, thats why women are fearful when entering a relationship. Remember this if you will True LOve= Commitment, Feelings =Feelings, plus heartbreak...
 iamalisha.mo
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 9
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/23/2009 12:10:35 AM
and, none of us involved are married. there is an issue with citizenship but, that is all.
 KISS MY A$$
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 10
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/23/2009 3:28:30 AM
^^^ NO strait in a soap Opera they would be married and having the affair. O ne of them would be the long lost brother that OP never knew she had.She doesn't know because she was secretly abducted by Aliens and left on a park bench in Wyoming when she was an infant after they experimented with her. The lover's(brother) real mother was killed in a car accident and never told him that she had a daughter. Now she is coming back as a ghost and trying to haunt the Mistress (sister) and scare her away. Only the Butler knows the truth.

OP. Just tell your long term boyfriend that you don't feel the same way. Tell him you have your "crush" that you will probably act on it and give him the choice to stay or open up the relationship.
 forums1
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 11
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:22:37 AM

OP. Just tell your long term boyfriend that you don't feel the same way. Tell him you have your "crush" that you will probably act on it and give him the choice to stay or open up the relationship.


Oh, PLEASE do not do that 2nd part. Just break up with the current one, and date the new one, there is no need to dump "I want this other guy" on him and crush his ego, just split and then start dating the new guy (the current one should have no expectation you won't date others once you are split). Obviously you are looking for something 'lacking' in your current relationship, or it wouldn't even be an issue, so end it.
 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 13
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/23/2009 6:34:38 AM
I am really wondering what these "outside circumstances" are supposed to be, and why you would even start dating a guy when you are aware of the impediment they pose to "developing" your relationship.

If you are three years in and it is clearly not going to go anywhere, you really should pull the plug, regardless of whether someone else is on the horizon or not. Maybe a harsh thing to say, but do you not think you deserve better? If the guy you are with really wants to be with you, he will solve those "outside circumstances", and if he is not doing that, you should stop making excuses for him.

As for the fact that you like some other guy enough to be fantasizing about him for three (3) months, well, iamalisha.mo, you are not in Junior High any more, it is called signaling to him the fact that you are into him, and seeing if he makes a move.
 KISS MY A$$
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 15
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:32:30 AM
"""Oh, PLEASE do not do that 2nd part. Just break up with the current one, and date the new one, there is no need to dump "I want this other guy" on him and crush his ego, just split and then start dating the new guy (the current one should have no expectation you won't date others once you are split). Obviously you are looking for something 'lacking' in your current relationship, or it wouldn't even be an issue, so end it."""

You know Cat, some people are fine with open relationships. I am not... but some people accept it. I don't judge it. So if she could have both and wants both.. wth.
 yna6
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 16
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/23/2009 9:17:50 AM
For all we know the guy might be deployed, thereby making their relationship very difficult to develope. You saying that just cause some guy is overseas he should have his azz dumped? What kind of person would even think that?
Secondly...if the relationship she is currently in has NO future, it is time to go. Now.
If she is "so in love" with her current BF, there is no reason she can't have a healthy and imaginative relationship with someone else. Doesn't mean she has to actually DO anything....or even let the person know. As one poster put it "eye candy". Often "eye candy" has a sour interior though.
An "open relationship" means that one or both partners are NOT getting all of what they wanted out of their relationship, but do want to keep what they do have. Nothing wrong with this, but it seems a lack of communication may be there or a lack of wanting to fulfill the partners desires...whether it be learning to cook or go dancing or whatever.
Sometimes not the healthiest relationship to be in....often ends after the couple has "done everything" to keep it together.
 Jrome83
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 17
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/23/2009 3:17:28 PM
Look the ethical, honourable, and right thing to do is to dump the current boyfriend and then work on the next dude. At least that way you could legitimately salvage a friendship, and maybe go back to him if it doesn't work out with the dude at work.

My spidey sense is telling me though, that alot of people don't have the guts to break a long term relationship just to play the field and will end up cheating. I don't know why that is. I think it's much better for the clean break but to each their own.
 zohan6969
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 19
need help sorting new attraction vs. current bf
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:15:57 PM
It would have been nice for my soon to be ex-wife to leave me before she had an affair with another guy. I think that you should probably lose the current b/f since you can't even develop a relationship.
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