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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > what would you do (letting someone down easy)      Home login  
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 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 2
what would you do (letting someone down easy)Page 1 of 1    
So be honest then.
Tell her you're not sure if you're reading this the wrong way but you're only looking for friendship not romance with her. Then apologize for potentially misreading her signals.
Or... don't "date" people you're not romantically interested in.
 dannyr0697
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 3
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what would you do (letting someone down easy)
Posted: 3/23/2009 10:10:46 AM
Yeah, honesty really is the best policy here. It may sting her a little, if you just bluntly say you aren't interested in her romantically. But whether you sugar cote it or not, better to get it done as soon as possible. Kinda like removing a bandaid, the quicker the better.


L8TR
 Rushâ„¢
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 5
what would you do (letting someone down easy)
Posted: 3/23/2009 10:18:13 AM

But I've since gotten the vibe that she is looking for more than friendship.


You've only gotten a vibe from her. Who's to say, that she's actually looking for more than friendship? What exactly is she doing, to give you this vibe?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 9
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what would you do (letting someone down easy)
Posted: 3/23/2009 11:58:54 AM
I think the advice you recieved about mentioning another girl is spot on.....
Next time she mentions "meeting up"....keep it casual and tell her sure......let's meet at the corner bar and have a drink......
While chatting......tell her about a date u had......judge her reaction......
if she gets all quiet on ya.....or any other telltale signs.....
then ask her straight up why it bothers her.
And gently let her know you truly like her as a friend......but you don't think of her as anything more than that.
 dannyr0697
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 10
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what would you do (letting someone down easy)
Posted: 3/23/2009 12:14:28 PM

As for direct and sincere, you can bite me. I'm as direct and sincere as anyone is ever going to meet. But there's this other attribute called diplomacy, maybe you've heard of it, it's that thing that politicians, CEOs, and big shots use to positively communicate what they want to say, especially when it pertains to bad news.



Diplomacy can be a good thing. BUT, I would refrain from comparing myself to politicians, CEOs, and big shots of ANY kind. Most of these guys are crooked and will talk AT you for an hour and NOT really say a thing. In todays economy, you've just compared yourself to the devil incarnate.



L8TR
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 11
what would you do (letting someone down easy)
Posted: 3/23/2009 12:30:38 PM
This one's easy -- but I do have to say, you should keep in mind -- don't correspond with people if you're looking to be JUST friends. It's a dating site, not MySpace. You're leading someone on if you do. It requires no spider-sense to get the "vibe" that she's looking for more than just friends!

Letting her know you're not interested? Say that you think it'd be fine to meet up some time (or that you think it may not be a great idea)... but you you want to let her know that you're just interested in something platonic and not interested in anything beyond that. Chances are she'll ask why, etc., and it's possible she'll be ticked. Hey, you got yourself into this mess. :) If diplomacy's your game, respond by telling her that you keep your options open to platonic friendships, yes, even on a dating site, and you think she's a real cool girl and that's why you kept corresponding, and wouldn't mind hanging out on a friends level.

Good chance she'll complain about you having 'Dating' as your type on there while corresponding with someone in the same way one does with someone they are interested in dating. Tsk tsk.

See how being "nice" can get you in trouble? ;) Leading someone on is usually caused by folks who are "just trying to be nice".
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 16
what would you do (letting someone down easy)
Posted: 3/24/2009 12:57:31 PM

I totally understand where you're coming from, but I didn't meet her on this site. I've known her personally for years, and her myspace moods and bulletins have led me to my suspicion that she wants more than friendship with me.

Oh, then it's even easier... she wants to meet up, you just say "Yeah, I'll let you know when me and my friends are going on, and you can meet up with us". If she goes for going out one-on-one, just say, "Alright... but we are just friends right? :)" With a smile... that way she can't take it as some big ball being dropped by any means. And you can just work it from there, and it shouldn't be hard.
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