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 widowedmom
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 1
"You are everything I ever wanted in a woman..."Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
A man I am dating told me the other day, "I want to see you, I want to spend time with you, you are everything I have ever wanted in a woman." At times he draws very close, calling every day, seeing me, getting emotionally close, and then without notice days of silence.

Men what is this yo yo treatment all about? I feel like he pulls me close, then runs away. We talked online for four months before we even had our first date, and have had six dates in seven weekends. Is this man full of it, or just scared?

Women, have you seen this behavior in men you date? How did you handle it?
 Racy Girl
Joined: 1/5/2009
Msg: 2
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:02:01 PM
Seems to be a trait of many men. I think every woman I know has seen it and for the men who say women do it, well some do but the ratio of men to women who seem to do it is out of wack.

Maybe men are scared of losing their independance or maybe they are always thinking there is something better out there and by comitting they will lose out on that someone. (even if it means they are lonely and alone for a very long time, maybe life)
 hamango
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 3
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:11:39 PM
This is one of those things that if you can't talk with him about it to find out directly, why not?

There shouldn't be any need to guess and wonder.
 diane123eye
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 4
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:12:59 PM
i think all women have experienced this. it would be great to think, oh they are scared , they cant get close. the truth is they say what they think you want to hear to get in your pants. and they are always looking for something better. maybe not all but many.am afraid its happened enough that if the real mccoy came along i wouldnt believe it anyway.
 widowedmom
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 5
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:14:26 PM
Well, if this is all about sex, the poor guy is pretty desperate. When I count the hours this man has spent in getting to know me, with out my "putting out" the return on his investment of time has been very low.

If its all about sex, there are better ways for him to spend his time. There are plenty of ladies with a more liberal view on casual sex than I who would have given in weeks ago.
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 6
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:16:05 PM
Heck I was married to an awesome man for over thirty years and he was brilliant yet also very quiet. We could go a couple days in the same house with few words, but lots of special looks. Am a thinker, reader who likes quiet and time to myself. And someone who likes her independence. Yet, if another woman needs the man in her life there all the time or most of the time, it probably wouldnt work.

So just because a man is someone I want to see, want to spend time with and consider everything I like in a man, doesn't mean I want him around me 24/7 or more than a couple times per week.

Want to see=I want to see you. Want to spend time with=I would like to spend 'some' time with you. You are everything I wanted in a woman=you have the qualities I admire and want in my life. Just not full time right now.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 7
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:21:32 PM
I am not sure about it myself OP. I don't date very much, so I probably can't offer very good advice. However, from my own experience from 'chatting' with men from here is that very, very, very few are actually interested in being in a relationship. Sure, they may have missed human touch, flirting, but majority are not ready to date, not to mention to be in a relationship. Online dating has become some kind of distraction, social thing and way of life. It seems easy to connect, but how many are interested in making it into real time.

You have chatted with him for four months???!!! Goodness gracious, why sooo looong???
If man is truly interested he would want to make you soon, sooner, the soonest. He is enjoying your company and attention he is getting, but not truly interested to make it his reality. Only my guess. 2cents. La Gioconda
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 8
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You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:22:59 PM

Men what is this yo yo treatment all about? I feel like he pulls me close, then runs away. We talked online for four months before we even had our first date, and have had six dates in seven weekends. Is this man full of it, or just scared?
I don't know. But I do know that I go through phases with a woman. Some times, I want to be with her constantly. Other times, I just want to concentrate on other stuff. The thing is, if I really like a woman, then I cannot concentrate on other stuff when she's there. So I need some space from her, to get my other stuff done.

How did you handle it?
Used to drive me insane when women did this to me. But a few times, I managed to get it to work for me. I found that if I booked the date, like a proper time and place, a week in advance, and I wouldn't have to call her or see her till then, then from then on, I could just focus on my work and my friends. I could really relax and get a lot more work done, because I wouldn't have to worry about her until the date, and I could feel confident that I had a date to look forwards to. If you could manage that kind of deal, to know when you are going to see each other again, and make sure that all the important stuff gets done in the time between dates, then life can get real good for the both of you.
 msbstn08
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 9
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You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:25:15 PM
they all feel the need to fill us up with some kind of BS then back away...i just recently went thru the same thing myself...met this guy on another site...told me he had finally found what he was looking for after 34 years (he was 47) i was it for him...blah,blah, blah, i let him into my heart and my life, me met my kids and spent lots of time with all of us...we had sex once and then, he starts backing away slowly, and "poof" he's gone. not answering my calls, emails, etc...its like they are just there to climb mt everest, and once they reach the summit, the adrenaline rush caves...dont know about u all,but i for one am tired of all the lies and BS. if u cant walk the walk, dont do the talk!
 Rachelle~C
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 10
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:33:03 PM
I don't blame you for being confused. I think I would be as well if a man told me all of these things only to completely disappear for days after. The thing is we really can't know why this man is disappearing for days,if he is scared or simply, as you put it, "full of it". If it was me I would more believe that he is full of it. I could understand someone getting busy and maybe only giving you a short phone call,text or an email, but dead silence for days is not,in my opinion, a good thing.


What I would do,you may feel differently, would be to go on about my life as usual. Go out on dates and do things with other people. Whatever you do do not sit around the house waiting for the phone to ring. If he is playing a game then do you really want to play it with him?If someone is going to leave you completely hanging like this then I would not believe they are serious about a relationship. It could be just that after 6 dates he got to know you pretty well and decided that you were not the person for him. Maybe he was being hasty in telling you things like
"I want to see you, I want to spend time with you, you are everything I have ever wanted in a woman."
,and now he feel differently but is to afraid of telling you. Some times in dating people just jump the gun and say things that really they don't even know if they truly feel or if they want what they have found. That's the pitfalls of dating I guess.



 FourUms
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 11
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You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:34:20 PM
A lot of people seem to think his words are B.S. I disagree. The OP even pointed out he'd be getting a real low return on investment if he were only out for sex. One question about that, OP, you said others would have "given in"... Does that mean he's been trying, and you're just not ready yet, or what?

Anyway, I would tend to believe his words under the circumstances. The pulling back might be to get personal stuff done as someone suggested. It may also be that he's afraid to overwhelm you or appear too clingy. Maybe he's come on too strong in the recent past and is trying to avoid the same mistakes.
 GottaDanse
Joined: 10/16/2008
Msg: 12
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You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:34:48 PM
I won't speak for all men, nor should I. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't act that way, though I have dated several women who have, even to the point of disappearing. Hmmm. I can understand not giving notice sometimes. Not everyone knows that a week from Tuesday I'm gonna feel like I need a little time to myself, so I'm letting you know ahead of time. Hmmm. It does seem to be a lack of respect if my partner wouldn't be straight up and tell me that she doesn't want to date this weekend.

I'm stumped. Why not ask him? If you like/love him it shouldn't be a problem, right?

P & L ......... Steve
 Lovelygirl88
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 13
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:37:05 PM
I agree, Booked the Date many days in advance, so each party can plan the week. But I have to hear from him during the week, few short phone calls just to make sure we're still in the same page. OP, I'll say that he is a player. I hope you enjoyed the "plays". Wish you well.
 Qrah
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 14
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You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:54:47 PM
OP

i think you need to let him know he's giving you mixed messages

it's the foreplay without the big ' O'... FRUSTRATING!!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
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You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:58:22 PM
Works for me, the calling everyday would get on my nerves and someone I only met siw weeks ago, way too much attention, I'd love the days off from it. But then I'm not normal.
 MahoganyRush
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 16
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:59:37 PM
Sounds like a bit of both, he's scared and a bit full of it, guys like him sometimes is 5 times zones behind his own ass and doesnt know a good thing when it hits in the face, they have this " the grass might be greener on the other side " mentality or scared of being too close for fears of what ever.

You set your boundaries and stick by your guns, you have a talk with him and ask what the hell is going on? well don't say it like that, but you get the gist.

Keep your eyes open for the warning signs, to catch a rat you don't actually need the cheese, you make the rat think you have the cheese.
 Goodboy75
Joined: 3/12/2009
Msg: 17
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 10:13:54 PM
Asking strangers what is possibly going on inside your boyfriends head is a useless as a nerf dildo. Just talk to him about it and I'm sure he will tell you what he is thinking about.
 Rushâ„¢
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 18
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 10:16:10 PM
Iceman hit the nail right on the head. Oh and this...


the truth is they say what they think you want to hear to get in your pants. and they are always looking for something better.


Ya damn skippy. I've experienced something, very similar to this. I guess it's too bad, I have more intelligence than that.

Dude thought I was just gonna start chasing after him, like a little puppy dog. Naaah. No thanks. I'll pass. One of the last things I need, is to be strung along.
 widowedmom
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 19
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 10:16:12 PM
Well, if you had communicated with a woman online for four months, then met her, asked her out every weekend five weeks in a row, and during that month spent hours chatting on instant messenger or talking on the phone, and all you did to that point was kiss, a lot, would you stick it out if your only motive was sex? I think not. I think there is sexual interest but that alone is not the only thing that keeps him around.

He is a single parent, has been divorced for ten years, and during the time since his divorce claims he has not had any relationships, just some casual dates. Now that his son is older (15) he realizes in a few years he will be an empty nester and is open to the idea of meeting someone for a long term relationship. He has told me he does not view our dating as casual. Since our first date he has not signed on POF even once. He knows I am dating other people. He has never mentioned dating another woman. With the amount of time we have spent talking I don't know how he could be juggling another woman. I do not think the man is a womanizer or a player.

The longest he has gone without calling is four days. He said these things to me two days ago, after 6 dates in seven weeks. In the same conversation he said he is very comfortable with me, and has a hard time leaving when he is around. He also said he needs a course in dating 101 and is clueless as to what is expected. I think he has gone for so long without a relationship that he has filled his life with activities and does not know what to do with me.

When a man distances himself from a woman after working very hard to draw close, her natural instinct is to either think he is full of sh1t, or scared sh1tless. Since I am dating other people I am trying not to pressure him. I feel like when someone else gets my attention and I feel drawn towards someone else, he steps up his game to pull me back towards him. Then when I show him attention, and we have a really good evening together then he backs off for a few days. It is very frustrating. Two days ago I asked him if I was doing something wrong, that he would go days without talking to me. He replied, "You have not done anything wrong. You do everything right. You are everything that I have ever wanted in a woman."
 NotTheAverageChick
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 20
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 10:59:43 PM
ArtWolf: I MUST have you. I INSIST you call me immediately. With your computer skills, I'm sure you can track me down in a few nanoseconds. PREPARE yourself to climb mountains, swim seas, slay dragons and cross the desert like a nomad for the opportunity worship at my altar of smooth chocolatey goodness. As you bend a knee, be not dismayed if I am bit&chy, overly-talkative or seem plumper than my pictures.

Determinator shall be your new name....let the journey begin!

 firemansledge77
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 21
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 11:07:54 PM
during these days of silence do you call him and get no answer?

and if your not calling him and sitting around waiting for a call? remember that it is a two way street
 ~SparklingRose~
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 22
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You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 11:32:22 PM

I feel like when someone else gets my attention and I feel drawn towards someone else, he steps up his game to pull me back towards him. Then when I show him attention, and we have a really good evening together then he backs off for a few days. It is very frustrating. Two days ago I asked him if I was doing something wrong, that he would go days without talking to me. He replied, "You have not done anything wrong. You do everything right. You are everything that I have ever wanted in a woman."


He hasn't signed into his account, since his revelation that you are everything that he's ever wanted in a woman. Has talked with you extensively for 4 months, had 6 dates in a row that went great... a kiss here and there, and has been respecting your boundries of no pressure for sex.

He's stated to you that for him, you 2 are exclusive, but you've made it clear to him that he is not exclusive to/for you, and that you date others. Yet you want to know why he isn't up your ass 24/7???

How does he know about your being specifically drawn to another man, or other men, for him to be rising to the bait of having to 'step up his game'... he wouldn't know without your telling him. You want point's for honesty, or for how well you're playing the game?

In spite of having had some great conversations for a good while, and quite a few good dates... he now goes a few days without calling you, but again... you want to know why he isn't up your ass 24/7.

My guess is he's getting tired of being reminded that he is an option - stepping up his game in rising to your bait - and, is just now beginning to carefully re-think, through his original idea of your being everything he ever wanted in a woman, and is conflicted with wishing that he had been right.

 Qrah
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 23
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You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 11:33:32 PM
Hope it works out OP

Btw: Has he really accepted your multiple dating?
Maybe in his head, he's thinking you're the one but if you're still dating others, it's possible he may not be the one....
 Lovelygirl88
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 24
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 11:47:10 PM
OP, now that you reveal more about his background. That he is a single parent, divorced for 10 years and he did tell you that your dating is not casual. It seems like he is not a player. Unfortunately, I also did experience that yo yo treatments, ( by more than 1 guys). I did lose some sleeps when I was in that situation. Dating other guys might help but it may also complicate things. I don't like games like this, but I tried to just enjoy it and eventually I lost my interest in those guys and move on. And it did hurt me. I know that I may meet and get involve (again) with a guy who will do the yo yo things.('')
 widowedmom
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 25
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/26/2009 11:58:40 PM

during these days of silence do you call him and get no answer?
and if your not calling him and sitting around waiting for a call? remember that it is a two way street


Very good question. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place here. All the psycho babble out there today says a woman should NOT call a man, she should let him pursue her. It is hard to know at what point in dating its ok for a lady to initiate a call to a man. The movie "He is Just not that in to You" says he will call if he is interested. I don't know at what point it becomes a two way street.

A week or so ago after a few days of silence when we talked I actually brought it up with him. Told him I didn't know what the rules were. Some men would think a woman calling would be like a stalker. However if the woman was someone they want to hear from the call is welcomed. He laughed at me, and said, "You can call me anytime."
I must admit that the times I have initiated the contact it has always been welcomed.
I never felt any vibe that he was annoyed with me for calling. Sometimes when I have called the phone went directly to voicemail, and I usually don't leave a message. Most often he will realize from the missed call that it was me and will call me later that day.
If I have called his house and it goes to the answering machine I do not leave a message. I have not yet met his son, and don't think it would be appropriate for me to leave a message in this setting.

I guess I feel a degree of pressure from what everyone else says is acceptable behavior. I don't like these games. I don't like unspoken rules. I am a say what I mean and mean what I say kind of gal. The frustration is not knowing whether a woman can take what a man says to her at his word. If indeed this particular man truly believes I am the embodiment of "everything he has ever wanted in a woman" I need to be able to relax and accept it and allow things to follow their natural course. I think its that little piece of me who has been fed lines by a player that worries about the silence as a red flag. I want to do the right thing. If he is a player, the right thing to do is kick him to the curb. If he is sincere the right thing would be giving him space to deal with his feelings, and at the same time giving him enough encouragement that he knows when I don't hear from him he is missed.
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