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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?      Home login  
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 Zdagger
Joined: 1/14/2009
Msg: 1
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In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I hate to just bust out with this, and sound like some jackass or shallow person. But let's be real. You tend to go after the kind of people your attracted to. Scent appearance, it's your genetics trying to pick the most viable solution. Different species have different criteria even birds have different sounds they listen for during mating calls. (sorry watch a lot of animal planet) Certain birds listen not to the whole song but the clicks and glottal stops for the most impressive male.

For me it's not so much about age, but finding that person that not only sparks the physical attraction I want, but has enough intelligence and charisma to make a relationship last. Unfotunately I am a visually and olfactarily oriented lol. Is that even a word? I hate to admit it, but the kind of woman I'm attracted to is a specific body and face and scent. Without those criteria the spark seems to be missing.

Am I the only one finding this to be more specific the older I get?
 chicky25
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 2
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 3/27/2009 9:58:32 AM
I agree, the whole human attraction is based on initial looks and also smell, although that is a bit impossible over the Internet, so looks will have to suffice

You should get hooked up to faceblob.com, that site seems to fit your purpose for going for people by how they look. It is free to join up too but you may jsut see someone on there you like
 nlittle_1011
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 3
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 3/27/2009 12:36:55 PM
Sure attraction is important, everyone knows that, but looks only interest me for so long. I would much rather find a man who can make me laugh, or melt with his smile. Therefore, I don't have a particular type per se. You're not weird for liking what you like though, every one does.
 Southside66
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 4
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 3/27/2009 12:44:28 PM
I find I am much pickier nowadays. It suppose it's not only looks though...it's the 'spark' I am looking for...conversation etc. I have had contact with women in the past who have actually said it's shallow to be even thinking about having to be attracted to someone..."it's what's on the inside that counts". I think that's pretty silly...there has to be something there, in looks, conversation etc.
 CosmicMisfitJon
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 5
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 3/27/2009 1:11:38 PM
I think it's always important for this simple aspect: If you are in a relationship, the only person you can be sexual with is your partner. If you are not physically attracted to your partner, it defeats the purpose, I think. If there is chemistry personalitywise but no PHYSICAL attraction, that's the recipe for friendship. Or am I missing something?
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 6
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In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 3/27/2009 1:29:54 PM
Most people's appearance will degrade as they age. If you're not attracted to someone now, just imagine how much worse they'll look to you in 10 years! Yes, you will look worse too, most likely. However, I think you'd want to be with someone who you found attractive initially, and let the love grow - then, looks won't matter so much when they start to fade, because you'll have something much deeper between you if all goes well.
 Zdagger
Joined: 1/14/2009
Msg: 7
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In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:11:16 PM
Thank you for your replies. You have all voiced the thoughts I've been having trouble articulating. What I don't understand is why physical attraction for me is tied to that specific type. Sorry still having trouble putting this into words without sounding like an ass.
 Zdagger
Joined: 1/14/2009
Msg: 8
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In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 3/27/2009 7:30:57 PM

Oddly enough - no. My taste in women's physique / looks hasn't changed much at all. I still like the same type. Perhaps that's because I've always been selective and only pursued ladies that are physically, spiritually and intellectually attractive to me.

If anything, I'm more forgiving of physical appearance. None of us are getting any younger I don't have the physique I had when I was 21, and I don't expect any woman to either. I'm also far more picky about personality types. I'm much more aware of what personality types will work with mine long term, and which ones won't.


Which brings me to something else I've been wondering about. The chemistry and relationship needs test, anyone else find that thier results were spot on? Unusually so in my case, all other sites were a bit off. Has anyone had good results using the personality search? the one with the percentages by the picture.
 ConcreteCowboyFl
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 9
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 3/27/2009 7:53:32 PM
I couldn't get a dog's ph # then ..........I was in a recovery mode.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 10
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:15:41 PM
Maybe this explains why I haven't dated in almost a year. The ones who message me, I'm not attracted to. . I eat right, exercise, and I don't think it's too much to ask to look for someone else that does the same. If there isn't any sort of initial attraction, it isn't going to last. As someone pointed out, our looks do degrade as we get older, and if you're not attracted to them now, how's it going to be in 10-15 years? Does anyone else think that your environment affects who you're attracted. I.e. if you live in areas like Los Angeles/Santa Monica, you see attractive people, ones who take care of themselves. So, you exercise/eat the right foods in hopes of attracting someone who you also find attractive/get along with?
 highvoltage 2
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 11
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:30:56 PM
I'm in my forties and am still picky about a look. I've tried to date out of my norm, but not impressed with the date. I prefer a tan, leggy blonde in a black slinky dress. Can't resist. I enjoy funerals a little too much.
 Svetlana Blue
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 12
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:36:22 PM
This is nothing new. Sure, we have to be attracted to someone or it simply will not go there. Well, maybe some do it, but not me. Call me shallow, I know what I am attracted to and what I am NOT attracted to. And there is more than just looks, but the initial deal is, physical attraction. I have been single for a long time now, and a lot of it has to do with this very reason. I have even met men who I was NOT initially attracted to, just to see if I was being "wrong" and the bottom line for me is; if I cannot imagine my ankles wrapped around some man's neck, it simply is not going to happen. It is also probably why I can count on one hand how many partners I have had. I am just flat out picky. And I am fine with that. :) I have been this way since I was old enough to think men were "cute". So no, it is not necessarily an age issue. I love fit, tall bodybuilders. And I do meet them. Just finding that one guy with the quality to go with the rest of him is difficult.
 highvoltage 2
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 13
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:46:29 PM
^
Do you have a picture of your ankles on your profile?
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 14
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:27:31 PM
OP, please stop using dime-store sociobiology to explain away your shallowness. You look foolish.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 15
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/19/2009 5:23:16 PM
Why do people keep beating themselves up for following attraction? It's sort of the basis of dating and relationships. What are you supposed to do, just date the next person you see tomorrow morning?

You should like what you see, and that person should like seeing you if they are a match for you. End of story.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 16
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In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/19/2009 6:36:02 PM
Because we live in an age of guilt and self doubt.....not able to be who we are for fear of offending someone...buying into the ridiculas notion that life is fair and dating is an equal oportunity enterprise and we should consider every single person we cross paths with as a potential mate for fear of being called "shallow" or some other subjective ill informed label...be yourself and want what you want,seek what you want and make no apologies for it.
 BrummelBrow
Joined: 10/6/2009
Msg: 17
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/19/2009 7:41:33 PM

Because we live in an age of guilt and self doubt.....not able to be who we are for fear of offending someone...buying into the ridiculas notion that life is fair and dating is an equal oportunity enterprise and we should consider every single person we cross paths with as a potential mate for fear of being called "shallow" or some other subjective ill informed label...be yourself and want what you want,seek what you want and make no apologies for it.


AMEN TO THAT!

Be yourself, unapologetically

Yeah i'm someone into looks and is that a bad thing? "YES!!!! IT'S A BAD THING BECAUSE...." yeah yeah yeah blah blah blah whatever!

and I suppose the ppl that call us "shallow" are not and thus makes them PERFECT
(and these ppl have Jessica Alba just waiting at home for them I s'pose)
 Aelwulf
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 18
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/19/2009 10:18:50 PM
Depends on how it's meant.

If by 'looks' you meant able to turn heads and make any male start to fantasize not really, no. I certainly wouldn't complain if that was the end result of my efforts, but certainly not the goal.

If by 'looks' you mean a type, then yeah. I've gone out with some beautiful women, and gone out with some that might be considered 'plain' (or less). I've gone out with some pretty thin ones and some quite large ones. And several phases in-between each. This has led me to learn that I notice nice eyes first, smile second, and (perhaps unfortunately in the eyes of some) a nice backside/legs third. I know that I really don't like stick-figure women, but most that may be overly large I tend to avoid as well because for the most part they haven't been able to join me in activities I'm interested in (and I'm not some uber-active person).

We all have our type from experience (or lack of, depending). If someone tells me I'm not their type I don't take it personally (unless I can tell they're just being rude/looking for Tom Cruise in which case I could REALLY care less). If you're honest with someone and they take it personally perhaps they have self-esteem problems to work out (so long as YOU'RE not the one being rude about it).

If you try and accept someone you're not interested in just to meet someone else's idea of what may or may not be socially acceptable for interaction then you'll probably be miserable. Just keep in mind if you're only after the 'hotties' you may be the next topic of a thread here about jerks, etc and a valid target for criticism IMO.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 19
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In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/19/2009 10:30:23 PM
I am more open than I used to be, but a few things still won't fly. Being unshaven, gut hanging over the belt, greasy/untrimmed hair, chewed fingernails, and missing teeth. Worse yet, evidence of your lunch on your shirt. That just shows that they flat out don't care.

I prefer the tall, slender, clean-shaven type with even skin tone and short hair, but I consider whats in between based on what else there might be to offer.......
 peachypooh1975
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 20
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:06:14 AM
Looks never last, besides what u may think is hot may not be to someone else, I really dont like muscley men! I find it very unattractive, a bit of muscle for moving things is all I need, dont need a muscley tummy either, yuk yuk yuk!!!! I like a real man, hard working mans hands, little bit dirty, sweaty, kind and honest. Somone whos eyes smile, when he looks at me, thats what is attractive to me!!!
 Monkeynator
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 21
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:46:23 PM
I find that I am less picky about others, but more so about myself.
 fancysauce
Joined: 11/18/2009
Msg: 22
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:11:07 PM
I think we like what we like, its just the way our brains are wired. Its no different than liking a specific personality type. We learn this through dating and other relationships. I've always been picky which greatly narrows my chances but I'm willing to wait. I've tried dating girls that I wasn't really into but it didn't work. It's also no different than women who will only date guys who are taller, funny, witty, artistic, or any other trait you can insert here.
 johninsd
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 23
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:28:45 PM
It is what it is.

I don't believe it's "shallow" to admit that we are hard-wired to seek some traits in others, and culturally programmed to seek other traits.

Pasty-white skin used to be attractive, and a tan was low-class... a tan meant you worked with your hands outside, while white skin indicated wealth, privilege, education. The "Rubenesque" body type was considered attractive for the same reasons, while what we would call a knockout 10 today would have been seen as sickly, anemic, etc.

I think the word "shallow" comes into play when you refuse to have anything to do with someone else because of their looks. I think it's silly to say that you should give "ugly" people just as much of a chance as "good looking" people. But just because you aren't interested in dating someone, or physically attracted to them, doesn't mean you have to completely avoid them. And sometimes, love can grow out of a friendship where there was no initial "spark", just as someone you feel an immediate and powerful attraction to, physically, might wind up being the stupidest, most annoying individual you've ever met.
 Jeeep4Fun
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 24
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 12/29/2009 2:46:34 AM

Does anyone else think that your environment affects who you're attracted. I.e. if you live in areas like Los Angeles/Santa Monica, you see attractive people, ones who take care of themselves. So, you exercise/eat the right foods in hopes of attracting someone who you also find attractive/get along with?


I completely agree, jeepwmn. I grew up in Chicago, where the general rule is that people take care of themselves, eat right, exercise, etc. I am now stationed in rural Indiana, where it's not so much. I see a significant decrease in the number of people who work out and eat right, and a huge increase in the number of people who smoke. So right now, my dating is somewhat on hold, just because I can't bring myself to date anyone who doesn't take care of themselves. I understand that everyone is different, and everyone has a different body type, but I'm a firm believer that everyone should be in the best possible shape they can be in, for health reasons, and if they do that, the side effect is that they'll be a LOT more physically attractive than if they don't take care of themselves.

OP - There's absolutely nothing wrong with having high standards as far as looks are concerned, and refusing to settle for anything less. As long as those aren't the ONLY criteria you're looking for. Me, I'm looking for the ENTIRE package...looks, brains, sense of humor, etc. The whole enchilada. And I won't settle for anything less!
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 25
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 12/29/2009 4:03:42 PM
I know what you mean about taking care of yourself, and being more attractive as a result being a bonus to that. Did notice that once I started switching to whole grains, eating more veggies, avoiding fast and processed foods, that I felt much better. Before it was to change my appearance. .now it's for health reasons. Though sometimes, I think in certain areas like Los Angeles/Santa Monica/the beach cities, people expect/want to date someone who looks like they just made an appearance from a magazine shoot. I just visited my family for the holidays and even my mom made a comment about how much weight I had lost from before (I still feel fat by Los Angeles standards, and losing weight is an ongoing project), and to not lose too much more weight. I mean, I actually felt pretty ok back in my hometown (San Jose), so I guess it kind of shows the unrealistic expectations . .or maybe not. And yes, looks do play a part for me, but also am searching for the whole package, or at least most of it. .intelligence, sense of humor, shared goals in life, and some shared interests.
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