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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.      Home login  
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 BoogieMan76
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 1
I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Wether it's online or in person I always put my self down when I really want to talk to a lady. I mean I find it bothersome and sometimes knocks the wind out of me when I see women that simply take my breath away. I say things like, "she's way out of my league", or "she could never possibly like me". I mean it just doesn't end with the doubts. I've tried online with older, younger, same age and I get ignored. It's a constant spree if you ask me.

All the girls I ever been with have approached me first. Even then, I can't even tell whats going on. So my question is, what do women usually assume when a man wants to talk them? and how do I show her I am interested without asking for a number or asking her if she would like to go out somewhere right off the bat?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 2
I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 3/28/2009 6:13:02 PM
A lot of people put down the things in their life, probably b/c they think they are beating the other person to the punch. That is, they expect the other person is putting the same thing down, so the pain won't be so much if they just confess to it first.

Get to like what you see in your mirror. Sure, not everyone will like what they see in you, but so what? You only need one to like what they see...

If you think a woman is out of your league, you could be correct. That's b/c you're going to act like she is, and make her uncomfortable enough she'll eventually follow your lead. So, fine. Try the women you don't think are out of your league.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 3
I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 3/28/2009 10:39:28 PM
I think we're all starting to sound like a NIKE ad, but that doesn't make us wrong.

As attractive as you are, you appear to be less than confident. You can do what I do when I'm feeling a bit down on myself. I present to the world the confidence that I lack at the moment and the real confidence eventually returns.

You can't just sit back and not approach women because it's scary. It IS scary, sure, but isn't never getting it done scarier?
 suibhne
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 4
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I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 3/30/2009 6:41:49 PM
They're alot of insecure males out there these days, looking for approval from someone else, often a female figure. Most males are momma's boys, and have poor examples of a fathers influence, chances are, he was whipped anyhow. Learn what it takes to be a Man, instead of a male. When I counsel singles, I always advise them to do things that you enjoy doing, that gives you common ground in which to meet someone. Conversation should not center on your privates, moreover; the activity. Females play a variety of games, but if she is interested in you, she'll make it known, otherwise, go out and enjoy life, there is no need in love.
 flirt-flirt
Joined: 1/23/2009
Msg: 5
I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 4/1/2009 6:05:14 AM
One thought that might help: realise that you never REALLY know what her situation is. She may be in a relationship. Or she might not.

She may like you. Or she may not.

She may end up your girlfriend. Or she may not.

But she will DEFINITELY not become your girlfriend if you don't take that shot. You miss 100% of all shots you don't take.


A
 drderdon2
Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 7
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I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 4/2/2009 12:45:39 PM
I think your comments are spot on. I too have had problems with this. An old saying....................feel the fear, and do it anyway.............
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 8
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I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 4/4/2009 11:05:11 AM
Op, what happened to the hot woman teacher who was looking for a place for you guys? Maybe if you left the flip flops at home, you could walk better? get some good fitted shoes.
in another thread you were going on about how successful you are meeting women, all these women wanting you, but then saying you could never get a second date. Who can believe anything you say now, OP?
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 9
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I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 5/24/2009 7:22:11 PM
Hit em with a car.

Seriously!

Auto accidents are a good way to meet and marry hot chicks!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 5/25/2009 12:38:56 PM
The problem you have is that you happen to be a rather good looking guy. So you have not developed your predatory instincts because it has always come to you. So instead you are becoming a passive guy. Not good.

There were a couple of guys that used to sarge with me. One was so incredibly good looking that women drooled after him. But once they talked to him for about 20 minutes, they changed their minds. He was indeed very very shy. But I taught him some things, and then he found something that was entirely his own. What worked for him was a mix of shy, with a technique I call pinging, that makes the woman feel like SHE is the aggressor, yet the guy is still approaching. The power of this technique is that the women will be throwing themselves at you because they think you are shy and only need a push.
 Sheldon86
Joined: 11/4/2008
Msg: 11
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I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:59:35 AM
You'll just need to get over your fear of rejection that is what holds most men back and fear of rejection is what feeds your own self doubt you've just got to force yourself to get over it and talk to them the worst they can say is "no" well that or "**** off" which is essentially a less polite no so who cares. Also don't be afraid to aim high you might be surprised no one should have to just settle.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 12
I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:06:31 AM

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.


This is so beautifully said.

Also it works through projection. A lot of guys that are great with women practice sports or activities that can be potentially devastating, such as cycling (racing), motorsports, hang gliding, martial arts. When you deal with your fear, let's say going down a mountain at about 50 miles an hour with nothing but a tire an inch wide and no padding but the raw hide of your skin and spandex you not only come to terms with fear, but then taking that emotion elsewhere is rather easy. It makes it talking to women a no brainer.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 13
I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:56:42 PM

Pretty dumb, huh? Actually, I don't think so: it's not a bad desensitizing technique! It teaches them that there is life after rejection, that they'll survive. That's what a woman needs to see, and the message you want to send:


ABC,

This is so cool because we used to do something similar. First we would arrive at our bike shop to drink some beers or wine. Now this is not a motor bike shop, but a cycling bike shop. We would pull some of the older bikes, what we called our beer bikes, and then go clubbing downtown. Some of the guys would remain in their Spandex when doing so, or wear the cycling caps or even several times a monkey suit, a chicken suit. At the bars and clubs we would approach women using a line that someone else would tell you to use. The lines could be as ridiculous as "Hi, I have a small penis but I still would like to get to know you." It was absolutely hilarious because, many times it worked. Girls knew that we didn't give a sh it about anything and were having a good time and would then follow the group to the next bar.
 idahosun
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 14
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I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 5/26/2009 9:12:41 PM
Are you trying to approach women who are "out of your league" or do you try with just someone cute who attracts you? You are a cute guy, but looks only get people so far...you need to learn the fine art of conversation. It's how people communicate with each other, can be about anything, the weather, the drinks, the music, what sports do you like...ask questions that need a complete answer, not just a yes or no. Don't say "do you like the music", say "what kind of music do you like"? Do you have a friend you could practice with - maybe you could practice until you find yourself asking questions or making remarks that won't get a yes or no answer. Many of us were shy or still are, so don't give up hope at your age - good luck!
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 15
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I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women.
Posted: 5/26/2009 9:37:09 PM

A while ago I saw a group of men play a stupid game: they'd approach random women with the cheesiest, most ridiculous pick-up lines, were shot on the spot, and went laughing their bellies off at each other.

I was talking with my counselor a few weeks ago about something similar. He said that he used to play a similar game where he and a friend would race each other -- the first to get shot down five times wins.

The irony is that the harder he tried to get shot down, the *less* likely women were to do so. The reason is because guys who try too hard to impress women or get them to accept the guy would come across as needy and lacking confidence.

I've noticed this to be true, too. I'm an amateur magician, and sometimes enjoy going to local malls and doing tricks for random strangers on the street. It's also, I've discovered, a great way to break the ice with women. One time I approached a group of teenage girls and was planning to do a trick or two for them and be on my merry way.

Only snag -- they wouldn't let me go! Clearly, I was not interested in dating them (they were WAAAAAY too young for me!) and was only there to practice my street magic, and that only made them more interested in keeping me around.
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