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 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 1
Are there any people left that date one at a time?Page 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I find it frustrating to invest time into someone just to have it wasted by not even getting a fair chance.
here is how I go about dating, I msg many women who fit my interest, at least a few respond back and I ask for a number or offer mine to that few, usually one responds, then after initial contact I focus on that one, if it gets to a meeting point I see if she is into me and if I am into her if it makes it to that stage we see where it leads.
problem is many women will date me but are also dating others so I end up getting the fuzzy end of the stick because I was not being judged on my own merits, but instead being judged in comparison to someone else.
Any woman I meet off of here is going to get my full attention and if it does not work out its all on her or all on me and on our own merits.
question is how do most of you go about dating?
do you give the respect of your full attention or do you play games and lead on?
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 2
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 7:52:57 PM
Until I meet someone and we really connect (and have agreed to be exclusive) I feel I have every right to date more than one woman if the opportunity presents itself. If asked, I would be truthful. But everyone has different views and if you prefer the "one at a time" way of dating, thats fine.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 3
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:01:13 PM

I only date one person at a time. I can't compete with other girls because I'm not those other girls. I wouldn't expect a guy to have to compete either. That's part of why I'm not dating right now, I've been through a lot with a guy and I would be comparing any guy I date to that guy and no one can match up to that because no one is exactly like him. Just like no one is exactly like you.

It would suck to have a guy I'm dating, date other girls at the same time. Then again, I've never really "dated" I've just been someone's girl friend. Just dating for once would be nice, but it would have to be just one guy at a time.

Your mother obviously raised you right.


I have been in the same boat here. But, I jumped ship and swam for shore.

I will not waste my time with women like that. It's just not worth it! And, when it all comes down to it neither are they!

I am worth what I give! My 100% undivided attention, and will except nothing less!


I agree its a respect issue. to me the whole "friends first" mentality is just a way to get all the benefits of a relationship without the obligations or expectations.
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 4
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:02:31 PM
I don't do serial dating either. I prefer one person at one time. Too much confusion and headache for me to begin with. I'm having trouble multi-tasking at work as well.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 5
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:06:36 PM
wow another good woman
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 6
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History
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:09:24 PM
I have been sticking with the "one at a time" routine......
I want to give an honest effort......and if I am distracted with other dates, I am not able to do that.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 7
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:23:01 PM
Unless/until I know a guy long enough to want to focus on just him, I won't say no to another guy I am interested in meeting. If the exclusive talk isn't had, it's never assumed that's the case for me OR him. I expect he's still talking to or dating others unless otherwise discussed.

Before you've been on a couple dates, you're essentially strangers and are not obligated to drop everything else; however once you've been around them a couple times in the initial stage, you should know enough to cut and move on or stick with it.

I end up dating one at a time by default tho, because I am so picky I never meet more than one guy I truly have enough interest to meet a second time (in fact, most guys I meet are a one shot deal, romantically speaking).

And in my case, "friends first" means I have attraction to you but want to know we have more in common beyond that. If all I want is friendship, that's called "just friends".
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 8
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:25:39 PM
not for me, I hate the friendzone.
nothing worse than having feelings for someone who views me as a friend, almost as bad as dating someone who puts friends over me.
I like my friends but a romantic invovment takes president, (unless its life or death.).
my pecking order is:
my daughter
family= parents
my S/O
friends.
my extended family.

and its in that order.
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 9
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:34:37 PM
Most of the people I know don't date at all-
they go out once and decide to become an exclusive couple during their first date.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 10
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:38:41 PM

Are there any people left that date one at a time?

Me. I stopped dating like a shark in blood infested water a LONG time ago. I have trouble meeting one man I'd like to "date" let alone meeting 2 or more I'd like to see on a regular basis.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 11
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:40:41 PM
I've only, for the most part, dated one guy at a time. There was that one summer in the '70's but that's never been repeated, lol! I'm too distractible. However, I know of absolutely NO way to avoid serial dating, since serial means one *after* another, as long as I keep dating at all.


 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 12
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 9:48:34 PM
That why i have the "friends" people restristed from contacting me.
I hate not knowing where i stand.
Only those seeking long term.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 13
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 10:27:51 PM
I date one at a time. I watch for red flags, though.

I want to take time to get to know someone, not rush into a full blown relationship on the first date. I had someone tell me that after I met him one day, that I already met someone and get off of this site. Sorry, after one date, I don't know that.

I went and he had me coming back every 3 hrs. Then, after awhile, said he lost his car and DL to a DUI. I am apprehensive as he has 2 kids he wants to see on weekends. I don't want to get caught up in that.
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 14
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/4/2009 12:04:31 AM
tuanda is right:


Everything moves so fast now..some people want to meet, decide ok I like you from my first impression and then let's get exclusive.. all in the first hour. Then in a month they find out they aren't really compatible.
Yes and I've found people who jump into "dating exclusively" soon learn the aren't compatible... but since they stopped dating others and have entered into a sexual relationship too quickly ("It was chemistry!"), they stick together and try to "make it work". They're dating a few months and talk about getting counseling. In the normal dating world, they would have taken time to get to know one another, continued to date other people, abstained from sexual intimacy... and probably would have stopped seeing each other after a half-dozen dates.
But now.. no. It's as though 1-2 dates = a Relationship.
I often wonder if this is because they have no other options and don't feel like dating-- they just want to be in a Relationship. With someone. Anyone. Today.

Incidentally, I don't know why people assume they're going to be constantly juggling 5 different people at the same time. As if LOL
 Bigrockinguy
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 15
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/4/2009 11:47:46 AM
Is this the "getting to know you" stage,or exclusive stage or are we talking about multiple dates in one day?
I admit that i may chat with a couple of girls at the most at one time on here,but as far as dating goes,no just one at a time,its fair.
I once went on a date with a girl late sunday afternoon,she was an hour late and told me that it was her third date for the day,and that the previous guy had held her up etc blah blah.Needless to say,i didnt last long there.I allow the whole day/evening for a date,as you never know what is going to happen,.
 mortalez
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 16
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/4/2009 2:38:05 PM
the way i see it, if you never give your full attention you arent being fair to that person.
and dating one at a time while not completely stopping mixed signals it does reduce them.
During my time working in bars I have talked to many people who date many at a time and it often comes down to 2 finalists that they cant decide on because they like both of them, I often felt sorry for those people they were choosing between because since there was real attraction on both sides those poor saps probably thought it was going somewhere because they were getting the "I'm into you" signals. so they invested that time and possibly money for nothing. I know if both parties only communicate with one at a time it still might not work out, but at least it would be a fair chance at it.
 journey2407
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 17
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/4/2009 5:53:06 PM

Because, if you think about it, what does it matter who you spend time with if there is no sex involved.

Nice post tuanda.

It seems to me that different people have very different ideas of what dating is, probably depending on their upbringing and/or past experiences. To me, dating is making friends, albeit exclusively of the opposite sex. Nothing more than that to start with. Once you decide that you want to be more than just friends, then you move into a relationship, and THEN it's time to be exclusive. I am extremely loyal and absolutely faithful when I am in a relationship, but until then there is nothing to be loyal to - friends don't expect their friends to have coffee or dinner or movies with only them and no-one else. In fact that would be very weird.

BTW, having a "dating is about making friends" attitude helps to take some of the expectation out of it, and everyone can relax and get to know each other properly. In my experience anyway...
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 18
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/4/2009 5:59:52 PM
Yep, this is exactly what I see happening often:

When you declare that you are serious about a LTR, you are goal oriented and focused . But it might appear that the goal is more important than getting to know the person.
I dated a man who was very focused on having a LTR and maybe even leading to marriage.
After a few months I realized that he was just trying to fill a slot in his life .
I don't think it really mattered if it was me or someone else.
I was just the first one to continue down the path with him.
He had such a clear idea of what he wanted...that he couldn't see me.
Then everytime I did something that didn't fit his picture ..we had big problems!
He had no idea what I was about and what was worse is he didn't want to know.

I have seen a number of "couples" do exactly that.
They didn't want the person, they wanted the relationship and that person just happened to be the one who continued with them.
 cannpeters
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 19
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/4/2009 6:15:59 PM
I never really liked dating more than one man in the past, but then I found that many of the ones I dated were dating others. So, I felt like focusing on one often wasted my time. Also, until we have gone out on a few dates, it isn't a relationship.

If I go out with a man and I'm interested, I'll continue to go out a few more times to get to know him. During this time, we are just dating, nothing more. I might go out with a few other men if I met them at the same time and am getting to know them. Now after a date or two, I usually know if I'm interested/not interested. If I'm interested and the one man is too, then we can talk about a relationship/continued dating. I am not going to keep seeing more than one at a time for a continued period of time, for example, months. But dating is getting to know people. It doesn't mean you are committed or married.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 20
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/4/2009 6:44:19 PM

I end up getting the fuzzy end of the stick because I was not being judged on my own merits, but instead being judged in comparison to someone else.


Regardless of whether a woman is dating you alone or seeing several guys at once, you will ALWAYS be judged in comparison to someone else. Of course, the comparisons might put you in a better light.


Any woman I meet off of here is going to get my full attention


What do you consider "dating"? If you see a woman once, do you expect her to stop seeing all other men? How many dates does it take?

Dating sites are different from meeting in real life. In real life, we aren't exposed to so many people at once, and the chance that a woman or a man is "talking" to several people at once is less. On dating sites, the emails keep coming--should we stop all contact with others once we plan to meet someone, or should we stop all contact after the first date? What should the "rules" be?


do you give the respect of your full attention or do you play games and lead on?


It should be out in the open. If you know she is seeing other guys, she isn't leading you on.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 21
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Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/4/2009 7:30:13 PM

I msg many women who fit my interest, at least a few respond back and I ask for a number or offer mine to that few, usually one responds, then after initial contact I focus on that one


What happens if more than one responds to your number? You're saying one responds so you focus on that ONE. You start off emailing many... what if they all responded or all wanted to meet you, how would you choose? Wouldn't you want to know a little about each of them so you could eventually decide who you wanted to focus on? That's no different than meeting several people in real life and getting to know them while "dating".

Basically you're focusing on one woman because that's what your option is. I think if given more options you would date more. I mean really, if 3 girls responded and said they wanted to meet, who would you eliminate?? And how would you know which was best suited for you without spending time with all of them? First one to respond gets my full attention!~~~??
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 22
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Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/4/2009 7:41:20 PM
I have a hard enough time getting a date let alone serial dating...and before any of you say ya right...try walking in my shoes.
I would rather date one good guy than 100 not so great guys!
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 23
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:47:59 AM
Unless two people in a serious or exclusive relationship, then I don't see anything with dating multiple people. Just because I went out on 1 date with a man, that doesn't mean that I would stop dating other people. At that point, I might not know if I'm really interested in him or not. But if we had 2-3 really good dates and there was some potential for a serious relationship to develop. Then I would focus only on him.



Until I meet someone and we really connect (and have agreed to be exclusive) I feel I have every right to date more than one woman if the opportunity presents itself.


I agree. Why put all your eggs in one basket? Many ( or perhaps even most ) first and second dates don't lead to serious relationships. Especially on internet dating sites. Suppose I had went out with a woman a few times. The dates went very well and I became very interested in her. At that point, I would only date her. On other hand, suppose I went out with a woman a few times and I wasn't that interested in her. I would end things with her. I wouldn't keep talking to her in case things didn't work out with another woman that I liked better.
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 24
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:06:34 AM
I complain about this all the time....
I'm really a one guy at a time kinda gal (wow that sounds dirty , maybe I should rephrase, nah what the heck) I don't like the idea of dating multiple guys and hoping , somehow ,a front runner emerges. I'm more the spend my energy on one guy and see if the chemistry is there ,and if not , move along...

That being said , I know thats the trend in dating these days and I fully expect when I hang out with a guy that I'm not the only one he's spending his time with.

Would I prefer to meet someone and have them feel the same way as I do about the whole thing? duh of course, but I'm not holding out for it , I realize dating is what it is...
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 25
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Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:31:02 AM
You are always going to be judged in comparison to the men who were there before you or are currently in the picture. This does not mean you will be judged unfairly. I thank God every day when I meet men that are nothing like my Ex.
When I see a guy at work that leaves early for a kid's baseball game or tells me about how he took his little girl to a Daddy Daughter day out ,my heart just melts and I think about how lucky their spouses are to have such a loving Dad as a partner.
Being compared does not mean you lose.
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