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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?      Home login  
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 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 8
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?Page 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I haven't met the right person yet. I won't settle for less than who I want and right now I'm pretty content to just be me.

I've had opportunity after opportunity but just didn't feel "right" about it. So, until that someone comes into my life or I into his, I'm cool.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 10
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/7/2009 3:14:29 PM
I'm single because I haven't found the right guy to be unsingle with.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 17
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/7/2009 3:51:33 PM
ARGH, I don't want to talk about it.
For one thing, it's not an interesting story.
For another, if I had MY way, I wouldn't be single, I'd still be with Jeremy. Sometimes, you don't get to make the decision.
So, instead, I bumble my way through life trying to find happiness wherever and whenever and with whomever I can.
 UnexpectedError
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 19
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/7/2009 4:35:26 PM
Ever see that Twilight Zone episode where the guy that loves to read can't find the time to do so, then there's a nuclear apocalypse and he has all the time in the world--but his glasses break? It's kinda like that, but totally different.

Basically, in my middle school/high school years, I didn't have the confidence. Now that I've acquired it, I'm trapped at a college full of men! That, and my standards are a little odd... Not high, just odd. :p
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 29
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/7/2009 10:16:09 PM
toyoux, I agree with you. I've been divorced since Jan 1996. The longer I am single the happier I am. I have adapted to being single.

OK maybe I am a little feral, but I know I have to depend on myself. My sons are more than welcome any time, and I don't want a man to change all that.
 maxxoccupancy
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 30
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/7/2009 11:44:05 PM
I am single because I never actually got up the nerve to marry any of the girls I dated. Just as important, I never got up the nerve to go talk to any of the girls I really wanted. I've spent most of my adult life in engineering and trade schools with horrible ratios, out at sea, unemployed, or traveling abroad.

More importantly, I've just never made that connection. I felt it in high school, but have never really generated that spark with someone else.
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 34
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/8/2009 9:15:31 AM
OP - I don't think being single is a bad thing. I'm single due to circumstances beyond my control. I was married for 20 years and the marriage ended because my EX got scared... It wasn't something I wanted, but you can't make someone love you or be with you.

I'm single still because I don't want to rush into anything and regret it later. While I like being in a relationship like everyone does, I don't want to be in one just because I would like to change my single status either.

At this point in my life, I prefer to stay single until someone comes along I can really see myself with long term... until then, I'll keep my single status. That doesn't mean I will rule out any potential relationship what comes along, just that it has to be a good one this time.

Good luck op....
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 37
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/8/2009 9:48:34 AM
Your hole or mine ms chipmunk......

I am single now out of choice, not out of necessity, and it will stay that way for as long as I am comfortable being single and enjoying what it offers me day in and day out.

The looks will continue, and the talking behind my back by relatives and friends about how selfish I am, and how concerned that they are, for me not finding another to be with forever, but they truly do not know where my head is at.

I have had my chances to make permanent, many relationships, and chose not to, because in the long run, I knew deep down inside that I must love myself more than I think I might them, if at all, and if that is the case, why would I put either of us through all of that?

My marriage failed, and yet was good in many many ways, and I gave it the best try that I could for many many years. Now, I see no sense in doing that all over again, since I do not want to have more children, and there is no real reason to combine incomes, or finances, and if one truly wants me, they will accept me the way I am.

None of this means that I will not accept another to join me in my quest for adventures, nor does it mean that I will not be caring, considerate, and concerned, it just means that I will not be married.

Just my opinion........
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 39
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/8/2009 10:31:36 AM
Last I checked.......still had two.......and willing to negotiate sharing them on those cool nights by the fire.......

OT.......I am open to discuss why I am single, and how I got to being so single, but only tidbits at a time, because more time should be spent on the one you are currently with, and the enjoyment of spending that time together.

Just my opinion......
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 40
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/8/2009 10:53:51 AM
First I'd like to discuss why it even needs discussing. Most people are single til they find the one they're meant to be with. People who rush into being a couple,even if it's not a good match, just because they believe "single" or "still single" somehow defines them as a lesser being,are the ones I feel badly for.
Cindy O
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 44
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/9/2009 9:33:51 AM
I'm single because I've yet to meet someone who completely fits into my life and finds me as attractive as I find her. Of course, I haven't been talking with that many women, but the ones I've met in my travels to the gym and the beach have been party animals, and I'm more of a quietly sexy sort, a physically active nerd. Also, I want someone who likes and fits in well with my family and our BBQs and get-togethers.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 45
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/9/2009 12:15:26 PM
BDJ
Obviously if you've gone out on a financial limb, growing your business HAS to be Priority One. No blame to you there.
But, I feel it important to comment on another statement in your post;

No putting my life on hold because of some perceived calamity or fire that I have to put out in their world.

Truly stable and healthy adults of BOTH genders don't ask the person they're dating/involved with to put their own lives on hold to deal with a "calamity" or "fire" . Grownups deal with their own problems. I'm not going to discount the comfort of emotional support and feeling like there IS someone who has your back,but to expect a SO to delay or perhaps jeopardize career or business goals for you is not a responsible,mature thing to do.
I'm not trying to say your "picker is broke". But we ladies who slay our own dragons can find ourselves just totally baffled why so many seemingly fine men will bust their ass(to their future detriment!) to rescue the distressed damsel,only to end up disappointed, disillusioned and even a bit bitter. It used to just piss me off to no end. But I thought very hard about the issue and decided that being incompetent in life management skills in order to SEEM to be better "relationship material" was a load of BS I didn't care to buy into.

And yes, I think we ALL probably have times in our lives where we just aren't in a good place to be constructing a NEW LTR. Or maybe some of us need to quit seeing "single" as evidence of some personal defiency,and simply say, "It is what it is. Now is not a good time to seek couplehood. Maybe couplehood really ISN'T for me. Maybe the person the Universe has chosen for me is very rare and unique. Maybe they are coming from a far country-on foot!

So let's not be ragging on people who have the wisdom to say "No thanks, not right now" or "No thanks, I'm tryin' to quit" when it comes to relationships.

Also( y'all grab yourselves a rock and get ready to throw it at me) I believe that these situations are the ones where a "friends with bennies" makes a helluva lotta sense.

I would certainly hope that everyone who needs, for whatever reason, to table the question of finding a true partner for a time, doesn't entirely write off the concept of a couplehood that actually works. But it's certainly OK to recognize that "now is not the time" and set aside the big hunt for Mr. or Ms. Right.
Cindy O
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 46
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/9/2009 2:43:14 PM
Well there are days that I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I'm single. But a very good friend once told me "you've got to be happy with yourself before you can make someone else happy." I took it to heart. I'm not selfish by any means but at the same time I'm not a push over either.

As much as I hate being alone sometimes I hate being unhappy even more.

But to answer why am I still single? I don't know, could it be my weight? looks? not enough money? too many people telling me that this is right and that is wrong? could it be that I don't try hard enough or try too hard? Could it be a divine intervention of someone telling me I'm not ready? Could it be just that the right one hasn't came along? Or I'm waiting on Mrs. Right not Mrs. Right Now?

There are 1000's more where that came from. But I'll let each one of us decide our own fate in our own time

Best of luck
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 47
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/9/2009 3:11:59 PM
I'm single because I don't want to with hold the information that I'm a crossdresser, but am not willing to out myself and go out to the type of bars where open minded women might be. Less than one percent of women have any interest in someone like me, and that makes it very hard to find them. Then, I still have to somehow let them know exactly to what degree I crossdress, and that I'm a normal male the vast majority of the time. Much of society has preconceived notions of what crossdressers are, and for the most part, they think we're all either gay, transexuals, or just in denial about our sexuality; all of which are wrong.
And so, I remain single.
 White_Scorpion
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 52
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/9/2009 6:57:11 PM
For the first 24 years or so of my life, apathy was a pretty good explanation of why I was single. It seemed like a lot more effort than it was worth to learn and practice everything needed to sustain a meaningful LTR. In the past five years or so, I would say that another factor seems to be predominant.

I don't want children. Never have actually.

Most women I have talked with online or otherwise either have children or want them someday. All but one relationship I have been in has either suffered or was limited by this issue. I have come across countless potentially good matches only to have the same discussion that ends with a no compatibility clause. In the end though, I agree with the poster who said it is about choice.

When I want it enough, I'll go out and find a girlfriend. The game is not that tough to play.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 54
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/9/2009 7:33:26 PM
Well, I'm not single but when I was my "singleness" was due to not finding anyone, however, I did make it priority to do so. I joined dating sites, placed ads in newspapers, went to clubs, etc.


(Msg 43) What I don't understand is why so many people in society think that if you are single, you must want to be part of a couple and just can't for some reason. Explain this to me.


For me it's a simple question of sex. I suppose there's always a FWB or a FB but they don't usually last a long time and then there's the scheduling. Or going out and seeking a ONS but, then again, it's a hit and miss thing. In short, how do people get by without sex or do they?

I can't say I've ever "settled" because I never knew exactly, positively who and what I was seeking. I've always wanted to be with whom I was with. The termination of past relationships were almost always the other person's choice or they made life so unbearable I had no option but to leave. Even so, the prospect of living a sexless life was never an option.

So, to answer your question, there are people such as myself who can't understand how someone would be content to live a sexless life if, indeed, that is the case.
 elles-belles
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 58
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/10/2009 1:24:24 AM
I'm single because I came out of a relationship 7 months ago and I think it is good to have time to get to know yourself again alone and be happy again before wanting to share life with another.

I don't hate being single. It has it's good points. Life is good now, and that's why I can think about sharing it. If life wasn't so great I don't think I would be on a site like this, or even wanting to actually be open to meeting someone.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 62
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/10/2009 9:45:57 AM
You get to my age, and people don't ask I haven't remarried since 1987, and there are times that I want to get a t-shirt that says "Single and damn proud of it", then the backside of the shirt would say "I have control over the remote".

Don't worry about the Busy Bodies that ask your marital status. It really is none of their business, and you simply owe no one an explanation.
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 63
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:19:01 AM
Why get married and make one Lady miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 64
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:46:26 AM
For a very long time I believed that in order for me to have sex I had to be in a serious relationship. Because I really, really wanted sex I ended up in a serious relationship with someone who I wasn't suited to be with long term. I stuck it out though, because I was also very stubborn and stupid and thought I could change him. Two children and five years later I was single. For a whole six months. I could no longer handle the itch, lol. I needed sex and that meant a serious relationship. I again jumped into a relationship that wasn't right for me. This relationship lasted 15 years. Oh, and two more kids. The reason this relationship lasted longer is because I actually married this guy. I believe in keeping my promises and marriage is a very big promise. I finally ended the marriage because my spouse had become a danger to me and my kids.

Now I have been single two years and I am loving it. I figured out along the way that I didn't need the serious relationship to have sex. I just need to like the person, have respect for the person and of course be sexually compatible.

I am single because I do not want to share my space yet. I am single because I don't want to have to consult with someone else before I spend money. I am single because I don't have to shave my legs if I don't feel like it. I am single because I like dating. (okay, I do shave for that, lol) I am single...because I haven't met a guy yet that I would want to give up my freedom for.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 66
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 4/11/2009 8:52:45 PM
Part of me freaking LOVES it to bits.

I don't have to explain anything I do to anyone. Check with anyone. Share my stuff with anyone. Or take anyone into consideration when I make decisions.

There could be hundred of reasons why.. no matter!
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 70
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 7/26/2010 5:17:18 PM
Was trying to find an open thread with this theme so wouldn’t start a redundant one.

There are many reasons people are single or can’t seem to find the “one”. Just being single should not be a scarlet letter for most.

However ...

I get rather irritated when nice looking women who are NOT suffering from lack of choice or attention constantly lament how they can’t find anyone. There is NO ONE in this whole dating world you’re not attracted to?

I have one friend on FB that just posted a message crying about lack of guys. She’s gorgeous and engaging. If she sent out “any” serious signal that she’s looking I bet a hundred guys would be lining up at her door this very minute. If she didn’t like "any" of them she could very easily contact men she “is” interested in and many would fall over themselves to try and date her.

But she doesn't.

I don’t date men so can’t speak for women’s experiences with my gender, but by direct experience I’ve found attractive women are way too caught up in the execrable dating norm that men are supposed to pursue. “Most” women that consider themselves very attractive have almost a disdain for doing the heavy lifting required in trying to find someone compatible. I really think they believe Mr Right is supposed to fall out of the sky and land in their lap.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 71
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 7/26/2010 6:05:52 PM

How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?


No need to talk or explain,,,,,the reasons are obvious if you have eyes and can actually see. Just look around,,,,,,,

r e a l s l o w w w w w.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 72
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How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 7/26/2010 8:34:20 PM
People who've known me a long time, have all said the same thing about my biggest problem in life, that directly impacts on getting into an LTR. So I think it's a pretty clear reason why I'm single.

It's not anything bad. But it's something that women seem to back off from.

So I'm disinclined to mention it.

I'm working on improving it, as best I can. So hopefully, I'll resolve it.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 73
How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single?
Posted: 7/26/2010 8:55:37 PM
i've had a bad run with women so i ask myself why am i looking most of the time lol.
i dont get asked the question, so its something of not much relevance anyway.
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