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 firstlight
Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 2
starting overPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Your profile say separated. First of all.....Which is it?
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 4
starting over
Posted: 4/12/2009 8:45:24 PM
I agree with what Firstlight said. And until a divorces is final, one is still just separated. Yeah I know its a technicality but to good women is matters.
~Beth~
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 5
starting over
Posted: 4/12/2009 8:50:05 PM
Its a freakin process thats for sure...

Anyone who thinks they can just jump right back into the game is fooling themselves. Especially since it appears you were together a long time.

Dis-enroll yourself now before you subject yourself to harsh reality!

Or don't and read about it and participate in the discussions. Go take a cruise or set aside a period to be you and redefine you first.

What is "our age"? Get rid of that unless you have intentions of competing for the affections of 25 year olds. There is a whole generation of you out here! The 25 yo may look good but he isn't going to satisfy you!

Now that you have done that...

The table is even and set and you shouldn't be in any hurry.
 firstlight
Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 6
starting over
Posted: 4/12/2009 8:51:19 PM
In the mean time you get to work on you. Maybe join a gym or take a class. Discover the things you like to do so that when you meet someone you will have something to share.
 rheard
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 8
starting over
Posted: 4/12/2009 10:26:17 PM

What is it like out there in the world of dating at our age?


In a few words - sheer anarchy and chaos! There are no hard and fast rules, there are no "best" techniques, and this isn't necessarily a representative sample of the "real" dating arena. I think you'll also find that many of the things we learned about dating while growing up don't apply anymore either. Although confidence, courtesy, and respect never go out of style.

While there are a lot of great people in the forums, the rest of the site is full of users, abusers, and losers - mixed in with a few honest and sincere folk who really are looking for someone to be with. So beware! Having said that, use a bit of common sense, browse some profiles, and try messaging those who interest you to get a conversation going. Once someone answers - it's up to the two of you to either carry or sometimes drop the ball.


Where do you go to look for a date?


Don't make the mistake of looking exclusively online. When I was newly divorced several years ago I found that the only place where you definitely can't find dates is sitting at home obsessing over figuring out where to meet someone. You just have to get out and do it. Look to your hobbies and interests . Join a church if you don't already belong. Check out local singles events ... the list is endless! Just get out in the world , the meeting part will take care of itself.

Couple of parting tips:

Treat your profile like a sales advertisement with you being the product. Get a picture up. Add some detail - something to tell people who you are - not what you are going through. Be honest! Read the profile writing tips to tune yours up. And above all don't get impatient. To find someone worth being around takes time.

Best of luck
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 9
starting over
Posted: 4/12/2009 11:18:25 PM

Rheard:Don't make the mistake of looking exclusively online. You just have to get out and do it. Look to your hobbies and interests . .....! Just get out in the world , the meeting part will take care of itself.


YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Cannot repeat this enough. 99% of the men I have met who are still friends have been from local activities. For me POF is more a place to listen to other peoples experiences. There are so many local activities if people only look for them. But often people are so stuck and do not think outside the box. My list of activities is way to long to bore you with. All I know is active happy people attract active happy people.

~Beth
 tass08
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 10
starting over
Posted: 4/13/2009 4:51:06 AM
"My list of activities is way to long to bore you with. All I know is active happy people attract active happy people."

hahahaha yeah I can see from your chins how active you are zenbeth.
 Gladys Friday
Joined: 3/14/2009
Msg: 11
starting over
Posted: 4/13/2009 7:28:21 AM
TASS08- now how necessary was that comment? Nasty just plain nasty, now we know your true personality, no sense in writing up a fake profile.
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 12
starting over
Posted: 4/13/2009 8:22:34 AM
I might bear with you ... but nope, not gonna bare with you.


New on the forum so bare with me.

But... y'all will never know just what I DO wear or not wear while sitting here. lol

 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 13
starting over
Posted: 4/13/2009 2:43:56 PM
OPie, do as thee wishes. My own situation is such that I met the two local bachelors ten years ago, so local activities were not going to net me much, lol! When I *was* still looking, PoF was pretty much it. And worked very well indeed.

As for the nasty piece of werk Mz Tass is. Well, she's claimin' to be thin, and evidently feels that's enough. Her only two comments have been about others' weight, so possibly she's anorectic herself? In any case, certainly suffers from spiritual dyspepsia.



 rheard
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 14
starting over
Posted: 4/13/2009 2:58:41 PM
I for one would like to know what the number of chins one has or doesn't have has to do with the validity of their advice or their activity levels?

I'd be willing to bet that my double chins could outclimb, outhike (especially in rough country), and probably lead a more active lifestyle than the allegedly thin chef who seems to get such a kick outta making fun of them! And from Beth's interest list - I wouldn't be too surprised to find she could too

So uncalled for!

Cheers all
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 15
starting over
Posted: 4/13/2009 3:06:02 PM
If you've already been separated for 2 years, you're likely over that really "crazy" period that we all go through initially. If you've got a best friend, tell him/her to be up front at tell you if you're acting out of the norm (for you) with the type of women you are picking to date, no matter where you find them, be it online or in your every day life. Just enjoy the experiences and don't feel you have to force yourself into a relationship. There's nothing worse than someone who comes across as seeming desperate to be in one.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 16
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History
starting over
Posted: 4/13/2009 3:37:08 PM
I am a widower, having been married for the last 35 years. I was very happily married, thus monogamous.

Scary is how I put it. (laughing).
 Dancing_4_You
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 18
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History
starting over
Posted: 4/14/2009 12:58:23 PM
i met someone shortly after my divorce, although at the time it felt like forever. that happens when the last couple years of your marriage is

so, not sure if you were seperated and living apart, but you must know a bit already about the single world. for me, i keep my blinders on as much as possible. otherwise, it would get me down. i broke up with "my man" after last summer. been coffeeing and dating every since. haven't found the right "long term" fit yet. but, i have found more of myself. mostly i've met loners, people looking to duplicate their deceased or departed partners, people with long lists and little personality, people who seek to criticize others w/o taking a good look at themselves, nice people but no chemistry, a few wackos and a few snoozers. i had hoped to make friends of some, but most are not into that. chemistry is an interesting phenomena. i have found that it does not necessarily happen "just like that". so i give it a chance. i had none when i met my first SO and recent ex. but, when we started dancing, it exploded. so, you need to give it a chance.

i do a lot of meetups, a lot of hosting in my house, tend to hang out with younger people, but trying in the maturity department when it comes to "the one". i suggest you investigate meetup dot com in your area, join whatever groups that interest you with respect to church, music venues such as a jazz or art club, do volunteer activities, etc. a major decision will be whether you want to screw around or find someone special and long term. also, it will be key for you to understand your divorce and bury the hatchet. with respect to the internet, i have many e-buddies, but locals who want to email for eons, i'd personally have to question.

last but not least, none of us are particularly thrillled about aging. it's a necessary evil. you feel like a kid inside and then take a long look at the mirror. for me, the cougar scene doesn't work "developmentally". for some, they seek to perpetuate their image in the youth of others. i keep my activity companions seperate from any intimacy. i seek to find someone with the same curiousity about life or some sort of innate intelligence that operates within the "real world"-- and loyalty to family and community. someone who is unable to love again, is not the man for me.

many say i am ridiculous in my goals. however, it seems to be working for me. they say it's the journey and not necessarily the goal. i get out a lot, meet a lot of people. from there on, it's a numbers game. i'm 60 and with a history of lymes disease. heck, if i can do it--i figure so can others. but, it took a while to figure out where everyone was hiding! you have to be motivated, relentless and have a heck of a sense of humor! also seek friends while you are out there finding "her".

there is no question in my mind that i will find "him". however, for me as a one man woman, it can get tiring. so, i just take a break and keep up with the buddies while i "regroup" a bit.

ps as to sex after only one person: men struggle with ED and all sorts of issues at this age. just let it be, until you are comfortable. the rest will follow when it's time. that is one problem with this dating scene. some just want the sack and not the potatoes! ED comes from medication, too much porn, masturbation and alcohol, forgetting what it's like with "two", circulation issues, et al. most of this can be tended to when the time comes. again, you need to find a partner in these instances. a f--- buddy will not be interested. both men and women are seeking very different paths with respect to the later single years.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 19
starting over
Posted: 4/14/2009 1:55:47 PM

TASS08- now how necessary was that comment? Nasty just plain nasty, now we know your true personality, no sense in writing up a fake profile
i'm guessing that it's already a fake profile... so much nastiness, so little real profiles...

op: it's scary entering the dating world after being out for so long... the main difference i've found is that people seem to be much more in a rush

a rush for commitment or a rush for sex... or sometimes both...

just dating for fun's sake and a casual getting to know someone seems a lot more complicated now... and then there's the exclusivity question; from what i've read on the boards here it's a common thing to date several people at once and being exclusive is something that needs to be jointly talked about and decided on...

i've always dated just one at a time, so this was news to me and good to be aware of

another thing about using online dating is that it's common to get together for *a coffee* (or equivalent short look-see) to see if there's any interest before going on a date

hopefully there's still room for fun in this whacky complicated dating world, too

good luck :)
 Liven4TheMoment
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 20
starting over
Posted: 4/14/2009 3:28:01 PM
OP I've been back in the dating scene for 10 years and I've still not found my niche. You just gotta keep and hope the right one comes along. Don't settle, hold out for what you want even when you think you can't go on alone another day.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 22
starting over
Posted: 4/14/2009 7:43:36 PM

TASS08- now how necessary was that comment? Nasty just plain nasty, now we know your true personality, no sense in writing up a fake profile



...I agree, very mean .... OP, this is the 'dark side' of on-line dating....lots of nasties out there.

Anyhow, getting back on topic, getting back into the dating scene at this age is damn hard. Best advice, take it slow and have patience.

Best of luck

...maeflowers
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 23
starting over
Posted: 4/14/2009 9:01:55 PM

another thing about using online dating is that it's common to get together for *a coffee* (or equivalent short look-see) to see if there's any interest before going on a date


Uh -oh....there's trouble brewin' here !!!


yup! i can feel it percolating!

 SamuraiPixie
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 25
starting over
Posted: 4/15/2009 1:22:05 AM
OP, starting over is never easy, at any age, don't let anyone tell you different. Just be good to yourself, and be patient, and sooner or later you'll start feeling a little surer of your footing and things will get easier. Shortly after that you'll start feeling more at ease with yourself, and with the whole experience of being back in the pond after such a lengthy time away from it. Go out with friends, go out and make new friends, and things will work out for you.

I always tell my clients who are in these types of transitions in their lives, first and foremost, to do for themselves and to try and see things with new eyes, because sometimes it's really hard not to. I think you're gonna be fine.



Suz aka Sami
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 26
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History
starting over
Posted: 4/15/2009 5:26:37 AM

In the mean time you get to work on you. Maybe join a gym or take a class.....


One of the really amazing phenomena I note is how so many do behave that way. When in a relationship they let themselves go to fat and pot, but as soon as they are on their own they clean up, dress up and shape up. I suspect that a little more of the latter while in a relationship would have resulted in less of a likelihood of finding themselves on their own....
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 27
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starting over
Posted: 4/15/2009 5:31:09 AM

What is it like out there in the world of dating at our age?


Its a cornucopia of opportunity. All you have to do is get out of your own head and make yourself open to the possibilities that are all around you. The hard part is getting your ex and the issues that arose there out of your system, and realize that any new person in your life is not a repeat of your ex.
 sassyscorpiochick
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 29
starting over
Posted: 10/22/2013 10:48:59 PM
I have to use this really old thread according to the rules.

I want to talk about how old it gets when you get to be in the older crowd, and you end up in a relationship but (of course) it doesn't last. Maybe it lasts 2 or 3 years and you think everything is great. Everything is great and then it isn't and it slowly falls apart.

It gets so old starting over AGAIN. I have a new meet and greet coming up. I don't know how many relationships I have left in me before I decide I am destined to be alone.

how about you?
 house_full_of_bullets
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 30
starting over
Posted: 10/23/2013 3:53:45 AM
^^^Yeah. I am getting weary of starting all over again myself. With all the dating options out there, no one wants to actually work on what they have - it's easier to forget it, and find someone new.

In my case, I'm in the midst of putting together a dating (as opposed to a forum) profile and get myself back on here again, after being hidden for four years and I hate it. I have to get new pics posted, and come up with an "about me" that will appeal to a wide audience that won't offend anyone.

Yay for modern dating.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 31
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History
starting over
Posted: 10/23/2013 8:52:47 AM
I suppose one has to ask oneself how much energy and sacrifice one is putting into a relationship. It appears to be true that relationships take work, hard, continuous work, and there is some evidence that the result is durable. Of course, some relationships are easier than others, and that may be the trick, finding one that is easy enough to manage.
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 32
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History
starting over
Posted: 10/23/2013 8:55:20 AM
Do you look at it as starting over or do you look at it as meeting somebody new? I always enjoyed that nervous feeling I would get before meeting somebody new. Now, I understand that bad experiences are inevitable but what about the potential of meeting someone that just knocks your socks off? He/She may be your next meet and greet. That new meet and greet you have coming up may be the person that changes your life. It is that uncertainty that makes for excitement. Enjoy the experience. Don't look it as starting a new book. Look at it as starting a new chapter.
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