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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yo      Home login  
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 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 8
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attractedPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Disagree. Speaking for myself---for a friend or a lover/partner...a good personality is essential.

Sexual attraction needs to be able to stand on its own. If it's not there--I have another friend. Personality absolutely goes a very long way; but what's innately attractive to me--what throws the switch over to the potential of a sexual relationship doesn't lie in the same place as personality.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 9
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/14/2009 8:55:54 PM
There is a degree of chemistry that must be present and while you may grow an attraction to someone because of their personality when you perhaps were not particularly attracted initially, you cannot make something happen if it is not there at all.

Hence the comments about he/she was everything I would want in a partner, but no sparks.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/14/2009 9:27:08 PM
His personality would be at the very top of my list and probably his looks wouldn't matter a bit. I mean if he hasn't bathed in two years, you know things that are revolting to me, of course they would matter, but a misfortune of the DNA mixture given him by his parents, who cares, some of the most amazing people aren't good looking. Then again, some of the men I hear women swoon over make me think, huh?, often my idea of good looking doesn't seem to fit the norm.

Now physical attraction and sexual attraction to me are not the same things. Some men are good looking and sexy but not always. Take George Clooney, he's almost the perfect looking man physically, and he's got loads of personality to boot, but I've never wanted to have sex with, the thought is not there, I don't find him sexually arousing at all. I don't really get off on day dreaming about having sex with movie or TV stars but one that I would find sexual would be say a Drew Cary type. But I would not have sex with someone just because they were famous, that's just not where my head is at.

I have no idea what age has to do with it, someone turns you on or they don't, it's not something I would want to fake or hope got better with time. It's there or it's not. I don't want a man trying to be attracted to me LOL don't bother.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 15
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/14/2009 9:40:50 PM
I am very, very, very shallow. Because of my shallowness and because I am also very, very insecure I have only gone out with women that I find extremely attractive. I am also a very passionate person, and I want that woman, who is also shallow and insecure, and passionate to give herself as if she is jumping off Angel Falls into one mile of mist and nothingness, trusting her shallow instincts and ignoring all the rational crap that says wait a year until you are totally friends. But here's what I have found out. Only a few women jump that cliff. When they do, in their shallowness, they understand the depth of where they have just jumped. They are fighters that understand most red flags. But they, like I jump and trust. Even if we become smithereens on the stones at the bottom.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 16
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/14/2009 9:48:59 PM
Yes, it's happened to me. When I first met a guy years ago, I thought nothing of him--now, I'm not saying that I found the guy revoltingly ugly, then changed my mind. But I wasn't at all interested until I got to know his personality. He was everything women are supposed to not like: much younger, a tiny guy (not just short, but also thin/wispy), not great teeth, not good-looking. BUT...he could turn a phrase or carry on witty banter like no other. I actually developed a huge crush on him, but it wasn't mutual. I'm a huge banterer, frankly, and that turns me on. Another BUT...this guy also had no big hang-ups, either. Nothing turns me off more than weakness or insecurity (in men and women).
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 20
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/14/2009 11:16:31 PM
~OP~ The last committed relationship I was in was with someone that wouldn't have been "my type" per se. I thought he was handsome, just not quite my "norm." I absolutely loved his personality. One thing that never lacked was sexual attraction. I don't know if it was the "whole" him that made that attraction or if it was something else, but I do know ~ I've never been that sexually attracted to any other man. Hygiene and stuff was NEVER an issue. That I wouldn't do well with ~ no matter what the circumstance. I'd have to say that it was his personality that made me crazy about him. And that included the sexual attraction I felt.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 24
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 12:27:05 AM
duh. you can't "make yourself" attracted to someone. either you are or you aren't. however, a man may look good at first sight and after the first word out of his mouth, clearly there is no attraction. another may, at first, look more average. then, he opens his mouth and his energy knocks your socks off. then again, as said in other threads, some people just take a bit to "unfold". so, either your friend is talking about that OR she just wants an activity partner.



!
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 28
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 5:12:18 AM

To me "becoming more interested" in a person happens before attraction. Fascination with who they are, what they think, why they think it... that is what can lead to attraction --

^^^I can understand this fascination...I can sometimes feel this way about someone I've met online without an accompanying photo; whose writing brings me in and I want to know more about them in this very way. For me anyway, when I find someone attractive the fascination as you've described it is in tandem with physical...it's both mental and physical.

Mental fascination on its own can only take me so far initially--If the physical is not there full-blown attraction never truly launches beyond that - I can never find them 'cute' enough to imagine myself wanting to spend hours curled up in their lap kissing them and that sadly or not, is what has to happen.
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 31
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 6:25:23 AM
There has to be a combination of both I believe......sometimes you might not think someone is your " type" and as you get to know them they become more and more attractive to you......

if you meet someone who is 100% unattractive in your eyes......I dont believe there is any chance.......
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 38
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality..
Posted: 4/15/2009 8:17:13 AM
What you are describing is going to be far easier for most women than for men simply because of Evolution - the different way men and women are wired.

Women need to be much more selective when choosing a mate than men because THEY are the ones who might become pregnant. It is simply a built in protective mechanism and WHY women in general are much less VISUAL than men. Carrying a baby for 9 months and then possibly having to spend a "substantial portion" of your life and resources to care for it is an awfully high price to pay for some guy she found irresistably HOT. Women NEED to be less visual than men. It is nice that at least some are not and have no trouble admitting it.

Men are vision oriented so they are "able" [or should be able] to get ready [for sex] at the drop of a hat. It's not the "fault" of men, just the way we have Evolved.

Maybe I am greedy but if BOTH attraction [relative to everyone of course] AND personality [and ALL the other ingredients that would make a woman a "good mate"] are not there from the start, we will never go beyond the "friends" stage. I see no reason to disregard my Animal Instinct as it has worked well so far.
 Srqforums
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 39
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality..
Posted: 4/15/2009 8:26:14 AM
Sexual attraction for me is a combination of things with the other person...of which having a "good" personality definitely over rules the person's the exterior packaging unless their exterior packaging is dirty, unkept and smelly then I'd most likely not be in their presence anyways to begin with.

A person's attractiveness to me isn't based up the color of their hair, eyes, height, weight....how they act, react, speak and conduct themselves is what makes me think they are "hot" or not.

When I'm out and about doing errands and carrying on with my daily life, there are very few men I encounter who will make my head turn simply because of their physical appearance-once in a great while a man will cross my line of vision where I will think-dang he has some extraordinary DNA
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 43
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 9:46:17 AM
Msg 1--------I agree with you a 100% , because we have a mind set of what kind of a person 's personality that turn us on. Hmm, your female friend said she can make herself sexually attractive to you ? Fat chance if she is not your type,even she'd flirt and seduce You up to the sky's limit it won't work perhaps if you clouded your brain with these drinks she'll have a chance for a little ramble on the hay but we are not sure about it. It's kinda like " you can lead a horse to a water trough but you can not make the horse drink if he does not want to drink.

Sexually attraction is the first thing we connect to the opposite sex, we become infatuated to that person and we think we are IN LOVE, but we are not really in love,we are sexually attracted to that person...
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 47
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 9:57:14 AM
If a person is not generally attractive or my type, his personality may or may not make him a charming and interesting individual, but personality alone doesn't create spontaneous sexual combustion in and of itself. Sorry, I'm not going to attempt to force myself to have a sexual attraction for someone if it doesn't develop on it's own with all other factors working in synch. There are any number of men out there who have fantastic personalities but there's no way on earth I could picture myself being sexual with them. In the end, it's all subjective at any rate with respect to what any given individual finds both attractive personality-wise or sexually. Someone's personality could turn you on and it could creep me out. It's certainly not a cut and dried thing of personality over sexual attraction or vice versa - it's a myriad of things.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 48
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 10:10:32 AM
Msg 43--I have no idea how you would develope a sexual attraction to any one.It is or it isn't.

Sexual attractiveness is not inborn, it is develop by selfconfidence, self awareness, intelligence, humbleness, charisma,honesty,success (what ever you do) last but not least SENSUALITY.

Some wo/men thinks that having sex with multiple people make them *sexy* no it is not.
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 50
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 10:25:15 AM
i would say that a good personality, for me , can far outweigh the lack of physical attraction, i would have to find someone not really ugly/repugnant but a lack of physical attraction can be more than made up for by an exciting personality and good values etc..
intelligence , good sence of humour, sense of fun, lively and interesting conversation makes someone much more attractive a prospect in my book that a cute face or hot body...

IMO
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 52
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 10:56:46 AM
Greetings:

This is a two way street for me. While I don't have much actual experience with putting my opinion to practice (very long term marriage) if I did not find a woman sexually attractive I would not think of her as a lover. But, I have also found that what makes a woman sexually attractive is not a simple equation: there are more variables involved than I care to even think about. Personality, though, is a large component of that attraction.

I know what I'm generally physically attracted to but there have been times when I am suprised by my response to a woman. In those instances I have to put it down to something about the woman's personality or behavior / aura that has caught my eye. I like when that happens.

On the other hand, there have been times when a woman who is otherwise sexually attractive is a big zero due to her personality or behavior (a reflection of her pesonality in my opinion). Also, since a sexual relationship for me is the denouement
of the relationship (a lifetime committment / marriage) sexual attraction / desire ultimately is a response to the whole package.

TK
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 53
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 11:14:17 AM
Msg 50--" There is sexual attraction where all you're interested is in their body. " *Pardon me, if you are enterested in their body that means that what you have in mind is your physical needs not attraction.* There is emotional attraction where you want their whole being." There is no such thing as emotional attraction, emotional ties yes, like connection,attachement ,love,etc..

Sexual attraction to the opposite sex is through the eyes ,then brain ,then feelings (emotion) it is not really f*cking, for instance, watching a singer on the stage doing his/her dance and belting a song then something trigger inside you to get near that person to hug/kiss him/her, even propose a marriage to that stranger but you did not feel horny.
 Isabella1900
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 54
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 11:28:22 AM
Don't give up, the physical attraction is very important part of the relationship

If there are not a sexual attraction, I will keep that nice personality man as my best friend to enjoy his company. But not as a husband.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 57
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 1:51:57 PM
OP, interesting you should ask. I'm just watching Paul Begala on CNN. He's not a beauty, but he's smart as hell - and that, to me, is very sexy. Same goes for Billy Crystal - funny, smart man - that's sexy.

What you may find is that you become attracted to someone the more you get to know that person. It's happened to me plenty of times. You maybe didn't really pay attention at first but then find some features that are really appealing. Or you try a kiss and it's HAWT. And the next time you see them or hear their voice, your heart starts racing.

Your eyes are no measure of the worth of someone - if you leave all your judgement to them, you'll miss out on some wonderful people.

'It is only with the heart that one sees rightly'.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 62
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 8:30:04 PM

No one I know of personally has ever been or become more sexually attracted to these types just because they had a wicked personality.

Perhaps not, but if you read this thread you'll find that plenty of people have done just that.

People really can become beautiful when you love them for who they are, no matter what unfortunate features nature has landed them with.

Exactly

- but I'm certain that I can't be unique in the way that attraction can grow for me

Not at all.

Sexual attraction is when you stop in your tracks after seeing something you like and think to yourself "Damn....". It requires no personality whatsoever.

Oh dear. See, that's just lust. There's lust - which is attraction which starts in the lower half. Then there's passion - combining emotion plus lust. Passion's WAY better.


IT IS OR IT ISN'T. Can my listed qualities be chosen or developed or ameliorated. I doubt it.

Not devloped. Discovered.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 64
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 9:07:30 PM
msg.58== I hope that business about multiple sex partner wasn't referring to me,because you would be barking the wrong tree.

When I gave my opinion about Sexual Attraction I did not intend to pin point you ,I don't even know you personally and I have no business of any one's sex life or your sex life. It is just an observation and my point of view on the subject of Sexual Attraction... Please accept my apology , it is not my intention to rub you on the wrong way.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 66
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/15/2009 9:49:08 PM
It is possible for this to happen to me, within certain limits. A
woman must have certain appearance limits for me, but her emotional
"stretch" limits CAN enhance what I normally would reject as ugly. For
example, a disobedient "10" can EASILY be trashed by a TOTALLY
compliant "3". My opinion about what is an attractive woman is more
determined by her attitude than her appearance. If her attitude is
sufficient enough, I could even go for a "2". **ATTITUDE** is REALLY
what does it for me. And on that note, her attitude is either ON or
OFF for me. I truly believe that her attitude by default determines
her sex appeal for me.
 TheIrishKnight
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 68
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Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/16/2009 12:56:33 AM
I think each person has their own criteria of what they want out of a relationship, some people lean more on physical attraction, or personality, or whatever. I 100% never again want to rely on physical appearance as the primary standard, I've already been down that road when I was a teen who wanted any good looking girl that had a pulse. Granted, I was a teen during that ordeal but it's taught me some valuable lessons. Those relationships back then were very shallow and quite boring.

My recipe for what I want in a woman would be..

2 Cups of Personality
1 Cup of Related Interests
1 Cup of Physical Attraction
A Pinch of Pure Win

Bake for 30 minutes and out comes an awsome woman. ** Oven temperatures may very depending on altitude. :)
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 69
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/16/2009 7:13:47 AM

Self awareness- innate
intelligence-innate
Charisma-innate
Honesty-innate
Humbleness-innate
SENSUALITY-innate, like charisma


bodypro,

I am going to questions these statements above because to me they are things you find in the individual as a result of learning. Perhaps the only one that is completely innate is intelligence, but even that requires to be developed.
The thing is. I have seen kids that were devoid of all of the above mention qualities. They were a wasteland of flesh and gray matter. Then after getting involved in some intense sport, engage in some competition, gotten beaten the crap out of them, but in the process developed, discipline, humbleness, drive, all the other things came more naturally.

Self awareness is that ability you have to know how far you can go, what your limitations may be, and how far beyond can you push. If you have been in situations in which failure was imminent and lived through it to live another day, you self awareness becomes stronger and begin to understand that is the process that counts.

Intelligence we can say that is innate, but again, it has to be nurtured, some recent research found that there is not just one intelligence, but Seven, thus you can say that Michael Jordan, in his way is as intelligent as Einstein. And is not about learning mathematics, but the many other skills that make the human condition.

Charisma can be considered innate, but you take a group of kids and teach them leadership skills, train them, work them in how to keep each other motivated, and you will be surprised what you can do.

Honesty is a completely learned thing. Is the principles you abide by and are define by your environment.

Humbleness is definitely a leaned thing. You only become humble when someone has beaten the crap out of you. When you have leaned to sacrifice for your teammate. We don't teach this enough unfortunately. And partly because most boys these days are the results of homes where they got everything and had no discipline. So when this little prima donal demigods find out that to the world they are nothing but a bug, they come here and have a pity party. Humbleness is something that even though movies show it, such as Saving Private Ryan, it is only on the field of life, when you sacrifice to protect your mate, that this sticks.

Sensuality can also be leaned, but it may appear to be innate because sensuality is the result of the above. If you try to work on your sensuality all you will achieve is look like a clown. But if you work on all the other issues that define "character" you will achieve sensuality. I know guys that are ugly as sh it, yet are killer with the ladies. Yet this are people you will go to battle with because they have develop the other qualities that make a boy into a man.

Anyway, I am not arguing with you, but rather expanding on this idea. And I think you do understand since you are a competitive athlete.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 73
Agree or Disagree: If a person has a good personality you can make yourself sexually attracted
Posted: 4/16/2009 9:19:20 AM
Maybe some of us are thinking more long-term, too?
At the beginning, I wouldn't be able to get past someone who, say, has horrible burns all over. However, once I loved the man, and then he got burned, I could look past it because at a certain point you just don't see the outside any more, you only "see" the personality.

That's an extreme example, but I'm sure we've all been there: I dated a guy who was totally hott, but after a while, I saw only his great personality. But, every once in a while, he'd walk in the room and smile at me and I'd realize, "DAMN! He's HOTT!!"
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