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 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 2
bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You are not responsible for anything she does. If you WERE responsible, wouldn't you want her to be healed and happy? Of course. So, let go of the 'did I do the right thing' thinking.

Until she gets a handle on her own situation, she has no business being in a dating/intimate relationship with anyone. Her focus needs to be on getting herself to be as healthy a young woman as she can be.

My younger son is bipolar--it is heartwrenching to watch his struggle to be healthy. All I can do is be supportive, but I can't walk the path for him. If I could, he would be healed and happy.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 3
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bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/19/2009 9:34:22 PM

Am I wrong to care about what happens to her but at the same time not want to get involved at all?

No. Bipolar is a road that most people travel because they have already developed a relationship with the person by the time they figure out that there is a problem. Bipolar is the term now used to describe what was previously called manic depressive. When someone is dealing with this disorder, they have periods of highs and lows and without medication, very little in-between. People that live with them cannot "make" them happy because when you do what they say they want you to do they then tell you they want something else. If she is unmedicated and is not under a psychiatrist's care, your life would be a nightmare and often is even when the person is trying to manage the condition.

Caring about her shows that you have compassion, and not wanting to be involved illusrates good survival instincts.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 4
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bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/19/2009 9:40:11 PM
Erm... I dunno about anybody else, but to me, it kinda sound like she had you mistaken for somebody else.

Or she's Schizophrenic.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 6
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bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/19/2009 10:29:38 PM
My point was that you seemed to recognize from the get go or she told you that she was bipolar, that there was a problem. Many people can manage to behave normally at work, for example, and they can also shine it on pretty well for a period of months into a relationship. You could have been in a totally normal relationship with this woman for X amount of time and then discovered that she was dealing with this.

You care about her, but don't want to get involved, a choice most people would make if they had that luxury but most people find themselves will involved before it is evident that the person has a serious problem. It's a bit hader to care and also need to detach.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 7
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bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/19/2009 10:37:44 PM

But now she's like with a 35 something year old man and well I haven't really talked to her.
Am I wrong to care about what happens to her but at the same time not want to get involved at all?
If she's with a "35 something year old man" then she's moved on from you .. so no sense worrying about her, It's his responsibility now ..


Caring about her shows that you have compassion, and not wanting to be involved illusrates good survival instincts
exactly!
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 12
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bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/20/2009 8:33:44 AM

She admitted she was going through alot of stress, and would call late at night and sound desperate for me to come and see her. (she lived in a city where I'm near in the summer but not near during the spring and fall semester) Well when I went back home, a day before our date she sent me a text saying that I freaked her out by calling her house 3 times after midnight. Well the only problem was that I was asleep then, and I hadn't called her for 2 days. And so I just thought she was making an excuse to not go through with the date, and so I thought that was all well and good. But then a couple nights ago she calls me up sobbing and saying that she wants to marry me and that if I don't come back to her then she will kill herself. hanged up on her.


Not a DRAMA QUEEN...and not bi-polar....

Borderline....

The 3 calls could have been from anyone....even the 35 year old's OTHER girlfriend.

Sounds to me like she was having problems with him, and would phone you , desperate for me to come and see her.


couple nights ago she calls me up sobbing and saying that she wants to marry me and that if I don't come back to her then she will kill herself.


Borderlines don't react well to rejection, or abandonment....even if it's perceived, and not real. Getting married is a way of HOPEFULLY avoiding above mentioned rejection or abandonment...doesn't often work that way.

Would she kill herself? Possibly....if she gets frantic enough, and doesn't get what she NEEDS (as opposed to WANTS). Although, suicides committed under "frantic" conditions usually mess the person up, physically or mentally, more often than actually killing them.

How do I know....I'm BPD, and bipolar II....I've been there, personally....it's hell, and I'm glad I found my way out.......
 Need2possessu
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 13
bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/20/2009 9:03:57 AM
You are never wrong to care about another person. Especially one that can't effectively take care of their own life. The big thing you need to keep in perspective is that her life, train wreck or not, is going to go on the way she directs it. Personally, I would invest myself as much as I could, without getting on the hook for anything permanent. As nice and as sweet as she may be, its like having a rattlesnake as a pet. Never cross the line between helping and risking your own security or well being. You will be judged fairly in heaven, not by humans or the court system.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 15
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bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/20/2009 6:33:37 PM
I agree with Arpeggia, to a point.

I am the foremost authority on my disorders. Doctors are the second authorities on my disorders.

My disorders were diagnosed separately, years apart.

When I'm having an "episode" I can tell which one is in the foreground, by what my thoughts are. While they appear very similar, the thoughts are very different. Even highly trained psychiatrists can be fooled, unless a specific red flag shows itself at some point.

Some of us may be armchair psychologists/psychiatrists, but we are very informed psychologist/psychiatrists.....
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 16
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bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/20/2009 6:39:18 PM
The only other thing you could have done was call the police, say she called you threatening suicide and give them her address. You certainly should stay far away from her and I would block her from any more contact.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 17
bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/20/2009 10:25:07 PM
79% of the mental drugs taken in the world is taken in the U.S.; if the drug companies had their way we all would be on drugs from birth to death; and some are.

I'm so sick of the misdiagnosing of America; if someone acts poorly its a disorder.

I would NEVER; EVER, date anyone with a disorder or addiction; these people always try to pull out the disorder card when they fail, cheat, lie, steal or do whatever. Do you want that?

I'm sorry; I dont want to date someone that pretty much has an excuse to do what they want to me. I think you shouldn't date her and made the right call; friends ok, let them into your life, no way.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 18
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bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:30:45 AM
Hmmmm 79% of the mental drugs taken by the richest country in the world....who have no Government health plan to yea or nea Brand name, or generic....which raises the price significantly....so the drug companies offer huge incentives to Doctors to stick with their drugs, and prescribe, prescribe, prescribe....I could go on.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 19
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bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:54:34 PM
I understand that the best thing for him is to stay away from her, but how many of you could really hang up on someone you know that just threatened suicide? I know I wouldn't take a suicide threat lightly, especially if someone I knew already admitted they were diagnosed as bipolar. It sounds like she is still alive though.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 20
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bipolar girl-did I handle this correctly?
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:03:36 AM
I understand that the best thing for him is to stay away from her, but how many of you could really hang up on someone you know that just threatened suicide? I know I wouldn't take a suicide threat lightly, especially if someone I knew already admitted they were diagnosed as bipolar. It sounds like she is still alive though.


ok...this is gonna take a minute, bear with me...

Some suicide attempts are to get attention, some are genuine attempts, some are a mixture. One thing is for certain...if the person REALLY wants to die, they will. They will make certain that they don't make a mistake....the method of death is important in this circumstance...gun, hanging....

An attention getting attempt is if the person uses Tylenol, aspirin....you get the drift...they would get very sick, USUALLY, before they ingested enough to kill them.

A genuine attempt is a real attempt that just doesn't work for whatever reason...usually method.

A mixed attempt can be either an attention getting, or genuine attempt, where the person calls for help (attention), or chickens out ( genuine) after using (ingesting, slicing wrists) the method.

Not all suicide attempts are for attention it sometimes takes more than one try to be successful (sorry, but that's what it's called).

The answer to a threat of suicide....call an ambulance.....right away...don't argue.....get the location of the person, hang up, and call.

This seems harsh and cruel, but you are showing the person what will happen if they keep on threatening. If the person is just threatening, they will be mortified when the ambulance shows up, and they may get taken to the hospital anyway. If they have actively done something, spending a night in a hospital room with a guard looking at them through a window will give them a little wake up call to think twice before they threaten again......

I've threatened, and been threatened.....this works.
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