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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 hrdwkgman
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 1
what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Ive been seeing this one woman for 7 years now on and off, its been pretty much just an every now and then thing!! (guss u can say friends with benefits).
For the last 2 and a half years after she told me to get my own place and she will move in with me, it just has never happened!! She just dont wanna commit to a full time relationship and is satisfied with couch surfing with friends and family!! She shows up once a month for a weekend and thats about it!! I dont wanna stay tied up in this relationship but dont know how to break it off!!!! I do love her but cant stand it anymore!!!
The biggest problem im facing here is that Im a 1 woman man and dont feel right looking for a soul mate or even someone to hang out with and just have fun with, i feel guilty like im doing someone wrong, can u feel me on this??? Please help , any suggestions????? Thanks Deltonamike
 agenteightysix
Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 2
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History
what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 12:45:04 PM
This girl is using you! I think it is cool you are a respectful guy. My opinion is to make more friends, guys and girls. If you increase your friend base you will not feel so alone when you realize she is truly gone, or using you. You do not need to sleep with someone else but, you should start making new friends. At least give yourself some outlets.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 3
what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 12:58:10 PM

I dont wanna stay tied up in this relationship but dont know how to break it off!!!! I do love her but cant stand it anymore!!!


You break it off by saying you aren't satisfied with a sometime relationship and that you're moving on to find someone who does want more. Then you say, sorry, no more weekend visits cuz I'll be spending my weekends either finding or being with someone who wants what I want. Yes, it's an uncomfortable thing to say to someone but your alternative is to continue with the status quo and keep repeating the above quote forever and ever. You have choices...so make them and stop complaining about your lot in life.
 sweetest_lady
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 4
what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 1:08:51 PM
There is soooo much wrong with this situation on sooooo many levels!

I don't understand your living situation. You are a 41 year old man but don't have your own place?

You have put up with this crap for 7 years? Yet you haven't told her what you really want or she hasn't bothered to hear you since you continue to allow it? For what reason other than being a less than 1 woman man?

Who doesn't want to let go? It sounds like you are hooked on her but can't get it right!

It's simple!!!! Tell her what you want and go find it in a decent relationship which doesn't include her. My gosh, you are just wasting your life away and you are just now getting it! Grow up! Get real!

 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 5
what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 1:24:30 PM
Seven years...hmmm...and the guilt.

That's a long time to be in a casual relationship. It may be that at least for the first few years, this arrangement worked for both of you for reasons only you know. The trouble started when you wanted more from her and wanted her to move in with you, and she mislead you to believe she wanted the same. Sounds like she's not one to settle down. You both want different things at this point in your lives. You've outgrown her.

I suspect that you may have met someone else, and want to move forward in your life, and this FWB is a big problem because the arrangement has been an established pattern for so long.

Nothing written in stone that says you can't have this woman in your life as a friend.
Time to tell her you are moving forward in your life, and you will not tolerate her dropping in for her monthly connection. It isn't working for you any more. You have the right to want what you want OP, and she'll either accept it, or she won't. If she doesn't it's her loss and your gain.

Good luck.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 6
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what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 3:43:15 PM
Let me get this straight.
You are pretty much seeing someone as a FWB?
She doesn't want to commit to a relationship?
She is surfing your couch/bed once a month for a weekend?
Whose couches is she surfing the other 28-29 days a month?

If you want to end it, then find your testicles where ever it is you last left them, velcro them back on and tell her. That is, if you really DO want out and just don't want her to settle down and be a one man woman with you.
 hrdwkgman
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 7
what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/3/2009 2:36:18 PM
id have to say u have given the best advice of them all, and yes, it is a clear or unclear situation im in, and I thank u for ur words of being clear about what i want out of the relationship!! I have told her many of times i want a more committed relationship out of this and she refuses, DUUUUHHHH, what does that tell me????? It is time to move on, u are right, i must do what i must do!!! TY Deltonamike
 hrdwkgman
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 8
what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/3/2009 2:40:43 PM
ohhh yeah, its that simple after 7 years
 hrdwkgman
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 9
what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/3/2009 2:47:20 PM
maybe I am the one that cant let go, maybe its both of us, I dunno, All i know is it just doesnt feel the same anymore, even the sex aint there anymore, she just left today after being back for 4 days this time, i slept with her once in the 4 days, hell, we used to get it on 3 4 times every time we seen each other!!! And I have gotten a bigger circle of friends so it does consume more of my time, I was going to poker events almost every night when shes not around, mingling with everyone, seeking something better i guess, and when she comes around I dont go to my poker events and try to spend time with her, but when i do decide to go to an event, she gets mad at me then leaves the next day!! I just dont get it, WTF is goin on with her, yes, i know a man can never figure a woman out, this has been proven, so am i just wasting my time??? I found out that she is asking around to my friends if im seeing someone else??? whats that suppose to mean, is she worried her piece of meat is being shared??? Or what?? As far as the rest of the time if shes on someone elses couch, I have no clue, been told that before!!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
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what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/3/2009 2:53:19 PM
I don't date men who have FWB partners. This is why, they are already tangled up in some type of relationship whether they keep having sex while in a relationship with me or they spend their time trying to keep at arms length from the woman they are screwing anytime they don't have a girlfriend. It's like saying I can't possibly go without sex or a woman hanging around for more than a few so if we have any kind of problems, I've got my buddy here to hop into bed with and feel better. It's a trait I'm not interested in. It's fine for those who enjoy it, it's not something I want in my life, it's a deal breaker for me in choosing to date a man.

It doesn't seem to be working well for you and I agree it's kind of insincere for you to be looking for someone else when in fact you'd drop everything for this women if she'd move in with you. She likes stringing you along and you see her as someone you want to be with even though she hasn't wanted you in the same way. Who would want to be involved in that kind of mess??? It's funny, people can go all nuts about me being separated, haven't seen my husband in over 29 years, zero contact, yet people jump to the conclusion that I'm still hung up on him....yet BWF where one is screwing away with a non-romantic friend anytime someone else isn't available, that's okay. Blows the mind.
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