|girlfriends daughterPage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3)|
If you don't get along with a child, then you're the one with the problem and the kid doesn't need your drama. You are a great strain on the child, too.
Posted: 4/21/2009 4:04:13 PM
|Only your gf can discipline her child. You either have to come together as an alliance on how SHE disciplines her, or move on.|
Posted: 4/21/2009 4:06:35 PM
I have dating a girl for 2yrs and she is always trying to control my life... For example ....I ve always wanted a motorcycle and she is totally against it!! She says if I buy one she will dump me....Anytime I want to purchase something expensive she freaks out!!! I dont know what to do!! We dont live together but are talking about buying a house.....All my friends say to dump her but I do love her,even though she drives me crazy sometimeswhy would you live together? Give the kid a break.
Posted: 4/21/2009 6:20:31 PM
I read both your posts about your girlfriend and it seems you've put up with quite a bit from her...I believe you must really love her or you wouldn't have hung in there this long.
I don't agree with the posters here who attacked you regarding your mate's daughter; children can be rude and hurtful due to their own psychological/emotional needs and cause a lot of stress on the person dating their parent. Since we're not there to see the interaction I can only say if her daughter is "acting out" in a way that is hurting you and causing a further divide between you and your girlfriend, and you feel you've done your part in trying to reach out to her daughter, then you need to see if your girlfriend is making any effort to calm the situation and attempt to build a relationship between you and her child.
If your partner sees you as the problem and refuses to try to do that, then yeah, I think in the long run it will always be between you.
Good Luck! You sound like you've given your relationship a lot of consideration.
Posted: 4/21/2009 6:20:40 PM
How rude and obnoxious of you - gee I wonder why you're single?
Yes, just how rude and obnoxious can one get, to say....gee I wonder why you're single...pot meet kettle.
According to the OPs two posts, he doesn't like the girlfriend and he doesn't like the daughter and what he really wants is a motorcycle, so break up and buy the bike.
Posted: 4/21/2009 6:44:56 PM
|If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!!!|
You buy the mom, you get the kid. Its a package deal. If you can't develop a long term strategy to handle the relationship between you and her daughter aside from ignoring her, leave!!! When you take up the commitment with mom, you accept all her baggage also. Without a strategy, YOU are going to be the wedge between her and her daughter. Making mom choose between the two of you on a regular basis is not fair to anyone involved. You as the adult, need to make an adult decision here. Lets face it, you can't spend the next four years with fighting in the household. If you truly care about the woman, prove it by walking away.
Posted: 4/21/2009 7:16:02 PM
|I thought my 14 year old boy would 'get' the situation and find my gf a buzz but instead he was mean with no provocation. Sorta wish she'd used her black belt to kick his butt. My sis was the same way when she was 14 and my dad lived with a blonde in Montreal. My stepmom has (maybe as a result) always disliked us kids - now 700 years later. It's adolescence, and as my kid says, "she's an interloper".|
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:07:15 AM
|I would leave her. I couldn't be with someone or respect them if they couldn't raise their child properly. This brat sounds like she could be trouble or even dangerous. It's not worth risking your sanity or you and your child's possible safety.|
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:49:49 AM
i agree with Landra. it's really NONE of your business if she is spoiled or rude, she's NOT your kid.
Totally disagree with this statement.
It's not a matter of is it your kid or not. If a kid is spoiled, rude or disrespectful you have the right to be respected at least in your own home. Yes, you are not the father and is not your job to discipline them, but as you would not put up with sh it from some stranger in your house, nor should you from such creature. If such person disrespected me in my house I would tell her to leave. If the mother then does not address the issue, and since you will have to put up with that woman as well and is a package deal, I would tell her to either do something about it or SHE can leave as well.
There's nothing wrong with telling such spoil person something like this:
"Excuse me? Excuse me? Is that the way you talk to your teachers? Is that the way you address your principal in school, or other adults? Perhaps that explains why you are always in detention? Perhaps it explains why the coached kicked you out of the team? So, here's the deal. Right now you are in my house and in my house my rules are law. You do not raise your voice in my house. If you have a problem with that you can open the door, go outside and wait for when your mother is ready to leave. Oh, you can talk like that to your father? Then do that to HIM. NOT me, not in my house. So here's the door."
Posted: 6/7/2009 8:38:54 AM
"Telling a teenager when to do her homework, what to eat, how to dress..." are not capital offenses. Perhaps they are to a teenager, but it is most likely not meant in any way other than the new partner trying to be involved with a child when she spends time with them. Especially if they've known each other for a while.
And, if the person giving such "advice" has never had children, perhaps they aren't aware that that's not the thing to do.
I would think at some point one of the parents should POLITELY explain to the girlfriend/boyfriend that it creates resentment in their child, and it's best for any suggestions to come directly from one of the parents.
Since it is not abuse in any way, shape or form, it doesn't deserve "punishment" of any kind.
That includes rude behavior, from the child or her parents.
Posted: 6/7/2009 10:18:50 AM
|ButterflyEffect (by the way, I'd give you your "squiggly line" but I can't find it on my mac! LOL)|
I wasn't saying that you implied abuse. What I was trying to say is that when a new person comes into a relationship, interacts with a partner's child, and after a bit feels comfortable or close enough to input suggestions like "homework, nutrition, clothes" etc. it's not abusive. So, in essence, for the child to be rude because they resent such input, or the parent to defend their child's rudeness because of the "input" is, in my opinion, not acceptable. Overstepping boundaries (most of the time innocently) shouldn't be considered abusive and therefore be punishable.
By punishment I mean should not be treated with rudeness (and seemingly acceptable rudeness) by the child or being dumped by the parent he/she is dating.
Since I only responded to your first post where the input wasn't highlighted to such an extent as your post to me, I can understand where your past situation might be deemed extreme and frustrating. I don't think I would have been able to tolerate your ex husband's girlfriend! LOL.
And there are degrees of rudeness or acting out by children. It can be just not liking you and "slamming the door," or it can be much worse as the OP implied.
Hope that clarifies my stance.
I also agree with Lambro59.