Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why would you want to remain friends with an ex      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2
Why would you want to remain friends with an exPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Unless you both disagree to the point of never speaking again, why wouldn't you remain friends? You can decide dating isn't for you and still be friendly and civil with someone...
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:19:14 PM
I stay friends because I liked them as people in the first place or I wouldn't have dated them..and none of my shorter term relationships have ended because of some terrible behavior either...just mismatches mostly..that's not to say I socialize with all of them...but, most of them I remain friendly with, and some I keep in contact with...there has only been one person in my entire life I would never speak to again...and that one was only about a year...

I tend to be someone who likes to maintain long term friendships, and stay friendly with most people...just think it is a better way to be generally...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:26:56 PM

WIP - Certainly a point. Would you be speaking about an ex who was simply someone that one dated for awhile, or would you be speaking of an ex as someone you were with for an extended period and had more of an emotional investment with...or both?

Both. Two weeks, two months, two years, whatever. No reason not to be friendly...some you remain in contact with, some you meet for dinner/drinks once in a great while to catch up, some you chat with if you happen to bump into them somewhere....

I agree with Zangie, if I dated the guy, I can't see why I'd not remain friends with them - even if we didn't jive as SOs.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 8
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:29:28 PM
I think it all depends on the people. I have some ex's that I have remained friends with because the break up was done respectfully and without malace. I also have some ex's that have not remained a friend because it hurt one of us too much to be around the other and not be together. People are different and take things differently, so its a really hard to judge.

When it comes to relationships where young children are involved that can sometimes be a problem if there is shared custody and the break up was bitter.

There is also the issue of "what caused the break up". IMO if a break up was due to cheating, lying or some other nasty reason like breaking the law, I would not have any reason to want to be friends with someone who was of such poor character who made bad judgements.
 agenteightysix
Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:35:00 PM
It is a great way of learning what people are capable of through time. It tests your character by learning to forgive, and might mean maturity if you can control erratic behavior. Chances are you ex is not a evil person but spite and hatred can make them seem that way.
I do not think it is always a good idea. Sometimes it is just healthier to have that person out of your life.
 Kimberish925
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:53:57 PM
Because he was what I call my "emotional twin". We truly understood each other, from politics to stupid commercials that would make us cry or laugh until we cried. During the relationship he was by far the best lover I had ever had, and for a short time after we broke up (and after amonth of no contact) that got even better. We broke up because we realized we wanted different things. Him, never married, no children, wanted children of his own. Me, married 17 years with 2 teen+ plus children, was done with that phase of my life. The FWB ended once he wanted to explore other intimate options. The friendship remains now 2 years after. We don't see each other as often but do stay in touch and know that if either one of us needed the other, we would be there. Just no more FWB, simply a true unconditional friendship.
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:57:51 PM
"Why would you want to remain friends with an ex?"

Unless the "Ex" was not truly a good human being in the sense that
they intentionally inflicted emotional harm on others, why not
transition into friends? Because "NOT IN LOVE" does not mean
you don't treasure the good times and maybe a piece of your
heart will always be with them. Breakups don't always have to
be nasty or harsh. If you just grew apart, hold on to a true friend.
True friends are a rare treasure.
 Yankee_Girl
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:56:05 PM
I have an ex that we just work better as friends than as a couple.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:19:14 PM
You can date someone and get on well but not be suited romantically and unless significant character flaws emerge, why not remain friends?
 2HEDZ
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:22:42 PM
there is no specific reason. i am friends with some of my exes and others want to dismember me. every situation is different. i didnt set out to remain friends with any of them we just continued to talk after things cooled down or we remained at war for life.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 26
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:46:53 AM

Why would you want to remain friends with an ex?

Cause he's hilarious. His social/dating life is also much more entertaining than my own. He's also there if/when I need someone. He's also the Executor of my Will, I think it's wise to keep in touch in case I die, he needs to know.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 31
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:37:57 AM
Shared experiences, because you were friends first, he knows you so well you can ask him "embarrassing" questions and he can answer them, lots of reasons to remain friends with the ex with whom you parted ways NICELY.

But there are just as many reasons not to, depending if the spearation/break-up was a bad one: he hurt me so bad I can't get past it, I lost respect for him when I found out how he reacted to certain situations, he is still angry at me, etc.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 32
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 11:36:45 AM
I only enter into relationships with men I find admireable and that I enjoy spending large amounts of time with. If it becomes clear that we aren't suited for the long term, whole deal - it doesn't mean that those things I initially found appealling have left or ended.
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:00:22 AM
It's not good to "burn bridges," you did them once upon a time....Hell, maybe you'll want to do em again in the future. You know, there just may be the proverbial..."slow time."
 Lily0923
Joined: 5/28/2008
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:10:42 AM
I have exs I'm friends with, I have exs I'm not friends with, yet friendly when I see them, and I have exs who have felt my wrath.... It depends on the level of respect.

ex1: we dated for a few months, found we wanted different things in our life, but enjoy each others company. We had a long adult talk about where we were in our lives and felt that dating was not for us. He is a wonderful person and a true friend.

ex2: He was wishy washy and flakey, and only cared about himself. I don't like him as a person, and don't feel that a friendship is possible, but when I see him I can say "hi, how are things with you?"

ex3: I wouldn't cry if I ran over his head with my car. ON ACCIDENT OF COURSE.

It all depends on the situation....
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why would you want to remain friends with an ex