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 lunarlady0
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 1
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A Broken Heart Is A Terrible ThingPage 1 of 1    
A broken heart is a terrible thing. It leaves you feeling so lost, confused, lonely, unfocused and downright miserable. It reminds you of past hurts and leaves you in doubt about your future, your present, your personality and your desireability. It leaves you feeling like theres part of you missing, like the person who left you packed a part of you in their suitcase. It raises questions about your ability to have a successful relationship, what it might have been that you did wrong, what it might have been like if things had worked out, and the never ending question of WHY? It makes you wonder what little signs you missed, little warnings that things were going wrong. It makes you want to kick yourself for ignoring the signals that you did pick up on. Plans for your future together are dashed to pieces, like a treasure ship run aground on a reef, it contents scattered and left lying in the cold, murky depths. It makes you cynical about the whole idea of love and romance and leaves you bitter towards those who talk about it.

If you can distract yourself with work or other forms of escapism, it doesnt seem quite so bad, but as soon as you have a chance to think it all comes crashing back down on you, leaving you feeling lost and weak. It makes you wonder if the pain will ever go away. It makes you want to stay awake all night in case they miss you and decide to ring you to talk, and it makes you want to sleep all day because the pain is too much to bear.

Waking up in the morning to see the other side of the bed empty, and empty spaces in the room where your loved ones things used to sit makes you want to pull the covers over your head and not have to face the world, or the reality of your situation. Coming home from work is just as despressing. You realise that your partner is no longer there to greet you when you get home, or that they wont be coming home from work, or through the door at all. They wont be there to kiss you and give you a hug because they are glad to see you, or to hold you in their arms as you both drift off to sleep.

Little things are a constant reminder of what you once had and now no longer have. An extra cup or set of dishes in the washing up are no longer there, there is less washing and ironing to be done, one less toothbrush and razor in the bathroom, their shoes are no longer by the back door, and there is one person less to cook for. Things that were not a problem or an extra chore, but things that were a happy reminder of your love for each other, things that were a pleasure. You also miss the little messes they make, crumbs on the kitchen bench, some dirty clothes on the bedroom floor or an empty cigarette packet laying around.

Most of all you miss their presence. The way they smile, the sound of their voice, their sense of humour, the sound of their laugh, the jokes you share, the feeling of their lips on yours, their arms around you and their hands on your body. Conversations deep into the night that will no longer happen, relaxation time in the spa that wont be shared, the sounds they make in their sleep you wont hear anymore, and feeling the mattress move as they roll over at night that has been replaced by a cold stillness. Things that you crave for, things you have to accept you have lost.

Leaving the house can be just as lonely. Going to the supermarket where you shared your first shopping trip together, walking past a cafe where you had coffee, seeing someone ride their bike past you, seeing other couples together, seeing someone else wearing an identical shirt to one that belongs to the person you can no longer hold, or recognising someone they used to work with. It all brings it back to home that you have lost someone that you would do anything for. Shopping becomes an even bigger chore when you remember you only need three potatoes instead of four or you dont have to buy another carton of beer so they can have a few cold ones when they get home.

The things you wanted to do together but didnt get a chance to do can hurt just as much. Not going to the outdoor cinema like you had planned, missing out on more walks on the beach because one of you was working, never getting to share the roast dinner you wanted to cook, because you never got around to it makes you want to cry for the memories you didnt get to make.

Photos can be killers. A glimpse of a picture of their smiling face can just about be the end of your strength to keep going. Photos of you together make you want to scream at the world and tear the place apart from the frustration at being helpless to change the way things have turned out.

Phones seem to make it harder, not easier to deal with. Everytime your phone rings or beeps, your heart leaps with anticipation that it could be them, and sinks like a stone when you realise its someone else. You check your phone 50 times a day to see if you have missed a call or message from them and the heartache increases with each passing hour that you dont hear from them. You check your phone 100 times a day to make sure it is still working properly. The temptation to ring or text them is almost too strong to resist, tossing up whether to let them know that you are thinking of them or to give them space so they dont feel like you are hassling them, or putting unwanted pressure on them. If you do give in and send them a text, a 5 minute wait for an answer can feel like 5 hours. No answer at all feels like someone tearing strips off your brain. You carry your phone around in your hand where-ever you go, scared that if you put it down for a few seconds you will miss their call or not hear their text come through. Wanting to hear the sound of their voice again comes with an almost overpowering urge to ring them, it would be so effortless to do, but then you remember that they were the ones who left and probably want to be left alone.

Finding things they left behind can be a mixture of pain and comfort. A couple of shirts, an old cigarette packet or a strand of hair on the pillow are more reminders that they are no longer around, but at the same time feel like a small piece of them has been left behind. It makes you want to hold onto that item, stroking them, rubbing them against your face, trying to keep that person close to you, even though they are thousands of miles away, with a large piece of your heart and your soul.

Sitting outside at night and looking at the stars, knowing that they can see the same stars and moon, wondering what they are having for tea and wishing you could be sharing a meal together, or seeing something in the shops that you know they would like, all add to the despair of finding yourself single again.

You find yourself imagining them in their own house, picturing them cooking tea, sitting outside having a cigarette, sleeping in their bed. This brings back memories of the times you spent together in that house, details of everything as vivid as if you were still there, still creating memories.

No number can be related to the amount of tears you cry, the amount of times you think of the person your heart is aching for, or the amount of times you wish things had turned out different.

Even when you are busy you cant seem to stay focused on the task at hand. You could be run off your feet at work and still find your mind wandering to memories or thoughts of the person you love but can no longer have. Work colleagues will ask you how you are doing and if you are feeling any better, not realising that the simple act of asking these questions, trying to show that they care, brings it all back to you like a Mac truck narrowly missing you as it speeds down the road. Although the sentiment is appreciated, it leaves you wishing that they hadnt asked at all. Having to hold it together and not start crying takes so much strength and will-power that it leaves you exhausted, but you have to square your shoulders and find the ability to carry on, get the job done properly and somehow put on a happy face.

You quickly start to hate the sight of taxis and detest the sound of planes taking off. With each plane you hear leave you wonder if someone elses heart has just flown away.

Things that used to be important now seem trivial. Things like the last time the floor was swept, how long the same dirty dishes have been sitting on the bench or whos turn it is to empty the rubbish bin. Brushing your teeth before going to bed or shaving your legs really dont seem important anymore. They just dont seem to matter compared to what you are going through now.

Having a broken heart makes you want to curl up in a corner and cry yourself into oblivion. It makes you want to erase your memory so you cant remember how much you loved them and how much it hurts to have them gone. It makes you want to leave everything behind and run off to find them, to beg them to love you again, to give it one more go. It makes you want to get blind drunk and smoke a whole packet of cigarettes. It makes you want to hurt yourself.

A broken heart is a terrible thing and it makes me wonder if it is better to have never loved at all.
 isolate
Joined: 1/13/2009
Msg: 2
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 6:31:46 AM
Wow! What a beautiful and well written post!! You have nicely described this gut-wrenching, devastating experience. Thank you for sharing your impressions!

All true Lunarlady. I would add that good friends will help you survive through to the other side. And faith that you are not meant to suffer forever. Change and regrowth is inevitable.

Heartbreak comes into our lives to teach us something about ourselves. As hard as it is to accept, this breakup may have happened for many reasons - not all about "us" either. Some relationships are simply not meant to last.

After almost 5 months I can now look back somewhat philosophically. Ache is still there though. Life does move on.

Stay positive Lunarlady, there is someone better for you in your future. You will never forget what once was. They may always have a piece of your heart, but we are meant to love again.
 Augustin595
Joined: 1/22/2008
Msg: 3
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 10:30:20 AM
Thank you for putting in words those feeling.

As you curl up in a corner to cry yourself to oblivion, the rest of the world keep moving.
You would want the world to stop in it's tracks, at least acknowledge that your story was special that this heartbreak is unlike any other before. That for you it was real love. You slowly come to realize that everything stays unchanged except for you. The fact that this thing that mattered so much to you and is now gone. The fact that the world seems so unaffected by it makes you so angry and sad.
But at truth, The show must go on.
 collecting moments
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 4
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A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 11:12:39 AM
It is better to never have loved at all.
 hockey1231
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 5
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 3:36:14 PM
Lunarlady -

Thank you for this all too true writing... its beautiful and sad and real and exactly what anyone who has ever suffered feels.
 James Bottomtooth III
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 6
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 4:22:44 PM

...A broken heart is a terrible thing. It leaves you feeling so lost, confused, lonely, unfocused and downright miserable. It reminds you of past hurts and leaves you in doubt about your future, your present, your personality and your desireability. It leaves you feeling like theres part of you missing, like the person who left you packed a part of you in their suitcase. It raises questions about your ability to have a successful relationship, what it might have been that you did wrong, what it might have been like if things had worked out, and the never ending question of WHY? It makes you wonder what little signs you missed, little warnings that things were going wrong...


...and if you are able to learn from that and move on you will be stronger for it.

Humans need to fail and feel pain to get stronger, so embrace the hurt and sorrow and take that energy and feed off of it.

or

whine / complain.


I find the 1st one works the best for me, but what ever floats your boat.
 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 7
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A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 4:54:52 PM
...and then, you realize there were lessons to be learned from that relationship, and you focus on those.

I don't believe that a broken heart is a terrible thing. Everything that went into creating that broken heart was done (if one was a consenting adult) with free will. Now comes the time to question why?
Why did I _______________?
Why didn't I _____________?
What did I ______________?

That broken heart is a mirror to the relationship. 'Never to have loved...'? Maybe for a movie ending--in real life? Love, if it is honestly love, is never wasted, never in vain.

Learn the lessons and keep climbing. If we pay attention, those broken hearts can become great healers.
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 8
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 7:17:41 PM
A moving post...for sure. Much of it is felt thru being a widow also. Only we get to think of our loved one sometimes " in a cold grave', of their pain.....our pain that may never leave.
A broken heart is terrible...but I would think the worst that could happen to someone...is to NEVER have experienced Love.
I hurt more than I ever thought humanly possible....but I would do it again in a minute for all we shared.
At some point you look back and smile for all the good times.......and the pain is not as bad.
 lunarlady0
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 9
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A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 7:19:44 PM
Thanks guys

Took alot out of me to write that, but in some ways it has helped me to look forwards, pull my socks up and get on with it.
 TheArkhamCircle
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 10
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 7:27:40 PM
I tend to take the High Fidelity road to a broken heart. I examine what I did, compare, I get almost analytical about it, which is probably a fatal flaw in me. Gods know that It takes me a long time to get over relationships, especially ones that I spent any significant time in. The best thing I've found is to write everything you feel down, even if it's only for you. Don't let anyone else read it. Just, let it all out, all the pain, rejection, anger, frustration, just scream at the blank page until you can sit back and be objective. Then forgive. That' s the hard part. Believe me, I'm there now. And I feel alive again. Good luck to you. Peace. -Joe.
 moonshines
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 11
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:30:33 PM
I agree with the one who said "better to never have loved at all", the poster above :|
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 12
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 11:05:34 PM
this post is scary;

When some people; especially women; have come to the end of a relationship, they make themselves miserable by romanticizing it over and over just like your very long post just did.

The reality is it was not magical and incredible or it would still exist. Obviously the person that left didn't think it was magical or even worth staying for.

You need to stop the flowery words, cry it out, stop feeling sorry for yourself and go live.

I know a friend at 29 that just was diagnosed with a near fatal form of cancer; I have another that at 28 needs a heart transplant. there are children dying of cancer, and families all over the world being killed by war, or dying of starvation.

THATS BEING BROKEN HEARTED.

I'm not trying to downplay your pain but I got angry listening to your flowery pity party; of course it's sad; and we've all gone through it; but I was also brought up by good parents that helped me learn to deal with adversity.

A broken heart healed, is a better thought. good luck.
 lunarlady0
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 13
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A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/24/2009 11:15:59 PM
Everyone has there own way of expressing how they feel, this is my way.

I have already cried it out, iv'e cried so much that a friend ended up taking me to hospital where i was told that i was having a breakdown and spent the next 10 days in hospital.

Excuse me for posting something that I thought most people on this site could relate to.
 jimmyourkid
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 14
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/25/2009 8:08:49 AM
Its the same as greiving, you'll be alright, you'll get over it. First of all write down all the things that you didn't like about X and focus on those. Keep yourself busy and occupied at all times, when you do start thinking of X stop straight away and change the mental slide. I think it takes 100 days to get over someone, mark it in your diary. After a while you'll think wow i haven't thought about x for the last hour, then it'll be half a day then a whole day and so on until you no longer give a shit! you'll get there. And finally you probably cant even begin to think about this but nothing gets you over one person like the next and it will happen, trust me, what do you really think you'll be alone for ever. no you wont.
 bella4908
Joined: 8/21/2006
Msg: 15
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/25/2009 6:18:34 PM
All a broken heart does is remind you of what a good selfless person you are and what an ingrate the person who left is! Not everyone has the ability to love so consider yourself special!
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 16
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/25/2009 6:54:31 PM
The reality is it was not magical and incredible or it would still exist. Obviously the person that left didn't think it was magical or even worth staying for.

You need to stop the flowery words, cry it out, stop feeling sorry for yourself and go live.


While I UNDERSTAND your prospective on the subject......it is not always true.
My marriage was INDEED magical and him dying was neither of us' choice.

Another example for me... is my mother.
She was engaged to a young man when he went into the Army. The letters became less and less as both were on opposite side of the world and questioning the outcome...and very young.
She married my daddy, but never got over him. He married soon after and brought his wife back to the states.
As fate would have it, I was a waitress when I was 16....and he was a regular customer. I didn't know the signifigance of this relationship, but I did recognize him as someone in my mother's picture box.

Both were divorced.

I mentioned her to him, and then we all met at another resturant a few weeks later.
They were inseperable, and married a year later. They were married22 years before she died. He was LOST!!

Only the people involved can know what was magical, what happened...sometimes just palin stubborness or outside problems can cause a small rift which widens until BOTH parties are hurting tremendously, but pride keeps them from being the one to go back.

I think most people, men and women have felt the majority of what she has written.
A good pity party is good for healing!!
I think it was a great post!!
 Lukiano
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 17
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/25/2009 7:27:50 PM
Congratulations on creating a well received post!
kudos
 Chuck65201
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 18
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/27/2009 3:24:24 AM
Very well presented and it says everything I have too often times felt myself deep with in. Wow ya it really is what I feel too often times.

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and love with us all.
 bevt
Joined: 4/13/2009
Msg: 19
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/27/2009 3:26:46 PM
First of all the man who said "cry it out" bla bla bla, has obviously never loved deep enough to feel the pain. I am sure he will disagree and probably post his opion to my post, but the truth is the truth. There is always someone, somewhere who is worse off than you. Knowing that does not ease the pain at all. You can feel compassion for those people and still have the terrible pain of a breakup. My man walked out on me after 12 years, without giving reason. The worse part is, he insists on keeping in touch a couple times a week. I have finally set my phone to not ring when he calls. It hurts too much and is a reminder of what used to be. I finally had to go to the doctor and ask for medication. She said that on the list of stressors that is used by health care professionals, death of a spouse is #1 and seperation is #2. I think I would have to disagree. Dont get me wrong, death is a terrible thing, but at least it is final. Unless it was suicide, you dont have to torture yourself with the whys and what ifs. Well that's my opinion and, after all, everyone is entitled to one.
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 20
A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/27/2009 6:46:01 PM
bevt,
Ah but the biggest difference is...at least for me......is later you look at the man that hurt you and humiliated you...and see him without the eyes of love and wander " what in the h*ll was I crying about?"
Whereas with the loss of a LOVING spouse that dies, you are just left with a part of you missing..the part that made you who you were...you know that he loved you beyond measure and you will never go to bed angry at him.
He didn't remove himself..it was beyond our control. You do question God and then finally just thank Him for the love you had.You will never wish for the memories to go away...they are wondeful memories,and no what ifs. You know you lived every day God gave you together as a gift.

Separation with so many questions has to be devastating....but they is a light at the end.

I just recently saw the man that turned my world upside down when I first started dating again. I thought at one time I really cared. His betrayal and lies cut me deep.
I saw him and even though it was pleasant....it was a great closure. My blinders were off. I feel good that we no longer ignore or feel any animosity toward each other...but I thank God for letting me go thru that pain...then seeing what he really was.

A broken heart is a terrible thing, but when the man comes along that DESERVES you, you will be so glad this other man is out of your life.
Best wishes
 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 21
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A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/27/2009 8:31:19 PM
I just can't go along with this idea of a broken heart being a terrible thing. I think that self-pity is a terrible waste of time and energy. I think that unresolved anger is a massive misdirection of energy. But I cannot be convinced that a broken heart is a terrible thing.
Unless I lose a child--then it's a no-brainer. And, I'm not talking about losing a beloved spouse--that's a different heartbreak, altogether.

I've watched too many people hang on to a terrible relationship because they thought it was 'love'. I've seen couples in screaming matches, and then profess their 'love' for one another. I've been on the receiving end of the '...I need some space...' conversation. And, at one time, I believed that my heart was broken.

Then I got real.

Pain is there for good reason. Why had I allowed myself to be used/manipulated/taken for granted/unappreciated? Because I thought it was 'love'.
The heartache was the medicine I needed to reevaluate my life and determine who I was and where I wanted to be.
I spent four years not dating. It was four years spent in introspection with a good solid dose of reality. Blaming the ex meant that I was still in the vortex of the 'my heart is broken' storm. I had to ask and re-ask the above questions many times--until I got it.

I, and I alone, am responsible for the state of my heart. Grieve, own, accept, resolve, forgive, and move on.

I quite appreciated my 'broken' heart.
 ~SparklingRose~
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 22
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A Broken Heart Is A Terrible Thing
Posted: 4/27/2009 8:41:22 PM

this post is scary


Interesting one would find it so.

Perhaps it is those that do, that need the message that this OPost imparts, the most.

_______________________________________________________________


Thank you for sharing, OP... (((Hug)))

IMO: Yes... it is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all. To never love, or worse still, to never allow yourself to be able to love, or receive love, to that significance of depth again, after experiencing this type of pain, is unfair to self, equivalent to the Planet of One... not merely the Island of One that we all feel exiled to, to an extent, when going through the worst throws of having one's heart broken, that is necessary to experience, before finding the path to healing... not miring oneself in bitterness.
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