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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?      Home login  
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 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 1
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Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Do we create our own realities, whether we are conscious of it or not? Are most of us unaware of the power of our thoughts and so react to life on "auto-pilot", and therfore create "unconsciously"? Are we aware that it is our thoughts that create our reality? Can we then consciously choose different thoughts, therefore creating a different reality -or "creating consciously"? If we are the creators of our own life, and we don't like what we have created, can we simply choose to change our thoughts to create a new reality for ourselves ? Are we more powerful than we realize? Do we "consciously or unconsciously" choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 2
Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:25:47 AM

Do we create our own realities, whether we are conscious of it or not?


This question should instead be "can we". Really you have to determine first if you believe that this is possible before determing if you do it or not.

I DO believe it is occasionally possible to the extent that we control our own behaviors and thought, however I do not believe that we can unconsciously control or manipulate the behaviors and reactions of others.


Are most of us unaware of the power of our thoughts and so react to life on "auto-pilot", and therfore create "unconsciously"?


I think some individuals are unaware of the "power" of our thought processes. I feel that people who have dealth with a personal life trauma that involves pain control, or depression, alleviaitng stress or your perception of the trauma by controlling your thoughts and your own internal positivity, those people have a leg up on others as this becomes a form of surviving the trauma and a coping mechanism.

Christians may call this the power of prayer.


Are we aware that it is our thoughts that create our reality?


I disagree. I do not completely accept that this is true, any more that I except the notion that people in nations uninformed of Christ, or the Bible, who have not accepted Christ in their lives will die and go to Hell simply because their geographical location has forced them to lead a life different from caucasian peoples of European descent.

Thinking repeatedly that you wish you were born in Newfoundland will not alter your state of living, when you are part of the Ubangi tribe in the African plains.

Dorothy, muttering there's no place like New York does not place her ruby reds on the streets of the city.


Can we then consciously choose different thoughts, therefore creating a different reality -or "creating consciously"?


Yes we are capable of choosing out thoughts and controlling them. Without a doubt.
What then does that say about those people who are practicing homosexuals AND Christians who claim not to be able to prevent their sexual proclivities because they are genetically composed differently from others?

You are capable of choosing your thinking, you are also fully capable of recognizing your thoughts and choosing not to act upon them.

I oculd think of making my finances better by robbing a bank. If I choose to then make that a reality by acting upon it, I have created my own reality by my actions and conscientious choices - not because I thought it.

However, if I think of doing so and only allow myself to indulge in the positive outcomes rather than all the negatives - that is delusionsal and not reality. Hence the difference between fantasy and reality.

Again - chosen action as a result of chosen thought process.
All controllable by someone who wishes to be in contol of their own actions.

Many variables there!


If we are the creators of our own life,


I am NOT the creator of my life. Someone else created me. I am the operator of my own decisions. I am the decider to quote the W. Bushman. I choose the path my life is traveling down.


can we simply choose to change our thoughts to create a new reality for ourselves


You bet! It's called insanity. Living within your own mind and making your own world...Xanadu? Walden? Utopia? You may also self-medicate, hallucinate (grow some mushrooms) or....escape from reality to a cabin in Upper Idaho with a large amount of explosives, a wife, and some dried jerky. The world then becomes all yours to control or....blow up.

You can choose to alter your thoughts but creation is an activity that must be physically DONE. Creation being a verb. You are in the act of creating. You must do something other than sit on your ass and think it. Thinking it will only get you bed sores.

I've been thinking for 10 years God will drop my man through the ceiling and into my bed. Hasn't happened...maybe if I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and think until my ears burst it will?

No, it won't.


Are we more powerful than we realize?


I can point my finger and shoot sparks and balls of fire across the living room, I think that's more power than I should be allowed to operate with, but what can I do? One day I pointed and my son and said "go to your room" the firey balls went shooting out, hit the frig, riccochied off the dryer and I blew up two major appliances in one point.

Didn't know my own power.





Do we "consciously or unconsciously" choose our relationship pains and sorrows?


If you fall in love with a meth addict, did you choose to suffer the pain and the sorrow? You cannot choose who you love.
Love happens, sometimes whether you wish it to, know it shouldn't, and cannot control it.

But, we all have the ability and the power to make the choice to NOT allow the disease of loving someone that is unhealthy for us.

Much like homosexuality - you may not be able to control the feelings of desire or love.

But you certainly CAN control your actions, your behaviors, and your own individual desire.

To claim otherwise is unhealthy self-indulgence.

"Sorry, I can't control my own decisions?!"


I tried that on my Mom when I was 17 and didn't show up at the After Prom breakfast, I need to double check but I"m pretty sure I'm still grounded til I'm 50 for that lack of self control.

Others?
End up jailed. So that society can control their lack of self control.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 3
Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:36:11 AM

any utopia of ideology you are preaching...


Was this what he was doing?
I thought he was randomly asking a butt load of questions...my bad!
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 4
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Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:47:36 AM

Are we more powerful than we realize?


I can point my finger and shoot sparks and balls of fire across the living room, I think that's more power than I should be allowed to operate with, but what can I do? One day I pointed and my son and said "go to your room" the firey balls went shooting out, hit the frig, riccochied off the dryer and I blew up two major appliances in one point.


@GoneSailinBabe
Wow! Thats some finger!



 Call Me Sugar
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 5
Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 10:38:26 AM
good idea brunette girl.... lol
Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 10:47:43 AM
Yes, I believe in the Law of Attraction.
Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:03:21 AM

Some of us become "pain junkies" because feeling pain is preferrable to feeling...nothing.


As well, many prefer the 'evil' they know to the unknown.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 8
Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:36:18 AM
Yes, we more often than not create our own realities, however, more often than not people aren't aware of that and choose to blame others for the crap that happens in their lives and only accept the good stuff as having been their own doing.

Yes, we can consciously choose different thoughts and therefore a different reality by extension. An example would be a man or a woman having the thought that the opposite sex is unworthy of them because they've had a single or a few bad experiences with them in the past. They can either keep with the generalization mindset or they can consciously reschool themselves to realize this is not the case and take each individual on their own merits.

Yes, a number of people are more powerful than they realize because they lack the cognitive thought that they are too often the "authors of their own misfortune" by the choices they make and that for whatever way they choose to act or react in any given situation, there will be a reaction. How they choose to deal with whatever that reaction is within their control but, again, it seems to be easier for many to lay total blame on something or someone else.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 9
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Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:37:33 AM
You have to have some idea of what you want, how you can get it. If you keep doing the same thing trying to get different results, you will never get there, so while changing yourself is pretty hard, you can certainly get real and see what's holding you back. For every whine post here, 1000 people will see clearly what the problem is, but very few will actually do what needs to be done to get out of the whiny rut.

It's not so much changing your thoughts as it is really looking at them. What good does it do to cry about yet another man/woman who done you wrong, when the problem is not them, it's you, you keep picking them to be with. Figure out why, and if that takes professional help, so be it, but do something about why you are attracted to losers, instead of whining about the losers. Losers are not ruining your life, you are.

You can tell right away in a post if a person is willing to take responsibility and change how they are living and those who are never going to see their own problems and how it retards their emotional growth. Look for the posts about how mean people are for answering them truthfully, look at all the people calling everyone negative who doesn't agree with them or doesn't treat them like fragile waifs who can't take reality. Look for posters who ask for advice then counter everyone who offers them sound advice while they bond with the posters who pat their widdle heads and egg on their insanity. These people don't want help, they don't even want out of the drama that is their lives, they just want attention and sympathy and someone to tell them it's all the other person's fault.

People have a great capacity to get where they want to go, but they are not only so caught up in their self-absorbed neediness but also in not realizing that many people have overcome things so far beyond what can be imagined, yet these people will sit and wonder things like why me???, why not you. Figure out why you are always in the wrong place and then get the hell out of there. You are the one in the driver's seat, so where are you headed?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:47:26 AM
The problem with what we think we chose is that the consequences of our actions do not necessarily have the result that we want, or we thought we desired. For instance, there are people and particularly women that are enablers. These women mean good and when children, family, SOs gravitate to them they go out of their way to help them, protect them, do things for them. What happens is that instead they end up being used to where the other person doesn't do anything, but why move a finger when it has been done for you. So by doing good, they created the very negative situation that they wanted to avoid.

Then there are people that are constantly seeking happiness, but they pursue it so relentlessly that in the end, they are never happy, they never seem to find that special someone, and when with someone, they are questioning if they are happy so much that eventually they become unhappy because, since they do not understand what that emotion you encompass, happiness is ALWAYS on the neighbor's yard.

So I think it is all cause and effect, and like it is taught in Zen and that is to do without doing, to "be" in a state of positive karma whether you will get anything back or not. This state eventually radiates an energy that works miracles.

There are also undercurrent scripts based on our own paradigms. Thus the abused ends up with another abuser and people repeat their own lives over and over again but with different people.

So how do you break out of that fate, or falling for the same type of individuals. Perhaps you need to look first at what type of personality are you, are you someone who seeks attention, needs to be creative, wants to be alone, has to help people, loves to be the victim, exists on the pity of others. First you need to find what you are. For instance the child that found attention by coming to Mommy showing his boo-boos, grows up to be one of those that tells you of all the injustices that have fallen upon them. They find a person that derives pleasure in giving and even though they are perfect, they completely destroy each other.

Once you know what you are then look at the type of person that you seem to always attract. Trust me, there's a pattern. Then you choose to not fall for that patter or experiment with another personality type.
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 11
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Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:47:47 AM

Do we think wayyyyyyyy too much OP ?

Hmmm. let me think about that and get back to you.


Are most of us unaware of the power of our thoughts and so react to life on "auto-pilot", and therfore create "unconsciously"?

Yes. Some people don't see the "choices" or the "options" that are placed in front of them and just "react" out of their own fears or belief systems.





Absolutely, I think we "choose" pain and sorrow to focus our thoughts on, just as we "choose" happiness and laughter! Some of us become "pain junkies" because feeling pain is preferrable to feeling...nothing. The reactive mind is indeed a very powerful thing. It can actualize anything.




Can someone please explain the phrase " My bad" .... My bad what?? sorry, I'm still trying to figure out how to hook up my VCR. LOL


My bad, but whats a VCR?

 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 12
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Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:45:11 PM
What you are talking about requires recognizing that a pattern exists. A person who feels a sense of guilt, for example, could easily be punishing themselves by moving from one destructive relationship, romantic or otherwise, after another whether they realize that the two things are related or not

Someone could find themselves going from relationship to relationship, none working out because the person is so fixated on getting into the relationship, on loving and being loved, and reliving whatever ghost is chasing them, they never stop to evaluate whether the person is someone they should be getting into a relationship with at all.

Everyone has the power to become more aware of their own hand in their destiny but it requires experience and discipline to rechart your life. You also have to be courageous to let go of the familiar, which while painful, is something that is known rather than the scarier, kind of pain I haven't experienced yet.

I believe that many people who need counseling for example and refuse to get it are frightened at looking at themselves and terrified that if they change, and they really try to make a relationship work from a more authentic place, they could possibly still be rejected, which would hurt a great deal more than if one could easily make the culprit something beyond his/her control.
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 13
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Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 5:41:02 PM

Oh we absolutely create our own reality!!

Go to any arbitrary topic on any one of these forum headings where a person asks a question and if there are 50 responses you can pretty much guarantee that there are at least 47 different answers. Some of them parallel quite closely whilst others couldn't be more at opposite ends of the spectrum.

We create our own reality through our perception of it.


Co-sign 100%. And BTW..... I'm glad those women
beat the Sh*t out of him.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 14
Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/11/2009 7:55:24 PM
the answer OP is totally yes. Look at all the posts from people; I just saw one where a guy lied about being married; lied about having kids; and the girl still stayed with him; then after being thrown away she said,"what a scumbag he was!" THEN WHY DID YOU CHOOSE HIM!

so many deal with what might be instead of what is. Look at the actions, not the words or your perception.
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 15
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Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/12/2009 2:51:52 AM

Look at the actions, not the words or your perception.

Indeed, the actions of perception.


when I am happy everyone else is, when i'm pissed off so is everyone else...we tend to view the world through the window of our OWN soul....


Perception of the moment!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 16
Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:03:27 AM
the first question too many people have to answer is, "do you want to choose?"

That takes taking responsibility. and as a reading of these posts show, too many don't want to grow up, be an adult, and take the wheel of their life. Their perfect partner, is the one that will do it for them--make money so they can spend w/out holding back, add fun and wit to their own lives, be stable mentally so they can go flying off the handle anytime, ground them, etc.

Some people are just born to live on auto pilot, and can't handle sudden bad situations. they keep moving in the same pattern they used yesterday. But, for the most part, the secret is to ask, WHY? Not HOW this particular situation happened, but WHY? what was the real goal someone was trying to reach, by doing this act? what were they trying to make feel better? what hole where they trying to fill in their self identity by doing that materialistic thing?
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 17
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Do we choose our relationship pains and sorrows?
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:50:27 AM

why do i get the idea that you're just asking a bunch of rhetorical questions?


Even most of the Yes/No question are still rhetorical, aren't they?
Each perspective is rhetorical.
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