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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 7
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or ParenthoodPage 1 of 49    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)

I think part of the reason women get blamed more than men is because men have no legal say in determining what happens once a woman becomes pregnant. The decision belongs 100% to the woman. If the man does not want to be a father, he can be forced into it against his will. A woman can not be forced to become a parent.


I have to agree with this 100%
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 9
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:46:13 PM
A man has 0 legal say on what happens after pregnancy. Period.

And on top of that he has to pay child support most of the time. Like you said - it takes 2 to tango, and condoms and birth control are not infallible.

What the op was saying is that a woman with a kid is generally judged more harshly than a man for having children because ultimately having them is/was her choice in several different ways.

 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 14
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 9:59:34 PM

So many single mothers explain their circumstances as the result of an accident. They got pregnant by accident.

They had sex by accident?
So the child gets the death penalty? Adoption is a choice, not getting pregnant in the first place is a choice. Many choose the death penalty for the child because they feel they have no other choice. I admire every woman who did not make the abortion choice. I may think the child would be better off with adoptive parents but I admire the fact they chose life.
 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 15
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:04:35 PM
There is another side of the man having no decision. There are cases where the father wanted the child and the mother decided on the death penalty.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 16
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:22:18 PM
Adoption is always an option. Why should an innocent baby who did not make that decision get the death penalty.

I was not ready to have mine when I did, but I made the decision to have them. They are happy to be here. They both work and are contributing members to society. My youngest is a fireman intern, 4th in State of Illinois.

My parents were married. My father wanted me, my mother didn't. Maybe adoption would have been better than me living my first 7 yrs of being beat up, thrown, hair pulled out, etc by her. My Dad was afraid of divorce as in the '70s moms always got custody. Dad had a plan and won custody, giving me a 2nd chance. (She nearly killed me). I have trust issues, but I work every day to better myself.
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 17
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Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:37:51 PM
what was the point of this thread again??
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 19
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/13/2009 1:50:44 AM
Dude I think you should just give up on this thread.

You're trying to make a logical point about a very emotional issue. The fact that most people are responding thinking you're advocating for abortion just proves this fact. Logic interjected into an emotional issue is almost always contrued as an attack.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 23
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Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/13/2009 9:24:17 AM
If the courts were fair in custody issues and women knew they did not have an almost 100% chance of getting the bulk of the kids time and the likely hood of child support also being ordered against the man, I bet you lots more women would pick abortion. If women thought that the man might get custody and they would also have to pay support to the man, you can bet less would be having the children out of wedlock. You see adoption is only an option for some women if they know the dad does not want the kid also, because then they would be on the hook for support if they went the adoption rout and the dad said I will take the child.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 45
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/13/2009 12:45:05 PM
I am glad I read this thread.

It actually reminded me about how badly I want to get a vasectomy.

I will be getting one this year. Vasectomy + birth control pills = no issues.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 49
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Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/13/2009 7:40:19 PM
That is simplistic OP as well as obtuse. I believe a woman has a right to choose and if I had gotten pregnant when I was young as a result of a rape or casual sex I don't believe I would have chosen to have the child. If I had been young and was pregnant because of failed birth control when I was in a loving relationship, even if my circumstances were "not right," I don't think I could have terminated a pregnancy under those circumstances.

For other people there are religious concerns and it is not to me or anyone else to judge whether those beliefs are valid as long as someone is not trying to impose them on someone else.

It is not so much having the babies, but keeping them that is a choice and some women feel as if in a catch 22, they don't really want to have the baby at that time in their lives but really do not feel able to choose to abort the pregnancy. There are also many women with children who went to the abortion clinic and just couldn't go through with it.

Adoption and abortion carry lifetime emotional scars for women so yeah, be cavalier about one of the hardest decisions a woman may ever have to make.


I also know that many women feign pro-life status in order to have an excuse to have a child, instead of just coming right out and saying, "I wanted a child."

So, women are all plotting to get pregnant by pretending to be pro-life so that they won't have to go through with an abortion.


I forgot to add that adoption is available to women who do not want to abort a pregnancy. This once again makes parenthood a choice.

Yes, because giving up a baby and having no clue where that baby is for the rest of your adult life is fun.


A woman can not be forced to become a parent.

Really, so over the centuries before abortion, no women were forced to have a baby. My daughter knows a girl who is a senior, was poised for a full ride on volleyball. She became pregnant, her mother said she would disown her if she aborted the baby because they are Catholic. This young girl is being forced to not only have a child she is being forced to give up her dream because she can't play and won't get the scholarship. Unfortunately, while a football player that gets a girl knocked up can usually keep his scholarship and the school help the couple get married housing, etc., not the case for women who find themselves in the same position.

You are a writer and sooo not a woman, pfft. Hope you get the material you are looking for for your book. This is a very painful issue for people, you leave me without words. It is unfortunate that men don't have a say in keeping the baby but to imply that women are running around getting pregnant in undesirable circumstances just to have a kid is stupid. There are some that are plotters, yes, but the vast majority are not and the kid should pay for the foibles of its sperm and egg donor?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 52
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Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:01:04 PM
And for hundreds of years men have walked away because they could, period. They still can and some mothers leave as well. What you see as bashing is women who are frustrated that the men are capable of physically, financially and emotionally walking away.

Each case is different and as usual, sweeping generalizations are ridiculous and prove nothing but ridiculous suppositions. And btw, my ex's ex-girlfriend got pregnant to try to keep him. It has pissed me off paying the child support for 18 years but I never once thought the child should pay for her parents' stupidity.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 56
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Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/14/2009 8:26:12 AM

And btw, my ex's ex-girlfriend got pregnant to try to keep him. It has pissed me off paying the child support for 18 years but I never once thought the child should pay for her parents' stupidity.

Interesting that you chose to refute the comment about sweeping generalizations at the beginning of the paragraph but missed that little gem.


How do you think the men feel who are forced to pay child support for 18 years AGAINST THEIR WILL? It's not easy for them, either.

Apparently I do know exactly how that feels like even though I wasn't the moron that didn't keep my pants zipped.
 AmusedMom
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 57
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Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/14/2009 11:22:49 AM
I've always strongly felt that if a person feels they are mature enough to have sex then they should be mature enough to handle whatever "accident" happens.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 63
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/14/2009 6:20:18 PM
Yay for vasectomy!
 Elzeothis
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 65
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/14/2009 6:46:47 PM
Dear OP -

What leg does logic or ration have to stand on when emotion seizes the brain?

The answer is of course, none.


You're trying to make a logical point about a very emotional issue. The fact that most people are responding thinking you're advocating for abortion just proves this fact. Logic interjected into an emotional issue is almost always contrued as an attack.


I have to completely agree with this poster.

No one who has had an abortion is going to come into this thread and post, saying, "I had an abortion, it was the greatest thing I ever did - and boy did it piss my significant other off!" because that is not socially acceptable. It doesn't mean no one has ever done it (I'm sure plenty of people have used unborn children as weapons just as regularly as divorced parents use living children) - but no one is going to come in here and brag about it.

So, putting aside women who will admit to having abortions, you will have women responding who have had children. Those women are not going to agree with you because you are asking them to rationalize choices that were made not logically but emotionally. Even the mom who opted for open adoption admitted she was doing the best she could as selfishly as possible.

When a woman aborts, it is not always done as an act to undermine a mans rights. That does not mean she isn't doing it - but a lot of courts judge our actions by 'intent'; and if the 'intent' is not to make a man feel like he has lost something important or his parental rights, then it seems rather defensive for someone to take it in that manner.

I have to wonder if this is a regular problem for you? Obviously by posting it here and bringing attention to airing out your issues (in the name of gathering research material, I am sure) its possible you are actually making a cry for help. If YOU feel like you made a poor choice in a relationship partner and she DID do you the injustice of depriving you of your paternal rights I am sorry; but its possible that even saying that males have no choice once a pregnancy occurs IS a fallacy because you could have chosen not to impregnate her.

Ultimately, this is turning into a very, VERY circular discussion, and I really do not think you are going to achieve anything other then alienating some mothers (like myself) or otherwise painting yourself to be an insensitive douche here on the forums.

Again - it was your choice to air this here, so please feel free to reap the rewards from your choices, in one fashion or another.


Wishing you good fishing!
~Mai
*^_^*
 Elzeothis
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 67
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/14/2009 7:13:19 PM
... So you couldn't discuss a thread about america's rising number of illegitimate children? You are just spamming this topic all over the forums. I really do think you're just trolling obsessively on this subject, and I'm pretty much done feeding you.


Wishing you good fishing!
~Mai
*^_^*
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 73
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/15/2009 6:15:05 AM
Once again, I think it's funny how many people think this thread is about abortion.

This thread is about how it's 100% the legal right of the mother to decide what happens after pregnancy, so to expect a man to just happily accept her decision on it without being given any input and assume the role of a father is stupid.

Some of the chicks posting on here obviously lost their brains with the afterbirth.


Yay for vasectomy!
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 76
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Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/15/2009 11:07:05 AM

It always takes two to make the baby. Both people should take responsibility of birth control, if they don't want to be a parent.
BUT--- once a woman is pregnant---it is just up to her.


That is correct, BUT unless the man has a mental deficiency, he KNOWS that babies are made by having sex, this didnt start happening last Tuesday. So for all you men that are complaining that it isnt fair that you can get stuck having to pay for a child you didnt want, you can actually take some control and make sure that you are ONLY having sex with women that you know their views on pregnancy. Or you can go out and get yourself snipped if you are so worried about having to pay up! You have choices, they are just ones you dont like....
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 87
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/16/2009 4:09:34 PM
Yay for vasectomy!
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 91
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/17/2009 9:15:51 AM
Especially in your case...


You bet! I don't take this as an insult at all! I am obviously an intelligent person, I know how to use birth control, and I'm not so stupid as to take a girl's word for it that she's on the pill...

So I don't have any mistakes! I can move whenever I want, I don't have any baby bills, didn't have to deal with a parasite in my significant other for 9 months, have no baby mamma drama, and don't have to go to PTA meetings or kid myself into believe that my f**k up was a "blessing in disguise."

You bet that especially in my case..... a vasectomy is going to rock! I know my friends with kids absolutely adore their children, but the ones who are honest enough will admit that they are jealous sometimes about how adventurous and uninhibited my life is.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 92
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/17/2009 9:40:39 AM
The woman had to know that too....

I'm sorry ladies - I really not trying to white knight the OP here, I just want to make sure his point is getting across.

The point is that it takes 2 to tango. BOTH people consentially having sex make a baby or potential baby.

But only a woman has any legal say in what happens then. So for her to NOT consult the man, have a baby, and the just -assume- he will assume the role of a father or happily want to be in that child's life is....

retarded.

Both people are responsible if there is an accidental conception, but only the woman has the power and legal right to decide what to do about it at that point.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 93
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/17/2009 9:46:22 AM
Rickyeyes what the hell are you talking about?
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 94
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/17/2009 9:56:18 AM
torquoise pixie

I love you. Will you be my forums buddy?

That was such a logical, fair, educated, well written summation...

that I almost fell out of my chair.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like deadbeat dads. I am all for equal rights, but for equal rights to be equal, both parties should have power at every stage of a relationship or life.

As of right now, the way the legal systems and most people's belief stands, a man has no say and is powerless in the decision making process once a child is conceived.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 96
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/17/2009 10:45:39 AM
THIS THREAD IS NOT ABOUT ABORTION. And yes, abortion IS a choice. I am pro-choice but I think abortion is murder.

Why am I still pro-choice? Because it's a free country and not everyone in the world should have to live by my moral code.

Anyone who posts below this line
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and still thinks this thread is about abortion is a complete friggin idiot.

ADOPTION PEOPLE! OR a mother can have the kid and not expect the father to BE a father. This thread is not about whether women should kill kids or not. It's about whether a man should have any sort of legal or social right to what happens with a baby once it is conceived.

Expecting a man to have no legal say or power in the matter and then make him cough up money for 18 years is ludicrous and unfair.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 98
Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/17/2009 11:06:36 AM
If I **** a woman, she let me **** her.

Making it sound like just by ****ing a girl that I waived all my rights is just absolute, selfish idiocy.

I feel sorry for any man who deposited sperm in your vag, as you so crassly put it.

This thread is about accidental pregnancies, and condoms do not always work as intended.
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