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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 cabrandon
Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 1
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Well, I am not saying I want a man, since I am STRAIGHT. I want a woman who has the things I have- my status, education, quality of life, similiar type of profession, physical condition, etc. Why is it so HARD to find that woman?

This might sound NOT nice, but let's get realistic. I (or ALL of us) work hard to achieve what we have. I also noticed that lots of people here want a LOT from their dates/boy-girl friends/future spouses. You might all deny but deep down, you do NOT want to settle down for anything.

So, I don't think it is wrong for me to ask my girl to have the similar values and even qualities I have.

Here is what I have:
I am single, never been married.
I have NO kids.
I have a master's degree.
I have a profession.
I am at least average or slightly above average looking.
I am in good shape.

These are only SIX qualities.
I am very frustrated to have found out that it is extremely hard to find someone with those SIX.

At this point, I am sure I made ALL SINGLE DADS and MOMS FURIOUS. Don't be offended. Don't take it personally. I did not say anything negative about YOU. I just want someone who is like me.

I tried hard to reach where I am now. I fought hard the temptations to lead a "decent" life, waiting for someone who has done the same or at least similar.

Now, I am about to give up. brndn
 Lily0923
Joined: 5/28/2008
Msg: 2
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/12/2009 7:52:24 PM
hehehe... A 32 year old woman who has never been married, has no children, and is above average in looks..... hehehehe.

Wait, wait... I'm trying to stop laughing, OMG OMG OMG...wait, never mind, it's pointless.
 Ellem-elle
Joined: 3/27/2009
Msg: 3
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/12/2009 7:55:35 PM
Cabrandon,

Don't give up. Just because you haven't met her yet doesn't mean she doesn't exist. She could be any where in the world, and that's why finding love is so special. Sure, you can meet just about anyone and fall in love however, finding that one true person is about as common as finding one of Wonka's golden tickets.

If you are truly serious about finding someone who meets your criteria, you may want to think about investing in a real dating service, not that there is anything wrong with PoF but this is a free service and any Jack or Jill off the street can set up an account and be whomever they want to be. If you want to find someone who meets those qualities, join a service where they will only match you with those women. There are several professional matchmakers out there. People who pay are more apt to be serious and you are more likely to find a better match if you use a matchmaker. Good luck and don't give up hope!
 MyFunIsAnArtForm
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 4
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:41:04 PM
It's like marketing. Where does your kind hang around at? Have the problem is solved there. Now are you attractive in there eyes? If not you have some more work to do. I suggest comedy improve class. This is a good start and alot of work.
 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 5
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:45:12 PM
I want someone like me too, only the six qualities I would list would be about who they are not about what they have or have achieved. Let us explore your six:

1) Single, never married. What if she was perfect in every other way but made this one mistake that young people frequently make.
2) Have no kids. What does have to do with who she is?
3) Masters degree. This is a requirement? Will a lesser degree do?
4) A profession. Well if she has the first three, let us hope she has a profession.
5) Looks. Looks can change in an istant. A wreck, a fire or a madman can permantly change looks. So if some happens or has happened she is out? Superficial.
6) In good shape. Again, this is something that can change in an instant. One injury.

I would have written these same six qualities like this:
1) Someone who has made good choices in their life or learned from the bad ones.
2) I don't know what to do about this one, kids are not liabilities.) How about: Someone who takes bringing a new person into the world very seriously and therefore monitors their behavior.
3) Someone who believes in education and personal growth.
4) A responsible person with goals and aspirations.
5) An attractive person, inside and out.
6) One who has self confidence and takes care of themselves.
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 6
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:45:55 PM
Good luck at finding someone not been married with children at that age. There are, but not nearly as many.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 7
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:50:11 PM


Here is what I have:
I am single, never been married.
I have NO kids.
I have a master's degree.
I have a profession.
I am at least average or slightly above average looking.
I am in good shape.


First let me say, big deal. I have all of those things, except a ph.d instead of a master's, I'm not so narrow minded as to believe that educated means having gone to school and I'm still searching. You are forgetting that the other person involved has a list of attributes she wants, too. You can be as picky as you're willing to wait. If you're looking for a female engineer with a master's degree, good luck.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 8
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:51:00 PM
OK, you are 32, you say that you have fought hard the temptations to lead a decent life, so right there, your profile is hypocritical because you want a woman with an open mind and because you see someone that is divorced as damaged goods, they could have the five other qualities but no go for you.

Your prerogative to want someone with no kids but you are obviously narrowing your pool tremendously and you could be passing up the greatest woman in the world in the process but that is a choice. You could wind up with someone who fits all of your six criteria and ultimately doesn't make you happy while you pass by the woman that really would make you happy because her criteria is wrong.

Does someone need an advanced degree or a college graduate or someone else with a fine mind that has a vocation that is dissimilar to yours and very happy not up to your standards either? I have met many degreed people that are quite frankly stupid and you can be pretty dumb and manage to get a master's too if you have money or are inventive enough to find creative ways around your natural limitations.

Again, is a profession necessary if someone has goals and is happy with what they are doing?

OK, most people need to be attracted to the other person so that's not unreasonable, you are attracted to what you are attracted to.

So do you need someone who is in the same shape as you or who is healthy and not more than 10 pounds overweight?

You said what you described are qualities but they are not, they are simple factoids about a woman. You have not even considered in your list of criteria whether the woman is actually intelligent, has a sense of humor, does she have common sense, is she caring, is she good with children, has she thought about how she plans to raise them, values, is religion a part of life, is she political, is she good with money. I know many people that fit your criteria and their lives are a mess because you are talking about what people are not who they are.

Your criteria has merit to a certain degree but my little list will take you further toward finding the woman that is right for you rather than someone that fits into a rather narrow list of circumstances with no regard for what the person is actually like.

And what exactly do you have to offer a woman besides the things you listed because quite frankly, were I a kidless 30-year-old wonder those things wouldn't really impress me. They are not unique and they do not speak AT ALL to the type of person you are. So you practiced safe sex, had the discipline to go to college, get an advanced degree and begin practicing your profession, big whoop, all that tells me is that you were able to get through school and get a job. You don't have a failed marriage because you chose not to be married, not because you will actually be any good at it. Marriage requires communication and compromise and you're not looking very good in the compromising area.

Doesn't tell me squat about your ability to manage finances because for all I know you are up to your eyeballs in debt, doesn't tell me whether you are a kind man who thinks about other people or if appearances are more important to you. Doesn't tell me if you are going to be a waste of air in raising children or if you will be a hands-on nurturing father. Doesn't tell me if you are going to be a real partner or if you are going to be keeping score, seeing if I measure up to the wonderment of you rather than whether you are adding something to my life. Doesn't tell me if mommy and daddy paid for college and although you have a good job have never had to struggle for anything and you could be again, a waste of air when it comes to handling crises and making difficult choices.

Maybe you should be looking less at your criteria and what is really required of a good relationship and whether you have any qualities beyond the factoids that actually make YOU desirable to the kind of woman you say you want. What you list would really be more appealing to vapid arm candy than the type of woman with depth that would actually be likely to make that life-long commitment.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 9
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:58:18 PM
I just like someone close in age, similar personality to me.

If you want someone who is EXACTLY like you, I guess someone's going to die a lonely old man someday. No one is exactly alike. Most women over 20 do have children. Sorry!
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 10
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 12:32:22 AM
OP, you just described my daughter, but she's dating a multi millionare. Add that for number seven and I'll get her to check you out.
 michaeld70
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 11
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 1:09:36 AM
Do you take your checklist/application with you on dates? You have to be a little more open minded.
 Ellem-elle
Joined: 3/27/2009
Msg: 12
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 2:43:28 AM

hehehe... A 32 year old woman who has never been married, has no children, and is above average in looks..... hehehehe.

Wait, wait... I'm trying to stop laughing, OMG OMG OMG...wait, never mind, it's pointless.


It's not pointless. Some women are smart enough to practice safe sex and can actually remain childless until they are ready and want to have kids. Honestly, it is not a turn on to be 25-30 with more than one kid, no husband (or wife as the case may be), and you've never been married. You can't knock the guy because he doesn't want to date someone's baby's momma or because he doesn't want any baby daddy drama. Really, who wants that kind of grief? It's okay to be selfish in this aspect. If he doesn't want to be hooked up to some chick with a passel of brats then that's his right and he shouldn't be condemned for it.

I am 35 and I've never been married, I have a successful career and I am greatful to be childless by choice and through the grace of safe sex practices. I may not be well above average in looks but I am attractive.
 Ellem-elle
Joined: 3/27/2009
Msg: 13
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 2:52:16 AM

Ridiculous !!!!!!!!! Any jack and Jill can get on paid sites too.


If you will read a bit further you will see that I advised him to try a professional matchmaker. Not just any Jack or Jill can afford something like Samantha's Table which can cost a couple of hundred dollars just to set an appointment with the matchmaker. Serious people pay serious money for quality matching services. I wasn't telling him to go and pay for some franchised farmed out online service like Match.com or eHarmony. I meant a REAL professional dating service where you arrange a meeting with a matchmaker who interviews you. Then after paying a fee to the matchmaker (not a monthly subscription fee) he or she will then review potential matches and interview them to see if there is an interest. If so, the matchmaker arranges the date. If things go well, you continue to date the person and if not, then you just go back to the matchmaker and ask to have a date arranged with the next potential match.
 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 14
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 3:46:41 AM

I'm not picky. I just want a woman with a pulse but pulse is optional. Without a pulse she can't run away from me.


for someone not picky, TxWheels, you sure have a lot of restrictions on your profile. If you like playing on the forums and believe what you say, you should ease up on the restrictions and accept some conversation and friendship...who knows...the woman of your dreams may be off the chart somewhere.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 15
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 6:53:21 AM
I wonder how long you've been looking, OP, and where? If you're talking about this site, then you're rather premature in your assessment.

The fact is that few women will meet all your criteria, plus your unstated criteria, AND also find that you meet theirs. That's normal. During my search, literally only 3 women out of the roughly 1000 with whom I corresponded (and the far fewer I met) matched my criteria and me, theirs. My search took nearly 2 years. One lived 8000 miles away, the other two a little over 100 miles. As you can see, I put few restrictions on my search, other than true compatibility - and even at my age at the time, there were some women without kids (2 of the three I mentioned had none). As for that third woman I mentioned - she is still with me more than 9 years later, and it's everything we hoped for.

And by the way, I think things like comparable education, career, and financial success don't really matter, as long as they're of similar intelligence, are responsible, and compatible in the truly meaningful ways. Other things, like health and fitness, can be lost unexpectedly through illness or accident, but are reasonable expectations at the start of a relationship.
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 16
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 7:08:33 AM
Awww, give the poor dude a break. One day he will find someone as stuck on themself as he is on himself, it'll just take time and since he doesn't have time for kids that just gives him more time for what he really enjoys, himself, and the search for someone equally selfish. Yes, I said selfish, I tend to view those that choose not to have kids as selfish and wanting life to be all about them (providing it's been their choice to remain childless), and for him to claim to be in his early 30's, single, never married no kids, hmmmm smells like selfishness to me. I could be wrong, but eh, who knows, certanly wouldn't be the first time. BUt if he's loking for a nearly carbon copy of himself it might take a while, good luck OP, I think you're gonna need it.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 17
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:32:51 AM
You could meet a woman who IS everything you list, and still not hit it off.

I guess this refutes the assertion that only women make lists of "must-haves".
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 18
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 9:02:08 AM
I'm surprised no one has yet brought up the Seinfeld episode where he meets a female version of himself. Actually I think they did this theme twice - in one instance she looks like him (and has other similar mannerisms, which freak his friends out), in another she's a female comedian who also likes cereal for breakfast. Naturally it didn't end in happily ever after. In fact it ends both times within the alloted half hour. Go figure...

<div class="quote">-is it too much to ask?
Evidently. But that doesn't mean you should cave to those urging you to "settle". (Is there a word for settling when you're already trying to settle - kinda like settling squared?)
And, yea, Fresno may well totally suck. I know it does around here. The educational standard alone is going to screen out 95% of the population or more. Over thirty and never married, screen out 85% of what's left. (You left out: not currently attached...) No kids: there goes another big chunk of those still in the running.

Lather, rinse, repeat... do all the math (multiplying a whole bunch of small numbers together) and the answer is still finite, but it amounts to trying to find one in ten thousand or fifty thousand, or some similar large number. And then even if you find one of the elusive finalists, she may as others have said not really do it for you, or you for her, or not be in the same place in life as you are. Is she really going to be worth all it might take to locate even just a mere candidate, or would one of those even appreciate your rareness and all the efforts?

Probably better to just give up while you're ahead.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 19
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 9:25:56 AM
I'm surprised that you haven't yet learned that it's often the differences in people that make things more interesting and keep them that way. To be so strict on what you will not accept certainly limits your chances of finding anyone and as far as I'm concerned, to have someone who mirrors you so completely would lead to boredom in short order. Some things in common are great - but everything??...not so much.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 20
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 10:07:55 AM
You're entitled to want what you want.

Most people would have different types of assets than those you choose in the person you want to be with.

I don't recall were you intending to marry this person? Or just looking for a companion exactly like you?

Oh I realize exactly is an exaggeration.

For some reason you want your relationship to be easy. Seamless, without wrinkles, or messy issues. You see yourself as the epitomy of perfection (in your own mind) and think that perhaps your life would be less alone if there were two of you, and one happened to be female.

Understandable, completely.

A bit cold, narcisstic and egomaniacal, but I really shouldn't judge and to be frank, neither should anyone else.

OP the truth is you're free to want whatever you want, I"ve been looking for a Flying purple people eater for a number of years of online dating or a unicorn (with a really HUGE horn wink wink) so far...haven't found the right one for me.

Oh sure I've had a few apply....but they were either TOO purple or just plain old lavender. Who wants a Lavender Flying People Eater?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 21
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 10:39:10 AM
^^^^^ Top shelf is a woman who is after money? That's a pretty screwed up version of top-shelf.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 22
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 11:05:52 AM
I wonder why does there really have to be 100% similarity on everything? Can a person not be like you currently, but have the potential …especially with regard to the education and profession criteria that you’re looking for?

Not everybody is at the same stage simply by virtue of age and societal expectations of achievement. Being mid-thirties does not automatically mean that everyone has completed all their formal education, or is established in a profession--a job yes. People can and often are in flux for quite a few years and then transition into established roles along time lines which will in all probability, be dissimilar to your own. So why discount those that have the potential to get where you’re at, but are not there yet?

In relation to the above …I'm curious about the importance of Masters level...

Do you value education? Is this why it's important to you? I ask this because in my opinion anyone who has achieved a bachelors degree shares this value simply by investing 4 years of their life to get it. Or do you think that two people with a Masters degrees is more of a foundation in establishing and achieving a particular quality of life?

Something else to consider, regardless of the rank evaluation emphasis that you've given parts of your list, all are ‘elastic’ compared to the true real deal breaker--finding someone that does it for you …When that happens you might be surprised at how unimportant some of those things can become.

I suggest give it more time---but be prepared to be surprised!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 23
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 11:42:42 AM

I want a woman who has the things I have- my status, education, quality of life, similiar type of profession, physical condition, etc. Why is it so HARD to find that woman?


Because they may see an egotistical, self centered narcissist instead of the sweet, nice guy you really are.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 24
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I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 11:56:43 AM
You may want to hangout in some profesional single club/ fitness Club/ etc.., attend some partys of your office mates and you may find a woman with the same level as you are. JMO.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 25
I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 12:30:40 PM

So, I don't think it is wrong for me to ask my girl to have the similar values and even qualities I have.

Here is what I have:
I am single, never been married.
I have NO kids.
I have a master's degree.
I have a profession.
I am at least average or slightly above average looking.
I am in good shape.

Well OP ~ good for you. You want what you want. The problem with your wants? Two-fold. Values and traits/qualities are vastly different concepts, and? You're gonna be bored out of you frickin' mind if/when you find a carbon copy of your own self. What about someone you can learn from? Someone that sees life differently than you do and can broaden your thought patterns? Knock yourself out and get back to us when Ms. Just Like You wakes up and says, "Ya know? I don't think this is working, I'm bored to tears because there isn't anything but status quo going on here." JMO
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