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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How do you handle the first date if not what you expected      Home login  
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 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 5
How do you handle the first date if not what you expectedPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
If I met a woman that I simply wasn't attracted to, then I would stick it out. I could have a cordial conversation with her for about a hour. But if she was blatantly dishonest about her weight, age etc, then I would end things immediately.
 sweetest_lady
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 9
How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/17/2009 12:51:35 PM
I would start by asking him how important honesty is in a relationship.
His response will give you a clean transition to asking why or what caused the differences. His reply may give good reason. It's not likely he will have anything short of a lame excuse. Regardless, it will give you an out without lowering your own standards of integrity and honesty.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 11
How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/17/2009 2:40:46 PM
It is so easy to write on a forum thread that you would call the person on their deception, but it is something totally different to actually say that to the person, face-to-face. I think that the OP is much like me, in that she doesn't feel comfortable blatantly confronting someone about their lies. For me, it would be extremely uncomfortable and I would just finish out the date and be on my way. I would be honest about not feeling we were a match. Some people are delusional regarding their appearance. Others think that if members of the opposite sex just got to 'know' them, all their shortcomings would be overlooked. Either way, I am not into public confrontations so, in all honesty, I wouldn't lambaste the person over the discrepancies, I just wouldn't see them again. I MAY write them an email and tell them that I didn't appreciate them being untruthful regarding their appearance, age, etc.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 16
How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/17/2009 6:05:48 PM
Except for one man whom I informed that he was fat and not athletic, I have smiled and said nothing--then.

I have sent emails the next day asking, "How OLD are you, really?" but have never said anything about height or weight other than the example above.

In most cases, I am not sure that it does any good to point out even obvious lies or misrepresentations.

Oh, I did want to tell a nice man that he was mistaken when he said he saw no reason to change his 5+ year old profile pics because he "looked the same." I don't think he would have believed me.

In over three years of internet dates, I have had two men tell me that I am bigger than my pics indicate, but I post recent, full length pics! I don't know what else I can do, but two men out of many is not bad.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 23
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How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/17/2009 11:19:58 PM
I have to go with the "grin and bear it routine". They know they have lied to you and wasted your time. If you need to get even, save it for the "I had a great time, can we do it again?" line. Then you can let it rip, out of earsite(?) of anyone else.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 25
How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/18/2009 1:18:49 PM

You meet shortly for coffee, no blind dates.


I would never agree to the brief coffee date. I know some people will want the brief coffee date due to the situation described in this thread. But based on I have seen and heard, many people want the brief coffee date because they expect "instant chemistry" within a few minutes. Otherwise they lose interest. I often can't tell if I'm interested in a woman after just 10-15 minutes. As I stated earlier, I wouldn't end a date with a woman simply because I wasn't overly attracted to her. I could have a cordial conversation with her for about a hour. But if she was blatantly dishonest or rude, then I would end things immediately.
 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 28
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How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/18/2009 2:53:41 PM

Any advice on how to handle a first date if the person isn't what he/she claimed to be?


Yes ... don't **** foot around .... last one who did this to me I told him straight "You look nothing like your photo...Goodbye" and I drove off!
I see no reason to waste my time topping up his ego if he has deceived me in order to get a date.

Can't say I'm not straight talking!
 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 33
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How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/18/2009 4:04:40 PM

Well then for those women who say looks are not the most important thing, you are lying because if the guy was not as good looking as his photo, you seem to say you would be gone quick.

There was a big difference with the one I was talking about... he was not only NOT the person in his profile photo he was also about 20 years older! I have found on the whole that most guys look better in the flesh than their photos...I just won't tolerate being deceived.

So again if you are not going to wear the mini skirts you are posing in..

I only ever wear short dresses... what you see on my photos is what you get...
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 36
How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/18/2009 5:13:50 PM
Sadly, this has happened to me over 80% of the time agewise and over 65% of the time weightwise. What I have done has varied with the situation. Most of the times I have grinned and borne it. Right now I feel sick and tired of being deceived and if it happened today I would confront the woman and tell her she has misrepresented one or more material facts about herself and I want nothing to do with her...but my soft heart would probably not be up to doing so and I would act like a gentleman, grit my teeth and get through another disappointment just one more time.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 43
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How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/19/2009 1:34:23 PM
I've only been on one date where the gal turned out to be a total wet noodle. The meal was nice, and the restaurant was a find - It became my favorite haunt in town! I tolerated her banality, flirted with the waitress a bit, paid for the meal since I had asked her out in the first place, and drove her home. It was still an enjoyable evening, even if my date contributed nothing positive.

The "description didn't match" thing has only happened once as well, with a gal I'd encountered on a dating site and had a "serious e-relationship" with for months before meeting. When she finally did drive down to see me, she was probably 40-50 lbs heavier than she'd been in the dozens of pictures she'd sent. She was still attractive, but it was certainly a shock - I didn't have a clever idea of how to handle it so I pretty much ignored the discrepancy while she was here. Things cooled off pretty abruptly afterwards. I never did figure out why she gained so much weight so fast, because she didn't look any older than the pics, just a whole lot bigger.

(Really, how does a guy present "So, how'd you gain all the weight?" without getting kneed in the groin?)
 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 44
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How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/19/2009 2:16:20 PM

FROM CJ CALAGARY post-- "It just occured to me: why bother misrepresenting? Why not just meet & pursue people similar to yourself. If you're overweight why not look for other heavy people? Same goes for age. I'm guessing the elderly & overweight don't want to date the elderly & overweight either.
I think the reality is that if you want to date a sexy, athletic person, you gotta be sexy & athletic too. If I wanted to date waaayyy older men, I'd put it right in my profile. It ain't rocket science people!"

That is one FINE attitude you have!!!


I can't believe you took what CJ said seriously.... even I could see it was said tongue in cheek!
 oracle098
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 45
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How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/19/2009 2:42:08 PM
I have been dating for 32 years off and on, obviously not all on websites.However, one thing that will never change is men claiming to be taller than they are. I am a solid 5 ft 6 inches and have the last 4 men I dated from an online site claim to be anywhere from 5 ft 8 to 5 ft 11 and ALL were either only as tall as I am or shorter and I never wear heels.I did not judge them on this but I wonder why they do it.
Have I just had bad luck or has anyone else noticed this?
 southshore46
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 50
How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:07:37 AM

Make the first meeting something short 30 min- 1 hour, that way if it happens to be with someone who you don't want to be with, you are only committed to a short amount of time! Takes away from having to come up with something to bail out on!


Time length is irrevelant to me. If a man was clearly much older / heavier / shorter than what he claimed on his profile / photos, then I would leave immediately. Whether the date was suppose to last for 30 minutes or 3 hours.


If you want to be polite about it, you finish the date, and do not go out with them again. If you want to be rude, you can excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, and dissappear.


Most of the time I would agree with this. But there are some exceptions. Lying about your appearance is one of them.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 52
How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:49:02 AM
I had a meet with a guy whose picture was apparently about 15-20 years old. We started talking, and he asked me about my online dating experiences. I told him one of my biggest peeves about was men using old pictures. We never talked again after the meet. What's funny is, he is a perfectly normal-looking 53 yr old. Not unattractive, but the deceit just makes him undesirable.

Most of the time, though, I have to say men look like their fotos.
 cuteazabutton
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 57
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How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/21/2009 3:03:56 PM
If i have doubts about his pic then i would ask if he had a cam. If he said no then i would ask for more than one pic or two and if u still arent convinced then i wouldnt bother until he can prove who he really is. Most of them will just give up on meeting u.

But since u already did meet him and he wasnt what u thought he'd be then i would politely say "well u look nothing like your pic and i really dont like people who pretend to be other people". Have a friend go with u and then tell them to interrupt u by giving a signal if u didnt want to be there and make up an excuse to get away.
 Bfriends4now
Joined: 10/20/2007
Msg: 58
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How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/21/2009 6:13:55 PM
It is a two way street when you meet someone for the first time. I always tell women to email if thye wish to be with me again. If they do not, i know it was not meant to be.
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 62
How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/23/2009 6:37:13 PM
I had this one guy ask if 5'7" was really required, I said no, as long at you're taller than me wearing high heels. I am very petite - about 5'1" and with heels, no more than 5'4". He showed up, I was looking down on him. He noticed I was noticing the top of his head. We chatted over a drink, then he had to leave.

This other guy said he was 50 when his profile said he was 45. Ok, I could live with the 5 yrs difference. When I met him, it was funny to me, but he was over 60 with dyed black hair. He started to talk about his son, mentioned that he was 35. Enjoyed my drink and split.

No need to embarrass these people they had already done it to themselves.
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