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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Judging (accurately) by appearances!      Home login  
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 1
Judging (accurately) by appearances!Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
We all judge others by their appearance and it’s normally a case of first impressions.

Some people are more accurate than others.

I look at many things when I first meet someone. I look at their weight and health (tells me whether they eat nutritionally), I look at the way they dress (if they follow fashion slavishly, have their own style, are unkempt or groomed), whether they speak English grammatically (tells me their background) or not, whether they have an accent (tells me which country they come from), whether what they say makes logical sense (tells me whether they operate from logic or feeling), etc.

I listen to their tone of voice, look at the message in their eyes, see if they attack when they think they’re under attack, and a million other things!

Some people are more accurate than others.

How accurate are you? And what do you look for? And what does it tell you?
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 2
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 8:53:30 AM
In 'their' (not there) judging.... :)

Lots of people judge on this site and many other sites. I have had my head bitten off more times than I can count - simply because the people reading it didn't know how to read what was being said accurately. But then I guess that's why they didn't do to well at school... if one cannot interpret the written word accurately (where it is in black and white), how accurately can they interpret the spoken word (where it is gone and there - not their - no record of it)?
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 3
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 9:34:06 AM
bambi75, I disagree. Appearance does matter.

I'm touching a hot topic here but then that was my intention - to get people talking, and no doubt to have people 'judge' me as totally insensitive, judgemental, etc.

The kind of clothes people wear tells a lot about them. If they dress like slobs, then they probably aren't highly disciplined. I recently did a thesis on the subject and researched it. There is a definite correlation between the way people dress and their characters, and the way they act.

It is neither shallow nor superficial to judge people by what they wear. It is, however, dangerous, to arrive at an inaccurate evaluation due to the fact that one doesn't know HOW to assess people according to what they wear!

What people wear will tell you what they can afford to spend, whether they have any taste, whether they're casual, formal, sexy in outlook, whether they're in rebellion or part of the status quo. The way we dress tells a lot about us.

Next, the state of our bodies also says a lot about us. If the face is red and blotchy, that person drinks a lot. If the person is heavily overweight, that person invariably has low self esteem, doesn't eat nutritionally, and probably doesn't know how to. If a person has a bloated face, it means that their body is heavily toxic as an allergic reaction is setting in.

The problem is not assessing on appearances, but on having enough information and skill to assess accurately.

At one time in my life, I was a personnel consultant for high level employees (i.e. MBAs, Directors, Engineers, Accountants, etc.). I often had half an hour to assess someone before presenting them to a corporation. I have many references that say I'm extremely astute in my assessment of character... believe me, it had a lot to do with the way those people presented themselves to me! :)
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 4
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 10:24:23 AM
Here’s some more food for controversy…

1. Is there something wrong with ‘judging/assessing by appearance’ or is there something wrong with MISjudging/assessing by appearance?

2. Also, one often hears the view that looks do not tell someone about the character, ergo, they can’t judge a book by their cover.

True, physical looks do not always tell about character – unless you’re an expert in Japanese face reading, which is amazingly accurate.

However, if someone is looking for good looks as well as character, then if the looks don’t meet the criteria, character is only one half of the package. That doesn’t mean the person is shallow, just that they’re highly selective. More to the point is whether they have what it takes to demand the good looks plus the great character. Generally, people with good looks gravitate towards other people with good looks!

Of course, there are people where one half doesn’t look as great as the other half, but then you’ll find there’s compensation of one sort or another: either money, or education, or character or something.

3. Appearance isn’t only about ‘looks’, it’s about the whole package. It’s about body language, about personal grooming, about the smile or the absence of the smile. It’s about the weight, the muscles, the energy, the way a person speaks. It’s about manners, courtesy, all sorts of things. The way one appears to others tells a lot.

The problem doesn’t lie in assessing appearance. The problem lies in understanding the language accurately!
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 5
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 10:27:31 AM
Green Moon, you are perfectly correct. I've studied psychology, astrology, body language, and a thousand other things. Also, I've got some innate ability to read people. Always have had...

Just bear in mind that the word 'judge' can also mean 'assess'. Even if people change their body language, there are things that most people don't have the power or control to change. One can see them change in front of one's eyes.

And if one is 200 lbs overweight, stopping eating for a couple of weeks doesn't change the big picture.

Remember, it's the big picture, not one or two small details. It's everything together.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 6
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 10:32:21 AM
Evanism, 'vibe' is just one more way to assess, and yes, if one can read vibes accurately, it's the best way of all.

Fashion is only a very small part of dressing. I have very little idea of what is fashionable or not. But one can tell whether something is clean or dirty, whether the colors match or not, whether they advertise brand names or not - there are a million things about clothing that tell something about the person.

An accent won't tell one about intellect - but other aspects of language will. Content is important. Remember that what one says is also part of the 'appearance'. Appearance isn't only about the physical look; it's the whole package.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 7
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 10:40:36 AM
Reynado, that is why I wrote 'judging (ACCURATELY)...' It's the accurate that measures. It takes skill and knowledge to do that. Some people judge/access accurately on the same information that other people get completely wrong.

It does depend on prior knowledge - and how much information one can gain from that appearance. Your example of everybody and their mother wanting to be bald applies. Now, some might interpret that as being very 'in'. Others would think, "Okay, that can mean a number of things - his own hair has stopped growing, in which case he can't help it and probably hates it, or he shaved it off for some reason'. That is an accurate assessment.

I agree totally with you about the number of guys who approach a attractive women based on their looks - and then get pissed off when one tells them that they aren't good looking enough.

I remember years ago, a man asking me about whether my ex husband was good looking. I told him, 'Drop dead gorgeous - Elvis Presley look alike at his very best."

The man replied, "All women go for looks. They don't look for character. I would never be able to get a girl like you because I'm not good looking enough."

I turned around to him and said, "But you're doing the same thing - going for looks. You know nothing about me."

That was the end of the conversation.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 8
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 10:43:24 AM
Hotbush, one doesn't judge/asses a person's intellect/education by the way he dresses. One assesses intellect/education by what comes out when s/he opens his mouth.

The way one dresses indicates how important one thinks dressing, grooming is, whether one has the energy/discipline to do so, whether one respects the fact that other people have to look at one and might prefer a prettier picture, whether one is refined (refined people do not dress like slobs), etc.
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 9
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 10:51:15 AM
I do not dress "like a girl" and I also do not wear makeup. I am always clean and well groomed but I am a casual person. I go from home to gym, gym to work, work to home.....2 1/2 hours commuting by bus everyday and that is not a combination designed for "girly" attire.
Oddly, the only people to ever react negatively to me based on the way I dress are the guys who email me and want to know if I wear skirts and heels to coffee meets!! *sigh*
Joined: 10/1/2004
Msg: 10
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Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 2:30:07 PM
What people wear will tell you what they can afford to spend, whether they have any taste, whether they're casual, formal, sexy in outlook, whether they're in rebellion or part of the status quo. The way we dress tells a lot about us.

Next, the state of our bodies also says a lot about us. If the face is red and blotchy, that person drinks a lot. If the person is heavily overweight, that person invariably has low self esteem, doesn't eat nutritionally, and probably doesn't know how to. If a person has a bloated face, it means that their body is heavily toxic as an allergic reaction is setting in.

The problem is not assessing on appearances, but on having enough information and skill to assess accurately.

I'm sorry..but have to really disagree with you on this... you can't judge ppl on clothing..just because they may not wear top of the line clothing doesn't make them a bad person or tasteless..maybe they don't care to buy pricey items..doesn't mean they don't have for judgement on body size...that doesn't mean crap..I'm a heavier set woman..and I work out 5 days a week..and I do know how and do eat healthy..and I do not have low self for saying ppl have drinking probs due to a red face or blotches ...that's a load of crap too...I naturally have rosy cheeks and sometimes blotches..and I don't drink....some ppl are on meds that will make them look bloated,red blotches, in all reality don't you think it's unfair to judge someone on these basis without knowing their medical background or family history???
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 11
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 5:10:52 PM
I agree with you a 100% soul.I do not like stuck up people...I think people should clean their front porch before they clean mine.People are so judgemental.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 12
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 5:14:35 PM
Evanism, at no time was this about judging people about the way they dressed. That's just one of many aspects that one takes into account when one assesses others by their appearance.

There actually isn't enough time in the world to get to know every**** Tom and Harry that one meets or who wants to get to know one. Everybody has a 'fielding' mechanism and it has to be by initial appearances, whether it's the content of what they say, the smile on their face, the clothes they wear, whatever. All of it forms one big picture.

It is extremely narrow to think that only clothes make up an appearance. It is merely one of a great number of factors. And I have been very, very clear throughout this post that there are many factors to be taken into account.

The assessment (and nobody is judging whether the person is good or bad, merely whether they have something in common with one) is based entirely on first impressions. Sometimes that's all the time we have in order to make a decision whether we want to carry on seeing someone or not.

For what it's worth, I have yet to meet a guy who doesn't expect me to make an initial assessment of whether I want to go out with him or not literally within minutes of meeting him sometimes. Generally, it's a few hours. Whenever I inform them that I take months to decide whether I want to go out with them or not, they tell me that they don't have that amount of time to wait around....

So, all people assess others by their appearance. Appearance, however, is more than dress, looks, personality, body language, etc. It is the whole picture.

So your comments aren't valid.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 13
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 5:38:36 PM
Okay Soulbane,

You've invited me to judge/assess you. Let me start.

You don't like people saying things that are completely logical without emotion attached. You think emotion/feeling is the holiest of the holy. That is an opinion. In my mind, it's part of the picture, but not the greater part.

When civilisation begins to make decisions based solely on their emotions/feelings (and society is going that way fast), then they revert to instinct, and instinct is the thing that leads to murder, rape and a lot of other things.

The higher human nature is not about feeling. It is about controlling negative feelings with discipline and logic and trying to move towards higher feeling (unconditional love and forgiveness).

Next thing: You think that because someone reveals only the logical part of themselves on a page, therefore there must only be a logical component. Faulty reading. It is possible that there is an emotional self, but that one doesn't particularly think the internet is the place to connect emotionally. Maybe connecting emotionally is left to the people met in real life, not in virtual life.

No, dear, you wouldn't intimidate me. I come from Africa. I've lived in huts without running water and no electricty. I've been so hungry that my body couldn't heal because it didn't have enough nutrition. I've been at the end of a gun and at the end of knife. I've fought for my life, my guts, more than you'll ever be able to understand. I've been beaten so badly that I haven't been able to sit, never mind stand for days.

I've seen poverty so severe that my guts wants to get sick. Today on my blogging page, I pointed out the Live 8 concerts that are raising awareness of what's happening to the vast majority of humanity.

You think my opinions look down on people?


Tell me, there are people on this page worrying about whether sex on the first date is okay, or they're moaning about the fact that some won't talk to them because of their looks, or maybe they're pissed off because someone hurt their ego.

Personally, I'm a bit more concerned about what is happening in the wider world. I'm worried about the hell in South America, in India, in Africa. I'm worried about the other 4 billion people on this planet who battle to get something to eat.

Forgive me if I touch on the emotions of people who are more concerned about their feelings than they are about the very physical hells that the majority of people on this planet have to struggle through.

Oh yes, forgive me, but I wouldn't recognize a Rolex watch if it bit me. Sorry about that. I never did care less about whether someone was wealthy or not. I cared whether they had character.

Yes, you have character. That I can see. Lots of it. Strong one, too.

Would I want to be with you? No, I don't like epithets, though I've spent a life time hearing them. I just prefer finesse. You want to cuss, go ahead. Your right to do so.

Actually, I know human nature very well. Let me explain it to you.

Most people are very aware of their feelings. Most people also use those feelings to determine what they are going to do. They need to feel close to other people, because if they don't feel close, it's terrible for them to feel alone. It's scary to be alone. They accept other people, warts and all, because they themselves have warts.

Of course, they only accept them if they have the same number of warts as they do. People are very, very conscious of how many warts others have.

Why do you think that you are accepted at one level when you wear the Rolex and at another when you don't... because the majority of people out there count the warts.

Human beings are social animals. They need each other emotionally to operate. If you touch them emotionally, they will go out of their way to help you. Most people have much compassion for others, especially when they are are down. Flatter them, make them feel good about themselves and they'll love you for life. Insult them, and God help you. Hardly unconditional love, but then I guess that's asking a bit much.

There are many hidden heroes amongst us. Ergo, when I saw War of the Worlds yesterday, I was struck by the part Tom Cruise played. Now there's a hidden hero. His wife downed him, his son downed him, but when push came to shove, he came through. Most people's heroism is never recognized.

There's a bit of a hero in everyone. It doesn't matter whether they are in deepest Africa (oh, no, I take that back. Robert Mugabe is a scumbag and I think he deserves a bullet) or whether they on the streets of India. Touch someone's heart and they'll respond with a kindness you didn't know was there.

Tell me, soulbane, why do you think it's so dreadful to be alone? That seems to be the worst thing (to you) that you can say to me? Quite honestly, the worst thing that could happen to me is to be hooked up with someone I have absolutely nothing in common with.

But then, that's the crux of the issue, isn't it? Most people can't bear to be alone. I wonder why....
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 14
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 6:17:44 PM
The Pitch.

The headline of my post said, "Judging ACCURATELY by appearances". The question involved how accurate people were and I said that it was possible to judge accurately, provided one had the tools to do so.

Incidentally, most books are judged by their cover. The cover includes information about what is inside (a person's outside mostly reflects their inside), how other people respond to it, what the story is about, etc. So it's highly unlikely one will pick up a book and at least not know something of what is inside.

What people meant when they said, "Don't judge a book by the cover" has more to do with don't make inaccurate evaluations based on very little information.

However, what people appear like is very often a fair indication of what they are. And I will keep on saying this: body language, eyes, health, cleanliness, language, tone, smile, dress, and a million other things give many clues to the person.

I think what people are really also saying is that one can't tell the character of a person from the outside. I don't think that's true.

I think there are exceptions, but we all get a feeling about people when we meet them upfront. And that's just as much judging a book by its cover as anything else.!
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 15
view profile
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 8:57:29 PM
(yawns) We all wear our public masks, personas, what have you. And few people are just one person all the time. It amuses me to be misjudged in public by what people see. I prefer to go through life incognito and misjudged by most. What's really inside of me gets shared with a select few. The rest, who cares?

Besides, its such fun to watch people freak out when they realize they've been acting like judgmental morons - when the street person they've been dissing starts talking in 6 syllable words and pulls out a fat wallet; when the man in the sharp business suit they've been sucking up to starts farting and picking his nose, and tries to bum cab fare. The accouterments of subterfuge - as cheap as you want to go. The look on somebody's face when they realize you aren't what they thought you were - priceless!
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 16
view profile
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/2/2005 9:13:52 PM
Hee, hee, I had a boss who used to shovel her horse's shit in a mink coat wearing a diamond big enough to choke one of those horses, then she'd drop by the office to sign paychecks in horseshit covered overalls and toss her mink in the corner....drove my shallow co-workers crazy because she wouldn't act "in character" for a rich doctor's wife. Gawd I loved that woman! Such an enigma, bless her heart.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 17
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 6:19:00 AM

Where do you come from?

It must be the medication.

Where did I say I killed for food?

And yes, in America, where there's plenty it's easy to feed others, it's easy to be generous. In the third world, where it's them or you, it's a fight to the death. In South Africa, there's a murder every 7 seconds (that's just the ones they know about), and a rape every 3 seconds (again, just the ones they know about). It's the most violent country on earth outside an active war zone.

For what it's worth, I don't own two farthings to my name. I went to the UK with three suitcases, a 13 year old daughter, knowing not a sausage and having no qualifications. People thought I was incredibly brave. Actually, I just knew that if I stayed in Africa, I was going to die. And with a 1 in 4 HIV rate, there was a good chance that my daughter would eventually become HIV.

Likewise, when I won a greencard to America (in the diversity lottery), I came here without a blue farthing. I knew it was going to be tough, but it was going to give my daughter a chance to live. And I could get formally educated. And maybe have a life.

In Africa, I never made it because I was never prepared to kill, to hurt, to cheat, to lie, to stea, to do terrible things to other people for the sake of a crust of bread. Do you know that the United Nations puts the corruption in SA at 1 in 2 people?

Your instincts might tell you to feed others when they are hungry. Believe me, when people get very hungry and very desperate, the vast majority kill, murder, plunder, cheat, lie, steal.

I've lived in one too many third world countries not to know that.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 18
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 6:20:32 AM
astrosky, that's for the people who assess others inaccurately. It's quite possible to assess people accurately! Nobody is that good at suberfuge!
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 19
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 6:32:28 AM
Heavywt, I wouldn't make any assessments based on an Internet picture. That's madness. I might wonder why someone would put up that photo but there are too many possibilities and too little evidence to draw an accurate conclusion.

Actually, you're not overweight because you don't exercise enough. You're overweight because you eat too many calories for the amount of energy you expend. Ask any expert. Only 3% of weight is due to lack of exercise. The other 97% is due to overeating.

With regard to diabetes, if you don't trigger the insulin, it get's a lot better. A high protein diet with lots of deep green salads will improve your situation. The Paleolithic diet will heal what can be healed. It will also lose the weight. Natural hygiene (this is what a naturopathic doctor uses) can heal what can be healed through food.

Also chromium supplements improve the insulin mechanism.

My topic was about judging ACCURATELY! Or don't you think that's possible? I do. I think what you (and others) are really concerned about is that you have been judged inaccurately by others so many times that you can't bear the thought.

So have I. And you know what? You're all allowed to judge/assess me as inaccurately as you like. You stand before God for your assessments, just as I do.

Before I make an assessement, I make very, very sure that I'm accurate.

And where I don't have enough information to make an assessment (as in Internet photos), I leave it open.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 20
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 6:38:43 AM
Pitch, how do you define 'appearance'.

I'm highly intuitive. That's also about making an assessment on appearances. I define intuition as 'reading' the 'hidden' information with 'senses' we don't know we have. Alternatively, it could be that our brains are calculating clues so fast that we don't know we're doing it.

The point is that it is assessing by appearance.

On a broader scale, everybody assessess by appearance, anyway. Unless one can climb inside the head of somebody and see what they are thinking and feeling (and nobody can), it's an an 'outside evaluation'.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 21
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:14:15 AM
squirrly, you can't assess someone's financial worth by what they wear. You can assess how much money they spend on clothes (by looking at the kind of clothes they wear), at how much they spend on cars (by what they drive), at how much they spend on their houses (by where they live and what's in it). Whether they overspend or not, you'll have to examine their bank statements, etc.

You have to use apples to measure apples, and pears to measure pears. If you use apples to measure pears, obviously you're going to get the wrong answer.

Ergo, that's the difference between assessing accurately and asesssing inaccurately: using one sort of information to get an answer for another set of answers. Doesn't work.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 22
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:16:55 AM

"You ARE my ex wife."

Oh, so that's what this is really about.

You're projecting her onto me.

I knew there was baggage somewhere.

Didn't know what it was.

Get over her. You'll then be able to see things more clearly. And read what is really being said.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 23
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:20:48 AM
Micky, who spoke about judging one's soul?

Without exception, every single example I gave was about something that could be seen with the eye or heard with the ear and something could be deduced from it.

Yes, strength of character can be observed. There's just something in the energy field of the person.

Yes, the eye of the beholder does influence a lot of assessements - which is precisely why I was talking about accuracy...

The fact that some don't get accuracy right doesn't mean it's impossible.

And, of course, not everything can be told about the person, but a great deal can be told can be accurately deduced. The trick is to know how to do it and what can be deduced and what cannot be deduced.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 24
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:36:12 AM
heavywt, not true.

I spent most of yesterday at the beach and went dancing last night. I also managed to do the shopping, pay some bills and go to the bank.

You aren't timing me. Get out the stop watch.
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 25
Judging (accurately) by appearances!
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:42:17 AM
sweatpea, I don't think I'm a writingstar. It was about the 38th name I chose. I didn't want to choose a name with a number on it.

You hate? Don't. It kills you.

And it's deadly to make any decision that is inaccurate if it's going to harm others. Obviously, you've had some bad experiences.

You're projecting your own bad experiences onto what I'm saying.

You're also attacking my writing when it hasn't been the topic we're talking about. People who can't win on the basis of the topic tend to find something else to attack.

And, no, I won't give a link. The whole point over here is that I'm anonymous.
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