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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?      Home login  
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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 2
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Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have never knowingly done this but I have lied for a friend whose husband is an abusive butthead and she can't even pee without him knowing about it. If she were having an affair during one of those times she was "with" me I wouldn't approve but a part of me would hope that she found a few minutes of happiness with someone.

Whether I agree with her or not, she does not feel capable of leaving him until her kids are done with high school. I know what it is like to be with a man who questions every single waking moment of your day and I understand the need to lie when you are doing nothing wrong.

If someone wanted me to cover for them so they could have an affair, I wouldn't do it. I would tell them to find someone else to be an accessory or do the right thing and end the relationship.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 5
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Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/28/2009 9:28:07 AM
S.N. interesting thought your post brought up. My stepson's mother firmly believes that my ex's family knew he had an affair but that whole situation was such a mess with who had affairs with who when that I never paid it much mind. My daughter thinks he cheated on me, I don't really care but I don't think he would have brought it around his family because they actually love me and accepted me as a part of the family. They also knew I wasn't screwing around.

Anywho, do you think if you had been the one screwing around and they were your brothers, that they would have told your husband or covered for you? It seems to me that people have a double standard with this too in families. I think people would tend to cover for men before they would cover for a woman.

A friend of mine divorced around 2 years ago. She was uber close to her mother-in-law and it absolutely gutted her that the woman knew about the affair and didn't tell her.

If you are a parent and find this out about your child what do you do? I think I would tell mine to stop and if they didn't I would tell their spouse, after of course wondering if a good old fashioned ass whipping is in order.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
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Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/28/2009 11:29:40 AM
No, in fact I make that plain to people, do not expect me to lie for you because I will not do it. One person tested it, and when she sat there with her husband and said she was with me the night before, I repeated to her, do not expect me to lie for you because I won't. She didn't think I would say something like that if she put me on the spot, she found out differently. Her husband found out she was cheating on him and they are now divorced. I'm sorry for how it effected him, not for her, but it's not my job to help someone cheat.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 15
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Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/28/2009 12:05:56 PM

Those last two times I told him that I wasn't gonna cover his ass because he said it was just a one time thing. He immediately turned that in on me and reminded me that I had already covered his ONE indiscretion, so that made me as culpable as him...so why not cover again? He was right of course. Why is once any different than several times? Covering once is one time too many.

I agree but I do think there are people that do something stupid once. If the couple has a good marriage and it will not only rip the marriage apart but hurt the other spouse horribly (duh) I would probably keep my eyes open and my mouth shut but I also don't think I would cover for the person but ask that they find some other accomplice.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 31
Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/28/2009 3:02:54 PM
?%&$*/) am out of popcorn! heck! it`s thursday night anyway! roflroflrofl!
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 32
Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/28/2009 4:32:19 PM
If I was ever even asked by a partners other half, I would make it clear that it's none of my business!



I agree 90% with this one, as I will also tell the person asking what I think of cheaters....integrity before frienship; because anyway, if you dare ask me to do this, you're not my friend.
 star*tossed
Joined: 5/17/2009
Msg: 34
Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/28/2009 4:58:58 PM
My answer On Topic is: Hell No.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 42
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Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:41:17 PM
The "Code" is flawed. The "Code" is weak. The "Code" is bullshit. My integrity is vastly more important that your ability to keep secrets from your SO with my help.

The Code is bs indeed. I don't need it, because I have quality friends.

I have one guy in my circle of friends who is a married cheat, somewhat reformed. He'll never be a close friend because... Well, he just isn't man enough, I suppose.

----
Is the person who keeps a secret for their friend as guilty as the cheater? Of course not. The only way it's in the same ballpark would be if the cheat-ee were also a close personal friend of yours, and lying to them somehow caused them additional harm.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 44
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Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/30/2009 6:28:54 AM

So in short love, do you practice honesty in good taste. Do you spare those that need the delusions to preserve their sanity yet launch well aimed missiles with "reality check" stamped on the side-guided by your wit, and cushioned by your temperance?

Knowing something and not telling is vastly different from lying and generally the reasons for keeping one's mouth shut have more to do with spouse and children than the person in the wrong who is cheating.

My friends know I don't condone cheating. I don't really condone lying but with the friend I mentioned in my original post, the times she manages to get away for a half hour probably saves her sanity and she has enough sense not to tell me if it has anything to do with another man. For someone who has never been in this situation and again, she has the option to leave but doesn't think it is a viable option until her children are capable of caring for themselves, it is mind boggling how a trip to the store can be turned into some massive plot.

I have never been asked to lie to someone's SO when they were cheating, I have knowledge that one has cheated during a period when they were both experimenting with people outside the marriage but in one instance, he didn't know about it which is their agreement. I hope he never finds out because they stopped being stupid and otherwise have a good marriage. Am I as guilty as she by not calling her husband, telling him about it? If that's what one wishes to believe but I feel better about being responsible for the secret than for creating a situation that could result in the three kids who are now living happily with both their parents living with mom or dad while the other parent is elsewhere.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 48
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Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/30/2009 11:04:09 AM

Did you just quote my profile?

If your premise is that there is no circumstance under which you choose not to divulge the information that you know, not in the situation in which you actually lie but you know about a one-time affair and choose to keep it to yourself, it seems a smidge of a contradiction.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 51
Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/31/2009 1:33:58 PM
(just for the laugh)

- "hey my friend, will you cover me while I cheat my GF (or wife?)"

- "Sure thing bud, and to cover you completly, I will go and F@ck your GF (or wife) while your cheating so that she can't see anything you do."


...wonder if the guy will take the hint........
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 52
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Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/31/2009 7:20:04 PM
Your prerogative to think anything you would like about that statement. Someone told me something in confidence and I had to weigh the benefits of keeping that confidence against my tendency to be truthful and abhor cheating. Somehow I think their three children that are living with both parents who ARE happily married and both faithful since against the damage that would have occurred to those three children had I felt my integrity was more valuable than their happiness. Somehow I can sleep with your disapproval as opposed to how I would feel if that couple were now divorced and the children forced to cope with those circumstances.
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