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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Should we try to love someone unconditionally?      Home login  
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 2hi-iq-4u
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 5
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I look at unconditional love a lot differently than many people. I love people enough to rebuke them when they are wrong. To allow them opinions that don't match mine. To teach them, even when they don't wish to learn. It's love. It just isn't hugging, kissing, and making out.
 2hi-iq-4u
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 8
Wise words...
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:09:36 PM
Maybe so, but I love puppy dogs unconditionally. So it blows your exclusivity:)
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 9
Wise words...
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:11:19 PM
My love is totally conditional. My romantic love, that is.

I agree with someone else that said true love never dies, but it doesn't stay the same, either.

Part of me will love my x wife for the rest of my life because I gave a part of myself to her. I love myself, she still has part of me, and I love that part of myself. I love that she changed me for good and for ill to be the person I am today.

However, I do not speak to her, want nothing to do with her, and she is dead to me. So my love in her has changed enormously. I love who she was, but who is has become is not anyone I've ever known - much less can love.

I agree with the other posters who said that only a parent's love is unconditional... and that isn't even true. Some parents never love their kids in the first place. Some don't know how to truly love their kids. Some have conditions or have to force themselves to adopt conditions concerning abusive children.

Human beings are a flawed, and inherantly dangerous animals. Even to ourselves. I think it's noble and good to strive to love as much as is possible...

But one must temper idealism with logic.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 13
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:25:27 AM
It's a big ole bunch of crap but if you like living in fantasyland and pretending everything is sugarcoated and sparkly, then it can be done, just make sure you have a huge dose of denial ready. There's no such thing really, just another one of those clichés people toss around like they had any real meaning. We all have conditions, if we didn't we'd all be doormats, even with our kids we have rules, we have acceptable & unacceptable behaviors and if we are telling them I'll always love you but sometimes I don't like your actions then we are co-signing bad behavior for a bunch of little narcissists. Rehab centers and morgues are full of people loved to death by family & friends who just couldn't set standards and called it loving unconditionally. It's the coward's way out of building a real relationship built on respect and expectations.
 2hi-iq-4u
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 14
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:30:11 AM

There's no such thing really, just another one of those clichés people toss around like they had any real meaning.


I will agree that it is cliche', but the definition of cliche' is that it is so overused that it has lost its meaning. The post above yours describes how it is to be apllied.

When a parent spanks their kid, it isn't because they don't love them. It is because they believe that is how the child will learn. Their love is not conditional on the behavior that inspired the disciplinary action.
 776877
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 15
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:36:37 AM
You are a guy who is 38 and a virgin, you have put 'love' on such a pedestal that it can only guarantee to fail you, so make the mistakes the rest of us have ,and will, and get on with life. Making 'love' WILL NOT spin the world on a different axis...did you notice anything different happen while you read this reply...no, yet all over the world thousands of people just had sex for the first time and NOTHING anywhere/anyhow ever changed. You are not God and the world will survive you...stop putting life on hold and move forward, this isn't a dress rehearsal its the real thing with no do-overs. You've wasted enough time already...do you expect to live forever?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 16
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:44:41 AM
No, I'm talking about how you can damage a child by telling them that no matter what they do you will always love them...it does matter what they do so why would someone do that to a child? There are unacceptable behaviors and going around spewing on about unconditional love to kids is wrong, they need to live in the real world and be taught by their parents how to behave. If you love them they will know it, saying it is meaningless if it's not true and kids will pick up on that, they will also pick up on a parent full of shit, blabbering on about unconditional love instead of doing their real job as a parent. You don't like me using cliché, how about unconditional love is a trash can word(s).
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 17
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:29:27 AM
True love *is* unconditional. It isn't a set of rules you can choose to apply; the heart makes all the arrangements for you, then tells you about it later.

Any relationship that comes with conditions is merely an arrangement. Might be long-term or short, but it's an arrangement nonetheless.
 saggy ass and saggy tits
Joined: 5/22/2008
Msg: 20
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 4:57:10 AM
i stated this before , but im going to say it again

the only unconditional love that exist that what your pet gives you.

even with parents and kids i dont think its unconditionla (re: karla homolka)
 2hi-iq-4u
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 22
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 7:35:03 PM
You don't like me using cliché, how about unconditional love is a trash can word(s).


I don't the way you misused the words. I don't really care what words you use. Just use them as they were intended, and we're good. I absolutely like the feeling and thought you have put into the subject. Just because a person has unconditional love for a child, doesn't mean he should advise the child of that state of awareness. Most of us realize that the more someone talks about love, the more they are interested in recieving it, not giving it.
 star*tossed
Joined: 5/17/2009
Msg: 23
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 7:36:17 PM
The BLUES Great - Duke Tomato sings a story he wrote about his nephew. The young man was a total wastrel, a loser, and time after time, family members were called to bail this young man out of jail, out of prison, out of trouble.

The song asks the age old question of unconditional love: "when is enough, ever enough?"

When do you just say "no more". I love you, I love you unconditionally but I cannot love you like this any more.

As a parent? Can you EVER do that? I don't know. It's my opinion that no you can't. A child, your child, someone out of your body who was formed from your body - can you cut them off and out of your life?

If you love, if two adult mature people love? Really love - and there's total acceptance, respect, communication - can you make it end? Can you force it to stop? Do you ever?

Like Rune, I do not think unconditional love means loving through years of change or without ebbing/flowing, and constant change.

Maybe cliches are inside my head tonite but I've always felt that unconditional love is like a river - a lime stone bed with a stone base, crystal pure water, but the shore is constantly changing, the tide and flow increasing and declining, the brim full and the bottom dry and showing... but time flows and the river is always there.

For me that's loving someone unconditionally - mother, child, brother, spouse, friend. It changes but it's just always there.
 mrcyrus
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 25
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 7:40:56 PM
Unconditional love is a foolish thing. I'd reserve it for my kids, only (if I had any). The idea of loving someone no matter how they treat me, no matter what decisions they make, no matter what kind of shitty person they become, is just kind of banal to me.
 mrcyrus
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 26
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 8:20:18 PM
I try not to 'punish' a girlfriend. A partner shouldn't be taught lessons like one would teach a child. Rather, I think avoiding any kind of condescending behavior works best for the relationship as a whole.

Then again, I don't really date people who need to be led around anyhow.
 2hi-iq-4u
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 27
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 8:25:24 PM
I try not to 'punish' a girlfriend. A partner shouldn't be taught lessons like one would teach a child. Rather, I think avoiding any kind of condescending behavior works best for the relationship as a whole.

Then again, I don't really date people who need to be led around anyhow.


The words confuse the concept. If you love the girl, and she behaves badly, sometimes the best way to show your love is just to step away. Punishment of bad behaviour can get you in trouble. Failing to learn from bad experiences gets most of us in trouble. I had to leave a very important relationship. Not because I didn't love her. Because it hurt ME too much to stay.

Edit for post below::

You need to love yourself first.

Get out, and quit being the carpet.

Leaving doesn't mean you stopped loving.

Can anyone look up the definition of "False Dichotomy?"
 mrcyrus
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 33
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/2/2009 9:23:11 PM

We should try to love everyone unconditionally as God loves all his children and forgive them when they hurt us just as Jesus did. Who am I to judge someone not worthy of my forgiveness, when jesus died on the cross to forgive even those that put him there in the first place.


Who you are: not Jesus. Humans aren't capable of unconditional love for everyone around them. Though I definitely support the sentiment, not forgiving somebody and not loving somebody are quite different. I can forgive someone I strongly dislike and still dislike them.
 2hi-iq-4u
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 35
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 2:04:14 AM

If you cannot be with them because of their behaviours, then that was a condition.

What? The subject is not "whether you will be with them." It is whether you will still love them. My wife has passed from this life, and I am not ready to go this minute. I can't be with her. Did I stop loving her?



If you cannot accept that was a condition, then how about this?
Baggage...big-time. There you are....loving her/him unconditionally....on your own...wandering the earth...cannot love anyone else...having brief encounters with whomever crosses your path to escape the lonliness for even a few hours...ahhhh...the drama....

And? I am not lonely. I have no drama. I still love her. I still wander. So what?



We love people with baggage. But this sounds more heart-wrenching, eh?
Actually, I'd love to love a person with my whole heart and soul, but if he even does any of my list above, then it's over. That is a condition.
My love will die.
I have been there and I know myself.
.

Move on. Your love doesn't die. You learn to love others, unless you have deep psychological problems. I hope you don't. I love more than one. I am comfortable with it, and I don't feel cheated by not having the one. I feel sad for those who have lost their "one and only." I feel sad because they are cheating themselves.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 37
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:05:50 AM
Good luck with that, not only do I believe that this is impossible unless you are Mother Theresa or Christ, I don't think it is healthy because if you love someone unconditionally you can potentially be treated like a doormat or worse but because you love the person, it is okay, pfft.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 40
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 6:47:41 AM

As a parent? Can you EVER do that? I don't know. It's my opinion that no you can't. A child, your child, someone out of your body who was formed from your body - can you cut them off and out of your life?

There is a difference between loving someone and enabling. Between loving someone and keeping that someone from being accountable for his choices. My stepson is one of those people. I still love him, I will help his children if I can, I drove two hours four times to be supportive of him in court, but he isn't getting anymore money and I won't bail him out of anything anymore because it is more harmful to love him in that way than to love him the way I do.

Some people would say that is not unconditional love but it is because unconditional love does not require you sticking around or engaging in behaviors that are harmful to you or ultimately the person you claim to love.

With an SO loving someone and staying in a situation that is bad for you are two different things but most people's definition of unconditional love includes not calling somone on his/her bullshit and that's not unconditional love, that is stupidity.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 42
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 8:17:38 AM
I believe that true love is something that happens and it is unconditional in the fact that it is part of you .
I believe that as you grow and spend time with this person you achieve a state of emotional connectiveness that is spiritual in nature. With this comes forgiveness, tolerance and acceptance, however that does not mean that one forgoes taking care of their own emotional needs in lieu of having this person around.

Self sacrifice and martydom are best left to fields of battle that involve humanity.

I can love someone and not like what they do and choose not to live in that atmosphere it is called being a fully functioning healthy adult.

What about all the people who are with people who abuse them or their children and cry well I loved them seriously love does not conquer all.
 2hi-iq-4u
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 44
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 8:30:54 AM
^^^

thanks Peachez.

I wanted to say the same thing, but I like to leave religion out of the equation. I have an agreement with the Big Guy not to publish what I know about him. I try to relate it human terms, and imagine that evolution is true, and that I am just a special kind of chimp with a typewriter. It keeps me humble.

TRY is the word. CAN is another. WILL is the way.

I don't like to repeat, but for this thread, it seems that many people missed the message.

Love isn't the words you say, it is something you do. When you attempt to influence the behavior of someone, be it through correction, forgiveness, or generosity; that is Love at work. If I love you, but can't stand your behavior, my correction will likely come in finding the nearest exit. It is my generous gift to those who can't see.
 2hi-iq-4u
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 46
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 8:38:42 AM
I hope you don't believe I was attempting to degrade your views. I respect them, I just can't publish them myself. It is a personal belief.
 ParadoxEngine
Joined: 12/11/2008
Msg: 47
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 11:58:13 AM
Alot of good conversation here...

I think alot of people have the idea of unconditional love and acceptance intertwined.

with the ups and downs I've experienced, I lean towards acceptance, it's a hard thing to hear when that special someone in your life looks up at you and says "I don't love you anymore"

It's happened to me more than twice... yet we all generally see the traits of loyality and support in our long term relationships... "In Sickness and in Health, For Better or For Worse"

We want someone who will love us when things aren't so shiney... We all grow old and only the most short-sited of people would not want to at least HOPE that their love will survive past their looks etc.

Yet all to often when we look at prospective partners we don't see this... There's got to be something beyound physical attraction... something that keeps the fire going once the first sparks fade.

Do I love "unconditionally" - yes and no.
When I love someone, I love them with my whole heart... I give my affections freely and with little reservation... but if I don't feel loved in returned... after a while the efforts die off. It's human nature.

only now am I looking back and wondering "why didn't I feel loved" "what makes me feel loved" and only now am I really taking the time to find out what makes me happiest... what I want in life... including companionship.

I love someone and I will support them ... as long as love lasts... thus was the old vow in handfasting... Everyone changes... what we wanted or needed 10 years ago might not interest us now. sometimes change brings us closer, sometimes it drives us appart.

but for the people I've loved... I will always love them... maybe not love who they became... I will not disown my feelings for someone just because something changed...

You can love with or with conditions, but eventually if you don't feel like you are equally loved... if you don't feel your time, effort and energy is worth it ... then eventually you withdraw and don't put the effort into that love That doesn't mean you don't love them... it just means you can not or do not express it like you once did.

you cannot make someone "happy" either they are or they aren't
you cannot make someone love you, either they do or they don't
you can only accept what happens and make the most of it.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 48
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Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 1:22:17 PM
Relationships have conditions. Living in society has conditions.
Conditions are the structure we organize our lives around.
Love does not require conditions so I believe unconditional love is very possible; quite possibly this is the natural way we love.
Mostly I think it is more about getting out of your own way to love naturally.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 49
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 1:31:15 PM
Unconditional love, in order to work does HAVE some CONDITIONS.

First, it has to be reciprocal.

That means that both get something out of it. When the woman give the man all this unconditional stuff, the man ends up abusing it. When the man does everything unconditional as well, the woman eventually uses him, cheats on him, and loses respect for him.

It is not asked, it is given.

If you have to ask for it, it is no longer worth it.

It never takes for granted.
That means you work on it everyday. When you take for granted, then it begins to die, to move into the land or resentment and unfairness.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 51
Should we try to love someone unconditionally?
Posted: 6/3/2009 2:56:57 PM
I've been thinking about past relationships and whether or not I was ever able to love another unconditionally, the truth is I haven't...then I thought about the reasons why ...Well I believe the biggest fault in many is that we get into relationships EXPECTING results...we expect that person will make us happier, we place such huge expectations on the final outcome that we forget to actually enjoy the journey...

I once read that the most 'self centred' people are the most loving, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, now I understand exactly what that statement meant...When you love YOURSELF unconditionally, you will be able to love others with no conditions as well.
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