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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make      Home login  
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 Brian1342
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 4
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women MakePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I agree and disagree with #2 - from a guys stand point, a girl with lots of friends is residing in her castle. She will have folks to get in your way from talking with her. You will be entering a place where if you embarass yourself, you do it in front of her friends to so you are like # of friends squared time the creep now.

I disagree because going out alone sucks. Going out alone isn't as safe as with friends. You can get instant reviews(some truthful, some self motivated) from your friends on who is cute, and who isn't. You have your friends there to get your back if you get way too drunk. I don't know about you, but I want to be the ugly one when I wake up hung over.

I don't mind if a woman talks about her passions all night - how great her job is, art, favorite movie. A woman who is passionate about something has her beauty amplified like 100 times because the smile she wears brightens the room. The face she makes brings forth the feeling of spring.

The hand gestures tell how stressed out she is - the more rigid she moves her hands while talking, the more stress she will need to get rid of before she will really have a good time. Low stress - hula dancer movements. High stress - death ninja blows. Most of the time it is life/job stress but sometimes she just needs to get laid but doesn't have a clue that that is the problem.

If you spend all night talking to me, expect to be quizzed about what you said.
 Mister Logic
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 5
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:26:26 PM

I agree and disagree with #2 - from a guys stand point, a girl with lots of friends is residing in her castle. She will have folks to get in your way from talking with her. You will be entering a place where if you embarass yourself, you do it in front of her friends.

I disagree because going out alone sucks. Going out alone isn't as safe as with friends. You can get instant reviews(some truthful, some self motivated) from your friends on who is cute, and who isn't. You have your friends there to get your back if you get way too drunk.

Perhaps a "compromise" method should be used. Maybe a woman should go out with her girlfriends. But after they reach their destination, there's no reason why they all must remain "glued together" for the entire evening. Each woman should occasionally dirft apart from the others so as to let herself become more approachable. (She can always return to the group if/when necessity arises.)
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 6
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:29:11 PM
That is a very good list that many women should heed. I love #3. That is very true. And I have experienced doing #4, unfortunately. Actually, at one point in time, I'm sure I've been guilty of doing all the above mentioned mistakes. Thank God I figured out what I was doing wrong as I got older.
 diydiva
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 7
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The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/7/2009 1:24:14 PM
"If you spend all night talking to me, expect to be quizzed about what you said. "

Great way to put a dent in communication.

After the first quiz I probably won't enjoy the banter if I have to memorize everything I've said during a casual conversation.
When you don't get something someone says it's better to ask for clarification right away. Don't call them on it after the fact.
You are aware that women sometimes change their mind by the next day.
 diydiva
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 8
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The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/7/2009 1:35:54 PM
#3
If men know immediately when there's an attraction, why does it take them so long to 1- open up, 2-trust, 3-commit to a relationship?
By the time men are ready to decide if there will or won't be a next level to the relationship women have already invested way too much time that they can't get back in something that might be going no where.
That's reallly not fair.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 9
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/7/2009 2:09:18 PM
#3 is interesting...I thought it was women who knew in the first five minutes if a guy could only be a friend...or was in the running for a bed partner.

There is one big dating mistake SOME women make--thinking a guy will give their life the things they could give to themselves. that's why they'll invest so much in dates going nowhere, overshare, hope a guy will like them if only he gets to know them.

that's also how women can get caught up in a player--they think his cool things are there to be shared. Like, he has his motorcycle so he can take the perfect women to a fun place to spend the day--rather than the reality, he has the cool bike to pick up chicks, so once he's picked you up, he doesn't need to take you out on the bike anymore.
 Brian1342
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 13
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/7/2009 4:26:45 PM
DiyDiva, I think you missed my point (but I understand how you understood it). What I clarify what I said meant is I'll ask questions on what you said, "did you ever do this," "which one was your favorite," "wow did you really..," etc. You know, show interest in your passion and also showed I paid attention to what you were saying as opposed to entering the blah blah blah zone.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 14
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/7/2009 5:38:28 PM
as to #1 how do you know if you meet the right person or not unless you meet them.. Like was said before you do need to get out there and meet. If you are waiting for that ONE guy to meet that would be the perfect guy on the first date. You would die single never meeting anyone. You do need to get out there and meet people. If you feel like you get tired of meeting take a break for a while. Then get out there and meet people.
I agree on #2 100%
#3 i wont know if i would like them or not unless i do get to know them.. But i might know within 15 min if i dont like them, Does that make sense???
#4 yea i do want to know things but sometimes its just an over load.
#5 Both people need to talk to get to know each other. On the first meeting its harder to find what to talk about (at list for me it is). Untill you get to know someone better. So i rather that both do same amount of talking.
#6 Both need to learn some manners man or women..
 quietcowboy
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 15
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The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:29:00 PM
Number 4 is one both men and women should take heed of. Don't know if some of the other guys have had this happen, but when a date start talking about things her therapist has told her on the first date or meeting, I always think that is way to much information. I don't mind the fact that she is seeing a therapist, I just don't want to know the details during our first encounter.
 ryszard
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 17
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/7/2009 7:53:39 PM
About #2, when lions are hunting their prey, they never attack the herd that is grouped together, they go after the ones that have broken from the herd. I find women in groups to be very unapproachable. Trying to start a conversation with someone when they're alone is hard enough, starting one with all the friends staring at you is impossible, unless you want to get them all involved, and then you're stuck with having to talk to all these girls that you have no interest in at all.
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 18
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Posted: 6/7/2009 11:28:31 PM
#2 is correct, but people have been making it too complicated. Why don't boys want to approach you when you're out with your girls?

Because they don't just need to impress you, they need to impress your friends as well. Guys know that, so they don't approach groups of girls at the bars.
 zephyrmoon
Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 22
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/8/2009 12:11:58 AM

About #2, when lions are hunting their prey, they never attack the herd that is grouped together, they go after the ones that have broken from the herd.

Jesus, that's good to know! Even though I am not a gazelle to be brought down and devoured, I better stay with my "herd" for safety's sake. "Prey." Pfft!

If a man is too timid to approach me, he most likely doesn't have the personality I'm looking for.

Agree with this.
 inbruges
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 24
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Posted: 6/9/2009 5:55:45 AM
Number 5 -- I don't expect a ratio of talking on dates. I've been the one that does most of the talking, and I've been the one that listens intently and pops in with just an observation or a joke. It depends on the date and their personality, which varies wildly. Just as long as you BOTH have fun, and you both get to be yourselves, and I really just want to be the man and let her have fun. I don't want to squelch her good time with me!
The thing I look for if she's doing all the talking is "is she interesting". Even if she shares maybe a little too much information, its ok if she is interesting and she's concerned with the world and other people, not just herself.
If she just spews facts and details without any thought then I won't last long...
 StarliteKisses
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 25
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Posted: 6/9/2009 6:28:56 AM
We need all the help we can get, so thanks for posting this! I enjoy the Millionaire Matchmaker show. She is really big on manners......and so am I. I don't know if men realize just how important manners are to a woman.

"A guy knows right away if he's attracted to you or not. There's no warming up. Men are microwaves, women are Crockpots. Women heat up very slowly. They take in information; they decipher it and download it onto their computer. Men know in one second, yes or no I love this analogy! Actually, I usually know halfway through the first date.......I decipher quickly! LOL
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 26
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Posted: 6/9/2009 9:30:26 AM
I don't really agree with number one or number three... they both contradict each other and number three is quite sexist actually.

For one thing, If women are "crockpots" then how are you going to gain anything by not dating often. If anything the more you date the more you get to know people and find out what they are about, taking an "innocent until proven guilty" approach is really the only way the "crockpots" can really have a chance to find love.

There are plenty of women who take the "guilty until proven innocent" approach, rejecting guys before even giving them a chance. They are what you could consider the "microwaves". I have also known quite a few guys who were "crockpots", they started off not really liking a girl but then grew to love them as they got to know them.

2, 4, 5 and 6 seem reasonable and work as gender neutral observations though.

My opinion on number two though is that, while it is true that guys will try to avoid approaching girls that are in groups, it's usually because they feel that a girl's girlfriends will usually do their best to exclude them and thwart their chances. Facing one judgemental person is a lot easier than facing many and odds are there is at least one or two A-holes in the group.
There is also a chance that a guy will assume that you are just out with your girlfriends and that you aren't really in the market for someone to date.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 28
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:13:00 PM
I am going to disagree with most of this stuff.

#1 is wrong. Go out, meet guys, get a feel of what is out there. If you put all your eggs in one basket then you are going to expect the guy to BE THE ONE.

#2 wrong again. The hottest women I have met, were in groups. I am yet to see an attractive woman by herself at a bar. It happens, but not as much as the going in groups. And unless you are looking for a poor anti social loser, many guys know that they have to work the group.

#4 oversharing. Okay, this one may be true. Too much drama. Goodbye. But my perception was that a lot of women want the guy to entertaint them and do not talk as much. So talk. Talk all you want.

#3 This one I agree. If I don't like you, that is going to happen in the first 5 seconds, well actually it's like 3 seconds. However, just because I like you is not enough, so again, talk, keep talking.

#5 Totally wrong. Most guys talk too much. If anything the girl needs to talk more.

#6 Maybe. Most of the women I have gone out had impeccable manners, yet there was one, very attractive woman that had two things that were deal breakers. One she slurped her pasta. That is totally unacceptable to me. And second, she slouched. Ouch.
 Brian1342
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 29
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/9/2009 1:15:12 PM
I prefer women to approach me in bars. The ones who don't, just aren't my type. However, I find women who are too confident when approaching me are usually the ones who are just looking for sex.

Just an FYI for those who thinks someone isn't a man for them just because he won't approach her, he could be there just looking to unwind and have drinks. If you think he's cute, why not woman up and talk to him. Men like a woman with confidennce.

Food for thought.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 31
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Posted: 6/10/2009 7:32:16 AM
OH MY GOD...I may hurl myself out a window....

So, now we not only have all the reams and books and pages of rules to follow - we've got lists of things NOT to do?

How about - be yourself and you will find someone who likes you for you!

I bet everyone who loves these to do and don't do lists has - no games or looking for honestly - on their profiles.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 34
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/11/2009 3:04:13 PM
Very good advice, alright. Many thanks for posting this.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 35
The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/11/2009 6:15:45 PM
No dates are unproductive. OR is it a matter of his not being interested after all that the date is suddenly "unproductive".

Other than over sharing and assuming all will love you, I don't see the "mistake" in the rest of the points.
 suibhne
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 36
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Posted: 6/16/2009 5:46:55 PM
Why are you trying to pick up guys in a bar or club?

Often you date the impression of the person your with, its hardly ever the real person, but someone they want to be or want you to think they are.

Dating is supposed to be about getting to know another, sharing similar interests, activities etc, not about pressuring them for sex or, insecurities of being wanted.

Before jumping in bed with another, at least, get to know thier name.
 MrPatient1101
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 40
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The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Posted: 6/21/2009 6:25:24 PM
If men know immediately when there's an attraction, why does it take them so long to 1- open up, 2-trust, 3-commit to a relationship?
By the time men are ready to decide if there will or won't be a next level to the relationship women have already invested way too much time that they can't get back in something that might be going no where.
That's reallly not fair.


Women are jsut as guilty of this as men. Unfortunatly, most of my expierence with dating has been this way. Im open, if im interested enough to approach you then im just that... interested. The conversation would let me know where its going. If im doing all the calling and txting and you dont even take the time to call me without me initiating contact then why am I here? May be a little off topic but had to voice my opinion.


In regards to a woman talking too much. I have to say I've went on a date like this and you have no idea how frustrating it is when you try to let someone get to know you and cant get a word in. Why am I here?? I can put a mirror up and draw a beard with a marker if you want to do all the talking. To me that says " Im the center, listen to everything I say and I dont care what you have to say"
 MrPatient1101
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 43
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Posted: 6/22/2009 4:47:47 PM

Of course not everybody feels this way but I was just stating what I am comfortable with and it seems like women response well when you talk to everybody in the group for the most part. If you are smooth enough often times they start competing for your attention so its win/win since women like the competition. I will know my interests level and her interests level both by how much I want to talk to her and how much she wants to talk to me over her friends.

In fact it's a very good way to judge non-interest. Sometime I'll approach a group of 4 or so women, only be interested in one of them yet the one I'm interested in is giving me the least attention. Good thing I chatted up all the women in this case right? As least now I have 3 other women to talk to and going for just one that wasn't interested in me in the first place.


Just an observation. It seems to me that if you cant get the woman that initially interested you enough to walk into the lioness's den that you "settle". This is surely a tactic / game and to me it seems your just out to get laid. So why are you trying to give dating advice?
 MrPatient1101
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 44
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Posted: 6/24/2009 2:46:57 PM

Oh jeez, this one of the biggest and most common mistake guys make. It's not called settling, its called being realistic in the fact that every woman you approach isn't going to be interested for whatever reason and you need to keep your options open by talking to a lot of women. This includes her friends. And this IS dating advice, as you need to woman to be interested in you to be able to get a date.


Common mistake?? It is called settling.. maybe you should be "realistic" enough to realize that. Yes every woman that you are interested in will not be interested in you. If your saying "if shes not interested in me ill go for her friends" YOU are SETTLING.. that is the realistic fact about what you said. Its like fishing so to speak.. your out looking for salmon but instead you settle for the catfish. You will no doubt be unhappy with the taste and texture.
 MrPatient1101
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 46
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Posted: 6/24/2009 5:14:58 PM

What you call settling I call considering your other options. In my opinion settling is going for someone below your standards. I'm not even sure what you are arguing here, are you saying that you shouldn't go for other women if your first option is not interested? Or are you arguing that anybody besides your first choice is settling?


Im stating in the case you mentioned, if your first choice is not interested you go for the one who gives you attention / acts interested in you. Look at it like this if you will. Why did you go over to the group in the first place? For the one that interested you correct? So when this woman does not return the interest you talk to the one who does right? Your going for something less (for lack of better words) than what caught your interest in the first place. Thus you are settling for less. So when option A isnt available you go ahead and get option B. When your store is out of a type of cigarettes / beer that you normally drink / smoke do you go to another store for what you like or do you settle for the brand you wouldnt normally get? Thats settling, which is what you described. Make sense?
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