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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?      Home login  
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 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 8
How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)

Should I be on the lookout for girls wherever I go?


Whoa, there....not every woman appreciates being approached in every situation. I'd just say in general get out as much as you can, local activities, clubs...look for opportunities where the setting is socially oriented.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 10
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How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?
Posted: 6/7/2009 5:01:21 PM
It would be creepy if you snuck up behind a girl in the grocery store and grabbed her butt, or said "Hey, I like that car I saw you driving in here" or just stared at her with a fleck of drool running down your cheek.

Being real works surprisingly well though. If she's looking at yoghurt ask her if she recommends a particular brand... Or if she's tried the produce at this store and recommends it, or whatever.
I turned into the frozen foods isle one time and found a very cute, very short woman nearly completely inside an upright freezer, trying to get something off a high shelf. She grinned at me and made some crack about how we must never speak of this or whatever - Perfect opportunity to strike up a conversation!

It doesn't matter how good your approach is, it will never be 100%. There's an "aha moment" of self-realisation that comes when you understand that each rejection you do happen to encounter is just a step along the road to eventual success. You should thank the women who reject you for the invaluable practice, because in a word that's the answer to your question. Practice practice practice, until the nerves are gone and you realise that women don't bite. Unless you are lucky, I suppose...


Hey, next time you get shot down, ask the gal to give you some tips on where you went wrong! After all, she was right there, and not even the best wingman can give you a better breakdown! You might be surprised at the positive responses you get at that - Women find the prospect of fixing up a seemingly lost cause strangely compelling!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 12
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How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?
Posted: 6/7/2009 5:16:34 PM
You might want to practice talking to all sorts of people. More is better. Conversational skills are pretty much the same, no matter who the other person is. You get a chance to showcase your manners, your smile, and the things that make you an interesting guy. With strangers, we all have to be salesmen. And the goal is to present yourself as well as you can. Doing anything less is cheating yourself.

I wouldn't stand on formalities. If someone's doing the same thing you are--standing in a checkout line, putting coins in the meter, working out at the gym, buying a tomato plant, or whatever--make some quick observation about it. Usually, the person will respond, and it leads to a lot of conversations. Even if they don't go anywhere, they're usually sort of fun.

And as you get to enjoy talking with people in general, it will seem more and more natural (and casual) to talk with women you're attracted to. After all, they're just people like any other. It's good to size up whether she's married, seems to be waiting for her boyfriend, or whatever. And if that is the case, most women will mention it before your conversation goes very far. By being at ease yourself, you help put the women you talk with at ease. Just because a woman's attractive doesn't mean she can't be shy or tongue-tied around guys.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?
Posted: 6/7/2009 8:21:30 PM
Starting tomorrow, talk to everyone you come in contact with. Continue this until making conversation with strangers is second nature.

Join Toastmasters. Put yourself in situations where you have to talk to the public, such as volunteering, information desks, working phones for campaigns or telethons, presentations, talking to crowds or giving speeches, plays or book readings, etc.

Talking to women you like is the same as talking to anyone else. You just have to get in a lot of practice so it becomes something you don't think about, you just do.

No one said it would be easy, but it's a guaranteed way to get past it. Good luck...
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 15
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How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?
Posted: 6/7/2009 9:07:36 PM
My guess is that the guys who know aren't on this site. I have no idea either. Still there are some simple changes that do help.
Be on a name basis with people you're likely to see from time to time; the guy who helps out at the gas station, folk at the pet store, the family's drycleaner. People provide bridges to conversation with others.
Enjoy a team sport with a lot of people. It gives girls a chance to gain familiarity. Amateur games aren't spectator sports for girls, they're hunting.
Don't try to be interesting or Brad Pittish. Just listen to what people say and contribute. Dress appropriately, avoid playerville clothing.
All the above are what I've heard from others and seen work. This last I've made up. Consider yourself a new product from an unfamiliar brand. Buyers want to see what this does without hint they're shopping. You'll see someone half a dozen times in a neutral (non-work, non-school) environment before there's an opening. Its astounding what happens doing nothing other than not ignoring someone.
Last, take advantage of being young. Go to spring break. Hit up mardi gras, concerts and festivals.
And I don't know.
 Mr.Twist
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 18
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How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:08:59 AM
Drink heavily.


The alcohol might erase some of your hesitance in dealing with women, making you seem more confident. It's helped some people I know boost their self-esteem because they realize how easy it was to strike up a conversation when they weren't so focused on themselves.

Or it might turn you into a raging monster.


Another idea is to just talk to random women without thinking of them as possible girlfriends. Be without desire.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 19
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How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:55:08 AM
Here's what you do. Start up dialogues with random girls. People you have no interest in. Maybe a cashier, just say something nice, as you are paying for what ever you are buying.

"your hair looks really great today"

or

"wow that's a great top"

Just idle chit chat with different people. This will get you used to talking to strangers, plus gives them a little compliment that will help brighten their day, so it's really win - win. By practicing, it will make you more comfortable and build up confidence as you go.


Good luck!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 23
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How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:01:41 AM
Yeah, the above is good advice. Most guys struggle the worst when they try to approach a woman they happen to find particularly attractive - Your heart is in your throat, and all that. But conversation is conversation, and you can take that extra pressure out of the picture by practicing striking one up with a strange girl you don't happen to be all ga-ga over.
The last thing you want to happen is to have the perfect woman for you fall in your lap at a party a year from now, and you make a fool of yourself and scare her off because you haven't been practicing every chance you got in the meantime!
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 25
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How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:28:29 AM
You only need to remember one simple thing: If you act like a dumbsh1t, they'll treat you as an equal (-the corollary of which is: if you act as an equal, they'll treat you like a dumbsh1t).

If you think you're having to work your way up to equality with them, then you're sunk before you've even begun and you might as well not bother, even though creeping out girls for sh1ts and giggles can be great fun at times when you're especially bored.

Oftentimes what is lacking when one doesn't have the "confidence to talk to girls" is the simple permission to do so. (I.e., it's not about confidence but about permission.) I'm talking internal permission. Nobody here can give you that. Difficulties here are quite frequently caused by problems with the parent of the opposite sex. So you may want to call up your mom and just straight out ask her if it's Ok for you to talk to girls with the intention of getting a girlfriend. You might be amazed at how this can work wonders.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 31
How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?
Posted: 6/11/2009 7:03:39 AM

Find your passion (including what you like about girls) and talk about that.



well said.
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