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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What ever happened to Dating Around?      Home login  
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 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 5
What ever happened to Dating Around?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I've never "dated around" ...... and never will.

As a kid (and horny most of the time), if I did not have a gf - I looked for ***HER***. I also pretty much ignored the rest of the gals while I was looking for a real girlfriend.

I'd go a year sometimes between girlfriends. Get some "strange" here and there along the way but - my focus was always my next real girlfriend.

It worked ok for me. No hurt feeling along the way - no misleading gals - no short term relationships - no blow outs.

I had three girlfriends all lasted over two years.

I was looking for my 4th girlfriend (23 by then) when I found my first wife.

Sixteen years later (while looking for my next gf) I had a 18 month sex fest with a gal. She lied so much I finally had to give up on that (still miss the wild monkey sex) and start looking for my next girlfriend and found my 2nd wife (20 years with her only on my mind).

That was it until six years ago. I've been semi looking for my next girl friend ........... BUT

Especially these days --------- dating around MEANS CASUAL SEX and I am just not interested. I don't know how some can look at themselves in the mirror.

Yup I tried the "dating around" and found it sad - very sad.

----------------------------

I don't understand why anyone would "date around". I don't know about others (it is none of my business and I have no interest in other peoples love lives).

I've always thought dating around was pointless.

"How do you know if you don't *try it and see" ........ is silly.

If you already know - you would not want that person for a steady ......... why in the world go out with them ..... unless sex is on your mind.

If I ever get serious again (about finding a girlfriend) I will do what I always have done - look for HER until I find her. Like always I will not be hurting anyone's feeling along my way. I won't be doing "dating around" (aka casual sex).

After over 40 years (including two long-ish marriages) of females in my life (all being REAL two way matches) - I'll stick with no casual dating. At least hold it down to almost none.

----------

Oops forgot the ....... the ...... the bananas ...... umm factor.

I do the very same thing when looking for bananas. Since I know exactly what I am looking for (just like I do for a girl friend), I walk around the entire display, not touching ANY of the bananas (dating around) and pick up the bunch that is small and green.

I already know what I like. That goes for cars - boats - motorcycles - females and everything else. Why goof around with stuff you already know you don't want?

 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 6
What ever happened to Dating Around?
Posted: 6/9/2009 9:40:25 AM
One answer to that might be: AIDS. But even without "casual" sex, which most of us gave up long ago anyways, seeing/talking with multiples puts others at risk of getting hurt. Been on both the receiving end and the giving end of this, and just find it so unpleasant! Therefore, I finally devolved into serious serial (one at a time, next one not until the first was finished) dating, as opposed to global (dating around) dating. While I have in the past consented to be dated around on (who am I to restrict other folks' behavior?), should I ever again reenter the dating world, I would no longer agree, knowingly, to let *them* do the weeding.

The heart is not a machine, and to "date around" because it's the most *efficient* method does the soul and heart a good deal of damage.

Just me ~~ YMMV

 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 7
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What ever happened to Dating Around?
Posted: 6/9/2009 9:42:56 AM
I agree, OP. However, I screened pretty carefully so few "made the cut" but were excellent prospects if they did. Even then, I wouldn't be quick to date anyone exclusively as it does indeed take some time to discover the various problems and issues that become deal-breakers. I didn't want to spend decades either, so I'd date several if there were several candidates. It still took nearly two years to find someone ideal for me, but it would have taken much longer otherwise.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 8
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What ever happened to Dating Around?
Posted: 6/9/2009 9:45:50 AM
Ah......The good old days........

Dating around was a part of the social networking process that did not have all that we have now. It mostly consisted of the phone and meeting those that lived close to you, went to school with you, worked with you, and socialized with you and others somewhere close by.

Even then, once someone created that chemistry with you, most would end up being exclusive anyway, so I am not sure about your point? Dating around meant dating and that was it. Now it means getting to know, dating, and sleeping with each other, since equality has crept into our society, and that game playing has risen to new levels of complexities, and competition.

Women now want what men have always wanted, and there is nothing wrong it that. They want it, but for the most part, will be much more selective about who and why they give themselves then many men have been or are today.

With all this in mind, most do not just want to date around and sleep around, so the time tables have condensed to a much shorter time frame, and if we are going to sleep together, we are also going to be exclusive.......thus dating many at one time has changed to dating until you are sleeping with each other, and then there is no dating around, or you are now called a player.

Just plain dating is fine to do, but one must consider just doing that and not sleeping with them as well, and that is why it becomes so hard......so to speak......

Most of us want to date, but even more, most of us want to enjoy them in more ways than just the date alone. I am happy to know many, but I do not want to sleep with many, and so I will look to narrow it down to one at a time......

Just my opinion.........
 Kaila4U
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 9
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What ever happened to Dating Around?
Posted: 6/9/2009 10:44:04 AM
One answer to that might be: AIDS. But even without "casual" sex, which most of us gave up long ago anyways, seeing/talking with multiples puts others at risk of getting hurt. Been on both the receiving end and the giving end of this, and just find it so unpleasant! Therefore, I finally devolved into serious serial (one at a time, next one not until the first was finished) dating, as opposed to global (dating around) dating. While I have in the past consented to be dated around on (who am I to restrict other folks' behavior?), should I ever again reenter the dating world, I would no longer agree, knowingly, to let *them* do the weeding.

The heart is not a machine, and to "date around" because it's the most *efficient* method does the soul and heart a good deal of damage.


I'd have to agree, not to mention, it's waaaayy to difficult for me to keep track with more than one at a time . I'll never earn that "power dater" badge
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 10
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What ever happened to Dating Around?
Posted: 6/9/2009 4:09:06 PM
The way I see it, until a man and I mutually agree to be exclusive and it gets physically intimate, we owe each other NO explanation.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 24
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What ever happened to Dating Around?
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:13:20 PM
It is very expensive to date around, don't you think? Aren't you saying that because you are dating around, then due to time and money issues, it may be a long time until you see a person twice? That would shoot every potential relationship in the foot.
 dd3va
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 25
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What ever happened to Dating Around?
Posted: 7/10/2009 8:43:14 PM
I sometimes date more than one person at a time and no, I don't tell them right away. That is not information they need to know on the first or second date. Now if the dating continues beyond a second date or so, or becomes intimate, I will share that information. And them sometimes, like now, I go for months without dating anyone. That is the ebb and flow of lfe, because when dating around doesn't equate to sleeping around, often there is no second date.
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 35
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What ever happened to Dating Around?
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:49:55 AM
" I don't know that it is true that people tended, in the 40's, to date multimple people at the same time. "

I can't speak to the 40's, but all my older sisters were dating in the 50's and they moved from one 'steady' boyfriend to the next until they got to the point of having found the one they married. They did group activities until 'steady'

I do not expect someone dating me to be exclusive with me until such time we agree to being exclusive and having sex. That will take awhile, but I won't set a timer on it. I am fine if they are honest about dating others. If they lie to me about that topic than I am going to anticipate they will lie about that topic in the future, too. That is an area in which lieing is a deal breaker for me.

I will not have sex with someone who is also having sex with anyone else regardless of the protections used. I have no intention of having my children explain to my grandchildren that gra'ma died of an STD.
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 39
What ever happened to Dating Around?
Posted: 11/9/2009 11:32:52 AM
I agree with Farceur -- "dating around became sleeping around", and it is not, repeat, not for those of us who don't want (again, quoting Farceur) "sexually transmitted cooties..."
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 43
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What ever happened to Dating Around?
Posted: 12/15/2009 8:55:06 PM
CASTALINE

I personally don't see the 'problem' with dating more than one at a time. I think that as long as there is no physical intimacy, there should be no reason why not.
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Problem is that some men expect sex by the 3rd date. I doubt very many men are going to hang around for 2 months before they get any sex.
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