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Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 2
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Appearances & Money Matter?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Just my opinion.......
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 3
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/11/2009 8:26:49 PM
For some men and women, financial success is a requirement for a partner. I've never been impressed with the wealthy and I have dated some very successful men. Usually they are too consumed with making the 'almighty dollar' to really put much effort in a relationship. There attitude seems to be, 'As long as I provide well financially, that's all that matters.' I, personally, would prefer a man in an average job who can and wants to spend his time with me, as opposed to sitting in a boardroom or flying off to God knows where for business enterprises.

As long as we can pay our bills and enjoy the little things in life, that's all I'm concerned about. I'd rather live in a cozy cottage with a man who loves to be with me (and vice versa, of course), than wander around a mansion alone and lonely.

My late husband and I had a tiny 900 sq. ft. house in L.A. and it was our haven from the outside world and we adored it. I miss that house so much and all the love that filled it. I sold it for a huge amount when the market was soaring, and I regret it every day. I would gladly trade every cent I made on that house for the chance to live there again.
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 5
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/11/2009 9:44:07 PM
I'm from the midwest too, and you're in Cali -- I think there's a different flavor there (from my experience anyway). Not stereotyping, but you will find more gals out there looking for money. In any more trendy-keep-up-with-the-Joneses arena, you'll get that. Things are more about status, hence, more about money.

A girl I dated 10 years ago moved out to LA, and I had a conversation with her semi-recently about dating, and she said that if a guy makes $200k he's "okay". I chuckled at that, but that's how some girls are -- even "traditional" types. They don't see it as gold-digging, they just have a higher definition for "financially stable" lol

Cali's a big place, though, I think you just need to not get your hopes up and prepare better senses to see if a gal is all about money by how she is... but not all women are like that.

In the end, even with women, attractiveness is #1 when it comes to meeting someone at first. Just tidy up your apartment, and with confidence, let a gal know that you'll buy a woman dinner, but you're not out to "buy" your way to a woman or be her change purse.
Joined: 5/16/2005
Msg: 6
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Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/11/2009 10:09:29 PM
Hello - My name is Ralph and it is nice to meet you.

What you are addressing is the most common gender games of dating. Many women (not all) want a care free life and demand a guy with money. This translates into a poor paying job without too much stress and wants the man to carry that burden. Many men (not all) who are successful know the importance and real pain / sacrifice it takes to earn that money. They also realize that this turns any mean witch into sweetie pie to have access to that money. The dinners and vacations and flowers and nice things and nice cars and nice home and (the and’s are intentional) spending to have “FUN”. These women are about having fun.

Here’s the problem:

Those men see those women as money vampires and spend it for sex. These guys will never take them seriously and they should not take them seriously. The money in the end is the real controller. This site is jam PACKED to the rim with men and women who play this game.

The guys look GREAT !!! and typically brag so much in their profile. To these guys stuff = babes. Babes are paid for and are available to do what they want. To talk about what they value, and do the things that they want. Commitment is for poor guys or ugly men or both.

The girls look GREAT !!! and typically men hate so much in their profile. Whining “No Players Please”. Like some religious belief told them these words in your profile will ward off jerky guys – LOL. Many of those women feel that they are “All of this !!” (You got to have that double hand wave going when you say this).

And these women only want to date the guy who fits that profile. They don’t want you or me. And those same women wonder why their lives are so empty and wasteful of their time.

Can’t they just find someone who will give them everything and tell them that it’s ok that they don’t deserve (work = getting paid). They see this invisible “SPECIAL” and so they can have what ever they want. I mean that is “TRUE LOVE” that they want. Right?

Well here is some breaking news: Those guys are correct. It’s sad and extremely painful to admit but it is very true. Those women want those guys without the attitude. Well the attitude comes with the money and looks. It’s a combo that you can never separate.

I am a sincerely good guy and you sound like a good person too. It’s very hard out in the real world and you will have to learn to play down your money. Never spend real bucks on someone until you have a commitment. Never feel pressured to be the hero or to save this person from mediocre life. Date someone within a reasonable range of who you are. Only date women who have similar intelligence, similar spiritual beliefs, similar work ethics (job), and similar good looks as you.

Not often but at least once a month, I would request to have her pay for the entire date. It's a great way to insure that she is in this for the same reason you are. I can't explain it but paying changes EVERYTHING. Good women don't honestly care about the money and sincerely enjoy pleasing you, while the bad ones will run quickly.

Be with an equal and don’t settle (say this line 10 times - LOL).

I sincerely hope this helps and happy fishing to all.

Have a wonderful day,
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 7
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Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/11/2009 10:31:10 PM
Thinking here.......thinking very hard.......neither has fat "Meg".......go figure......

OT.........Being financially secure and decent looking seems to be so obvious that one does not even have to consider it.......unless to busy thinks.....

Just my opinion........
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 11
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Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:44:51 PM
I am with FF on this, I have been in a position where money didn't matter as I was earning quite a bit and also been on the bones of my arse and I can tell you that to be with someone you love and who loves you is more important than anything, having said that I have never lost my drive to achieve so I guess it is easy to say but to know my love just wants to be with me through anything this world throws at us is all I want or need, hey Charlie
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 14
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/12/2009 10:38:51 AM
Consider yourself lucky. These are things you can find out very quickly on a date and if they are after materialistic things that you are not, well is not going to go anywhere. I went out with a woman that talked about how her ex got the Ferrari and the Sailboat and then asked me what do I drive. Hello. I went out with one that would call me in the middle of the day to see if I wanted to go out training. Hello, I work for living. I've also gone with those that claim that the guys they go out with are top executives for fortune 500 companies and make no less than six figures. So are you buying tonight? Hehehe.

And then I have gone out with poor, working, or independently wealthy women that did not give a crap about any of that. That's why you ask questions on a date. And each is free to find what is right for them.
Joined: 8/5/2006
Msg: 15
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Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/12/2009 10:53:50 AM
Too bad you don't live closer, OP, I'd date you in a heartbeat. So just send me a plane ticket and I'll be on my way!

All kidding aside, possessions mean very little to me, but I do want someone who is financially secure (like myself). I want to be able to take a few trips here and there and to live comfortably without financial worry. When people find happiness (as temporary as it is) with objects, then any type of relationship is doomed to fail. All the money in the world cannot guarantee fulfillment and joy.
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 16
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/12/2009 11:12:47 AM
Some people will care more about money than others. But I think money is important to at least some some degree. How many people who date a broke person who can't make enough money to support themsevles? Probably very few.
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 17
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/12/2009 11:37:09 AM
(1) What you call superficial, others call preferences. It seems superficial means, ``something I don't have.''

(2) Everything matters. Make the most of what you have to offset what you lack. If I looked like Brad Pitt and I was independently wealthy, you'd better believe I'd leverage those assets for all they're worth. Only an idiot would not.

(3) You can't be all things to everyone, so there are some people who aren't for you. Find those who are.

(4) I ignore profiles that exploit religion to make claims about a person's values.
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 18
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Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/12/2009 1:01:30 PM
OP, you may well have dodged some bullets. I like your analogy about the missed flight.

Wording can be weird, though. It *seems* like the first one was looking to be permanently rescued - a man must make sure she's never needy again.

The second one I might give the benefit of the doubt about what she said about each helping out with the others' kids - however, I'm not sure what you mean by "She didn't even deny that she's looking for a wealthy boyfriend." Do you mean that you got that impression based on what she said about kids, or that she outright stated she's looking for a wealthy boyfriend?

The term "financially successful" was mentioned in this thread - I think it bears looking at. If it's actually meant literally, then that's one thing - people aren't looking for a new dependent.

I can't say for men (as I've obviously only looked at women's profiles, not counting when I looked at men's who've posted something interesting in the forums), but I get the impression that with some number of women, "financially successful" seems to be a code-word that translates to "so I don't have to be..." or "you'd better be able to support me in the lifestyle I demand."

I would like to think that the re-translation of "financially successful" like that is done by a minority of women.

I drive a regular car... actually, somewhat old ones, but I have a bit of unusual taste in vehicles (my more polite friends say I have "eccentric taste" in vehicles - my less polite friends, well, "Joe, you drive $^!# weird cars!")

I've had friends (both male and female friends) in the past tell me that I need a nicer car "to get the girls" - well, if a woman judges a man's character, success, etc., by the car he drives, she's probably not bright enough for me to date or have a relationship with. Uh, unless it becomes a debate as to whether Chevy is better than Ford, or Dodge, etc., then that conversation will draw me in for hours!
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 20
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Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/12/2009 3:50:53 PM
Excel - while looks and money may open the door in relationships, it won't sustain a relationship for very long. When it comes to money I do have a favorite saying "money talks, and bullshit walks". I reckon I've got to come up with a favorite saying about looks. Perhaps it is "mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all"?
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 21
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/12/2009 4:28:15 PM
I'm just impressed with the fact that the OP has met 3 women on here in less than 2 months. Sure, those dates didn't pan out too well, but still the OP seems to be beating the odds for a guy on here. Way to go! Now hopefully then next woman he meets will be the one.
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 23
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/12/2009 8:53:19 PM

FYI- Women that came from nothing are the ones who are money hungry.

Utter bullsh*t! My family was broken-down poor and I still don't have a bit of interest in a man's finances.
Joined: 7/21/2008
Msg: 25
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Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/13/2009 11:11:58 AM

mullets have never been cool *gasp*

Looks like I have to call my brother and break the bad news to him.
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 28
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Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/13/2009 8:34:50 PM
My .03.

Most people don't understand finances.
You can look at the state of the economy and know that at a glance.

Most people go on superficial displays of wealth, bling it you will, as determiners of wealth and success.
They often don't seem to understand that many people who seem wealthy (appearances of success) are in hock up to their eyeballs.

Yes, everything matters. For some, some aspects matter more than others.
If they are into 'show' then that's their choice.
They'll probably regret it or have great frustration in the future trying to pay for it all but, who knows. To each their own.

If, you seem to be attracting these sorts of people, and they annoy you, they maybe you should focus on something in yourself. *shrug*
But, in all liklihood, it's just a coincidence and aspect of where you are currently living.

As to the religion thing about wealth.
It's a heavily pushed aspect in current US based Christian trends. Televangelist (and the books they push that flood the market) are prime examples. Look up 'Word of Faith'. Wealth is a sign of success and a sign of 'gods blessings'. Poverty is a curse...
And with this style of religion, bling IS very important. How else are you supposed to know if you're rich unless you have the toys to advertise such?
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 33
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/14/2009 9:59:59 AM
Would have to say that I want a man that is financially responsible. So in that does matter. But to be primarily looking for your sugar momma or daddy....that is wrong.

As for the messy apartment...hopefully it is all unpacked and boxes removed. ..LOL. But women will judge on how you keep your place. As long as you don't have things growing from things that are no longer identifible, things should go well...

As for everyone...within the first few minutes you will already know if you are attracted to that person. So being clean both body and clothing...always good.
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 34
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/14/2009 10:11:08 AM
Yes appearances and money matter, but so do other things.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/15/2009 11:52:40 AM

I'm not a millionaire but if I were I still wouldn't buy an expensive car.

Believe it or not a car becomes a reflection of your lifestyle. So it's not so much about how much money you spend on the car, but what type of person does it reflect you are. For instance, I am an outdoor type of guy, that for real has to go to places with bad roads. So I drive a Jeep. I could have gotten the Lexus, the Porche, or Land Rover versions, but it's not me. I could have gotten the smaller SUV's but they look too wimpy for my taste.
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 39
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Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:23:07 PM
What does it mean about me then that I specifically went out of my way to buy a black, 1987 Ford Crown Victoria 2-door with red velour interior?

I'm almost afraid to find out!
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 40
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:08:18 PM
I don't care how much money a man makes or has - that's his! I earn enough to take care of myself and pretty much go where I want to (hey, I'm talkin' Longhorn Steakhouse here, not Ruth's Chris!) I was the sole support for myself and my late husband the last two years of his life, and I didn't have a problem with that, though maybe that was because he was always a hard worker prior to his illness, and he pulled his weight around the house until he physically couldn't anymore.

Since then I've dated two guys who didn't have a place of their own to live and were rooming with someone else. For that matter, so was my late husband when I first me him. DLH and one of the other two had ratty looking used cars. Didn't matter to me - A car is not an indicator of a person's nature/wealth, in my book. What got me with the first guy was the pouts that would come when I didn't buy him "presents" or brought him back funny, goofy rememberances from wherever I had been, and when the second one started bringing stuff over to "show" me that he had in storage and then it became pretty clear that he was looking for a woman who would put a roof over HIS head and support him (he was a contract employee, and didn't have steady work).

As for looks- when I met my husband through a mutual friend, I knew the friend wanted us to get together, and I just did NOT find him physically attractive - receding hairline, on the short side, and beer belly, but we started talking and ...while the physical chemistry didn't hit right away, by the time we went our separate ways that day I KNEW I was in danger of falling in love with him, and I was right! The physical chemistry turned out to be there, too! OH, and don't get me started on his clothes! Tommy lived in t=shirts pulled over long sleeved shirts, sweat pants, tennis shoes and ball caps! H.S. grad, but smart as a whip.

One of the guys I dated since my husband died - same thing as far as looks - wasn't physically attracted to his looks at all, but his personality absolutely sucked me in for quite some time. Great dresser and had an M.B.A. Took me a while to discover he was an alcoholic and an abusive alcoholic at that, and even longer to acknowledge that things weren't going to work out (Presents boy)

Last guy - great looking, great dresser, instant chemistry, intelligent - luckily, got out before I got in to deep - the wanting to move his stuff in less than two months after I had ever laid eyes on him put the fear of God into me!

So I guess my answer is - appearances and money don't really matter to me in the long run. The individual behind the appearances and money (or lack thereof) does ...
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 41
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/15/2009 8:35:15 PM
FF, You took the words out of my mouth, or your reading my mind. I would much rather have a little cottage full of love than a huge house empty. Maybe it's being of a "certain" age that shows us what is truly important. Anything can be taken away from you in a blink, especially money. If you have that one & only by your side than life is good. All I want is to matter. Thats it !! I honestly don't give 2 Sh**'s about income or looks. But try telling that to a man and he will think your hiding something. I do live in Cali and we are all not alike. I'm happy you found someone. Gives me hope.
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 45
Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/16/2009 6:38:17 AM
Money is not an issue for me with a man, all I do ask is he at least be living on his own, not off and with mommy and daddy, and that he lives within his means. I also am not one of these women who needs to be wined and dined. I prefer to stay home to be honest. But some of these guys I ahve met simply LIE about their situation, and cannot even take anyone on a date. (no car, no lisence, no job). Those are the ones that worry me!!! Seriously, if you do not have your shit together, you do not need to be lying and trying to date. But to judge a man on his salary? Not cool. I do not think it really matters where you are from necessarily, it matters how you were raised. And the type of people you associate with. I know there are things different in all states, I have lived in a couple. Overall, people are almost the same everywhere. Just hard to weed the good ones out. The biggest thing I have notcied living in the South vs. the Midwest (which I did not last to long in) was weather and things to do..not so much personalites. People stayed in too much in the cold, ate horrible and I found it to be a "bigger" state. Other than that, money is money no matter where you live.
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 46
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Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/16/2009 10:37:28 AM
Then you have never been to Colorado, which is considered one of the fittest states in America........

Being fit and trim does matter to me, and I gravitate towards those that are fit and trim as well.

Money matters also, because if I can not afford to invite you out and pay for it, then I should not be dating. The same thing goes for you inviting me out, and so, yes money does matter, and if you can not afford it, then the two of you need to be much more creative when seeing one another.

Now, does this mean that you have to be totally fit, or totally wealthy? No, just fit enough to get my attention, and financially secure enough to keep it.....

Just my opinion.......
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 48
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Appearances & Money Matter?
Posted: 6/22/2009 7:29:51 PM
You know, people are stupid. Number one, the women didn't stick around to ask you questions and good analogy btw about not getting on the plane that crashed.

Many people that have money, I mean real money, you don't know it because they choose to live in modest digs, drive modest cars, and otherwise not put themselves into the position of so many people in this country that bought homes, cars, blah, blah, that they could not afford. These are the folks that pay cash.

Be patient, the woman that has enough sense to realize that you took her to an upscale restaurant because you could, gasp, actually afford it will turn up one of these days.

Would be kind of karma if they wound up marrying guys they thought were great catches only to find that they were mortgaged to the hilt and really didn't have a pot to piss in .
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