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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser      Home login  
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 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 3
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loserPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

In the end, I deleted instead of posting. Not sure why.
Maybe because winning an argument with an ex isn't worth the trouble? Or maybe because you didn't feel the need to convince a bunch of strangers on the web that you were in the right?

Good for you, regardless. Writing things out can be cathartic, even if nobody else ever sees what you write.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 6
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 8:21:23 AM
Writing things down that you just might want to say, allows you the time to reflect, view the statements, and many many times, that is enough, and you do not do what you thought you might........

The same thing happens many times when two people get into an argument, and things get heated........Asking for a time out, or to set a time to discuss rather than fight, gives both a chance to think before opening their mouths.

Glad you came to your senses OP.

Just my opinion.......
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 10
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:23:27 AM
I am always astounded by the number of "I met this girl/guy here" posts.
I would not want to read about myself or air my dirty laundry when you know the other person is going to find out. Very tacky.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 11
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:44:20 AM
It's not at all strange to find that what one person from a failed relationship calls a lie, is really just a different perspective. The truth is, a lack of communication can not only end a relationship, it can leave the participants confused about what happened. Hell, the likelihood of you both having the same opinion about it are slim, even if you do communicate. The truth is usually elusive when it is subjective, and based on perspective.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 13
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 10:57:02 AM
^^^^ Ok, so why did you date the "loser" in the first place? Can't you date non-losers for a change?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 14
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 11:29:51 AM
You deleted because apparently you are intelligent and possess some class. Posting to the thread is only feeding his/her ego and it is not like you are going to post anything that is a news flash.

Taking the high road isn't always easy but then again, the activity in the forums just supports the good decision you already made, and that's a good thing.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 16
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:18:41 PM
~OP~ We're here, sometimes we meet someone, sometimes we break up. Seems logical to me to do what the masses here do: biitch, moan, complain, vent, inquire, whine, etc., etc. I suppose if you were to view this post as indication, you are pretty much doing what he did ~ just in a more politically correct manner. I figured out a long time ago, if I don't want someone talking about you after-the-fact ~ you're best bet is not to get involved in the first place. It's what people do ~ we are a society of "victims" anymore. And it just cracks me up somedays ~ these posters who profess to NEVER trash-talking someone they've dated here. Geezus, I guess we've all (or maybe that should be "a good many of us") have short term memory, loss cause I've seen it from most everyone who's been here a while ~ and I'm certainly NOT exempt. JMO
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 17
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:53:17 PM
That's not happened to me but I would have done the same and the reason I would never post it is because then I would be no better than him and half the POFs wouldn't believe me anyway, etc. I often make a really blistering post when I read an incredibly stupid post but I never post them, just like to get it off my chest by typing it out.
 DeepLuv09
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 19
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:16:55 PM

I'm not sure if this has been discussed before but;

Have you ever broken up with a loser, only to come on POF and read a post where he (or she) is professing to be the victim in the relationship?

WOW. It was like a kick in the stomach for me, and made me so mad to read the lies that, I spent an hour composing my own post to tell all his dirty little secrets and expose him for the liar he is.

In the end, I deleted instead of posting. Not sure why.


OP

This happened to me a few years ago on another website (not POF), where a lot of the participants knew us outside of the discussion board. The guy trashed me for about a week and it was really hard for me but I didn't comment on the disparaging comments because that is what he wanted me to do. He ended up losing a lot of friends because of it and guess what, my ratings went up up up hahahaha! I agree, participating in such crap lowers you to a degree so its really hard to watch yourself getting defamed but whenever possible, unless you can institute a successful lawsuit outside of the board, it is usually just a good idea to let the poster hang themselves with their own rope. I think in general when one does things like that the damage they do to themselves is worse in the sense that, people don't even realize how important SELF RESPECT is. When you do something like that your SELF RESPECT is what you have to look at in the mirror everyday and realize that you are looking at a scumbag and you know it and its the truth and......its worse than anything anyone else can do to or say about you. I would grab a bag of popcorn and watch them commit suicide.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 20
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:41:11 PM
~OT~ I just make certain I get custody of POF should things end.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 22
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:56:48 PM
No it hasn't happened to me but there's three sides to every story and it's pretty juvenile to have online fights/revenge. Some people will believe him, some will believe you and many will just laugh at you.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 25
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:27:53 AM
Have you ever broken up with a loser, only to come on POF and read a post where he (or she) is professing to be the victim in the relationship?


No, as I don't usually date any of the men that participate on the forums.




WOW. It was like a kick in the stomach for me, and made me so mad to read the lies that, I spent an hour composing my own post to tell all his dirty little secrets and expose him for the liar he is.


I'm sure it was not a pleasant experience to read about you/your relationship with this man on the forums.

However, aren't you doing the same? Sure you deleted the email that you poured your "heart" and emotions into, but you created this thread as a result of what he did.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 26
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 11/18/2009 6:25:48 PM

When people conduct bitter post-mortems in the forums, IMO, it speaks volumes about them. Good for you for not retaliating. It would've been undignified and only dragged things out, OP.


that the original plan of retaliation were deleted does not remove said retaliation.

in fact she called him a loser thus this thread actually is still someone venting about someone in the forums and is indeed a form of retaliation.
 missrealdeal39
Joined: 3/19/2013
Msg: 27
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 6:29:33 AM
You should post the loser to save the next person the time and the trouble! If people would post them more there wouldn't be so many people getting CAT FISHED!
Here's a great site I found that helps ! www.plentyoflosersexposed.com great online dating safety advice, post losers, cheap background checks, forum, bad dating experiences.
 missrealdeal39
Joined: 3/19/2013
Msg: 28
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 6:32:24 AM
You should post the loser to save the next person the time and the trouble! If people would post them more there wouldn't be so many people getting CAT FISHED!
Here's a great site I found that helps ! www.plentyoflosersexposed.com great online dating safety advice, post losers, cheap background checks, forum, bad dating experiences.
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 29
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 7:06:54 AM
Hi OP, years ago I did date a man from pof & told him about the forums.

After a few months he started threads complaining about me- he was totally insane- I was exhausted from my FT job, taking care of my house, menopause, & raising my 2 sons, plus after the fact I found out i had a severe vitamin deficiencies. He accused me of cheating & came on here & went on & on how I fell asleep on a saturday nite- he did many other threads that i was not controlling, therefore i must be cheating. ad nauseum. He was such a pain that I did break up w/ him.

After that I was done w/ POF.

My advice- ignore & go to a pay site.

PS- he was unemployed/out on disability, had too much time on his hands & I found out AFTERWARDS he was CHEATING/MEETING other WOMEN!

Classic masking/projecting.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 30
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 7:26:58 AM
Personally, I think it is wrong to do that, but not surprised that it happens
 HonkyTonk_Woman
Joined: 9/16/2013
Msg: 31
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 7:49:23 AM
I'm with you Jlynn......For me...I have seen a few threads...One I can remember was started by a guy...complaining about his recent break up and his version of the story!! The woman did show up and dispute his story and her side of the story was quite a bit different....imagine that!!
It was rather comical....he didn't even argue or protest her version of events....just disappeared.

I have to say...Unless it's a generic incident or a question...I don't know "why" anyone would post their business on the forums? Thinking of a particular thread...right now, that should be deleted....imo.
Ego...attention getting(trolling)....I don't know.??
It makes it entertaining...that's for sure!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 32
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 10:36:19 AM
The reason you don't call the person out is because it's against the rules here and for a good reason, how would anyone know which one of you was lying? It sucks to be the real loser, that should be good enough and then move on. Anyone who deals with a real loser is going to see them for who they are, unless they like that kind of person, either way, what good is it going to do you to get into a pissing war on a message board? All it does is make both of you look like losers. You are not allowed to out that person and that person is not allowed to out you, so only the two of you will know who each other is talking about, it's just juvenile, I get that it feels good to get it out but in public, on a message board, it just makes you two the same. As for women needing a warning, good grief, if grown women can't find out that a man is a jerk on their own, before they get involved, then maybe they shouldn't be dating. I don't need to be warned, I'm capable of knowing a jerk from a decent person.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 33
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 3:11:51 PM
OP, it's just a forum. I rarely take forumers too seriously.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 34
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Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 3:42:33 PM
^^And so it was that later, as the miller told his tale, that her face, at first just ghostly, turned a whiter shade of pale^^
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 35
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 4:00:01 PM

4 year old thread. OP's no longer here. No longer seeking advice and has hopefully moved on.
Besides, we're not actually certain which one was the "loser" now are we?


True. And what guys will see is a bitter woman with a lot of baggage because she can't let go of the past, which would make her bad dating material.
 aanarchist
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 36
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 5:17:19 PM
Losers being losers, that's life nothing new. You deleted the post because you realized he wasn't worth another ounce of your energy.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 37
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 8:57:25 PM
1)invite a loser into your life, get their behavior for free :)
no, really...we all tend to go after someone who's hot, ignoring their red flags...and then we're amazed to find out we aren't different from their other victims.
2)the last internet forum I was part of, the person owning the site pointed out that idiot behavior was like a fart at a dinner party--just act like it never happened, and it quickly disappears as if, you know, it didn't happen. call attention to it, however, and it never goes away.
3)if he didn't mention you by name in the post, who would know it was about you? unless you post in response, then everyone knows its about you. The Japanese have a saying, "never argue with a fool--soon people cannot tell who the fool is."
4)i can take a good guess why you didn't post your response. hopefully you know why, too--it will tell you a lot about yourself.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 38
Breaking up and reading POF comments from the loser
Posted: 12/4/2013 9:32:23 PM
The interesting thing about history between two people?

Sometimes both can have WILDLY different takes, and neither is fully wrong. Because it is based on two people's perception. And sometimes someone can sound like they're venting and they're actually not; they're just stating facts but it can feel like a slap in the face when the subject happens to be you.

SOMETIMES it is one person causing the majority of it; but frequently there is a disconnect on where each person's coming from; which causes communication breakdowns and misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

So both people are raw; both people blame each other, and they are both right, and they are both wrong.

So having the battle in a public forum probably isn't the best way to resolve anything; and it will inflame a bunch of other people with some shared hot buttons with one of the two people in conflict.

Kudos OP on not responding in kind; though remember sometimes if you are raw words can pack more of a punch than are sometimes intended.

But usually if one is legitimately ranting and you respond in like frame of mind? Things can snowball in a hurry; and veryone looks bad. Sticking to the high road can be frustrating; but it can also keep you above the mud :)
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